• Member Since 21st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

milesprower06


Been writing fan fiction for most of my life. Brony since March 2011.


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Source

Narrowly avoiding imprisonment due to the intervention of the Princess of Friendship, Tempest Shadow reflects and prepares for the new role she has been given in Twilight Sparkle's kingdom.

Cover art by imalou.deviantart.com

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 56 )

Such a nice happy ending for Tempy! :)

Well if anyone could find a way to "fix" Fizzy's horn it would be Twilight.
Also is it just me or do the round gems on the armor art look like berries on purpose?
On a different note, this is pretty much an illustration of Twilight's attitude toward forgiveness, she doesn't forgive those who "deserve" it but those that need it. I think that's what some fans miss about the whole villain reformation thing in the show. None of the reformed villains changed quite instantly, they earned their forgiveness AFTER they received it.

Nice little fluff piece, brought a smile to my face this rainy and dreary morning. My only nitpick would be regarding the oath at the end seeing as there is no indication in the show that ponies worship any god or gods. I assume you are referring to Celestia and Luna but since they neither are ascribed nor claim godhead in the show i've allays found it rather cringy when authors refer to them as such (not to mention swearing by celestia when swearing fealty to another princess is just odd). Minor nitpicks like that aside though, i liked it. :twilightsmile:

And so Tempest enters a brave new world, free of her shackles and ready to put her past behind her.

All in all, excellent story!

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Yeah, I think that's the point armor wise.

And you're absolutely right. Twilight only forgives villains if she believes they deserve it, and they have to work for their redemption, not just have it handed to them on a platter. (And really, calling for beheadings of certain characters is soooo the MLP way of love and tolerance right?)

This was just wonderful! ^^

I wonder what foolish villains will try and bust into the castle now xD tempest should start looking for others to lead as a guard...perhaps the 'shadowbolts' after all who is to say sugarcoat sour sweet lemon zest indigo zap and Sunny flare don't exist and are mares in need of redemption and are considerably combat talented and need to learn about friendship... Food for thought. Great story! Following :twilightsmile:

All the promises Fizzlepop* made to herself made this read like a first chapter rather than a complete story.

* Either of her names is a perfectly good pony name on its own; it's both together that are overwrought.

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I'm surprised at how often I get comments like that.

I may have shorter, additional scenes thought up. If I think they're up to snuff, I'll write them out and post them.

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Well really, "I will earn this" just begs the question "how?"

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Honestly, I'm probably going to ultimately leave that up to reader interpretation. The scenes I have in mind are small extensions of how she starts out, and would probably be too jarring if they were jumbled together in one chapter.

Yaaaaaaay! That was a sweet little vignette. =) I love that they were able to give Fizzlepop a fix for her horn without some questionably OP spell that just restored her whole horn. You had some punctuation and grammar issues occasionally, but it didn't detract too much from the delight of the story. There was one sentence, however, that bugged me enough I thought I would point it out:

"Not quite." Twilight said as the purple aura surrounding the helmet turned to a lighter blue as it was taken by Rarity's grasp and levitated over towards Tempest as the white unicorn came forward with it.

There's just too many 'as's and not enough punctuation, making it a run-on sentence. A possible way to fix it would be thus:

"Not quite," Twilight said as the purple aura surrounding the helmet turned a lighter blue, taken by Rarity's grasp. The white unicorn came forward, levitating it towards Tempest.

I hope you don't mind the editing advice! It's a small passion of mine and it can really make a difference for a quality story when the technical stuff is right.

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'Love and tolerance' as a phrase was created on 4chan as a means of trolling, lest we forget our history and our roots. It is uniquely fan-created.

Also, in a more realistic setting - something we are capable of doing in fanfiction that a show aimed at young girls is not able to due to time and audience-appropriate writing constraints - you CAN deal with criminals in an appropriate manner. The show acts as though everyone can be reformed, which is simply not true. And what is the point of having punishments if they are not going to be used in the most dire of cases? For that matter, what is the point of the Royal Guard if not to exact justice, defend against threats using violence, and carry out said punishments?

For Sombra's crimes of taking over a single nation and enslaving the populace, he was... killed. For Starlight Glimmer's creation of worlds full of war and suffering and oppression and death, she becomes apprenticed to a princess and gets to live in a castle. For Tempest's crimes of taking over what seems to be multiple nations and enslaving their populaces... canonically nothing, but since she is so well-liked by the fandom in almost every single fanfic she is constantly spared from the apparently curmudgeonly old stodgy Royal Sisters (who serve as antagonists by being reasonable rulers) by Twilight. The writing of these stories is consistent with the show, more or less, but that makes it less adventurous.

I'd like to see a story where A: Some form of actual punishment is carried out for toppling the nation, A1: Putting the entire world at risk, A2: Exposing Equestria to elements the like of that... bodypart market which is clearly where many of the Equestrians would have wound up - under the butcher's knife. or B: Where there's a stay of execution long enough for her to go on some sort of carefully-selected quest to prove that she's truly on the up and up concerning Equestria and not about to turn on them again for whatever reason. A ruler can't be too trusting with someone who can toss them down apparently at any time, because then all of their subjects suffer, and a ruler's duty is to their subjects' needs and the defense of their nation - let no threat stand in the way of that truth. Especially when the whole world depends on you to maintain the life-giving/life-ending heavenly bodies.

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As for this story, it was fluffy and sweet of everyone involved, and I enjoyed reading it.

It just bothers me that there are people who, despite seeing that every story is a redemption story for Tempest act as though there's something wrong with punishing people who overthrow legitimate and justly-operating governments. As though Equestria has never engaged in any form of violence or retribution despite that Rainbow Dash apparently knows what tanks and bullets are (and the Wonderbolts are apparently a military organization), Twilight was fearful of a 'pony war', and that they have trained soldiers and killing implements (hello spears) at ALL.

I don't know why, but the cover picture of Tempest doing the lip bite thing is incredibly cute.

Odd how Tempest's oath ends with "So help me Gods" instead of referring to the princesses. Nothing I have an issue with, just a little out of place. Of course, if the MLP universe keeps expanding, it'd be cool if we eventually discover higher beings outside of time or place within the known world who may have been responsible for the world's creation or current state of existence, both good and malevolent. Despite being neutral in presentation to whatever one's religion or beliefs are, other franchises like Marvel and Dragon Ball have managed to create their own versions of deities and otherworldly beings to further enrich the lore of their universes without bothering anyone. We'll see if MLP ever decides to explore these concepts one day. Anyway, I've enjoyed reading yet another wonderful take on the aftermath of Tempest's arc in the movie and am excited for what the official MLP writers have in store for her in canon.

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“So help me Celestia”
*In the distance* “No! You turned me to stone, asshole!”

6 hours? Impressive as this is I think the best of the post movie Tempest fics I've read so far. There's little things here and there, but nothing major. Personally my head canon is that the Royal Guard is the an EUP elite unit, so one has to go through EUP training before becoming a guard, and officer training before becoming the captain, but that's me. Then again, that has potential for fun scenes, especially ifn the DI is an earth pony.

I, Fizzlepop Berrytwist, do solemnly swear that I will support and defend Princess Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville and the Council of Friendship

Anyone notice that she didn't swear allegiance to Equestria or to the Princesses plural, but to Twilight personally?

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Twilight: "Just. As. Planned." :twilightsmile:

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Thanks for reading! I'm thinking up some additional scenes.

A nice little bonus chapter, glad I caught it before heading off to bed!

Okay... as it stands right now, there is a full length story inside screaming to be written.
Don't let that story fizzle... WRITE IT!

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Okay... as it stands right now, there is a full length story inside screaming to be written.
Don't let that story fizzle... WRITE IT!

Badum tss.

But yes, I agree. This definitely deserves continuing, whether it's here or in a sequel (I'd guess the latter, but your call, Miles).

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A full-on story? No.

A few scenes like this that I don't want to let go to waste? Yes. I'm going to slightly flesh them out and post them because the reception of this story has been so insanely positive. This is my highest rated story on the site.

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A few scenes like this that I don't want to let go to waste? Yes.

Good enough! :yay:

Woo! :yay:

So happy to see more of this, even if only in short scenes. :twilightsmile:

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Because

This is my highest rated story on the site.

Therefore

A full-on story? Yes.

Seriously, crippled-horn-fetish pony demands you write it, as well as all your fans! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by milesprower06 deleted Saturday

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I still think this is absolutely amazing and hope to see more of it.

Comment posted by milesprower06 deleted Saturday

"Don't thank me. Thank Twilight for keeping it unguarded for all this time. Equestria being the land of friendship and magic is all well and good, but it would be nice if we could also learn to detect a fleet of airships before they get to the capitol in the center of the country."

Ah, Starlight, I love your sass.

Whene are you planing to make this a bigger story?
This is way to briliant idea to be this small!!

Chrysalis: "What do you mean 'our spies got caught'!? They missed an entire fleet of hostile foreign airships closing in on their capitol! How did they manage to catch actual shape-shifting spies!?"

Drone 525: "Well, um... The Castle of Friendship actually has guards this time."

Chrysalis: "And you're point is? Canterlot has guards and I got in!"

Drone 324: "But these guards actually asked questions!"

Chrysalis: "Okay, that is new for the pony guards. What question got the spies caught?"

Drone 911: "They asked for names!"

Chrysalis: "Oh, for the love of..."

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As of now, I'm not. Just writing out ideas as they come.

Living this little 'verse you got going on here :twilightsmile:

This totally needs a follow up :)

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Coolies, no pressure! I'm enjoying the one-but-not-quite shot you've got going on. These highlight chapters feel really pleasant to read, rather than forcing an ongoing narrative upon yourself.

Keep up the good work :twilightsmile:

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And by all means, if you have any ideas, let me know!

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It's worth noting that both Sombra's and the Storm King's deaths were not cold-blooded, willfully inflicted, executions. No one knew what the Crystal Heart actually did in general, or would do to Sombra specifically once it was put in place. All they knew was that it would "protect the Crystal Empire," and hey, since there's a big looming threat they probably ought to get on that. It would be reasonable to think that the Heart would destroy Sombra, but it could also have sealed him away again like the Royal Sisters' spell, or banished him to Tartarus, or cleansed him of his wickedness. The Storm King, of course, was petrified by his own weapon, overbalanced, and was done in by gravity. They were battlefield casualties. The only way they can be said to have been "punished" with the death penalty is by the narrative, not by the ponies' justice system.

Said justice system seems to feature long-term imprisonment and banishment as the height of punishment for capital offenses. And if Discord is any indication, even the greatest of threats retains the possibility of parole. It's certainly a more mercy-inflected system than, say, the American and Canadian systems the writers would be familiar with.

Update the story to include Tempest tag e.e

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There's a Tempest tag now? There wasn't a week ago.

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Actually according to the search bar, there is. Why can't I see it when I edit the story?

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