• Member Since 12th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday

Immortan Joe


Follow me and I myself will carry you to the gates of Valhalla. Where you'll ride eternal, shiny and chrome!


T

Editors: Fire Starter, Alcatraz, and Neko Majin C (Recently: Seven Fates)
Additional Story tags: Clarke's 3 Laws (More specifically 1 & 3)
Cover Artist: PosionSt

In the year 2036 an asteroid dubbed "Apophis" struck the Earth and contaminated fifty percent of its water and atmosphere with an extraterrestrial pathogen dubbed "The SOL Strain." After two years, sixty percent of all human life was gone! With the world's governments struggling to keep their countries together; all seemed lost.

That is where my story begins.

My name is Chloe Cooper and I'm the only known human to be genetically immune to the SOL Virus. During the pandemic, I volunteered myself for experimentation. In order to keep me safe, I and three other humans were locked away in a vault deep within the Appalachian mountains. There these people, who I soon considered my friends, ran many tests on me and the virus, however after months without contact from above it was time to put the project to rest.

Cryostasis pods dubbed: "Cocoons" had been built in case we failed. 16,000 years later I awoke to sirens, signaling a whole host of problems.

And now? I'm the last of my kind.

Character tags will be updated depending on where the story goes

Chapters (23)
Comments ( 1634 )

Apophis, the Egyptian God of chaos... Interesting name choice

Not a bad first chapter! Definitely going on my read list!

Definitely a story I want to read more of. Please continue this story.

However, it wasn’t no wall

Don't be not avoiding those double-negatives. :rainbowlaugh:

flung an arm over my bear chest

No wonder she's immune... she's a bear! :pinkiehappy:

Also, mind your plurals. 's is possessive, :twilightsmile:

Kind of a depressing way to wind up in Equestria. :applecry: But Equestria as your post-post-Apocalypse isn't so bad I guess... :rainbowlaugh:

Preliminary observations by Gold-stone radar in January 2013 effectively ruled out the possibility of an Earth impact by Apophis in 2036. By May 6, 2013 (April 15, 2013 observation arc), the probability of an impact on April 13, 2036 had been eliminated.

The key word there being 'preliminary'. There is still a very, very, very minute, slim, chance we could still see an impact, even if it is unlikely. :twilightsheepish:

So far so good for an intro, need to see more story to get a feel for it though. Tracking for now!

Interesting plot. Those hook me more than the quality of writing. So it's a sort of "Fallout without Fallout" story? (not to be confused for the Fallout Equestria universe which has the ponies in the vaults and not the humans)

I don't like to complain but I don't like that she passed out at the end of the chapter. Maybe it's because I recently read fics that had that same thing.

Other than that it's pretty interesting I hope they find a way to bring the humans back but you do what you want. I'll try to keep track of this cause it's interesting so far.

I don't normally read HiEs, but the concept interested me. What I quite hate is when the author decides to just have the character faint. I'll keep track, interesting premise and decently written. Good work!

So they just decided to tear down the door? Let me guess, they were expecting some ancient timb they could tear apart and steal anything valuable. Figures.

The premise is really cool and it's nice to see that FINALLY someone is writing a female character but I have 1 serious problem with this: An alien virus wouldn't do that much damage. Let me explain.

The reason that this idea has become a major theme in pop culture is because of the great dying, caused by the Europeans when they brought European diseases to the Indians of America. The reason that these diseases were so effective was that they had had a lot of experience with combating the human immune system while the poor Indians didn't have any immunity against those illnesses. If an alien Virus or bacterium (all you said was pathogen and that can mean both) came into contact with human being then although we would have almost no immunity against us, the pathogen would have no freaking clue how to attack us effectively.

Also, I'm guessing that by pathogen you mean virus but I don't know. From reading, it is airborne ( Sneezing). Would like moar details.

To be accurate, Apophis hitting Earth on that date has been ruled out. The timetable has been moved back to 2068 CE with a (1 in 149,000) chance of impact. That estimation is as of the calculations completed February 26, 2014 CE. However, that does not make this work of fiction any less interesting. However, we are unlikely to survive Apophis as it is believed to make an impact of 750 megatons, which is an extinction event for Earth. I fortunately have read and watched enough Sci-Fi to accept the variation for the sake of a good story. Tracked.

I like it so far, and await more. :twilightsmile:

is she ever going to go and check on Dr. Reynolds?

6385399 Very true... unless the disease was engineered.

Small reminder. Some of us filter out stories with the Tragedy tag because a literary Tragedy is one that always always ALWAYS has a bad ending for the protagonist, usually resulting in their death as well.

Remember, a literary Tragedy is different from a story containing tragic events. If the story does not have a Bad End, but contains tragic events and death, it's just Sad.

6385577

Tragedy doesn't always result in the protagonist death (yet most the time it does) however, a tragedy usually if not always has a bad ending. Depending on where I take this story I'll look into changing it or not.

6385399

Oh I agree with you, I already knew that an alien virus (of this kind) could not wipe us out. I learned that from Listening to the Stark Talk Radio "Zombies" podcast. One of the questions brought up by Chuck Nice was what if it was alien, and Neil DeGrasse Tyson and the medical biologist lady both said it would most likely do nothing.

However, in the world of fiction we can bend the rules a bit.

Also I'm happy that you're pleased that I chose to use a female character. You don't see them around fimfiction often, let's just hope I can right her believably :twilightsmile:

Comment posted by Syroc deleted Sep 2nd, 2015

You should trim the story summary. Even if it weren't a bit on the long side, it makes the first bit almost entirely superfluous. (It isn't helped by the fact that you've done it before in a similar story.) Other than that there's only a few grammatical slips, nothing too bad. Curious to see where you go with this, mate!

6385712 I Agree. In some fiction people say "that's Impossible" however, some impossible or unlikely things are necessary for the story to exist. Like in the story "Eragon" The main character comes from a secluded village in the mountains but later finds out That his mentor who taught him how to be a dragon rider is his father. This is necessary because the spell that was meant send his mentor the Dragon egg would only have confused them for the aforementioned reason. So if something impossible happens to justify the story happening then it's fair game because without it, the story could not exist. I was just annoyed by the amount of people who don't know that space virus will not kill us all.

6385729 Yeah the summary is a bit long and I'll admit that trope with the news reports is similar to Lazarus's opening. I first got the idea of the story when I started writing the summary. So when I first sat down I couldn't figure out a way to start writing the first chapter (literally the first chapter is always the hardest in my opinion) so I went with the news reports and from there my fingers took control of everything. By the time I was finished I didn't feel like cutting it out. :twilightsheepish:

I'm happy you enjoyed it so far though.

Comment posted by Immortan Joe deleted Sep 2nd, 2015

Argh! This is a story that should have really waited until they had the second chapter already done before publishing. It's an interesting concept, but it grinds me that the first chapter was really just an in-depth version of the description; nothing substantial is given to the reader that we didn't already know.
Hopefully you don't take forever on the second chapter, because that one will be more like the first one for me.

6385752 :twilightsheepish: My apologies I thought the five thousand word length and character introduction would've been enough. I'll try and get the next chapter out by next week if not sooner do to me not having to wait on any editors.

6385572
Oh, yes. If I were an alien plotting to invade Earth, combining a meteor with a virus would be a good opening gambit. Nothing significant put at risk if it fails and a huge advantage if it succeeds.

Very, very interesting. I look forward to seeing more soon.
Have a follow and a tracking, maybe a favourite later, depending on how things go.
Keep up the good work!

P.S.: I liked the vault-opening scene that totally wasn't based directly off something else :trollestia:
Also, I agree with the others, the summary could stand to be chopped a bit, as it takes away just a tad from the information in the story itself, and the tragedy tag might need to be nixed unless this gets a load darker.

6385712 I wonder why the female characters are scarce?:rainbowhuh:

6385751 whoops! Connection error on phone, thought the first didn't go up:twilightsheepish:

Story is interesting, and I am tracking it... but you'll have to forgive me if I withhold my like for now.

If that was me I would beat the shit out of those ponies because they would have annoyed me and of course she fainted cause why not. Seriously I would brutally murder them.

6385791

Presumably because a large portion of the fanbase is male :trollestia:

Another thing is that male writers usually tend to write male characters whereas female authors do the opposite. I guess a reason for that is because males can't really tell how female's think/feel and vice versa.

But that is just an assumption. I could totally be wrong and not even know it.


6385792 It's prefectly fine, if you'd want you could leave a dislike until the next chapter comes (that's depending if you like it or not). It's not like I can force you to hit the like button.

you better do it muthafucka or I'll hack your PC and get your IP, I'll then find you, break into your house and click that like button myself.

No really I'm cool with it.

6384047 You mean "Interesting choice in asteroid"?

Apophis was an actual asteroid that was predicted to hit Earth, but was changed back 2013-2014 after another check was done.

6385821 Because Ponies!

Have to be brutally murdered if they interrupt your endless beauty-sleep... They are a plague, and you are the cure.

Just kidding, I would have stopped the virus before it had come to ponies.

6385821 I don't see anything wrong with it. Explain why it is so wrong or not wrong my bad but surprising.

You know something? I was listening to the song "The 2nd Law: Isolated System" by Muse just when I started reading the prologue. Awesome feeling :pinkiehappy:

Yowch. Poor gal, waking up to find that everyone she knew and loved is dead.:fluttershysad:

As an aside, you've done well so far. Though I do recommend that you have someone proofread your story to clear up any mistakes. :twilightsmile: Just advice.

when more chapters pop up I'll give it a read, I've seen to many great story die before their time leaving me wanting more that will never come...

Huh, I was listening to the 28 days later theme and it fit really well with the beginning.

Ok, I like the premise of this story. That said, I could only get half way through this chapter before needing to write this comment. You need an editor, BADLY. I keep a word doc open while reading fics and use it to write my comments as I read as well as note corrections that need to be made. I was switching to the word doc almost every other paragraph. Here's the list I have now:

The Central of Disease Control

The full name of the CDC is the Centers for Disease Control.

The sound of a loud boulder collapsing onto another startled the mare’s.

No apostrophe was needed there.

The two mare’s waited for nearly ten minutes for the commotion to die down, when the tremors finally halted and the sound of falling boulders stopped.

No need for that apostrophe either

“Crystal,” Quartz said her voice monotoned.

Should read “Quartz said, her voice monotone.” If you want to keep it in the same format. I’d recommend just saying “quartz said monotonically” or “quartz said in a monotone voice.”

“Could you go back to camp and grab my camera and enchanted pick.”

Questions end in question marks, silly!

Darkness... that’s what it seemed like at least.

Can people stop using ellipses like this? Use a dash (-) to indicate a pause in speech or rhythm. Ellipses are used for indicating that part of a quote or statement is omitted.

Like a thick cold blanket I was wrapped in it, to the point in which I thought I was going to suffocate if it tightened around me anymore than it already was.

Saying “in which” sounds very awkward here. Not technically wrong, but little things like this can make a huge difference in your fic.

“Eva?” I looked at the woman sitting across from me concerned.

Missing a comma after “me”

“Something on your mind, kid?” She asked looking up from her book with a raised eyebrow.

She asked *cough cough comma cough cough*

If so... Is this what she meant?

Again, use a dash not ellipses.

were time most likely didn’t even exist?

Where

My throat clenched as a tinge of worry sprouted in my chest, I pushed again but a little harder this time. No movement whatsoever.

My throat clenched as a tinge of worry sprouted in my chest <period here> I pushed again but a little harder this time<comma here> no movement whatsoever.

Another minute past

Passed

After my retina’s calmed down

No apostrophe

Not too mention almost impossible

To

The only bits that took up space inside the room was the cocoon and the locker

Were not was.

With a happy filled chirp I heard the lock release and I opened it.

Not sure what a happy filled chirp is. I think you just mean happy chirp.

I have not detected any contaminates coming

Contaminants

I got use to it though

Used to it

I'll try to come back and finish this later.

We are safe in 2036. The next time around, however....

6385832 It's also the asteroid that hits Earth in the video game Rage.
rs1ci.memecdn.com/878/5264878_t.jpg

6385832 yeah I realised after I read the a/n...

I do not want to say it but I am terribly frustrated over it.

Fainting... Urg Fainting!

interesting story however. Looking forward for more.

Ok good start but you should be careful many people have tried and failed at this tipe of story before,just a little warning.

Now i keep getting unfair fallout and fallout equestria comparisons hear and i am sorry for that this story is not ever of thews it is it own gem in the stilt hole that is fimfiction to day and i don't want to keep comparing it to them.

but other then that good start and hope you keep this up.

6385942 Yeah I know (I pointed that out in the author's notes) I just decided to bend the rules a bit.

if the story is anywhere near as good as the description makes it sound, it should be a good time.

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