• Member Since 21st Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen 7 hours ago

milesprower06


Been writing fan fiction for most of my life. Brony since March 2011.

E
Source

This story is a sequel to Fizzlepop's Number One Assistant


Equestria's leadership is undergoing its first exchange of power in over a millennium. As Princess Twilight Sparkle relocates to Canterlot, her faithful Captain of the Guard Fizzlepop Berrytwist wonders if she's prepared for the newest changes and challenges in her life.


Contains spoilers for the finale of Friendship is Magic.


Cover art: Vector by ejlightning007arts, edited by CobaltBlaze93, and background by Fakkom.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 100 )
Comment posted by CJWar25 deleted Oct 14th, 2019
Comment posted by CJWar25 deleted Oct 14th, 2019

Aw shit, son, here we go!

So is this going to be mixed with present time, and flash backs?

9882947
More present time than flashbacks, but yes.

9882970

Noice. I'm excited for the new installment to the series, and another story from you. :pinkiehappy:

Warning—long. :twilightsheepish:
I'll admit, at first I was confused why you were showing this scene since the story description was supposed to be about post-finale events, but it does make sense that you would show us a glimpse of the very beginning before talking about the very end. Kind of like when TV shows start episodes with, 'Previous on [x]...'
Given what I can recall of the previous stories—and since you did say you were looking for feedback—I guess some things I would want answered are what happened to her guard in Ponyville? What about Grubber? How will he play into the post-power-transfer? Does he stay with Spike (forgot Spike wasn't there anymore :facehoof:) to help with maintaining the Ponyville guard? Does he come with Tempest to Canterlot since it seems like Spike is normally gone as the Advisor/Ambassador?
I don't know what their thoughts were about Twilight's castle after she moved to Canterlot—my assumption was that Starlight and Sunburst would move in since Starlight would be the new Headmare of the school, and if that's the case, I wouldn't be surprised if they kept the guard instead of dispersing it, because Starlight is now an 'important pony,' and Sunburst kind of already was.
And this is something I think a lot of people wanted to know—would we see Twilight after the rest of her friends inevitably pass away? I don't know if that would really play into the events of this story, but I can see Twilight mentioning how one of them passed away in some context while talking to her.
Hope that's helpful. :twilightsmile:

9883201
Something tells me I'm going to love your comments after you see what you got right, and what you got wrong. :twilightsheepish:

Thanks for writing about tempest again

I have to wonder if Equestria recognizes the Abandonment Defense or not.

9883209
So chapter 1=flashback?

9883671
Yeah. Next chapter will be post-coronation.

9883742
Half of the events of The Last Problem? Season 9 finale?

I really appreciate this flashback. I tried out A Place Among Her Kind, But just dropped after chapter 4. I only do series from the beginning, so I never picked up any of your sequels. I made an exception for this because Twilight’s coronation is such a big reference point. This is also just very well written, on top of that.

One of my problems was the complete lack of lead-in. For Twilight securing tempests lessened sentence, for Twilight deciding that she needed a guard, and for getting FP to even accept it.

This is also just very well written, on top of that.

Well then, you were right, I was not expecting her to stay in Ponyville. That kind of answers most of the rest of my questions as it seems that anything that wasn't explicitly said is going to be implied (at least I think). Also:

...with everypony present waving goodbye, and Pinkie Pie giving chase down the tracks.

Why does this not surprise me in the slightest? :rainbowlaugh:

9885496
Her chasing Fluttershy's train was the first thing that came to my mind.

9885501
Right, haha. Forgot about that. Had to look it up.

Did you steal this or something? I swear I read something simular before. Oh, it was your own "Aplace among her kind", just looked it up. Why do you rewrite that? You plan to retcon, or go into details more, or what?

It seems you repeat things here. I strongly disagree that Twilight and Fizzlepop would call each other fake names or titles.

9885564
Um, less rewritten and more expanded upon.

An extension of the scene to start it off.

9885581
I'm sorry, what do you mean by 'fake'?

9885588
The way that they call each other Captain, Princess, Tempest... They would call each other by names or niknames, and not use titles.

9885592
I'm sorry, but I personally disagree.

Her other friends, yes. But I explained a couple stories ago that Fizzlepop has a much more military-based mindset, where respect is shown through titles and honorifics, and Twilight used such titles to consistently remind her of how far she has come since arriving in Ponyville.

Well here I go...

Interesting start, showing how Tempest came to Ponyville for your first fic. Also nice to see the pirates again even if its a shirt cameo. Though I think you made Celestia and Luna come off as cold here to me.

"Well, as my squad is composed entirely of volunteers, I know you're not expecting anypony to trasnfer up to Canterlot with you. I think I probably should have come to you with this sooner, but I didn't know how best to put it." Fizzlepop began.

Transfer.




Anyways, love the part with Pinkie at the end. Very fitting.

Fitting dream sequence. It's not a copy paste of that chapter your referencing. Bit its enough that its obvious.

Though I wonder what's makes this guy think that he'll get in straight away after the stunt he pulled

Obvious dream sequence is obvious, but absolutely appropriate, given the previous days' events, based on how you explain them. The fact that some punk had the balls to break Ponyville's peace record is revolting. Oh:

Fizzlepop commanded, so focused on the pegasus in front of her that she didn't notice Berrytwist's widening eyes at her tone.

I do believe you mean Berryshine?

9887232

9887327
Thanks for the spot.

I have to start beating my proofreader again.

Favorite chapter of them all currently! Thank you for using Damiadon! I love what you've done with him so far, and can't wait to see what you do with him in the future.

Ri2

Tempest needs her mommy back...

Aw man.. I wanna hug Fizzlepop so much right now. :fluttercry:

Go Luna. Y'know, that's something I didn't take into consideration. Would Luna still be the dream guardian? Like she said, Twilight would get no rest if she took on both Princesses' responsibilities. But then Celestia wouldn't have a 'retirement job.' I know plenty of retirees that go stir crazy with nothing to do and go get jobs again, even if Silver Shoals has, well, everything to do...

Poor Tempest. Becoming independent is a hard thing to do.

Maybe have the next chapter have Tempest take a break by either talking to Ponyville citizens or going back to her old home.

I dunno... Can this be PTSD or some variation of it, or something? From what I know , the disorder is somewhat "slow", and happens "after the fact".

9883554
In her defence, Tempest did emigrate to the Storm King's realm years prior and became a permanent resident/subject. Under such circumstances, the charges of imbedding an enemy and high treason can no longer apply.

Big Mac and Rainbow can be on your team.

Wait.. when did Rainbow show up? :rainbowhuh: Theres no indication. Also, Rainbow didn't say a thing which I'm surprised about. I'd expect her to at least compliment Fizzlepop on how well she did for a first timer.

Otherwise, good chapter.

9890939
Rainbow showed up to the farm as Fizzle was dropping Damiadon off for his community service.

Applejack told her she was spending her leave from the Wonderbolts there.

Gallus is already transitioning into the guard? I would think he'd spend another year at the school. Or is that extra credit or something?
Eh. If he's already made the decision to go into the guard at this point I can see it going either way, honestly.

9891390
Not yet, sort of a crossover from my Matters of the Heart series, where he takes up cooking as a summer job to see how he likes it as a potential career to stay in Equestria.

9891119

Oh riight. Well, I was meaning more by the scene.

imagine trying to enjoy the moment thinking you're getting sent to a deep dark hole for the rest of your life only to be saved by a friend. good transmission of feeling in this. but couldn't really tell if luna or celestia was the one speaking the whole time.

this chapter gave me flashbacks to so many change of command ceremonies. good job with the oath.

Oh jeez, that ending was so wholesome and cute! :pinkiesad2: So glad shes getting better.

I love the way this story is going so far!

Interesting chapter having Frizzlepop becomes interested in buckball.

I half expected Snails to show up somewhere

That was so adorable I think I had diabetes

Or was it from this cupcake I just ate?:rainbowhuh:

Eitherway, if you hear from me in a while Miles. Just assume I died from diabetic cuteness

I really enjoyed the parade this chapter, and the general subject of Twilight having a volunteer guard, for giving sense to a community that Twilight is leaving behind. Not just the personal friendships that "The Final Problem" focused entirely on

Yona and Sandbar are learning to run the shop? I understand referencing the finale, I love the YonaBar reveal! But in your story, when did either of them even express that interest? They're young teenagers, is this considered some kind of part time job? Yona doesn't even live in-country, is she just going to work there outside of school hours, during term?

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