• Member Since 25th Jun, 2018
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Lets Do This


We're going to build an exact copy of Ponyville... right over there! We've got less than a minute!

Sequels1

E

There's a new filly in Celestia's school, who finds making friends difficult. She's seated next to a filly who could care less about making friends. Neither is exactly friend material... but sometimes you just have to take a risk...

Now has a sequel: Without Your Cutie Mark

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 80 )

This was really great! Have an upvote and a favorite!

9773785
Thanks much, JD -- coming from a fellow Tempest fan that means a lot!

This is by way of an experiment... in writing a short Tempest story. :twilightsmile:
But this setup definitely has possibilities for a follow-on, if there's interest in this AU.

Absolutely adorable... I think I've got diabetes now.

A cute Alt. Universe.

Awwww.

That was incredibly cute!

~Skeeter The Lurker

A problem I foresee is that when Nightmare Moon returns no pony will be able to pass their test of virtue because Tempest will just blast through every obstacle before they get the opportunity. Except Fluttershy who will need to patch up the manticore from a lot worse than a thorn in his paw.

Adorable! I'd love to read more in this AU! I imagine Nightmare Moon would've gone very differently...

Neg
Neg #9 · 1 week ago · · ·

This story was really sweet, and while I'm rather curious as to how the story would develop from here, it stands well enough on its own, I think. I like this story a whole lot! It's nice to read something so wholesome and feel-good every now and again.

I'm a little confused about Spike in this story; from my understanding, unless you're implying that dragons grow very fast, or that he's very precocious (which would make some sense, considering what family he was raised in), Spike shouldn't be much more than a baby in this story. Thus, it was a little hard to reconcile his role in the proceedings. Granted, his appearance was brief and minimally involved, so it wasn't too much of a suspension break. That's really my only nitpick, here. You did a wonderful job. :twilightsmile:

9773952
That's assuming Nightmare Moon doesn't just up her game accordingly. She went easy on Twilight and co. because she didn't expect them to be a challenge. Putting it in MMO terms, being twinked by a level 50 tank is not always a good thing... (geek check!)
:twilightblush:

9773970
Thanks much! I appreciate the detailed reaction feedback!

As in my other stories with Twilight and Spike, I assume (ala Naomi Novik), that dragons are born with language skills right out of the shell, and are naturally wise creatures even at such an early age. It's just more straightforward, storywise, having Spike be a constant worldly-wise voice no matter what Twilight's age is.

You've expressed Tempest's personality perfectly, this probably one of most well-written stories to have her in it that I've read.

This was very enjoy able. Do you think we might get a sequel?

Okay that was lovely and sweet. Very pleasant alternate reality. I’m kind of curious how their friendship will go past the initial connection when they have to deal with Tempest’s shadier past, but that’s what Season 1 is for :p

Summary:

She's seated next to a filly who could care less about making friends.

"could not care less"
like in "I couldn't agree more", "I could not be less concerned", etc.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpVpIaC6QrM

"The End" you say? The end of isolation, the end of doubt, the end of mistrust certainly. The end that is it's own beginning.

9773902

Well I'm interested, providing that ye've the chops to carry it forward in a more interesting form than yet another retelling of that first episode. A branching this far back in the timeline would produce some huge ripples by the time that they got to the thousandth Summer Sun Celebration.

Nice story! This way for the one of the most mystery character look really interesting!

This could be an awesome Alternate Universe series. :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::rainbowlaugh::raritystarry::yay::trollestia:

You should make some more of these for they were entertaining and the character chemistry is actually really well done! Perhaps make it into a series? The central what if question is an excellent one and is open to a lot of possibilities. Keep up the excellent work!

I really like this dynamic here. I think you’ve really got something!

I want a sequel

Neg
Neg #23 · 1 week ago · · ·

9773999
Hm, knowledge maybe, after a certain point, I'll give you that. Wisdom, however, is debatable, at least in canon- though, he's young yet, and will probably get there eventually (and he's got a leg up on most dragons within a similar age bracket, anyways, as far as canon portrayal of the species goes, heh). As for when he was born, idk. Iirc, he mostly just gurgled and sucked on the end of his tail. Maybe it takes a little bit for that particular magical aspect of dragons to kick in, as it were. :unsuresweetie:

Very nice. Great stand alone and great potential should you wish to expand on it.

This is adorable. There needs to be more.

Coranth #26 · 1 week ago · · 2 ·

... and then, slowly - because she's stabilizing Tempest's magic often - Twilight's magic sort of shifts to resonate/sympathize with Tempest's own. Twi can still use her magic for herself--but when aiding Tempest's own, her magic sort of can 'borrow' a bit of Tempests, and so Twi becomes even more powerful when working together with Tempest!

+1 to wanting some more of this AU. Great start/story on its own.

Well that was absolutely adorable, and incredibly well written as well. I really liked your take on Twilight, it's a bit different from most I've seen, but it definitely fits. And Tempest, wow, not going to be able to stop thinking about this story for awhile.

Ah, I wish there was more. The possibilities for this AU are going to haunt me for a long while. In the best kind of way.

RuBoo #30 · 6 days ago · · ·

No one had ever taken the worst thing that ever happened to Tempest and so thoughtlessly, bluntly negated the one thing about it that made it impossible to face: the near-certainty that in some way, everything that had happened to her was her fault, her mistake.

...Whoa. Just went up a couple notches there, Sparkle.

Twilight wasn't thoughtless, Tempest realized. She wasn't arrogant, she wasn't inattentive. She cared, and wanted to help... but she had so little opportunity to show it. Her magic was so powerful she was forced to keep it to herself. She wanted approval... and had no one to ask for it. And she was so accustomed to being by herself, she'd never really learned how to reach out to others... never really learned how to make friends.

...Can I just say, in the show, Twilight has some of my worse traits, and this Twi shows the few good traits that I had? Y'know, before they withered, died, and were subsequently pruned away... Wish I'd had friends back then...
At any rate, I'm with all the others: I wanna see a sequel! This is awesome!

This was very sweet. :twilightsmile:

Really sweet. This is an AU that could become its own thing.

Excellent job on this AU one-shot. Twilight and Tempest's bonding was done in a way that was both heart-warming AND in-character for their younger selves. And, yeah, the detail that even Starswirl couldn't handle an Ursa Minor on his own really tells just how powerful Twilight becomes as an adult (considering she actually SUCCESSFULLY soloed an Ursa Minor, even though that was JUST AS MUCH brains as magic muscle) And, by extension, it's ALSO a good indication of how just powerful STARLIGHT is if she can match Twilight spell for spell, but that's off topic here.

Anyway, the exchanges, characterizations and general wrap-up were all well done in all the right places.

9775070
Thanks so much for reading, CK, and for your kind feedback!

And just to clarify the point you raised, Twilight says nopony can battle an Ursa on their own. I was being carefully specific there, since the later, adult Twilight realizes that the way to deal with the Ursa isn't fighting it, but instead soothing it and putting it down with its bottle. Because that's the kind of pre-Princess of Friendship that she is!
:twilightsmile:

....Well. Now I’m really curious about how one with young Starlight might have played out.

She's seated next to a filly who could care less about making friends.

Just going to point out that this line in the summary should be "couldn't care less". Saying that someone could care less implies that they actually have some interest in the subject.

9775158
Gotcha. Thanks very much for the correction.

9775163
Yeah. That COULD be interesting, ESPECIALLY if we were talking about a universe where Starlight and Sunburst actually DID get their Cutie Marks at the same time. Twilight bonding intellectually with both Starlight AND Sunburst would be downright great (since she would have TWO other foals that were around her intellect, one of whom is also powerful enough where she can go all out in a friendly magic spar without worrying about hurting her). And, with both Twilight AND Starlight helping him, Sunburst might actually be able to build up his magic enough to do well enough at the school to graduate.

9775367
And Sunburst might actually break the fourth wall and notice the similarities in the naming convention between the two(And Sunset). Twilight, Starlight, Sunset... Sparkle, Glimmer, Shimmer... Magic Cutie Mark, Magic Cutie Mark, Magic Cutie Mark... So on and so forth.

Would be nice to see what Sunburst could do with fully developed magic power. I’m certain that he’d probably be a great candidate for entering the state of ’Alicornia.’

Interesting spin on early Twilight. I like it.

She's seated next to a filly who could care less about making friends.

could

9773994

Heh, reminds me of running low levels through dungeons with my max level toon. "Don't.. do.. anything.. until everything is dead.

Sunset Shimmer. Personal student of Celestia. Massively powerful mage. Do not mess with her.
Twilight Sparkle. Personal student of Celestia. Massively powerful mage. Do not mess with her.
Tempest Shadow. Personal student of Celestia...Let's mess with her.

Obviously basic pattern recognition isn't taught at Celestia's school.

Cute little story. I like!

Such a heartwarming story! ^^ I love the interaction! My only confusion was why she goes by Tempest Shadow, not Fizzlepop Berrytwist, but I suppose she could have given them a false name so they wouldn't send her back to her village. I like how it opens up possibilities of how the world would be different if Tempest/Fizzlepop and Twilight had been friends. There's some slight time distortion in that I'm fairly certain Tempest is older than Twilight, but again, a small tweak that doesn't detract from the fun of the story. And your writing style is lovely! Great job all around. ^^

"I goes like this," Tempest went on, calmly and languidly

I think you're missing a T in it :)

9778293
very welcome! I just happened to spot that while re-reading this sweet sweet story! I can just imagine Twilight and Tempest and Spike becoming BFF's and ultimately one day being sent to Ponyville together!

This is great, and makes me want to see a full swap.
Big gangly scarred bruiser Magic vs. Icy authoritarian Kommissar Administrator.

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