• Member Since 12th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen May 14th

Immortan Joe


Follow me and I myself will carry you to the gates of Valhalla. Where you'll ride eternal, shiny and chrome!

T

Twelve thousand years ago, humanity was driven into a war with an unknown enemy. Fire rained from the heavens and the sky turned dark as the sun dimmed. Acid poured from the clouds and a plague was unleashed upon mankind: A virus that caused men to turn on one another. A disease that forced man to fall to his knees and beg for mercy. A pathogen that ravaged man’s civilization.

And when humanity lost all chances of reconciliation, all hope of keeping their loved ones safe, they pulled the plug, three hundred souls left Earth while sacrificing their only home to the angel of the enemy.

In the twelve millennia since the Great War, all traces of humanity have been wiped from the surface of the Earth. In man’s rightful place now are a multitude of sapient species. For twelve thousand years, these animals have lived in peace and harmony, man reduced to nothing more than but a myth, a folk tale, a legend.

But word has spread across the countryside. Word of forgotten beasts that still walk the western wastelands. Creatures able to bend the world to their will without the help of magic. Creatures said to be older than time itself.

Teen for language, and dark moments. Character tags will be added as the story progresses

Chapters (25)
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Comments ( 1550 )

Hm. This story seems it could get interesting... I'm gonna favorite it, it has a lot of potential. I hope it is used wisely.

Im excited to see what elce happens- good job catching the reader's intrest

can't wait to read more

Okay, this is awesome. So here's my constructive criticism:

1. Post updates regularly, pick a day or days out of the week, and update the chapter on those days. Write a few chapters ahead if it helps. I've waited so long for so many stories to update that I lost interest in many of them.
2. When you get your editor, make sure that they send you a .doc or .odt file, since they can place comments in the writing, and there are a lot of grammatical mistakes that could be missed otherwise. Also, send your editor your plan for the story.

ISS
ISS #5 · Sep 8th, 2013 · · 1 · Prologue ·

Pink clouds? Buildings floating? DAMMITDISCORD

3173337
ALL GO RAEP THE DISCOBUTT UP :trollestia:

It's pretty intriguing actually. :pinkiesmile:

On glance, there's nothing wrong with it. There is quite a couple of grammatical and spelling errors though. :twilightblush:

Hope to read more in the future!

~Quantum Maniacal

We are the true gods of chaos... Oh how I love being human.

Very good so far. I can't wait to find out what this Iva is, and what cause these catastrophes, though I have a few ideas.

let's see where this goes

Interesting, this story has a lot of potential so I'm definitely favouriting it, but you may consider getting an editor; there were some spelling/grammar mistakes and a couple of sentences just felt a bit... clunky. Sort that out and you're good though :)

Also screw this Discord.

317375131735313173320 Thank you, you three I'll try right away to find a good editor/pre readers!

3173616 With all do respect please share!

3173961
Oh nononono, I don't want to accidentally give you an idea.:trollestia:

3174064 :twilightangry2: Oh you slimy sun of a... :scootangel: Okay then I hope you enjoy your time with this story.

3174070
I plan to, keep up the good work.:ajsmug:

Antic should be antiques.

I am honestly not sure about fifth-teens..... Are you trying to make it sound ye olden like? Well I am not sure if it is right but it does sound good.

Otherwise great fic! I will be watching.:pinkiehappy: I like these sorts of fics.

dis gonna be gud :)

3174070

Maybe it was just Discord's birth? An experiment? Someone accidentally pressed the ancient "change physics" button?

strangely this is how I imagine our world to end, CHAOS

I... hate you... so much right now.

3174933 No, Klondike you can't... Wait no! Why do you hate me! I thought... I thought... Ah fuck it... He's long gone.

you have GOT TO CONTINUE THIS!!:flutterrage:
**cough cough** ahem... please:fluttershysad:
this is a great beginning and i just can't wait to read what happens next!

Looking good so far. I'm keeping an eye on this. I do have a soft spot for lost human race stories.

Two things though -- both related to calendars.
First, what is the present Equestrian day's date (of the show), and what do the abbreviations L.B. and L.R. mean?

Second, there's this:
"We share the same counting system and the same number of days in a month; even the same number of days in a month."
Is "number of days in a month" supposed to be repeated? I suspect that one of them is supposed to be months in a year.

Still, look forward to the next chapter.
--Spade

3175501 Oh whoops that is a editing mistake, but L.B. is Luna's Banishment so that's during Luna's Banishment and L. R. is Luna's Return.

the way the story is going I feel as if humanity will make a grand return like cryo pods or a giant ship returns with the last of humanity's people. Good stuff author I'm expecting good things good things.

either an Age of Gold, or an Age of Darkness…

That depends on whether it is the 41st millennium or after the Emperor is healed and returns to lead mankind personally once again.

If the former...well, you're screwed. If the later... well, you have about a fifty-fifty chance of being screwed or not screwed.

Hey, it's your own fault for being xenos! *cue ridiculous propaganda*

I so know what it is, that the day magic started existing!:pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp::pinkiegasp:

I am going to find a song for this fiction.

Found it

Maybe humanity isn't the best but you better be ready to see are legacy and all we stand for.

MOAR! You must give us moar!
Now that I think about what i just said, I realize how well Equestria will fair after humans come around, if they come around.

At first when it said "fire rained from the sky and an unknown disease." I thought "he's crossing over the maze runner with mlp!"
Then it said pink clouds and I was all like "Fucking Discord killed us!!!"

Interesting concept, but one problem so far. How would they know what the word 'car' was? To translate it from human language to Equestrian would mean they would have to have the word. They would basically have to find something synonymous with the word 'car' such as 'carriage'. Translating isn't a perfect science, and mistakes have been (and always will be) made. It would be like trying to get a caveman to pronounce the word 'car'. He might be able to eventually pronounce it in our language but not in his language due to the fact that there isn't a word for 'car' in his language.

3178946 Maybe the spell translated each individual letter. Hard? Yes. Impossible? Yes. But, it's not a computer translation. They're using magic; advanced magic, at that.

Holy shit, I thought this was beautiful. You built "man" up to be something so epic, even though I know what it's like to be part of this species. Star Swirl's (yours) prose was very elegant, and I'm very interested to read more. Keep it up!

Third Journal entry, first paragraph, second sentence:

Ever since the discovery I’ve not been able to sleep instead I have been up reading through book after countless books trying to figure out what these things are.

I spy a run-on sentence. maybe you need a period after the word "sleep"? And you might want to change the highlighted bit, cuz' it sounds weird. What every you do, these need a fixin'.:ajsmug:

Good luck, and have fun writing.:twilightsmile:

I am getting a slight Lovecraftian feel from this...good.

3175511


I like the hook for this so far.
A small point I might make about your choice of dating for the first part: In the Nightmare Night episode, while not explicitly stated, it is evident that Luna personally knew Starswirl while he was alive and an adult. So him being alive some 120 years after that point seems off. It may be a better choice to name the years after Equestria's founding, something like EU for Equestren Unification.
/nitpicking

3173616
Global warming, loss of fossil fuels, nuclear devastation, second ice age, ect. ect. the list goes on forever.

But from the way he described it, it is most likely Discord because he is connected to the gravity defying buildings and pink clouds.

Comment posted by MrCharlieChalupa deleted Nov 19th, 2013

3184723 Ahh, Howard Phillip Lovecraft, the reminiscent feels! I'a Cthulhu! I'a Dagon!

Well, lookin' forward to the rewrite.

Yuss. Gonna be honest, I didn't really like the previous story, so the fact that you don't either makes me feel a lot better. I really like this chapter and am glad you have decided a rewrite.:moustache:

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