//------------------------------// // The Unstoppable Force Meets the Intolerable Object // Story: A Survivors Guide to Equestria // by Onomonopia //------------------------------// "Thank you for coming on such a quick notice, taking over the world is such a hassle," Discord said as Ryan walked up to him. Looking around, Ryan saw that he was standing on stain glass with floating, crystals all around him. There was a ceiling that seemed to be made out of whatever Discord felt like and it seemed he was in the mood for chandeliers. "And after I'm done with you, I'm going to have to go and re-chaos...fy the princesses and the Elements again." "Well if it was going to be so much trouble getting them back, then why let them out in the first place?" Ryan asked him while he began to assess what he was up against. Frontal assault was suicide and he highly doubted that Discord would let him get close enough to use his baton. 'Ah shit, now that I think about it I never got the other baton back from Zecora,' Ryan thought to himself. "Actually, taking over the world wasn't my idea in the first place," Discord said as he floated around Ryan, who never took his eyes off the god. "A very odd creature that appeared out of nowhere mentioned it to me. Now I generally don't care about ruling, since all I prefer to do is have fun, but he put up such a convincing argument that I just couldn't resist playing king for a while." 'He's arrogant, but not stupid. He's waiting for me to make a move,' Ryan silently thought as he watched Discord's eyes, which were just like his. Wary, on alert and not all there. "Care to introduce me to this...friend of yours? I'd like to know whether or not I’ll have to deal with him once I'm done with you." 'He has no special abilities like me or any of the ponies, but that's what makes him so dangerous,' Discord thought as he too scouted his opponent. 'The ponies rely too much on their wings or magic to defeat their foes, but this one...he has beaten all in his path on sheer tenacity alone. This will be fun.' "Sorry, but he doesn't like to reveal himself too often and never around strangers. Heck, I barely know anything about him, only that he wanted this silver sphere here when I'm done with you." "So he wants the silver mare," Ryan snarled as he reached into his bag and grabbed the baton, figuring that he had put off the inevitable fight long enough. "I'll admit Discord, I never believed in gods or magic back in my world, even though we humans were fascinated with them. I just thought they were tales to comfort the weak." "And now you admit that you're wrong?" Discord asked with a smirk, only to receive a smirk in response as Ryan pointed his baton at him. "No. Now I see that these "gods" are just arrogant assholes with more power than they should have. But despite that power, even gods fall." Discord let out a small laugh at that remark before answering. "We shall see." Snapping his fingers created a maw under where Ryan had been standing, but the human had thrown himself forward a moment before Discord had attacked and was already closing the gap between the two. With a leap Ryan flung himself at the god, swinging right for between the eyes. A swarm of Discord-flies fluttered away as he hit nothing, leaving the human to snarl as the mocking laughter surrounded him as the butterflies flew away. "Come now Ryan, surely you didn't beat the Elements of Harmony and the princess of the sun by simply swinging at them," Discord taunted as he reformed himself in the center of the stain glass, snapping his fingers so that a swarm of thunderclouds rumbled above them. "Would you be surprised if I said that's exactly how I beat them?" Ryan retorted, preparing for the next attack before feeling all the hairs on his back stand up on end. His avoid death sense kicked in and he threw himself to the side just as a massive surge of lightning hit the area where he had just been standing. "Come on Discord, I'm the guy with the electric weapons. Stop taking my ideas." "Oh, I’ll have taken more than ideas by the time we're done here," Discord said with an evil smirk as he snapped his fingers again, creating a ring of fire around the outskirts of the glass circle. "A little birdy told me that you don't like fire human. Mind if I put that theory to the test?" Ryan felt his heart leap into his chest at the sight of the flames, the screams screeching across his mind as the sight of his burning world surfaced. 'No. I have conquered you.' He closed his eyes and forced himself to be calm, shutting away the screaming and the burning back into his mind where it belonged. 'You might scare me, but I will not succumb to you again.' "You'll have to do better than that Discord, all fire does now is keep me warm at night." "Oh very well human, we'll fight your way!" Discord yelled with a cackle as he snapped both his hands, sending lightning bolts flashing all across the stain glass. Ryan couldn't stop for even a second as the bolts struck all around him, feeling the power of the electricity tingle through him. "And I know about that armband on you, but while my magic may not work I know that actually lightning will make you a stain!" 'Or if my idea works I can paten a new defibrillator.' Ryan stopped in the center of the arena and held his right arm in the air, turning on the baton and waiting for the bolt that would inevitably come. 'Hope this baton can absorb lightning as well as use it, because if not I'm going to be the laughing stock of the afterlife.' "Giving up? Oh come on, we've barely...ah hell." The bolt landed dead center and Ryan felt himself being shocked to his very core, but the baton kept him from dying. With all the force he could muster he aimed his arm right at the draconis, a smirk crossing his electrified face. "Shazam." The lightning streaked from the baton and drilled Discord in his smug face, sending him howling backwards as the baton enhanced the power of the thunderbolt tenfold. The god crashed into one of the floating crystals and slumped to the floor. The thunderclouds began to vanish, but Ryan couldn't focus on that as he was trying to get his nerves back under control. 'Get...to Discord...put...stop to this.' 'Damn human...filled...with more tricks than I thought.' Discord shakily pushed himself to a kneeling position, allowing him to see the human staggering towards him while spinning the weapon in his hands. 'Get...the baton...away from him.' "Hey human, I've got another deal to make you." "No deal," Ryan snarled as he lifted the baton, but with a snap Discord appeared at the edge of the circle, dangling the silver sphere over the edge. Ryan stopped in his tracks with a snarl, but Discord was all smiles as he saw the human trying to think of a way around this. "Fine, whaddya want?" "Thrown that baton over the edge and I'll give you the mare right here, right now," Discord threatened. Ryan only thought about it for a moment before he turned and chucked the baton with all his might, watching as it sailed over the edge into nothingness. Discord said nothing, but tossed the sphere to Ryan with a smile on his face. A smile of victory. "Yo mare, you still in there?" Ryan whispered to the sphere once he had caught her. The sphere blinked lightly and he felt it trying to scan him, but the armband prevented it from doing so. 'Ryan?' the mare's voice said very weakly, the sphere barely flashing at all. 'How did...did you defeat Discord?' "Working on it, but he made me an offer I couldn't refuse," Ryan snarled before slipping the sphere into his pocket and looking back over to the god, who was snickering at him while cracking his knuckles. "Well now human, you lost one of those batons to the zebra and you just chucked the other right off into nothingness," Discord cackled as he stalked forward as menacingly as possible. "You really ought to take better care of your things, especially the ones that are given to you by higher powers. So now I have to ask, just for the laughs, what are you going to do?" Ryan said nothing in reply, but he reached into his bag and pulled out the knife with his blood on it, getting a chuckle out of the god. "Please, you think that can hurt me?" Discord smirked before snapping his fingers and creating a massive blade out of ice. "You have nothing on me anymore. All of your friends are gone, you’ve lost a hand and you're out of ancient, godly weapons that can even put a scratch on me. You should just give up now and save yourself the trouble." "Hey Discord, you know what I can do with one hand?" Ryan asked before sticking his middle finger up. "Fuck you." "Heh, defiant to the end. Good." Discord swung the massive blade that grew longer as he sliced through the air to cleave the human, who barely rolled under the blade. Ryan could feel the blade slice the very air around him as it screeched above him. 'Plan. I need a plan,' Ryan thought as he desperately avoided the blade as best he could, but he could feel his very life being cleaved away each and every time it got closer to him. He rolled once again to avoid a strike but as he recovered Discord shot magic at his knife, shattering it with ease. "And now you're down another weapon," Discord smirked as Ryan threw the hilt aside. "So do you have anything else in that little bag of tricks or are you finally done?" 'Ryan...run...' the silver mare weakly said as she tried to take on her form again, causing a tiny mare to flicker besides Ryan. 'I can...at the very least...distract him long enough for you to escape.' "Sorry, but I'm going to have to pass that offer up. I still owe you," Ryan snarled as he looked back up to Discord. "Hey Discord, you said that you wanted this between us but the mare is still here. Open up that rift back to Equestria so I can get rid of her and we'll finish this." "You make a good point. Alright." 'Ryan no!' the mare cried as Discord snapped his fingers, creating the rift again. 'Without me here you will die!' "So will you and trust me, your life is worth a lot more than mine," Ryan said to her before taking the sphere out of his pocket and chucking her through the tear, which closed up the moment she was gone. Ryan looked up at the god, who had a smile of victory once again and Ryan found it hard to find the energy to make a snarky remark. He had no weapon, no allies and now even his wit was failing him. 'I really am on my own. Alright magic bag of tricks, is there anything that will give me a chance?' he asked as he reached into the bag. "Come on human, I've been having so much fun with this," Discord laughed at him as he rummaged around. "Pull out one last surprise, one last trick that you believe will give you a chance against me!" Ryan had no idea if he had anything left when his hand struck metal and to his shock he pulled out the one item he hadn't used yet. 'The pistol,' Ryan thought as he looked up at the draconis, who had yet to make a move. His brain began firing on all cylinders as he racked his brain for any way to hit Discord with any of the five bullets. And then it came to him. He, very deliberately, pulled the gun out of the bag with a flourish, gaining the attention of the god. "Oh? And what do you have there?" Discord asked with a playful smirk as he looked at the tiny metal item. "Please tell me that's your last resort." So he didn't know what Ryan held. Good. "This? This is something that my people made," Ryan bragged as he flipped the safety off before waving it around in Discord's face. "This is a human weapon, one that when it hits you, and trust me it will, it will tear you apart, completely destroying you. Not even your pathetic magic will save you from this." Ryan watched as Discord smirked again, but he could also see the anger in his eyes. Ryan had offended him and that's exactly what he had hoped for. 'Now either he'll kill me here or...' "You're really putting all of your faith in something that your backwards race of people made?" Discord laughed as he pulled out a magnifying glass and looked at the gun. "That thing is tiny! It's not even magic! How is that supposed to hurt me?" He laughed again before looking at Ryan with eyes overflowing with confidence, but more importantly...arrogance. "Alright, I’ll give it to you. A free shot, right here," Discord smirked as he pointed to his cheek. "Go ahead, hit me." "With pleasure," Ryan muttered with a smile as Discord closed his eyes, giving Ryan to perfect opportunity to take aim right at the god's eyes. BANG! Ryan wasn't sure what was louder, the firing of the gun or the roar of pain that Discord gave off as the bullet tore through his eye and burying itself in is skull. He howled with agony as he held both of his hands to his face, letting Ryan smirk as he saw that the hands were stained with blood. BANG! The gun roared again and Discord screamed as the bullet tore into the other side of his face, though Ryan snarled when he realized that he had missed the eye. Discord scrambled away from the human, tears welling up in his good eye as he blinked through the pain at Ryan. Ryan looked into Discord's eye and for the first time he saw something more than arrogance and chaos. He saw fear, fear of the human. "W-what the hell is that?!" Discord roared as he pointed his hand at Ryan, but Ryan was quicker on the draw and he shot through said hand. Discord rolled around in pain as he held his hand with his other hand, slowly turning to the human as Ryan advanced towards him, the evilest smile on his face. "What is this Discord? This is a gun, a weapon that has killed more than any other handheld device I know of," Ryan laughed as he threw his head back, letting his cackle chill the draconis. "We humans may not have magic, we may not have wings or ungodly strength that allows us to overcome our foes, but we're clever. Oh how we were clever at thinking up ways to kill." "B-but I'm a god of chaos! How can you-" Ryan kicked him across the face and pointed the gun at his forehead, chuckling as he looked into Discord's fear filled eyes with his own crazy ones. "You might be a god of chaos, you might have powers beyond anything that I have ever seen, you might be smarter, more powerful and even far stronger," Ryan said to him in a near whisper. "But I'm a human. And if there's anything we're good at, it's figuring out ways to kill. Now I say that, because," Ryan began as he pointed the gun right between Discord's eyes. "You're about to lose your life." "P-please don't kill me!" Discord begged as he tried to summon his magic, but through the pain he could barely concentrate enough to muster his words. "I promise that I'll leave the ponies alone and that I won't cause them any more pain! I always keep my word! Please!" "What's the matter "god", afraid of a little death?" Ryan taunted with a smirk. "Please. I'm begging you." Ryan thought about it hard, his expression never changing as he glared into the "god's" fear filled eyes. On one hand, he knew that he couldn't trust Discord and that he probably would come back .But on the other...Ryan did not want to kill him. Despite how much pain Discord had caused and how fucked up Ryan was... 'We've caused enough death,' he thought, knowing that humanity already had enough blood on their souls. 'He lives.' Ryan lowered the gun, watching as Discord's eyes filled up with gratitude. Ryan then flashed him an evil smile before he pulled off his armband and slid it into place around Discord's neck, where the power of the band immediately cancelled out Discords magic. "W-what did you do to me?" Discord asked as he felt his power drain. "Guarantee that you'll never use your magic again," Ryan replied. 'This is the best option I guess. He lives and he's no longer a threat. I gu-' His thoughts were interrupted as the ceiling above them shattered and chandeliers began to rain down just as the glass beneath began to crack. "Care to tell me what's happening?" Ryan asked as Discord looked around in fear. "You've cut off my magic! Now I can't keep this realm stable!" Discord screamed as he snapped his fingers to no avail. When that didn't work he clawed at the band around his neck, but it refused to budge. "You have to take this off of me! If you don't this realm will bury the both of us!" "Hey, you’re a god right? Meaning you won't starve or anything right?" Ryan asked him with a smirk, which grew wider when Discord nodded. "Then why are you upset? You'll live!" Ryan then kicked Discord right between the teeth and sent him skidding over the side of the cracking glass, where he screamed as he fell into nothingness. "Keep trying at that armband! Sure you'll get it off eventually!" He let out one last laugh that used up his remaining strength and then he fell onto his back, letting the gun fall to his side. He stared up blankly at the collapsing ceiling. 'Still a few shots left,' he thought to himself as he looked over at the gun before shrugging and turning his gaze back to the ceiling. 'Nah, it's about time I got crushed to death. At least I can tell the guys in the afterlife I died defeating a god and saving a race of talking, rainbow ponies. Pretty good way to die actually.' He closed his eyes as he thought this, hearing all of the debris crash around him as he wondered what he would say to his race once he saw them again. 'I think I'll start with a fuck you all. They deserve it.' Then he realized that he had to add the new information about Discord to the guide. He didn't know why he chosen then to think about it, but his brain obviously wanted him to finish it. So with a groan he opened his eyes and pulled his bag over to him, barely missing a chandelier that almost crushed his good hand. 'Can't believe I'm still writing this thing. Now where was Discord's page. Ah, here it...' Ryan pulled out his quill and began to write away, waiting for the splat that he would become.