Stupid Doll quickly flew through the night above Ponyville, the cold night being darker than usual due to how cloudy it was. His eyes on the constant lookout for trouble on the streets. Twilight’s memories made it very clear that the Cutie Mark Crusaders were the cause of most trouble, but there could be an incident going on now. Experience has taught him that accidents happen most often when you're distracted by another incident. Unfortunately, there was no trouble around town to solve, meaning this wasn’t really a distraction trying to lure him away from town. He was not looking forward to spending all night in a dangerous forest, only to come back tired and most likely injured to a Twilight Sparkle with a massive hangover. After double checking that no other trouble was being stirred, he hurried and landed at the outskirts of the Everfree Forest.
Stupid quickly, and carefully, checked surrounding the area. He couldn't help others if he got in trouble himself. After double and triple checking (just the way Twilight liked it) the surrounding area, he concluded that nothing was nearby and that he was-
"Hey Stupid!"
-right next to Applebloom.
"Hey Applebloom!" He forced his voice to sound cheerful. "What are you doing out so late, does your sister know you're out and about?"
"Well, n-no, but ah need yer help!" Applebloom cried.
"You do? What's wrong?" He lowered himself down to her eye level.
"Well, Scootaloo, Sweetiebelle, and I were out in the Everfree when we ran into a bit o' trouble..."
"I understand. You’ll fill me in on the rest after we get them out, alright? The Everfree is not a safe place for little fillies to be." Stupid said in a soothing tone.
"Okay!" She galloped ahead into the Everfree.
Stupid followed at a leisurely pace, keeping his eyes on the forest around them.
"Dirty, I located Applebloom. She's taking me towards the other two.”
"Poker, we have a problem."
"Yes, Dirty?"
"All three of the fillies are still together. I don't know who that is with you, but it isn't Applebloom."
Stupid slowly caught up to Applebloom and ‘accidently’ tripped her.
“Oof!” She landed on her snout, cutting it.
“Oh, I’m sorry Applebloom! Here, let me see…” He took a deep breath and spat.
“Ahh!” She cried, dodging the loogie aimed at her face. “What in the hay are ya doin?!?”
“Oh, sorry! I was only trying to get your nose, hold on!”
“Wait, what?!? Now hold on a- hey!”
Applebloom dodged as Stupid shot spitball after spitball at her. Eventually, enough of it got on her hooves that she couldn’t move anymore.
“Great, now stay still…”
Haaaaack!..
“Wait, NO-”
PATOOIE!
Applebloom stayed deathly quietly, glaring at Stupid as spit dripped down her forehead.
“Don’t worry, I got this!” He rubbed the spit all over her face. “There we go…”
“Are ya done yet?” Applebloom growled.
“I may have added too much,” Stupid mused.
“Too much?!?” Applebloom yelled. “Why’d ya spit all over mah face anyway?”
“Oh! Changeling’s form scabs by spitting on the spot that got hurt! We also use our spit as a building material due to how fast it solidifies!”
“Stupid...”
“It’s amazing really, it’s also naturally an antacid for our stomachs too, as well as a disinfectant. Although those last two are the case for most creatures…”
“Stupid!..”
“You know, saliva serves a lot of different functions, along with what I’ve listed, it’s also used as a lubricant. It’s the medium that helps you taste things, and birds use it to construct bird’s nests. Also- oh... oh dear.”
“MMMPH! MMMHMMHM!” Applebloom struggled, trying to get the large changeling scab off her face.
“Oh, I’m sorry! Hold on, Iet me get that off you!” He lifted her chin to get a closer look. “Just close your eyes for a second, this shouldn’t take long.”
Sighing in annoyance, Applebloom rolled her eyes and closed them.
Stupid proceeded to buck her in the face.
Stupid spun around quickly and watched Applebloom's head slam against the tree behind her. She moaned as she lost consciousness, her body bursting into a bright green flame. Doll stared at the unconscious changeling for a second before heading deeper into the forest.
"Poker?"
"Yes Dirty?"
"You are a terrible changeling, Poker."
"Duly noted, Dirty."
---
"Ah thought yeh said you knew where we were headin’!" Applebloom yelled.
"I do! It's just harder to see where we're going at night!" Scootaloo retorted.
"Why we'd hafta go at night anyway? I told you this was a stupid idea!"
"Oh come on, ever since we made a campfire near the edge of the Everfree, they've been watching us really closely! It was the only time we could sneak away!"
"Yeah, that's because you guys almost set the whole forest on fire!" Sweetie Belle complained.
"What do you mean we? You were there too!" Scootaloo snapped back.
"We didn't set the WHOLE forest on fire, just the edge," Applebloom argued.
"Yeah, Rainbow put out that fire in ten seconds flat!" Scootaloo bragged.
Applebloom and Sweetie Belle rolled their eyes in unison.
...
"Well, we're not gonna get anywhere stuck in this tree sap," Sweetie Belle complained.
"Thank you, Sweetie. I didn't notice," Scootaloo snarked.
The three girls sighed in unison. No matter how much they wiggled and pulled, they couldn't free themselves from the tree they' were glued to.
"Why does this keep happening to us?" Applebloom moaned.
"Hey, at least it keeps us from getting injured!" Sweetie smiled.
"What do ya mean?"
"Well, when we tried to get catapulting cutie marks, Applebloom accidentally shot her towards a bunch of jagged rocks in Rambling Rock Ridge."
Scootaloo shuddered from the memory.
"Instead of landing in those rocks, she landed in a pile of tree sap in the middle of the rocks," Sweetie Belle finished.
"Yeah, that was kinda odd. I was stuck there for an hour, and I didn't see a single tree nearby,” Scootaloo added in.
"And then, when Scootaloo was trying to break into Rainbow Dash's h-"
"I was just visiting!"
"She fell off and-"
"Landed in a pile of tree sap," Applebloom finished.
Sweetie Belle huffed. "Is everypony gonna cut me-"
"Girls, are you okay?" a voice called out from a distance.
The fillies turned to see Stupid and gave a cry of joy as he walked out into the clearing.
"Poker!" the three shouted in unison.
"Hey girls!" the doll cheered. "Got yourselves stuck in some tree sap, huh? Also, please call me Stupid."
"Again. No thanks to Scootaloo." Sweetie Belle rolled her eyes.
"Me, why is it my fault?" Scootaloo whined.
"Because yer the one always landing in tree sap! Obviously the only reason we're in here is because you were with us," Applebloom scowled.
"Hey! I-"
"Girls, calm down! What are you even doing in the Everfree so late at night?" Stupid asked, trying to pull the three free from the sap.
"It's a secret! We can't let anypony know!" Scootaloo declared.
"Yeah, but he's in th’ same situation as us," Applebloom reasoned. "Besides, he's not really any 'pony' when yeh think about it."
"Hmmmm..." Scootaloo rubbed her chin with her recently freed hoof.
Scootaloo and Applebloom whispered loudly with each other. Sweetie Belle face hoofed while Stupid pretended not to hear them. Both of them reached an agreement just as Stupid finished getting them free.
The two fillies came to a conclusion, and Applebloom cleared her throat, turning to Stupid. "Seeing as how your situation is similar to ours, we have decided to let you in on our secret."
All three screamed in unison.
"WE'RE TRYING TO GET OUR GHOST CATCHING CUTIE MARKS!"
"WE'RE TRYING TO GET A SOUL FOR OURSELVES!"
"WE'RE TRYING TO GET RAINBOW DASH'S SOUL!"
All three stopped and stared at each other in confusion.
"What?!?" They cried out.
"Okay, so Applebloom wants a soul, Scootaloo wants Rainbow Dash's soul, and Sweetie Belle wants to catch ghosts," Stupid verbally sorted it out in his head. "I can understand Sweetie Belle's and Scootaloo's, but why are you trying to get a soul Applebloom?"
"You can understand those two but not mine?!? What they’re doin’ makes no sense!" Applebloom complained.
"Oh yeah, because getting SOULS makes perfect sense!" Sweetie Belle mocked.
"Hey, how am I crazy?" Scootaloo asked.
"Because yer tryin’ to get Rainbow Dash's soul! Are ya MAD?!? That could kill her!" Applebloom cried.
"Hey, we don't have souls and we're perfectly fine!" Scootaloo reasoned.
"What are you talking about, I have a soul! You two don't?!?" Sweetie Belle started to panic.
"Sweetie Belle, why do you think we came all the way out here?" Applebloom asked.
"When you guys said get souls, I thought you meant ghost hunting!" Sweetie Belle started to cry, "Oh Celestia, my friends don't have souls!"
Stupid sat down and started munching on a bag of popcorn.
"Wait, don't you guys eat other ponies' souls? You two have been eating my soul!" Sweetie Belle backed away from her friends.
"No way! We haven't been eating yer soul. I don't even know what yer soul tastes like!" Applebloom cried out.
"She taste like marshmallows." Stupid flipped the page of a comic book.
"Whatever! Doesn't matter. I'm after Rainbow Dash's soul, not yours! Wait, what does Rainbow taste like?" Scootaloo wondered.
"Skittles."
"Awesome!"
"Scootaloo, ya can't take Rainbow Dash's soul, that'll kill ‘er!" Applebloom repeated.
"Pff! We've been soulless all our lives and we've been just fine."
"She does make a good point!" Stupid chimed in.
"Yeah, you've been okay because you've been EATING MY SOUL!" Sweetie accused.
"Sweetie, I haven't even known ya mah whole life” Applebloom deadpanned. "And Scoots, you're not stealing Rainbow Dash's soul, we were never planning on stealing anypony's soul. We were gonna go to Zecora and see if she could make us a pair of souls!"
"So, I have a question." Stupid raised his hoof. "I don't have a soul, and I'm the one who made you aware living creatures could not have souls. Why didn’t you girls just ask me about getting souls?”
Applebloom and Scootaloo both became still as a statue as they processed that information.
"You two made me come all the way out to the Everfree Forest, to ask Zecora about something she probably doesn't know about, when we had a changeling in town?!?"
"Changeling doll," Stupid absentmindedly corrected, "and I can determine if you have souls of your own with a very simple, very easy test!"
"Ooooo, really?" Scootaloo perked up.
"Okay, so, are you two hungry for souls?" Stupid asked.
"Uhhhh, no?" Applebloom replied.
"Of course not!" Scootaloo rolled her eyes.
"Congrats, you two have souls of your very own!"
Stupid finished off his popcorn as their minds rebooted.
"That's it?" Scootaloo asked.
"That's it!"
"So ah actually do have a soul, and I really did have parents?" Applebloom glanced up at Stupid.
"Yes, you two." Stupid pulled the three into a hug "You really do have souls."
Stupid smiled as the three fillies squeezed him.
"Poker?"
"Yes Dirty?"
"We have another problem."
"What's wrong?"
"Look behind you."
Stupid wiggled his body and turned his head around to see three changelings snarling at him and the crusaders.
"Dirty, explain how you didn't sense three rogue changelings sneaking up on us.
"I apologize sir, they hid their minds well."
Stupid sighed, and chucked the three fillies up into the same tree they were just stuck in. Right as he did this, all three of the changelings charged towards him, their horns lighting up. Stupid turned and grabbed a hoof-full of dirt. He rushed toward the changeling on the right and threw the dirt into his face. Scowling, the changeling closed his eyes and faltered. Stupid tackled him and pinned his forehooves with his own. Using his head, he turned the other changeling's head towards his allies. His horn lit up slightly and set off the spell building up in the changeling he pinned.
"You're fighting a losing battle, Poker!"
"Dirty, send back up now!"
The blast shot towards it's two companions. The changeling in the middle was blasted with a magic beam, knocking it into a tree, unconscious. Snarling, the pinned changeling bit down into Stupid's neck and started tearing away. The changeling on the left had more time to react and dodged. It released it's spell towards Stupid and it's pinned ally. Stupid grit his fangs and spun around so the pinned changeling was facing the blast.
"Get out of there Poker, we'll ambush them as they're chasing you!"
"I have three civilians here Dirty!"
The pinned changeling was hurt by the magic shot, but not unconscious. Unfortunately, Stupid softened the impacted for him by taking the full brunt of the tree himself. Feeling one of his wings bend in a way it really shouldn't have, Stupid grunted in pain as he bucked the changeling off of him. The other changeling had already started to charge another blast as Stupid rose. Measuring the distance between them, Stupid looked behind his assailants and cried out in pain.
"TWILIGHT! THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS ARE OVER HERE, HELP!"
Both of the changelings spun around, prepared to face the Alicorn of Magic, only to see... nothing. Turning back, Stupid bucked the one charging a magical blast in the face and knocked him against the tree the Cutie Mark Crusaders were hiding in.
Which made Sweetie Belle fall out of the tree.
"NO!" Stupid screamed.
"Poker, the siblings of the element bearers are not our priority! It's a shame to lose them but take advantage of the distraction and run!
"DIRTY, HELP ME!"
"POKER, RUN!"
The changeling who was once pinned down by Stupid lunged towards Sweetie, while the one knocked against the tree shot straight up towards the other two. Time seemed to slow down as adrenaline pumped through Stupid's veins. He couldn't reach all three of them at the same time. It was either Sweetie, or other two. If one of the two changelings reached them he knew they were going to kill them. He had to make a choice.
“Buck that!” Stupid muttered.
Stupid sprung forward, starting his leap towards the changeling going after Scootaloo and Applebloom. He slammed his right forehoof into the shape shifter which sent him into the large patch of sticky tree sap. Aiming his left forehoof at the changeling going after Sweetie, he focused. He had never tried what he was about to do and he wasn't sure if he could pull it off. Suppressing a scream he cut of his own hoof again with a quick slice of magic, then he teleported it towards the changeling. This wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was getting the hoof to move at 50 miles per hour once it was finished teleporting.
Unfortunately, the hoof did not end up moving at 50 miles per hour, but instead at 38 miles per hour, the intense multitasking of the spell causing Stupid's aim to be off. The hoof slammed into Sweetie Belle's shoulder, making a large, painful sounding ‘pop’ in her shoulder.
Sweetie Belle screamed as Stupid swore. The hit knocked Sweetie Belle out of the way, causing the charging changeling to miss her and slam into the ground. Stupid took advantage of the changeling's confusion and fumbled to rush over. Due to the lack of a left forehoof, He couldn't really position himself to buck. Gritting his fangs, He prepared to do what no changeling infiltrator should ever do with their horn. Grabbing the changeling, Stupid headbutted the other changeling full force in the head. He blacked out for a second as he felt the tip of his horn break off.
When his senses returned, he saw that the changeling in front of him had been knocked out.
Sighing in relief, he limped over to Sweetie Belle. He ignored the pain in his wing as he put Sweetie on his back and picked up his severed hoof. Slowly, he made his way over to the tree.
"Applebloom, Scootaloo, jump down!" Stupid commanded.
Both of the filled jumped down and knocked Stupid over, causing Sweetie to cry in pain.
"I didn't mean at the same time..." Stupid groaned.
"Are you okay Poker?" Applebloom whimpered.
"Yeah, just fine. My name is Stu-"
Stupid rolled over on top of the fillies as he heard a magic beam being fired off. A searing hole was made in his backside. Struggling to get up, he limped over to the snarling changeling stuck in the tree sap, lifted his disconnected hoof, and swung.
THWACK!
Stupid limped away from the unconscious changeling and placed Sweetie Belle back on his back.
"Are you girls okay? Can you trot?" He cooed.
"Y-yeah..." Applebloom sniffed.
Scootaloo quietly nodded her head. Sweetie Belle moaned.
"Okay," Stupid gave them a gentle smile. "Let's go home."