• Member Since 22nd Nov, 2012
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

The Abyss


Faced with redemption or prison, Tempest Shadow accepts Twilight’s hoof in friendship, though she fears how much trauma her new friend has endured on her behalf. With a hopeful heart, Tempest takes her place at Twilight’s side, but when she falls for the one who gave her a new meaning in life, things only get more complicated.

Editors: Ponysopher and Crowley
Prereader: Toothless

Featured on Equestria Daily

Chapters (8)
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Comments ( 379 )

Good start! Interesting take on Luna, I wonder where that's gonna go.

Hmmm... needs more clop... 4.8/10

Well Ponyville should be back up by the end of the week. They have the tendency to do some rebuilding and this will hopefully be only temporary housing.

That's coming soon! Gonna call it Open Up Your Legs.

Comment posted by BassEffect deleted Nov 5th, 2017

Meh. It's nothing special.

So heartbreaking, but a very good start! I'll definitely track this! :pinkiesad2:

that was awesome! Loving this story so far! It feels very believable and very well put together. I cant wait to read the next chapters to come!

My thoughts exactly! See, this guy gets it.

Well, has my attention. Looking forward to this.

You certainly seem very proud of this story and put in a lot of work. It shows. This is amazing, and I can't wait to read more!

The scenes were vividly described and so were emotions and thoughts of the characters involved, which really helped to immerse me in the story. I especially liked how you executed Twilight, Starlight and Tempest though.

Twilight acted just how I would expect her to act. Caring and with a desire to help other ponies -in this case Tempest- out. And while she respects her fellow princesses and former mentor, she will push past them if her beliefs so require ( I really liked that scene).
I think she really shined in the second chapter though, because here she faces the repercussions of her ever-forgiving nature. Seeing her home in ruins forces her to face the fact that Tempest WAS a real villain, and probably puts her believes to the test ( I'm looking forward to more of that internal conflict that was hinted at ^^ ).

Tempest has to fight through remorse and regret, and I think you really captured what she is going through well. Self destructive behaviour becuase you think you deserve it, fear of punishment even though you know you deserve it, and hope for forgiveness even though you know you don't deserve it. All of those emotions were shown and coupled with how stellar the writing is in general, it was a real joy to read.

Starlight feels completely in character, especially after "shadow play". Being a former villain herself, she believes in redemption and immediately acts as a friend towards Tempest out of sympathy. Her behavior was fittingly kind, while the ironic joking around that is always present with her isn't amiss either.

Overall you and your editors did a fantastic job, and will hopefully ( and likely ) continue to do so in future chapters :twilightsmile:

I think I spotted one little mistake though :

You too are more similar than you might think.

I think you meant to use "two" not "too".

I might be mistaken however.

You two are terrible!:rainbowlaugh:

In all seriousness, Abyss, loving the tone you’ve set. I’m getting a I’ll Always Be Here For You emotional vibe, so I’m very much looking forward to see how you delve into Tempest’s psyche. Not to mention Twilight’s reaction and how she’ll grow.

Only slightly saddened that there’s no TwiDash shipping. It’s your fault, too, thanks to aforementioned story.


Oh I cant wait for more of this ;3;

Ooh this is promising. At the end of the movie I was thinking yeah, I ship it. This is a new favorite ship (although all ships that I ship are my favorite ship) for me, sadly haven't encountered much that's captured my interest. Will read as soon as I have time. :twilightsheepish:

*shudders* phew.... I love how you handled this chapter. The descriptions of the damage almost made me want to cry as if it was my own home. And poor Tempest.... I just want to hug her and tell her no one will hold a grudge and she'll make friends soon.

It took me a bit to realize Ponyville had actually been ruined and it wasn't a dream sequence. It blew my expectations away. Very well done. Can't wait for more.

Yeah. If you look at the scene where Twilight gets pulled up on deck while in her cage, you can see Ponyville and Sweet Apple Acres smoking. When I watched the movie, it only seemed like Canterlot got healed with the magic, so it makes sense that Ponyville is in ruins after all that went down. I'm glad you like the story! I'm already a page and a half into chapter 3, and it should be up in a week or so! I'm so into this story that I'm planning updates every week to a week and a half.

Yeah, same. I really felt for Tempest in that scene. I just wanted to hold her close and snuggle her.

If you like TwiDash, I have a 94k word shipfic (and a sequel that is in dire need of an update) about how Twilight and Rainbow struggle to adopt Scootaloo and get her away from her abusive parents. It's full of really cute family-building scenes, snuggling scenes, and a beautiful ending that just makes me wanna squee.:twilightblush: Here's the link if you wanna check it out.

Very well said, and thank you for the very long comment. You have no idea how much I love getting those!

As for the mistake, you are correct, and I have already fixed that! Thanks for pointing that out! :heart:

When a story is worth it, I feel one should leave a long comment. If a writer puts in the effort to create a piece of writing that is ( in the personal opinion ) amazing, i like to say just why i liked the work so much, because i think it's probably appreciated by the author. from what i've gathered so far, it is ^^

“I apologize for that. I wanted to have some one-on-one time with her,” Celestia replied. “As did Luna.”

of course they think only they had the right for that, not sure if they count as the main princesses in the comic or if they are supposed to be equal more or less, but since Twilight played a major role she should have been able to see her too.

“I wish for you to reform Tempest Shadow.”

I'm not really thinking there would be a need to do anything anymore, maybe just teaching her some stuff she maybe doesn't know because she probably went right aways into army life and can't really get along normally with people.
I hope this isn'T a "let's fix her personality" story. I hate it if they change the personality of humans, villains or any oc just because they don'T take the full "harmony road", if you know what I mean.
I would like to see her keeping some of her pride and stuff like that, but I think I will see what you have planned first, it can be nice that way even if I hope you don'T make an angle out of her.

The death sentence... nopony deserves such a thing. Starlight didn’t, Discord didn’t, and Sunset didn’t...

Yeah... Nopony, uh ?

Thank you for this story, TempestLight instantly became one of my favorite ships after I saw the movie ! :heart:

Haha, Sombra is a good point, though nothing shows that he actually died. If i remember correctly, he was nothing more than a ghost or a spirit. He got his body back, but I'm not sure if he still had a connection to being a spirit; the transformation probably wasn't completed all the way. It's like a program, where you first download it (where Sombra just got his body back), but then you have to install it, and in Sombra's case, that installation failed.

In Sombra's case, he very easily could have been killed, but in regards to this story, he wasn't sentenced to death.

She didn’t get a wink of sleep that night.

I kind of hope, that when she wasn'T able to sleep at all, that you maybe managed to show that in the story.

“And I don’t need... his armor anymore.”

nnnnnnnnooooooooooo somehow I like her with her armor.

Her friendship mirror was shattered, and her favorite pictures of her friends lay ripped on top of the dresser.

one part of me is saying "yes probably no equestria girls here", another part of me would find that kind of interessting. However to often I see it being done pretty much badly in my eyes, if they use that kind of crossover. (I'm not sure if you could call it that, but I believe they haven'T exactly shown it to be canon to the show yet, even if I had seen some weird picture and if it is no fake then it might happens.

I have nothing against Sunset, but the stories on this site sometimes make me doubt, that it would be such a good idea to includ her to the show. In the show it would be probably somewhat alright, if they use a nice personality for her and don'T ruin her, but at the same time I fear what this maybe means for the stories. I'm already not that happy with Startwirls being back, but since Starlight existed the possibity of more unicorns than him being strong, isn'T such a fairytale anymore.

Hhhhmmm I kind of have high hopes for the story, the last moment with Starlight and Tempest kind of getting along instead of one acting like they where superior, it looked pretty nicely to me.

I know it has to be hard to Twilight, but I got a feeling she messed up pretty big while reading this. I mean I thought any moment the whole town would attack Tempest, because Twilight just ran away from her to cry in her room. Well it didn'T happend and them just being totally in fear of her, was a nice thing to see too. I mean to see the more meekly ponies again.

Her friendship mirror isn't the thing that leads to the EQG universe, it's the mirror that Twilight has in her room that has all of her favorite pics of her friends stuck around the edges, so that when she wakes up and looks in the mirror, she's surrounded by all of her friends. I forget which episode that was from, but I think it was the one where Twilight got Starlight her own similar mirror.

First off, this is extremely well written. I'm very curious to see how it plays out.

As for Sombra, assuming you take the comics as even vaguely canon, he survives being exploded, and gets a lot of development thereafter.

To be honest, I actually haven't read the comics yet, so I know nothing of what happens in them. :twilightblush:

They're actually not too bad, and Sombra's are some of the best. Suffice to say, without spoiling too much, explosions can't keep the evil king down.

Minutes later, Starlight was snoring like a freight train falling down Canterlot Mountain.

I'm dead.:rainbowlaugh:

I'm counting on you, Starlight.

Anyway, this was a great start. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes. I instantly adored Tempestlight after seeing the end of the movie, and it finally gave me a ship that I liked for Twilight.

Damn...did not expect this...wow.

I've been wanting to read one of your fics for a while, as a fellow adoption writer and all, and this fic is pretty much a lot of things I've wanted all in one. I like how you consider all the problems that would plague Tempest and Twilight's relationship--I ship them quite a bit, but this fic shows that they've still got a lot to work out and I admire its complexity.

Can't wait to see where it goes!

This shipping fascinates me. Maybe it's because the character is interesting, or maybe it's because the character is new which is something I've been missing in this fandom...

I can only read so many TwiDash fics before I go crazy.

I was expecting Celestia to come up with something other than reformation to be honest. She already has had a change of heart, what else is there to reform exactly? But otherwise a great start. I'll be following this one eagerly.

I find it kind of weird for Luna to be so lacking in self-awareness as to be calling for Tempest's death, given her own history of, well, trying to murder her own sister and possibly end all life on the planet, and then being forgiven. :rainbowlaugh:

This story is doing lots of what I haven't seen done with Tempest stories!
I love all of the detail put into this, what happened to Ponyville and even to Twilight's own items. Can't believe you went there but that was a good twist.

Well, well, well, Abyss you have my full attention. I'm very interested on how this story (& Twilight's soon to be relationship with Tempest) plays out considering on how well written & depressing tone your story has started off.

‘Well... none of this feels... right. I invaded Equestria! My armies destroyed anything they came across and they enslaved everypony.”

It seems I found a mistake with this! :pinkiegasp: Yay me! :pinkiehappy: In case you don't know, the quotation mark isn't at the beginning, just an apostrophe. :twilightsmile:

Loving the shipping story so far!

I like the direction this is going. I will say it seems a bit over the top with how Luna was reacting. If nothing else she is coming off as a bit of a hypocrite.


And suddenly I'm being recommended Twidash? That's a first.


As the senior royals, it was certainly their right. Twilight has protected Equestria for less than five years. Celestia has protected Equestria for well over a thousand. With as often as 'thousand years' gets tossed around I've come to believe this fandom doesn't realize just how long a time that is. 'Equal' or not, Twilight and Cadence could not possibly be Celestia and Luna's equals as rulers, regardless of station. Not yet, if they turn out to be immortal, and never if they have a normal mortal lifespan. (Sadly, many authors forget this, or don't know how to portray someone ancient and wise appropriately, especially if Twilight's the focus of the story - in which case she always ends up right and the infinitely more experienced princesses get shame-faced and have to 'learn a lesson'.)

As for 'fixing personality', a society based on harmony (in the societal and magically-required sense) full of the disaffected and rebellious would only cause social decay and an eventual descent into chaos. From what we've seen of outside Equestria's borders in the series and the movie, everywhere without ponies as the harmony-dominant force is a squalid shit-hole that only starts getting better the closer they become to the ponies - such as the dragons, griffons, changelings.

Yeah, I downvoted for that reason. The lack of self-awareness in this story is debilitating, and Twilight acting like she's got a brain parasite of love before she's even had a second meeting with Tempest doesn't help.

I agree. I personally try not to use Celestia for that reason if I can avoid it. I know I wold portray her poorly. Sad because she’s my favorite princess. Luna I feel is different. She’s still like a angsty teenager who hasn’t quiet grown up yet like Celestia has. So her going off the deep end, like we see in the show, is far more realistic than her being regal rand reasonable all the time. That would be forgivable as long as it isn’t over done. But even good authors would have trouble I think geting that well aged wisdom down without living it ones self. That’s just what I think though.

awesome story so far

yes this is the second time I have seen it in a tempest fic and it makes no sense considering HER history. honestly author rewrite this and you will have me back.

Ok right away... Death penalty!? What the buck.
Shining probably would lock her up forever or something.... Death penalty... last thing I want read in MLP story's.

Not even a warning... :[
Uncalled dark. Right out disturbing!

Then Discord and Glimmer should be hanged? Trixie get some wiping? Changelings... Better not get started.

I hope you get that in MLP people ain't as cruel and unforgiving as us!? Something I really love about them...

Might reconsider to make a fat red warning at least on the story!?
Like "out of character" or "contains cruel language"<.<

So much about the expected romance...
Can't say I expect fitting dialog anymore.
Was excited and happy at first, now can't continue a single word. What a shame :(

So not just me thinks that overdoing it!?

Unnecessary dark from out of nowhere!

ahhh I think i ignored the friendship part in the name. Thank you.

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