• Member Since 21st Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Shadowmane PX-41


Just your average british lad. I write things for a living. It’s the strangest living you’ll ever find, second only to my inability to take myself off of the grid.

E

Sunset Shimmer had an urge to see Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville again after so long with her friends in the other world. One day, she mustered up the courage to step through the portal and say hello.

Much to her surprise, however, Twilight Sparkle was far... smaller than she expected.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 80 )

One sentence.

Simply, adorable!!! :pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

Well done:twilightsmile: You did a fantastic job and I just loved how Sunset and Little Twilight interacted throughout the story:pinkiehappy:

HNNNNG! (Dies from cuteness overload.)

Dang it, I was hoping Twilight would have that plushie Sunset gave her hanging out of her bag or something at the end, just to mess with Sunset. Oh well. Still a great story :rainbowwild:

This reminds me of when I was eight,I was just like Twilight,My only friend were Jackie my imaginary friend,she was pretty much like Sunset.
Cute and great story!

I'll be honest, I don't think I'm going to be able to finish reading this because of how long this is.
Whenever I read a long story, I would rather it be broken up into chapters, also, the longest I would prefer a chapter is 10,000 words or less. The only exception to this so far is a chapter in one of the stories in my favorites only because it wasn't too much.
I'm not saying this is a bad story, it's just a little too long for me, but that's my opinion, we all have them. Keep up the good work.

7770696 Don't worry about it, Serenade. You'll breeze through this in no time.

Heck, I read TheConflictedWriter's stories and those go up to 15, maybe 20,000 words a chapter sometimes...

PiMan #8 · Dec 5th, 2016 · · ·

I would have liked to have seen a scene at the end where Sunset asks older Twilight about the events of that day with younger Twilight.

"Sunny. Thank you so much for today." Twilight's voice had degraded to a gentle whisper as she picked up the drawing that she had made. "If this is goodbye, then I want you to have this to remember me by."

I thought this was super cute up until this part dangit! I choked on my sobbing :rainbowlaugh:

When this Twilight goes into hardcore philosopher mode, it seems likely that adult Twilight is somehow involved, like it's a dream world or it's in resonance or she swallowed a narrator..

7770820 Same here, while it ended nicely, I really wanted Twilight to remember Pony Sunset from Sunset's drawing and realize that it's the same person. That would've been awesome.

Nicely dome.

7770696 That's what the bookmark feature is there for.

I get that you tried to play it off, but Twilight still came off as unnatural for a child. You can have children discuss adult things without making them come off as too smart for their own age, I'd recommend reading calvin and hobbes, it does a good job of having the childish Calvin discuss big ideas without sacrificing his clear immaturity and without making him come off like he's not actually a child.

This story was so adorable! The part at the end where Sunset gave little Twilight a plush toy to remember her by melted heart :twilightsmile:

Omg this was soo cute.:fluttercry:

"Huh." Sunset shrugged and opened up the bag, looking at all of the stuff inside. "They're all still there." She reached into her pocket and pulled out her phone, looking at the time. "Only ten minutes passed? That's odd. I would've expected everyone to be rushing around panicking about my disappearance."

31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpspefYDV31qmjnzro1_500.gif

I kind of want Sunset to go to Twilight's house to see if she still has the plush. :pinkiesad2:

Summary; a little too redundant...

Sunset Shimmer had an urge to want to see Twilight Sparkle of Ponyville

Not bad, but Twilight acted more like she was six or seven. And her homework with spelling numbers is something you'd give a first grader instead of a second grader.

7773211 Eight's still pretty young, isn't it?

And besides, she got to spell some pretty big numbers back there...

As Sunset stood up, she noticed that a piece of paper was portruding out of her shoe.

Hella cute story. Liked and faved. :twilightsmile:

Fuck you!

That was emotional torture!

Seriously though this was excellent.

HRRK! Going Down! *Passes out from adorableness.*

I haven't read the story yet, but your story pic needs a source. Fortunately for you I found it by chance.

Here you go.

Make sure to credit the artist. Its a pet peeve of mine if there is no source. Unless its NSFW which is understandable.

7770820 THIS!! SO MUCH THIS!!!

Waaaay too adorable for my heart, I'll give you that :twilightsmile:

Only thing that's missing is a scene of current day sunny showing sci Twi her drawing, and saying she's back or something like that. It would be GLORIOUS! :pinkiecrazy:

a really cute story, I like it :twilightsmile:

As many already mentioned I would love to see a scene were Twilight and Sunset talks about this or anything :scootangel:

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7774743 Due to popular demand, your wishes have been granted.

7774625 Whoopsie! Forgot to reply to you too. Your wish is my command.

7774827 haha we have the same taste in story titles because I have a story by the exact same name that i posted awhile ago that i am still trying to work on xD

7774840 What did you think of this one, though?

7774844 haven't read it yet but im about to, have a like and a favorite anyway cause I always love the stuff you write ^_^:pinkiehappy:

This needs more than an extention... Sequel?

7774906 Maybe. Provided that the artist makes another picture like this one...

kul

It was a very nice idea and had a nice closure but yeah, young Twilight sounded too adultish! But thats okay, something to work on

7774824 Well, I like that you granted their demands. Story now looks much better. And sweeter.
Before it was more sad. And I was salty at time.
As for sequel... You can have idea if you like it. Here goes nothing:You may write about Twi talk about that she wanted go to Equestria not just to know about magic(not sure if my spelling is right), but also to know what happened with her first friend. Not sure if idea will work with your writing stile(read one of your story yet), so I don't be upset if you don't write like this.
Anyway, wait for your future works and I start read your old ones.:twilightblush:

This was cute and all, but I'd like to see the ramifications of this-I want to see the 18 yr old Twilight and Sunset go through and talk about this, and so on.

But I'll admit this was cute, but I feel like Twilight's age is zig zagged a bit-at times she's more like a 6 yr old while other times she seems more like a 10 yr old. That being said, it can be difficult to write children so I think you're doing a pretty good job here.

7775056 Thank you for your feedback.

For how I wanted to approach Sci-Twily as I like to call her, I wanted her to be in the middle of the road wih her attitude. Balancing out the fun and playful attitude of a six-to-eight year old, with the slowly developing maturity of a ten year old. And, considering that Twilight was booksmart from a young age as the show has taught us, I wanted to show that young Twily was smart as well as fun.

And this story is heartwarming.

7774824
*Reads*
Hrrk! Too... cute...

Just read the edited version and all I can say is, "D'aww".

7774827 OH GODS IT'S EVEN CUTTER NOW AAAAHHHH :yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

My heart :twilightoops: send... Help! :raritystarry:

7774824 WHAT? This never happens! I loved the addition, thanks a lot for making it! :pinkiehappy:

The last scene reminded me of this.

Twilght: "New memories are flowing into me."
link

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