Mentality: Wicked Age: Whatever I feel like Favorite hobbies: Ponies, superheroes, HTTYD, Kingdom Hearts, Crossovers and GAMES
A regular human arrives in Equestria and to most it would be a dream come true. But this human knows pratically nothing about the ponies or their world. With no home to return to, he is forced to brave this new world. So he does what any human in his situation would do. He survives.
Rated teen for swearing, blood and how it gets kinda dark. Written after season two. Updated after season 4.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Another Story?!?
4698346
And a non-crossover at that! i'm intrigued
A normal, everyday human. In Equestria.
What can possibly go wrong?
A normal, everyday human goes to Equestria.
What have you done to onomonopia?!?!?!
A human in Equestria story, I'll accept this one.
This will make things interesting, especially since it seems he doesn't have anywhere better to be at this time.
Well, this is outside the norm for you; but there's no doubt you have a pretty good idea of where to go with this if your other stories are any indication.
A normal, everyday, average human stumbles into Equestria.
And dies in, like, 5 minutes.
(Seriously, 66% of the US population is overweight. The shock alone would give half of them heart attacks!)
*Alondro grins widely* This is hilarious!
And why would that even matter? Surely this rather dull-witted emo kid realizes he's 'not in Kansas anymore'?
And he keeps trying to go for his powerless stun baton when a longer piece of wood would make a better weapon at this point.
Ugh, this little twit better not suddenly manage to become the most awesome untouchable warrior in the universe, because he's already acting like a typical lame HiE.
Come on, dude, the apostrophe is your friend. Use it.
Honest opinion: this human has less than zero personality. He's instantly unlikeable simply by virtue of being a flat, dull, listless creature who already seems to do little more than blunder about without thinking or emoting beyond the level of the average robot.
How are we supposed to care about this human or what happens to him when he has nothing to identify him?
Not to mention, he already possesses a number of the traits which tend to signify a very bland cliche is in the making: 1. 'mysterious' origin from a dying world (gag, lamest backstory possible, already into bad OC territory) 2. Making a token, very feeble and unrealistic shock at memories of what he just left behind, then just as quickly ignoring it and moving on. 3. miraculous, and very dully described, dodging from the initial attacks by some monster... when an 'average' human would be too stunned even to react. 4. Constantly referencing how said human doesn't trust whatever has saved him, and displaying no natural emotion, never bothering to ask questions, etc... 5. Not freaking out as any 'normal' person would at the sight of a talking zebra. 6. Not noticing beyond a token mention of surprise so weak it can be entirely missed that despite the fact he's obviously in another world, he can understand the alien language as English. 7. Immediately going out INTO THE FOREST OF MONSTERS THAT ALMOST KILLED HIM to go off to Ponyville. The average human would respond thusly, "OH HELL NO I AIN'T GOING OUT THERE ALONE!!!!"
And Zecora is unbelievable for not offering to guide him, as she almost certainly would... only AFTER questioning him a bit more.
This is so bare-bones HiE cliche it's painful.
And as of this post, All of you stories (as far as I know) have been in the Feature box. Damn, I wish I had your gift of getting likes and Favorites. Hell, after just of 26 hours- A Heart so Cold has over 300 likes.
What is your secret? Deal with Satan? Friends with the owner of the site? A Wizard? Pinkie Pie?
4699212
Because I write Batman! In all honesty, I have no idea. People just seem to enjoy crossovers or maybe they've read my other stories and figure this one will be good as well.
4699230
hi lets be friends
Am I the only one that see that the first chapter was made on 11th Jan 2013? If so them my FIMFiction is getting screwy.
4699907
Actually this is an old story. That was the last time I edited the chapter.
4699924
But will you continue it?
4699966
Always do.
why does it always start with the end of the world for us to get there why!? just sad depressing.
4699112
"Apostrophes are friends, not food!"
4699181
For the site's best troll, it is almost crazy to see you offer critique.
4700050 Because you keep reading the most cliche of all HiE story cliches?
Most of the rest either have the human fall through a random hole in the universe and end up in Equestria versus floating dead in space or in the Sun, or inside the planet or thousands of feet in the air plummeting to his death...
That reminds me, I need to write up that HiE farce of mine "How NOT to End Up In Equestria".
Either that or they die on Earth and some god thing reincarnates them in Equestria for reasons... which almost never make the slightest shred of sense.
Omnomnivore doing a story that is not anything related to DC Universe!
That Omnom is a spy!
4700594
I can branch out ever now and then. My Trixie story wasn't DC or marvel. (You almost found me out.)
4700605
Ah! I didn't read that one!
Not the most exciting start, or most creative... I'm in
Wow, Ryan is... kind of an idiot, isn't he?
My favorite part was when zecora kicked some timberwolf butt! Go zecora!!!!
4701092 Buddy, I work in Philadelphia. I've counted the fatasses on the subway. I KNOW how feeble people are.
4700208 Well to be fair...how could anyone make a human ending up in Equestria make sense?
I'll keep an eye on this tale, wont vote on it till I know for sure how it goes.
Good luck and be creative!
4701034 Isn't every human in a HIE???
I want more of this story
4701339 not to be mean it anything.... Or to choose sides but..... This is a a story about talking magical winged and horned ponies.......... Not everything has to make sense..... Like, how do unicorns to magic? You can just go with the half assed answer and say, with your fingers reay to poof: "Magic." With poofy fingers while simulating rarity going "ooooh" and just have fun with it. I'm not trying to be mean, I'm
Sorry if I came off like that. I just wanted. To make a point. And that point is.... Talking ponies.
Another bland HiE story to add to the site's databanks. Nothing new or particularly original in this story at all.
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120318033545/glee/images/d/d1/Nothing_to_do_here_by_rober_raik-d4cxltj.png
4702718 You need to see the fic about the nazi german jet pilot coming to Equestria.
Hijinks ensue to say the least
.
4702738 Hitler is God![img]data:image/jpeg;base64,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
i'd like to see/read more of this....
It's hard to take a story seriously when you can't even spell the title right.
4702709 I want to make a point to: Creative Writing Classes.
This story is not what I would call a shining example of storytelling.
4703596 shining example or not.
There are many a stories which don't make sense, yet people love them. I'm not trying to make an enemy, but when you're lost, just came from a hellish nightmare and have very limited
Items.... Most people tend to panic.
This story is good on the fact that he sought out safety, cause that's what every human desires internally.
Saftey I think this story is..... A bit choppy. But that doesn't make it a bad story. I think that it is a good story and so do others, the up votes are proof of that. Is it the best? No. Of course not, no story is perfect, just like people. We all hae flaws but does that make us terrible? Not good examples of humans? (Some yes. Lol) just give the story a chance, maye you'll find that you love it, and want more of the story. It isn't a bad story. But I do agree and would say that it isn't a "shining" example of "amazing" story telling, but I DO think that it is right on the dot on how Ryan acts. That's how most people
React when lost with out prior knowledge of where they are or any other information: "find civilization, cause that's were safety is."
4704381
No. NO!! So many have used that pitiful excuse, and it's just as feeble every single time.
Upvotes don't mean a damned thing in terms of how 'good' a story is. They indicate POPULARITY. And as crap like "The Twilight Saga" and "50 Shades of Grey" abundantly demonstrate, POPULARITY DOES NOT INDICATE QUALITY.
This is why we have objective measures and writing criteria to at least establish a modicum of expectation in structure and format.
4701584 Sadly.
Oh boy, grammar mistakes in the description! This can only go well!
4704641 why don't we just agree to disagree.
It's funny how people tend to think: "what this human does is wrong, I know better what to do", yet I am pretty sure if they themselves end up in equestria, for real if it were ever possible, they'd do the same mistakes all over again, if not different ones, or make no progress at all and die right there on the spot in the dark.
Berating someone how to act in an unfamiliar situation is unjust if you wouldn't do any better yourselves in this guy's place.
Everyone's priorities and reactions in such a circumstance are different, ranging from lingering in place, to panicking or calm observation of their surroundings. But even if they do observe just fine, they may decide wrong on what to do afterwards, additionally unable to do it decently in the end.
I mean you just have to review what happened, to understand his behavior simple enough.
This guy has apparently amnesia, only regaining snippets of information over time. He also seemed to have met a terrible fate, one which we don't know how it came to be, which is actually great for later revelation (It can happen in context with many things, uncovering plot threads, possibly surprising us as well). The situation is confusing enough for anyone in place of him at this point, leaving him with insecurity and fears. Fears that invoke priorities in him, such as survival and a way to get out of the forest, something he seemed to remember from boy scout training.
To be honest the intro resembles a lot of the most well known RPG's of old, such as the Final Fantasy series.
The guy starts of with a few items in his bag pack as a 'starter package', including a none functional electric baton as the basic weapon, which is nothing more than a club at this point.
He wrangles his way through the forest, goes somewhere and gets ambushed by some wild life. Baton doesn't help much either, so before meeting a terrible fate yet again, he gets saved, by a mysterious figure no less. After some exchange of words in a safer place, he gets pointed to the nearest location for professional help on his situation.
That is a basic idea for more then a few classic RPG games.
We get:
How he got there, roughly.
A name.
A condition he is in.
A view on his equipment.
A simple goal: survival and a way to escape the forest.
A dangerous event, an associate who saves him.
And a new target for the next chapter.
Now let compare that, I just know some people will go ape shit now, to Final Fantasy 7.
1. We see a train arriving at a station, a few guys jump off the train and take out some guards.
2. We follow the big black guy.
3. We fight some security staff, learn about our inventory and basic control.
4. We try to break in somewhere, at this point we assume to be bandits or terrorists of sorts.
5. We get to Name ourselves (which reminds me very much of the scene where the character says "Ryan")
6. We go our merry way, fulfill the given job, fight some more and blow up a reactor, so we can guess our 'apparent' occupation a bit more accurately.
7. We flee from the scene.
That was basically the bombing mission / intro stage from FF7. We don't really get much more information about anything there either, neither do we get an accurate or detailed characterization, that follows much later in pieces.
It's basically the same amount of information we get on this story.
The author is writing a classic RPG story development here, and I find it disturbing how some describe it with words like 'cliche' and 'Lame'.
Cliche is a lame word in itself and those who use it for description, must be too lazy to express their criticism.
The next point is, how is this guy an 'emo' in any kind of way?
Was he crying much? No!
Was he depressive a lot? No!
Was he angrily thrashing about? No!
Was he blaming the world for his misery? No!
Was he sulking in apathy? No!
All he did was wake up, wonder, ponder, remember snippets, take a look at his inventory, wander around to get out of there, get in danger with being saved in the end, meet another stranger, be weary of said stranger, learn their name, and finally be on his way to the pointed location, on a clear path, where he might find some help.
At this point there is barely any indication of his psyche, attitude or mental state, aside from the fact that he has some form of amnesia. SO HOW PRAY TELL IS THIS ENOUGH TO REFER TO HIM AS AN EMO?
I don't see anything that would justify me to dislike the human.
Shedding pointless tears and arguments about characterizations that didn't even happen yet, makes you look much more emotional unstable, plus dump, then this character appears to be.
This is just ONE single chapter, why don't you just wait for a characterization to happen as the story proceeds?
The amount of butt hurt some people show after 1 simple introduction chapter is making me loose faith in their humanity.
Finally, how the hell are you 'supposed' to explain a human, not native to equestria, appearing in this plane, other than impossibilities?
There is only teleportation, may it be magic or technology, death and portal entering, being frozen in a cave until earth became equis, or dreaming the whole thing up.
You can only access such a plane through bridges, tunnels and time.
And so far we only got to know what was before, an inferno, and what came after, a fresh breeze in the grass field.
What actually happened, isn't even revealed yet.
Suffice it to say, I think this story deserves more credit considering what was presented so far as an intro, and less discredit from overly eager emotional readers trying to establish things worth to complain about, that aren't even there yet. Seriously guys, calm your horses, nothing is decided yet.
4705614
And you got all this from the first chapter. Impressive and very interesting.
Oh has promise...but I was expecting a diary style.
This fic was made last year on Jan. 11. How is it on the front page? Nothing bad but just how?