• Member Since 21st Jan, 2016
  • offline last seen 5 hours ago

Shortmane


Casual pony fan who's been meaning to write something down for way too long. I love friend-shipping, Rarijack, Sunset and gardening. Avatar by Toodles3702


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The Festival of Friendship is in full swing, and Tempest Shadow should be languishing in a prison cell, waiting for her punishment. Instead Twilight asks if she’d like to stay with her for the night.
Can Tempest trust her? And has she really been forgiven?
(Now with bonus chapter)

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 59 )

Good stuff. Have a follow.

So many good things to this fic. Well done, have a follow

How cute!! Wish I could follow you again but I already have. Very well done.

Bloody hell, that was pretty darn cute, and with some nice introspective moments to boot. I might have to check out your other stories.

Noticed the odd typo

But she couldn’t, and merely it instead.

but this was a lovely read. Thank you for sharing it. :twilightsmile:

What a lovely, reassuring story!

Adorable... Can't wait for the bonus chapter!

This dont need to be 20 procent cuter... its already one of the cutest thing i read here. And in just one chapter :twilightblush:

8540679
Thanks, I appreciate it :twilightsmile:

8540841
Thanks for catching that! I must have tried to change it on my last read through. Always afraid I'm going to miss something but I was so excited to get this out there!
Thanks again :pinkiehappy:

(Edited... typing with frozen fingers on my phone, haha)

8540956
Oh heavens, I do that all the time. Can't fight excitement and enthusiasm! Really nice story though, so nice work!

8540956
While we're copyediting, I find it incumbent on me to mention that an action that prompts another is a "cue," while a "queue" is an ordered throng in which one waits. As in:

"Wha- no, I'm…" as if on cue, Twilight yawned with a poor attempt at hiding it. "Heh, sorry. But I mean it. I always used to love it when my mom or foalsitter did it to me."

This was a nice, adorable story. Although I wonder how Twilight is going to keep Tempest out of prison. I'm sure she has some political pull and all, but Celestia likely has way more.

8541160
Well, I suspect if Celestia knows Twilight trusts Tempest, that would be enough.

Urge, we really need a Tempest tab, and the rest of the movie ponies.

I really liked your observation that Tempest's fur isn't brushed under her armour, and hasn't been for so long that that's just normal for her now :twilightsmile:

8541124
Oooh geez, that's embarrassing! :facehoof:
Just fixed it. I thought something looked off but didn't catch that.
Thanks for letting me know
(What I get for not having a proofreader, haha)

Thought I might share this with all of you :heart:

media.giphy.com/media/l2QEi9EYqUaWkPvQ4/giphy.gif

(ugh, my heart!!)

8541160
Honestly, I don't know how much of an issue it'll be considering how other villains have been forgiven, as long as they show a willingness to change and improve and we've seen that with Tempest. If anything, she might do work for Equestria as a sign of penance- there's been a few authors exploring what would happen if she joined the guard, and I think that'd be a good fit for her.
(but fair point, nonetheless!)

I would like to point out how glad I am that instead of turning this into a romance fiction simply because two ponies actually got together, you decided to just make them friends and nothing more. So, soo many fics these days make two characters fall in love when they do the smallest of things. It had its potential here, you could have it so that somehow Tempest fell in love with Twilight because she brushed her coat and slept with her, but instead of making it another one of those boring (imo) cliche romance fics you focused on how Tempest faced her past actions and how she was content with trusting others and finally opening her heart to friendship. I feel like all of the romance fics just don't feel like MLP at all. But this story, it truly did feel like something out of My Little Pony, it felt like it. And it has been a long time since I got that feeling from a fanfiction. I may not have described what I wanted to say very well, but I would like to thank you for this simple detail.

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I'd become an enemy of Equestria if I could get redeemed by Twilight then get snuggles. In a heartbeat!

Although that sounds like a lot of work. Could I just be an annoyance of Equestria, get redeemed and have a "No longer a bad guy" party from Pinkie Pie? Yes yes, it's all just a flimsy plan to get pony snuggles, not to mention free treats, woot! I bet they won't be prepared for me and my dreaded ear scritches and belly rubs! Incapacitating ponies left and right, disrupting carefully laid plans they had for the day. Making them... [gasp!]... late! (Hope that qualifies as annoying to the guard)

I'm so glad this wasn't another Fanfic where a writer wants to pair ponies with other ponies even though the two have nothing in common.

This is such a nice friend-shipping fic, awesome to see something with Twilight and Tempest that's not romance lol

Really adorable whole story and this shows some good reactions for her friends. There is one little nitpick I'm sure tons of people will point out, maybe fix it before others notice but...
(Tempest)

She paused and stared as the smaller unicorn stilled, then began to snore. Tempest smiled, and lay her head down.

Shouldn't that be Alicorn, instead of unicorn?

8542518
Glad you enjoyed it!
When I wrote this I wanted these two characters to begin exploring their tentative relationship, and I thought it could theoretically lead to friendship or romance, but it definitely starts as friendship (any further at this point and it would have been cliche and rushed, as you said). And much more importantly, it's not what this story is about. You nailed it on the head, that this is about Tempest realizing what she has done and beginning to open up and trust others again, and it's a pretty strange and scary process. I love exploring who Tempest is as a character, and having her interact with Twilight is just so fascinating, for many reasons.
(hopefully I got across... whatever it is I'm trying to say, haha)
Thanks!! :twilightsmile:

Don't take this the wrong way, but I hate it when a story uses "character should be in prison" as the basis for its plot. Each and every time I see one that does it, the author has completely ignored the fact that ponies just don't do things like that.

Heck, there was one that had Twilight bring charges against Starlight after reforming her. Charges included the starting of a brainwashing cult, completely ignoring what Twilight did in Lesson Zero.

8543963
It's because while ponies/princesses don't usually do things like that, ponies think that they do. So enjoy the delightful contradiction of ponies never being banished and then thrown in a dungeon in the place that they are banished to.

8543963

Because with fanfics we have a chance to add a little more gravitas and realism to the world than a show made for little girls where everything is perfect after an apology and everyone is considered fundamentally good except for the ones who are exploded.

A security threat like a pony who can take down the nigh demigods of the nation, leaving it leaderless and ready to sell off its populace into slavery or the organ market for butchering (where do you think they get unicorn horns and such to sell?), who facilitated a takeover of their nation, regardless of change of heart, is - in fact - someone who should be in prison. At least while deciding what to do with her.

Officially attaching her to Twilight as some sort of reform case tends to be how it's handled, but that's... official, as in her sentencing being carried out.

What you're suggesting is like letting a known terrorist who blew stuff and possibly people up run around free because locking them up is 'mean'. Then, of course, we forget the LAST guy who turned equines into slaves and made war on Equestria was... first discorporated in a fight with the Princesses, and later friggin' killed by Spike and Cadence, and that was canon. So... ponies apparently do that.

8544025
Two words.

Starlight Glimmer.

8544170

Should have been sent to Tartarus for creating worlds of suffering, death, mayhem, oppression and what appears to be the destruction of all life in Equestria. Mary Sue enough as it is, but she is the new showrunner's favorite and it shows.

So, as I said. We have a chance to add a little more realism in fanfiction. Starlight Glimmer excellently proves my point.

8544202
:facehoof:

Twilight mind raped her entire town. Rainbow Dash destroyed a government facility. Applejack caused most of Ponyville to get sick from food poisoning, that's called public endaendangerment. Spike rampaged through the town destroying several buildings and committing several acts of theft. The cmc could be sent to juvy for most of the things they've done. Pinkie Pie harassed and stalked Cranky. Fluttershy flat out assaults several ponies after meeting Iron Will. And Luna tried to usurp the throne and actually created a monster that threatened all of Equestria.

Pretty much every character should be in prison if you go by real world logic. So no, stories like these will never make sense, because they completely ignore what the other characters have done.

8543963
8544022
8544202
Disregarding Death of the Author, I'll throw in my two cents...
Honestly you all make pretty good points. But something that hasn't been mentioned yet is this is all from Tempest's point of view, and she's the one who thinks she might be thrown in prison. Twilight doesn't show the slightest inclination to it, it's just Tempest kinda freakin out because outside of Equestria it would be very likely. I mean, Tempest throws Twilight into a prison easily enough, it doesn't seem a stretch that the same would happen to her.
Actually, when I was first writing this it wasn't really an issue, but was a pretty natural progression for Tempest's mindset, so I just ran with it.
And while I do enjoy the fics exploring the more realistic (or more absurd) idea of actually trying/punishing her for her crimes, it doesn't seem to be a *thing* in Equestria from all we've seen.
In fact, it'd be pretty funny to see when Tempest realizes she's not gonna be punished...

Tempest: So when are you actually gonna punish me?
Twilight: What?
Tempest: I literally tried to take over and enslave Equestria.
Twilight: Pfft! Have you met my friends?
Tempest: *frowns, looks over at Pinkie Pie* What did she do?
Twilight: Wait no, not that one :facehoof:

8544447

Tempest: So when are you actually gonna punish me?
Twilight: What?
Tempest: I literally tried to take over and enslave Equestria.
Twilight: Pfft! Have you met my friends?
Tempest: *frowns, looks over at Pinkie Pie* What did she do?

Twilight: She created an army of clones that caused havoc and mass panic in ponyville.

Tempest: what about that one? *Point's to Fluttershy*

Twilight: She unleashed an extremely aggressive invasive species into ponyville, nearly destroying the local Eco-system and causing a famine.

Tempest: but surely you've never done something so horrible.

Twilight: Oh, boy, were going to be here for a while. *Turn and shouts* SPIKE! I NEED MY LIST!

8544447
Ok, that actually sounds funny and like it would happen in the show. I apologize for not reading, but the topic is one I have grown tired of because of how predictable and it is and how willing the writers of such fics usually are to forget the instances I mentioned. At a certain point you just get tired of seeing your comments downvoted and responded to with aggression just because you point out the facts and flaws. :ajsleepy:

Tempest: *looks at Pinkie* What did she do-

Pinkie: *inhales a whole buffet of sweets like Kirby*

Tempest: .....ok, not going to ask further questions.

8544515
Also...

Discord: Hi!

8544541
Three hours later...
Tempest *munching some popcorn*: So your telling me the prissy white one nearly caused two ponies to suffocate to death inside a crystal gazebo trough the power of Dark magic?

Twilight: and she crashed the economy for about six hours.

Discord: Oh, tell her about the time you turned one of your own friends into a feral, fruit stealing, monster because of your continued negligence of basic magical ethics! The thought of all of you running in terror from Fluttershy makes me laugh every time.

8544583
......this is actually inspiring me to write something. Which is great because I've practically given up.

8543539
totally didn't notice that! I went in and fixed it (to pony) but I think the reason I may have written it that way is I think Tempest was thinking of her more as a fellow unicorn, then a powerful alicorn- it just has a different connotation, I feel.
But good catch, nonetheless, thanks! :twilightsheepish:

8544597
Your Welcome. I've been working on story of my own, and a similar theme is going to be played out in the first arc.

8544639
At this point I would be happy just to write a one shot.

8544647
Well, I look forward to reading that one-shot, because I'm sure you can pull it off. My own writing has been stalled for a while now, but I'm sure the both of us will over come and rise to the challenge.

The bed’s plenty big for both of us

Ah yes, as a defeated unicorn villain, Tempest gets to cuddle with Twilight. It is the law. :twilightsmile:

My heart melted away. I can really imagine the scene between Tempest and the others while the whole stare off. Great bonus for enjoing readers. Twillight is so cute when she sleeps :heart:

At your local toy store

Buy the knew brushable tempest shadow, it's Twilight tested and approved.

This is the most show accurate tempest I've read, everything she does, actually seemed like something tempest would do.

Lovely. Luv your exposition. Like and follow!

8545168
That's great to hear! I really tried to keep them in character, which was a bit hard considering the situation, but so glad to hear it worked! :twilightsmile:
She's a pretty fun character to write, to be honest. I wouldn't mind working with her again sometime

8543963
To be fair, this was less that Tempest should be in prison and more that she was under the impression that imprisoning her would be a logical move on the part of the Equestrian government. It's not her fault she didn't know that Equestria doesn't tend to run on military logic.

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