Plot 4
In the deserts of Equestria, it was the most average of days. A single gecko raced across the hot sands in search of a desert fly to eat for his lunch. The dingos were howling near the caves, the vultures were feasting on a poor cow that traveled to far from its herd, and the tumbleweeds were extra bouncy today with the wind. Yes, it was a normal, average, desert day.
At least until an entire stadium teleported in out of nowhere with a large steel cage in the middle of a ring. Thousands of mares were inside screaming in excitement as fireworks took off from around it, showering the sky with many different colors in the shape of very distinctive plots. From inside, the sounds of bangs from explosions overtook the already deafening screams and hollers of the crowd. The gecko simply blinked a few times as he looked at what had just entered his beautiful desert.
Nope.
Shaking his head, he retreated to a nearby rock. Out from under it, he produced a traveling hat and suitcase. With the desert going to tartarus it was time to move to a new location. Maybe a big city in the north? He always wanted to do carriage insurance sales.
***
Shining Armor felt his dizziness from the teleportation finally leaving him. He always hated that spell for the way it upset his stomach. Spike, who was still on his back, was looking even greener as well. “Ugh, I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that spicy emerald burrito for breakfast.”
A few other ponies were also in agreement, but they soon snapped out of it when Princess Celestia stood up tall and began to speak in a voice similar to the infamous Royal Canterlot Voice. “Subjects! The Rump Off shall now begin! This is a Dodge Junction Steel Cage Elimination Death Match, and the rules are simple! You get hit in the butt and you lose!
“Of course,” muttered Mrs. Cake as she glared at her big rump. “I knew I should have stuck with that diet.”
“Any method of attacking the rump is allowed, except for anything that would cause permanent damage!” declared Princess Celestia as her horn began to glow. “Sister, are you ready?!”
Luna flapped her wings and also began to glow her horn. “We are ready to kick some backsides!”
“Shining Armor! Are you prepared?!” asked Princess Celestia, gazing upon the squirming prince.
“...No...”
“THEN LET US BEGIN!”
A ring bell clanked three times. Not even a second later and there was chaos in the cage as the mother of all catfights began. Mares piled up upon mares as they wrestled, kicked, and even bite their opponents for dominance. Unicorns unleashed blasts of magic that stung more than one flank in a single shot while earth ponies counter-attacked with their strong legs straight up the backsides. Many pegasi thought they would be safe with their wings as they flew above most of the carnage, swiping down to smack a flank when it was open for the taking. Unfortunately, the majority failed to watch themselves as other pegasi began tearing up each other, trying to obtain aerial dominance.
Shining Armor had seen battles before, but this was worse than any he had ever seen. Even Celestia and Luna were duking it out above, trying to project large physical versions of boots that were trying to kick each other’s hindquarters. They sailed across the inner workings of the cage, firing blasts after blasts while dueling in aerial combat. Whenever Celestia struck a blow against her sister’s face, Luna would respond with one to the gut.
“This is a madhouse! A madhouse!” shouted Shining Armor, ducking as a unicorn mare flew over his head and landed with her rump in the air. Opportunists saw a chance and began to stomp on her flank where she, strangely enough, moaned in pleasure before disappearing. She, along with any other losing mares, appeared in the stands again in disappointment.
Five mares—who he recognized from his sister’s town as Lyra, Bon Bon, Colgate, Raindrops, and Berry Punch—spotted him in the chaos and grinned. “There is the prince! Ravage that butt and victory shall be ours!”
Shining Armor would forever deny that he screamed like a little filly at that moment.
Completely and totally roaring out like a real stallion would, he turned tail and ran as fast as he could, dodging whatever fights stood in his way, all the while dragging along Spike, who was hanging onto his neck. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake off the five mares who were gunning for him like timberwolves to a wounded sheep. He eventually found himself cornered at an edge of the cage, the metal fence stopping him from escaping. Backed against the steel wall, he gulped as all five mares slowly trotted towards him. He quickly grabbed Spike and held him up front like a shield. “Stay back! I have a wild baby dragon who eats ponies!”
“Hey! I’m not a scale shield here! You’re on your own!” shouted Spike as he wiggled out of Shining Armor’s hooves and ran away as fast as his little legs could carry.
“So what do we do with him first?” asked Colgate, rubbing her hooves. “I say we hold him down and slap his butt silly!”
“No, let’s make him slap it himself!” suggested Bon Bon.
“I want to kiss it! When will we ever get a chance to kiss any part of a member of the royal family,” said Raindrops with a sexy growl. Shining Armor, in response to this, covered his butt with his hooves.
“Screw kissing! Let’s just go all the way and buck him!” shouted Lyra, licking her lips.
“Orgy style?” asked Berry Punch, eyes lighting up.
“Orgy style!” shouted the other mares as they prepared to charge forward.
Shining Armor closed his eyes and waited for an end that many stallions would die for, but his doom was cut short when a familiar voice shouted. “Get away from him you whoreses! That flank belongs to me and me alone to ravage at night!”
They all gasped as Princess Cadence arrived and landed between her husband and the five mares. “Sorry, Sweetie, I had to teach a certain unicorn model not to mess with me by forcing her to stab her own butthole with her horn.” She turned to the stands where a blushing Fleur De Lis was waving with a “call me” signal. “You’re not against a threesome sometime next week are you, Shining?”
“Cadence, as much as I would like to discuss kinky sexual actions with you, can you please protect me so that my butt remains attached to the rest of me?!” shouted Shining Armor.
“Oh, right,” said Cadance, turning back towards the five growling mares. “Sorry, just gonna be a second.”
Lyra was the first to strike with a magical blast, but a simple shield spell from Cadence made it bounce off. It reflected it back at Lyra who was knock off her hooves, flank in the air. With an expert shot, Cadance charged her horn and fired a blast upwards, bouncing her magical beam off the cage’s roof and straight down at Lyra’s backside. With a small ‘poof’ Lyra Heartstrings was now in the audience with a bunch of other disappointed mares who had been “tagged out.”
Furious at seeing her best friend get taken out, Bon Bon charged forward in an attempt to tackle Princess Cadance. The Princess of Love was unfazed by this attack as she simply dodged to the left, spun around on her rear legs, raised one of her upper hooves, and back hoofed Bon Bon’s butt in less than a second. Shining Armor ducked just as Bon Bon careened into the cage and poofed out into the stands before she even knew what had happened.
Now the three remaining mares were nervously looking at each other as doubt seemed to creep into their minds. Colgate then shouted, “Attack her together! She can’t take on the three of us!”
All three nodding, they lowered their stances as they got ready to pound the love out of Princess Cadance. However, the alicorn simply smiled and whispered, “Muda…”
In a blink of an eye she disappeared, cause the three to freeze. They looked around for any sign of the princess, but before they could do anything, Berry Punch was smacked in the face by a pink sexy flank that Shining Armor quickly recognized (after many teenage years of staring at mind you) as his wife’s.
Suddenly, the pink butt appeared again in a flash and slammed into the back of Colgate, knocking her down. “Muda!”
With rapid speed, Cadance’s butt appeared around the three mares as it began to smack against them in every direction. There was no chance for them to defend or dodge the attacks, they were helpless against the high ranking power of a master of butt martial arts.
“MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA!” shouted Cadence as she appeared between all three of the mares and levitated them up into the air. She then gathered her magic to surround herself and closed her eyes. Opening them, they began to glow as Cadance threw her hooves into the air and shouted, “Za Warudo!”
Suddenly, a sphere of negative energy erupted from Cadance’s horn and surrounded her, the mare, and a few others in a sphere where everypony but Cadance stopped. Shining Armor’s eyes widened as he tried to open his mouth to say something, but he couldn’t even twitch a muscle. Cadance stared at him and smirked. “Toki yo tomare,” she answered before she jumped up and slapped all three mares in the butt before landing down and stomping her hoof.
“Soshite, toki wa ugoki dasu,” she said that as the sphere retreated back into her horn and time started again for those who were in it. The three mares were now poofed into the audience as Shining Armor stared at his wife in disbelief at what he had just seen.
“Um… yay?” asked Shining Armor.
“Yay! This is so much fun! And we still have so many more plots to kick!” cheered Cadence as she rushed over and hugged her husband. “I’m so happy we get to engage in the slaughter of the weak and helpless to show everypony that our butts are the best butts that were ever made by the butt gods.”
“…Butt gods?” asked Shining Armor in disbelief. “Please tell me you don’t really have Butt gods…”
“Oh course not silly, we have Buttha, the Enlightened Reared One who taught us all the way of Butthism!”
“...I’m starting to consider becoming an atheist…” muttered Shining Armor.
“Changing your theology can wait! We have plots to kick!” shouted Cadence as she picked up her husband and flew into the fray, shouting. “WRYYYY!”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Duke of Canterlot · 1.5k words · 20 57 · 2.3k views
- ThisAccountIsDeadd · 9.3k words · 328 81 · 12k views
- CartsBeforeHorses · 2.6k words · 51 2 · 1.3k views
- Man Gell · 3.4k words · 49 1 · 1.6k views
- Flying Fantasy Horse · 1.7k words · 40 5 · 1.7k views
- Squeaky Toy · 7.9k words · 106 15 · 3.3k views
- Jeweled Pen · 6.4k words · 49 0 · 1.1k views
- UniqueSKD · 5k words · 38 7 · 1.3k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.316 seconds
Total duration
1,047 users online
1,954,722 hits today, 2,156,967 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Bootyism lol.
It's 'Assageddon'!!!
cdn.meme.am/instances2/500x/262259.jpg
Nooo i need more
Oh, the complete butt-sanity.
https://youtu.be/qbArvIqZzkI?t=28s
All that Oddparent reference....
Nice chapter, but there's a few things you may want to edit.
That should be "knocked".
And that underscore should be a hyphen.
What
6093838
The Aplotalypse! Ragnarear!
The insanity continues.
If you guys haven't seen Jojo's Bizarre Adventure yet, watch it.
Watch it now.
Just read the whole thing in one sitting. I am incredibly confused right now, but in a good way.
Just the cover image makes me snicker.
OH THE BUTT-MANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When are you going to continue this?
Cancelled? Why???
It is hularious! Why it is canceled?