Obliging your Motherly Owner.
"Oh, I'm very sorry to disturb you then. Do you think you could step outside for a second Mr. Poker?" Celestia asked innocently.
Stupid shook his head to clear it. It felt as if he'd spaced out for almost two years.
"Of course your majesty," he responded, "if I may take care of something first-"
"Celestia!" Twilight called out from behind him.
Stupid couldn't help but feel as if this was the equivalent of being brought to meet Twilight's mother, which then made him wonder how showing Twilight to his parents would play out. He sincerely hoped his mother wouldn't do that thing she does where she transforms into whoever Stupid brought home with him at the time and then makes out with his father-
"-I don't know why he's giving you trouble but I can fix this! Hey Stupid!" Twilight smiled at him.
Stupid scolded himself for allowing himself to get distracted here and now at all times. "Yes Twilight?" He smiled back.
"Enter registration mode," Twilight pronounced both slow and clear.
Oh dear.
Stupid reverted to his changeling form. "If you wish to register another pony as an owner, please tell me 'Enter new owner.' If you wish to remove an owner, please boop my nose and wait for a live operator-"
"Enter new owner."
"Hello and enjoy your shared experience with the Changeling Doll!" Stupid started up the sales pitch he memorized by heart. "The Changeling Doll is the highest, most advanced piece of technology straight from the brilliant minds of Canterlot University! Never before has such a life-like magical golem been made! The Changeling can talk, debate-"
Twilight groaned and rolled her eyes. "Am I going to have to sit through this every time I want to register somepony new?"
Twilight couldn't help but smile as Celestia giggled at Stupid's sale pitch. "I choose to make him into my friend, but I uh, I might change that role soon." Twilight faintly blushed.
"Oh?" Celestia glanced at Twilight.
"I'll take care of that later, what are you going to choose?"
Celestia hummed to herself.
"-forever? Want a servant, to tend to your every whim? The Changeling doll does it all! Soon, you'll be wondering how you managed to live without one! The magical journey all starts right now! Please have the new owner tell the Changeling Doll their full name." Stupid finished his speech.
"Sticky Hooves." Celestia pronounced clearly.
"Sticky Hooves?" Twilight raised an eyebrow.
"'Sticky, Hoosticky, Hooves.' Is this correct?" Stupid didn't miss a beat.
"Yes." And neither did Celestia.
"Thank you, Sticky Hoosticky Hooves. If you wish to register another pony as an owner, please tell me 'Enter new owner.' after we finish the registration process. Sticky Hoosticky Hooves, please pick an objective for me. What am I intended for-"
"Lover." Celestia gently smiled.
For once, Stupid sat there with a blank look on his face while his conversation partner looked serene.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't understand what you were saying. Could you repeat that Sticky Hoosticky Hooves?" Stupid forced himself to say.
"Certainly dear, you are intended to be my romantic partner; my lover."
"Okay Sticky Hoosticky Hooves, I will be-"
"WWWWWWHAT!" Twilight screeched.
Celestia tilted her head slightly. "Was that not alri-"
Twilight cut off Celestia, "wait, why a lover! You're Princess Celestia, you could have anypony! Why not..." and then froze when she realized she cut off Celestia.
"But not anyling." Celestia winked.
Twilight's mouth hung open.
"I have various minds and personalities poured into me, but I would like to get to know you Sticky Hoosticky Hooves. Please connect your forehead to my horn. If you are a unicorn, please connect your horn to mine."
For a few horrifying seconds, Stupid watched with a smile as the Alicorn of the Sun slowly connected her horn to his. An extremely scratchy mental image was pushed into his head. It looked like a messy crayon drawing of a small, wily-looking Celestia slapping a mentally challenged changeling's back with her hoof. Another image was sent of Stupid and Celestia giggling while Twilight sat there yelling and freaking out about improper behavior.
Stupid's smile became genuine.
He sent back a picture of similar quality and perfection to Celestia, of both of them slapping each other's faces with their tongues on top of the Friendship Table. Both of them shot a feeling of childish, bubbly laughter at each other. Celestia sent him an image of the both of them throwing food at each other at the gala in Canterlot. Both of them internally clapped their hooves in delight. Then Stupid's mind lost its mirth and sent an image of Stupid and Celestia's tails entwining with each other, with a heavy focus on a sad and hurt Twilight Sparkle.
Celestia blinked.
A feeling of pride and warmth flooded Stupid's mind, along with the notion of acknowledging a concern. She followed that with an image of Stupid changing into a butler, and putting hot sauce in Luna's coffee. This continued for ten whole minutes as the two sat in perfect, stoic silence and Stupid treasured every second of it.
Twilight Sparkle watched the two sit there for a full ten minutes. Each second making her lose more of her mind. Is Celestia really letting him into her head with no protection? Surely she would discreetly put something up to keep her mind safe. Three or four scanning spells showed that, no, Celestia had her defenses completely down. Concerned as Twilight was for Celestia, she oddly enough found herself concerned for Stupid too. She wasn't sure why, Celestia wasn't any danger, but something about the situation felt strange to her.
Well, stranger than usual.
Twilight tried to think of something else.
Do I really want to date something that can have all its affection and memories of me wiped away at a single command? Twilight asked herself.
Twilight tried to think of something more positive.
...On the other hoof, nopony's complaining, and he IS really ho-
Twilight mentally swatted her shoulder devil away. She'll tackle that one later. At the moment, she would give anything to know what was going on her changeling doll and ex-mentor's head.
On the contrary, she got drunk and tried to push herself on me, Stupid replied.
Celestia mentally hummed, Twilight doesn't drink.
She does now.
If Twilight knew one thing for sure, it's that Celestia would always put the best intentions of the ponies around her first. With that, she took in a deep breath, raised her hoof to her chest, and exhaled while pushing the problem away.
Call her smart? Isn't that a little simple? He raised a mental eyebrow.
Mares love it when stallions compliment them on their intelligence or creativity after they succeed in something, especially mares like Twilight who have self confidence issues over their decision making skills, Celestia mentally shrugged.
It had been almost fifteen minutes, and Twilight wasn't sure she could take anymore of-
"A'ight Hoosticky," a somewhat slow and sleepy voice came out of Stupid, "I'mma bit tuckered out, but I think I got everything. Thank you for adopting me Mom."
"Wait, mom!?" Twilight yelled.
"Goodness Twilight, are you alright?" Celestia giggled.
"Fine? Fine?! Yes, I'm fine!" Twilight's eye twitched. "Of course you're fine- He's fine- I'M FINE!
"We're all fine for ice-cream," Stupid murmured just loud enough for Celestia to hear.
Celestia resisted biting her lip.
"I just would just like to know," Twilight settled herself down, "why did he become your child when you picked lover?"
"Very simple Twilight, I own a Changeling Doll myself and this is a bug they have yet to fix." Celestia shamelessly lied.
"Wait, really?"
"Of course, now, in certain steps of setting a changeling doll up, if what you ask for doesn't match what you want it will mess up information and roles."
"Oh, that's why he became sexy as hell!" Twilight blurted out without thinking.
The silence was so thick you could smother three small crusading children with it.
"Twilight, are you trying to sexually take advantage of my son?" Celestia scolded her.
Stupid transformed into a small, black earth pony colt with both dark blue mane and eyes. "Mom, I'm scared!"
"I, wuh, buh, uuuaahhh..." Twilight's brain shut down.
"Well, this is no proper household to raise a young colt." Celestia gently tsked. "Come along sweetheart, Mommy just talked to your cousin Blueblood for two hours straight."
"So we're going to the fair and pretending Canterlot doesn't exist for a couple of hours?" Stupid guessed.
"That's right! You have a nice day Twilight."
Twilight numbly watched Celestia teleport herself and Stupid away.
"...WHAT!?!"
When Stupid's vision cleared, he found himself... at a fair.
"Really?" Stupid raised an eyebrow.
"I just talked to Blueblood for two hours straight." Celestia repeated, sounding far more tired.
"How bad was it?" Stupid looked around at the attractions.
"The Blueblood Manor was very close to becoming the Redblood Manor."
Stupid nodded in understanding.
"Princess Celestia, if we may be serious for a moment, what's going to happen to me?" Stupid asked.
"Well, what would you like to have happen to you?" Celestia asked.
Stupid felt a small magical wave wash over him. "In relation to Twilight? She gets hits by a curse turning her into a changeling queen, makes me her royal consort, and forms a new hive with our children."
The nearby crowd stopped and turned to stare at the small colt.
"Well," the corner of Celestia's mouth twitched, "perhaps not the best location or question to use a truth speaking spell."
"I'm quietly panicking here, changelings in general don't like it when they're forced to be honest, it makes them aggressive usually. Please turn it off, please turn it off, please-"
Celestia unlit her horn.
"Thank you." Stupid nodded.
"Do you love Twilight?" Celestia stared him in the eyes.
"I don't think anypony or anyling can claim they deeply love someone they just met," Stupid answered honestly, "but I'm definitely infatuated with her."
Celestia giggled at this.
"Well, I already made my way around town and heard what others had to say about you. You hold a special place in three little fillies' heart, my little changeling."
Stupid let out a sigh of relief as Celestia rubbed his head and pulled him in close for a hug. He heard a faint scribbling noise, followed by a flash of light going off behind him.
"Although I do wonder what Twilight will think about that letter I just sent to her room." Celestia whispered mischievously.
Stupid let out a sigh of frustration.
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I love this story.
Especially the 2 years reference.
I love this. Best present.
Okay, that bit at the end with Starlight Glimmer was hilarious.
Also was the image exchange with Celestia and 'Stupid'...or is
he Sticky now?his name Sticky now?There is no way to phrase that question without sounding dirty, is there?
Stupid shook his head to clear it. It felt as if he'd spaced out for almost two years.
But now that he remembered where he was, it was time to get back to flirting with twilight.
A few small errors here and there, but totally worth it for the new chapter. It was glorious.
7817966
Sticky Hooves was the name Celestia gave for herself. It confused me for a bit as well because Stupid used 'it' as a gender neutral pronoun to refer to the unknown new owner instead of the more common 'their'.
7817989
Yup, sounds easier to convey.
Tweaked.
7817989
No, Stupid Doll asked Celestia to give him (it) a new name as his (its) new owner. Celestia said "Sticky Hooves". Twilight repeated it as a question, turning the name to "Sticky Hoosticky Hooves".
7818005
I'm afraid I'm the one who dun goofed on this one dude. I used 'it' instead of 'their' without thinking carefully about it. Thanks for the vote of confidence though.
7818016
Was my conclusion correct about whose name has been changed and to what?
7818005
That's the way I read it at first, too. But the correction our banana-flavored author just made clears it up:
"Please have the new owner tell the Changeling Doll their full name."
In the original version--where it said 'its' instead of 'their'--the 'it' could be referring to either Stupid or Celestia, and our brains naturally assume that Stupid is the target, since 'it' is usually only used to talk about objects or non-sapient living things. But in this case it was being used because it's gender neutral, and, in his guise as a doll, Stupid isn't supposed to be able to automatically tell whether a new owner is male or female.
7818019
Nah dude, sorry. Celestia gave out her name as Sticky Hooves.
I really really hope changing 'it's' to 'their' clears that up for most everyone.
7818025
Ah.
So because of Stupid, Celestia is now Sticky?
7818031
Sticky Hoosticky Hooves~
missing a word
7817977 And just in time to make Christmas fun again.
But seriously, woohoo!
7818069
Quietly lies in bed eyes wide open, checking phone every two minutes for these type of comments.
The day I finished rereading all the other chapters this pops up. Welp. I think I need to reread stories more often, that seems to happen a lot.
HOLY SHIT GET OUT OF MY HIATUS SHELF
It is back, and I am overjoyed!
Ha!
Welcome back. Looking forward to more Stupid Doll shenanigans.
What timing for me to have followed this huh? I found it like two months ago!
RIP everyone here from the beginning though.
7818146
I'm quite alive at the moment.
7818073 you captured my feeling exactly. They do get old
Excellent chapter, as usual!
I don't care how you do it, but you need to make the author's note canon somehow.
Hohohoho, quite good, quite good
Celestia is so awesome in fics like these, hehehe.
Nicely done man, nicely done
Worth.
7818332 this is very true!
7818016
The troll is strong with these ones. And if Twilight is as insecure as Celestia says, then wouldn't pulling this grand of a prank - especially with someone she's testing her attraction to - be dangerous for the potential harm it could do?
"take care of"
Either "...my romantic partner. My lover." or "...my romantic partner; my lover." They're separate statement, even though the last is so short, so they need to be marked as such. A semi-colon could be used because they do have some relation to each other.
"wily-looking"
"have" (there's a space in there)
"Blueblood Manor" and "Redblood Manor"
Sorry about being a dink in one of the earlier chapters. I could make an excuse about just finding MysteriousMrEnter then or use my age as an excuse but, it was uncalled for. I really enjoyed this chapter. I rarely read fanfiction anymore since League of Legends speared every other interest I had but, this was well worth the wait and the effort it took me to move my eyes across a web page.
Especially the part where I had to rip my eyes out and rub them on my laptop screen. Kinda hurt actually.
i had to read this in reverse to make sense of it all!
you done good!!!
I approve of how the relationship between Celestia and Stupid is developing, in particular how much she appears willing to entertain the idea of Twilight being romantically involved with Stupid. Plus, the new mother/child setting should open up wonderful new avenues for teasing Twilight, and that never gets old.
7818069
7818238
Just to clarify, the mistakes cause me strife, not the corrections, I'm very thankful.
7818534
Very very thankful.
7818644
I can't tell if you hate this or not.
7819082
Well, well, well, look who comes limping back.
7819106
You cut off my leg what did you expect?
Two years?
How the hell did I lose over a year?
7819082 No, I like it. Honest.
Glad to see this story isn't dead. Welcome back Pickleless!
Now here's a Christmas gift I wasn't expecting!
It's back!! Oh it's so beautiful!! Someone pinch me! I must be dreaming!!
Does this mean there will be more? Please tell me there will be more!
Well holy shit, it lives. Huzzah!
Oh you..
It's been so long! I barely know the context, I must reread this beautiful work of fanfiction!
Nice to see this back up and running.
Wow, this surprised me. I honestly didn't think I'd live to see this chapter.
I hope you don't take as much time for the next, tho.
Love it! Merry Christmas!
Funny as always, Celestia is best troll.
yay im the 3000 person to like it
Im glad this is only at 38k words, what with it having been TWO YEARS i may have to reread in case i missed any small details, that and i haven't read the white lie story either.
Hope we get the part about Poker being attracted to angry mares back in some form.