Stupid dropped off Applebloom and Sweetie Belle at each of their respective homes. Normally, he would've taken the time to explain the situation to their sibling's, but he had a much bigger issue to deal with than Applejack and Rarity freaking out.
Twilight waking up and having time to overthink things and panic is much worse.
So it was with that priority Stupid rushed to the Sweet Apple Acres and the Carousel Boutique to drop Applebloom and Sweetie Belle off. Sadly Stupid couldn't really do a good job reattaching his leg and the best pace he could make was a slow limp. Frustrated, he realized that at this point Twilight was probably already awake and had panicked long ago.
His current issue, though, wasn't facing Twilight at home, rather, a stubborn pegasus filly glaring at him.
"Scootaloo, please," Stupid begged. "I'm very tired, and hurt. I know you don't want to be walked home, but it's dangerous to go alone right now. Whatever is bothering you, I promise I won't make fun of it, okay?"
"Heck no, I don't care if Rainbow Dash herself offered, I wouldn't let her walk me home!.. ...Well, maybe I would, but that's a REALLY big maybe! No way Poker, I've walked home alone before, and I can walk home alone now!"
"It's Stupid."
"What?"
"My name, in more ways than one..." Stupid sighed.
Scootaloo huffed and turned her back to Stupid. After a long moment of awkward silence, she peeked back at him. He sat there with his eyes closed, still as stone. If Scootaloo didn't know better she actually think he was a statue. She hadn't got a good look at his body up until now, and winced at how terrible his left forehoof looked. Feeling guilty, she spoke up.
"I guess I can tell you where I live... but you have to pinkie promise you won't tell ANYPONY." Scootaloo demanded.
"Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye," Stupid gently responded.
"A needle? Augh!" Scootaloo shivered.
"Joking," Stupid said in an absentminded tone, starting to do the correct motions. "Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."
Scootaloo nervously looked around her and motioned for Stupid to lean in. He complied.
"Okay, look..." She hesitated. "I'm uh... I might be... I'm live at... an orphanage, okay?"
Scootaloo squirmed as Stupid stayed silent.
"It's not like it's a big deal!" Scootaloo pouted. "I mean, I'm fine! I don't sit around thinking how sad my life is or anything! I just don't like talking about it because-"
"Because it only hurts when you do think about it." Stupid solemnly finished. "Whenever anypony says anything that makes you think of them, you remember the worst moment, the one you regret, the one that scared you, and it hurts. You're just fine otherwise, but talking or thinking about it is… painful."
Scootaloo stood there in shock, staring at Stupid for what felt like minutes. Snapping out of it she opened her mouth to speak, only to close it.
"I know," Stupid whispered, wrapping his wings around Scootaloo, "I know."
Scootaloo hugged him back. She didn't cry, this feeling was familiar enough that it didn't shock her, but it still hurt. The memories playing over and over with fine detail in her head. Trying to banish the thoughts away she squeezed Stupid a little harder.
"I won't tell anypony if you don't tell anypony." Stupid gently smiled.
"Okay..." Scootaloo meekly replied.
Lifting the orange filly onto his back, Stupid started to limp his way to the orphanage.
---
Right as Twilight awoke, she wish she hadn't. Getting slammed through a mountain by Tirek was mercy compared to how her head felt. Moaning in pain, and regretting the noise made by her moaning, she slowly raised her hooves to massage her aching head. Twilight cracked open her eyes, only to feel Celestia's glorious sun assault her vision akin to loving mother stabbing a knife through her child’s back. Twilight softly cried as she rocked back in forth in bed, giving up on doing anything requiring effort. Any attempt to muster her willpower ended horribly as her head throbbed with skull-splitting misery.
Slowly the events of last night came back to Twilight.
"Because you're worth it."
Twilight blushed, So what? He said I was worth it, it's not like all my other friends don't think I'm worth it. It's not like they all just come to me with their problems and expect me to fix... everything...
"HI? HI?!? I TRUSTED YOU, YOU MONSTER!!! I ACTUALLY THOUGHT YOU MIGHT-..."
She groaned, a changeling tried to take Rarity's place, that's another problem she was going to have to-
"I know you don't like me, and you might not be my owner after tonight, but I want to prove that I'm worth something. Please give me a chance."
Stupid sexy- CUTE. Stupid cute stupid doll. Stupid stupid stupid...
“NO, NO! NOPE, I’M DONE! I’M SICK OF THIS MANURE, GIVE ME WHOLE BUCKING BARREL!”
Ohhhhh horse feathers, why did I do that to myself?... At least I know why I have to pee so bad-
“I need some serious snuggles, stat!”
Twilight froze.
“You are like, the cutest little buggy ever.”
Oh no.
“You know, I never had a pegasus take me for a ride before. You wanna take me for my first flight?”
Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no!
“You’re my doll, kiss me.”
NONONONONONONONONONO!!!
“I’m your friend, friends don’t let friends do things they would regret.”
Twilight lowered her head back in relief, she was going to have to apologize to Stupid later for-
“Yes I am! I’m so annoying even my doll whose job is to love me doesn’t want me!”
"NO! No no no... Twilight covered her head with her hooves out of embarrassment. Whyyyy... Why did I have to say those-
“I want you… I want you so badly right now. You’re so funny and smart. You’re so amazing I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Twilight gasped. He didn't.
He did!
That... THAT JERK! I was drunk, and he just made out with... Twilight put a hoof to her lips and blushed. How dare he?!? He just does all those things, and expects to get away with it?!? We haven't even got on a date yet, or done any of the proper procedures! The dating guide for dummies CLEARLY states that after asking a mare out and going on a date, he's suppose to wait two whole days before sending me a message! And then I'm suppose to act like I might be busy while tries to convince me to go on another date!
Twilight paced around her room, her posture low while she growled. She absentmindedly sorted anything that was out of disorder and closed her window. She then went to her closet, pushed the pleasantly quiet stallion out of the way, grabbed an alarm, and closed the door. Then went to her window and tossed the alarm out of it, and closed her window again. Going back to the closet, she opened it up again, grabbed another alarm, put the stallion back inside the closet, and then set her new alarm before leaving her room and heading downstairs.
AND THEN after we go on a second date, then, THEN we kiss! And then we'll kiss again, and again. And then he'll wrap his strong wings around me while he strokes my tail, and I'll lean in and-NO! NO NO NO NO! WHAT AM I THINKING?!?
Twilight slammed her head against the dining room table repeatedly.
STUPID CHANGELINGS WITH THEIR STUPID SHAPESHIFTING AND STUPID EYES AND THEIR STUPID POUT AND their gentle voice and his warm touch and his constant service... Wait, where is my doll anyway? I went to sleep together with...
Twilight's hair and mane burst into flames.
"HE SLEPT WITH ME!!!"
---
Spike awoke to the sounds of Twilight grumbling as she marched down the stairs. Picking up on the warning signs, Spike groaned as he tried to recall if they had the ingredients to make Twilight's favorite breakfast.
"HE SLEPT WITH ME!!!"
Blinking, Spike slowly put two plus two in his head and then shivered in fear. Checking to see how far of a drop jumping out the window would be, he braced himself and whispered,
"Run Stupid... RUN."
---
OH CELESTIA, HE SLEPT WITH ME! WHAT ELSE DID WE DO?!? I CAN'T REMEMBER! OH NO! OH NO OH NO OH NO OH NO! Twilight panicked. WHAT DID WE DO? WAIT! WHERE DID HE GO?!? HE LEFT ME AFTER HE WAS DONE WITH ME! THAT... THAT BUG... WHEN I SEE HIM AGAIN, I'LL... I'LL!...
"STUUUUUUUUPIIIIIIIIIID!!!
Spike quickened his pace to Sugarcube Corner.
---
Stupid thanked Faust that he made it back before Twilight awoke. Upon seeing her alarm clock ringing and her not rising from the dead, he found it in his best interest to shut the thing off and let her wake up naturally. It was with that plan he decided to wait in his previous place of residence, her closet, until she woke so he could gauge the situation.
The situation was not promising.
Stupid was an honest changeling. He followed orders and did them well. With that in mind, Stupid came to the simple conclusion that going into battle with three assassin's while trying to keep three fillies alive, was a lot less scary than approaching the mare you like that has a hangover and thinks you took advantage of her.
Stupid briefly wondered what he had done in a past life to deserve this.
With a sigh, he put on his winning smile, and started heading downstairs, prepared to face the music. Upon spotting Twilight, he subtly raised a shield spell around his body expecting the worse. It never came. Her mane was an absolute mess, and slightly burnt. Small patches of her fur was still on fire. Her eyes were bloodshot and twitching, occasionally one of her hooves shook violently. Her chest still had a little alcohol on it from last night. Her wings were completely spread out and stiff, all of her feathers misaligned. Despite looking like a creature out of a horror story, Twilight calmly sat next to a stack of books and intently read the blue one floating in front of her.
The book was upside-down.
Twilight was set to completely ignore him, and she was a little surprised to see Stupid head back upstairs. Before she could get more frustrated that he was ignoring her, he came back with a bucket of hot water, a sponge, and a comb. Laying down next to her, he slowly petted her tail while gently wiping her down with the hot wet sponge.
As much as Twilight wanted to show no reaction to this, getting clean felt wonderful. Sighing in pleasure, she went limp as Stupid scrubbed and combed her body completely clean. He then got up and left the room again.
Curious to what Stupid was planning this time, Twilight waited patiently. He came back with a hot bowl of soup and a cold glass of water. Her body screamed for a drink of the cool, refreshing liquid, but she was determined to not give in. Clamping her mouth shut, she focused intently on her book, that she couldn't read very well for some reason, and ignored his quiet prompts for her to take a drink.
Twilight was ignoring Stupid, but she couldn’t keep her eyes off the glass of water. The sweet nectar of life looked so seductive that really wish she had drunk something before now.
She watched as Stupid rose the cup to his lips and took a slow drink. Frustrated, Twilight was about to complain until she caught the look of challenge in his eyes. Remembering that she was suppose to be ignoring him she looked away.
And then Stupid kissed Twilight.
Twilight mouth opened in shock and felt ice cold water pour into it. Too stunned to respond, Stupid gently pushed her jaw up and closed her mouth with his hoof before pulling his lips away. Not able to resist the screaming need of her body, Twilight swallowed the water, and then was assaulted with another kiss. Every time Stupid took a gulp of water in his mouth, he slowly brought his face to hers, and every time Twilight tried to gently push him away, each push becoming weaker and weaker.
Having emptied the glass, Stupid blew gently on the soup, and held a spoonful out to Twilight. She she turned her head away, her face red with a fierce blush.
Seeing that she was still resisting, Stupid slowly took the spoonful into his mouth, and slowly, ever so slowly, brought his face closer to hers.
She didn't try to stop him this time.
The soup was fed to her the same way the water was. This time, Stupid used his tongue to push the soup in. After halfway through the soup, his tongue lingered for a moment in her mouth. Near the end of the soup, her tongue was lingering in his mouth. After eating the soup, Twilight shyly looked up Stupid, determined to tell him that she was still very, very mad.
She finally noticed how wounded he was.
Twilight gasped. "Stupid, what happened to you?!?"
"I got into a small fight last night," Stupid quietly replied. "Don't worry about it, I'm already feeling better."
"But your horn, a-and your hoof, and… and..." Twilight trailed off, having a horrible realization. "I did this."
"What?"
"I did this to you, last night." Twilight whimpered. "I did this to you!"
"No Twilight, you didn't do this to me." Stupid tried to soothe her.
"Don't lie to me!"
"I’ve never lied to you," Stupid lied, nuzzling her cheek. "Twilight, you did not do this to me, I promise."
"Then, what happened to you?.."
Their conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. The door opened, and Rarity walked in.
"Twilight, are you home? I was hoping to talk to you about- oh... Oh my!" Rarity grinned.
"What?" Twilight questioned.
Looking at herself, she saw she was leaning against Stupid's chest, with his wings wrapped around her.
"AH!" She shoved Stupid away from herself. "HAHA! SO, um, Rarity.. *cough*.. erm, what can I help you with?"
"Well, I almost fainted after I heard what happened to Sweetie Belle and her friends, but then she told me poor Stupid here not only got hurt saving my sister, but revealed that naaa~sty changeling who impersonated me for what it was, and notified the police to rescue me!"
"Stupid saved Sweetie Belle?”
"Didn't you hear dahling? That fine gentlecolt you were snuggling with saved my sister and the other cutie mark crusaders from three changelings out in the Everfree! Those three were out there trying to get a cutie mark, in the middle of the night! Sweetie still won't tell me what it was they were trying to do..."
"S-So, all this came from… you were..." Twilight turned to look at Stupid.
"I'm fine." He reassured.
Twilight looked away, scuffing her hoof against the floor, feeling guilty.
"WELL, it looks like I'm interrupting a moment here!" Rarity said in a slightly teasing tone. "I was just going to check if dear Stupid was alright, and offer to make him an outfit sometime!"
"I'm fine, and I would love that Ms. Rarity." Stupid smiled at her.
"Splendid! I'll be off, ta-ta dahlings!" Rarity turned and trotted off, leaving Twilight and Stupid in an awkward situation.
Twilight alternated between looking away and back to Stupid before clearing her throat and speaking up.
"Follow me." She quietly said.
Stupid quietly followed her upstairs and into her deluxe bathroom. She turned on the shower and hopped in.
"Get in." She commanded.
Stupid obeyed. Twilight took a sponge off the wall and started to gently scrub Stupid.
"Twilight, you don't have to-"
"Shhh..." Twilight hushed him.
"Really, I'm fine." He insisted.
"Be quiet, that's an order." She said gently.
Obeying his owner, Stupid quietly sat there as Twilight washed him clean, dried him off, and combed his mane and tail. She ordered him to follow her again as she led to her bed.
"Get in." She commanded.
"Twilight-"
"Get in." She repeated.
Stupid calmly climbed onto the bed, Twilight nudged him around until he was under the covers, and tucked him in.
"Stay here," she ordered.
Stupid waited till Twilight came back with a bowl of soup and a glass of water. She held up the glass of water to his face.
"Twilight, I can hold a-"
"Hush," Twilight gently said.
Humoring her, Stupid quietly laid in bed as Twilight held the glass of water up for him and spoon fed him soup. Once she was done, she kissed him on the forehead.
"Sleep, that's an order." Twilight cooed.
"Yes Twilight." Stupid whispered back, smiling.
Stupid closed his eyes and relaxed. There was much to do, but at this moment, his owner ordered him to rest.
And so he slept.
---
Stupid woke up, feeling better than he had in months. Rising out of Twilight's bed, he left the room and looked for Twilight. She was sleeping peacefully in the guest bed one room over. Smiling, Stupid headed downstairs and started to prepare dinner. Shortly after starting, he heard a knock at the door. Happily trotting up the door, he mentally prepared himself to talk to Applejack, the head of the orphanage, or possibly Rainbow Dash. He opened the door.
He saw Celestia waiting patiently with a smile on her face.
Stupid calmly closed the door and proceeded to have a very controlled, very calm mental breakdown. After a couple slow, deep breaths, he opened the door again.
"Hello! How may I help you?" Stupid cheerfully greeted her.
"Hello, may I speak to a young changeling by the name of Poker Face?" Celestia sweetly replied.
Stupid closed the door and took many more deep breaths. He opened the door and gave her a forced smile.
"I'm sorry, I don't think we have anypony here by that name, could I take a message for you?" He said weakly.
"Oh, I'm very sorry to disturb you then. Do you think you could step outside for a second Mr. Poker?" Celestia replied innocently.
Stupid's eye twitched.