Everything seemed to be normal for our friend Valiant, that is until a star is on the cosp of going supernova. His home world is now on the threshold of its demise. Leaving his parents with a tearful goodbye, and watched his world be destroyed. His destination, Equestria. Will he be able adapt to his new life? Will he make friends, possibly fall in love, or will he be alone? How will the ponies of Equestria react to his arrival? Will they be welcoming or hostile?
Once he does arrive, there will be troubling times ahead of him. Not only does he not know how they'll greet him, but he will also have to come to terms of what happened to his home world, his parents. His nightmares will be haunted by the screams of the ones who knew they won't survive for long. Who will come to his time of need?
I want to thank my friend JheyMeloetta/Retro Fall for the art cover and the scenes! Be sure to follow him on Twitter and Instagram, he makes really cool art!
The story is a good concept but need more details like what does hes parrents look like and such and the speling could use a little Dustin off other then that am hooked looking forward to see where this story goes keep up the good work lad :) i would also recomend reading some fanfics and get a feel for where you want it to go dont let it discourge you oh and my speling is horrible sorry xD
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Thank you, I'll definitely improve as I continue to write this story! I'm also glad to know you think this is a good fanfic. Hope you enjoy!
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Youre welcome
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I appreciate the feedback, and yes you're right, I didn't really take the time to develop the characters. I really do want to improve on the writing part, so I'll be taking my time on the next chapter. As for Valiant and his parents characters, that'll start on the next upcoming chapters. I may come back to this and add some more details to himself and his parents, for the sake of everyone getting a good idea what they're like. Probably give them names too.
Much better its getting Spicy :)
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Thank you! It's only gonna get better!
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Oh yeah brudda
I like the superman style origin story, Can't wait to see where you go with this
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Thank you! I'm currently working on the next on.
I like it so far
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Glad you're enjoying it, I'll be working on the next chapter soon.
I'm currently working on the next chapter. I've also fixed some errors that I can find, hope you guys will enjoy the next chapter. I will also be adding some artwork scenes that are made by friend Jhey throughout the story over time.
I am not entirely sure how well he can take after hearing that.
Maybe maybe not we will wait and see if crush turn to something more.
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We'll see.
Update: I have added my best friends artwork scene on Chapter 4. Hope you guys will like it!
Looks like both sisters have a crush on him
Chad valiant getting a herd before he knows it ;)
Update: I have added a scene to chapter 5. Hope you guys will love it!
Kissed A little spelling mistake there but I like the story so far
Depending on how far the star was from Equus, it can take decades, centuries or even millenia to go out. Space is huge, after all, and ifnyou ever lose your car keys in it, you'll never find them again.
But then, I also can't find things I left in my room...
It's very weak and cliched. Someone may like it, but others have read similar stories 5+ years ago.
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Got it.
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Yeah you're right, I may have to rewrite about it later.
Edit: Well actually in the prelude, that pod he was in was capable of warp though. So probably it could've taken days or possibly months.
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I appreciate your opinion. Everyone does infact have their own opinions. You also have to keep in mind, this is my first fanfic. Errors are to be expected. However I'm seeing a majority of readers that actually like this.
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I meant that when a star goes supernova, it flashes, bright - and light travels at around 300,000 kilometres per second (or 186,000 miles per second for those of imperial bloodline). It takes approximately 8 minutes and 20 seconds for the light from the Sol to reach Earth. Technically, we see the sun how it was 8 minutes ago. Now, the distance between the stars is measured in light years...
Also, when tye star goes supernova and you see the bright flash, it's a bit too late to run, but I understand the concep of drama, so disregard this point.
Would have been great if there was/were a few chapters about the world of Valiant and his family. Make the reader care for it at least a little bit. As an example, th Homeworld manual contains detailed lore on the Kharak civilization, so when the Kharak gets glassed by Taidan Empire, there is a feeling of loss. Now I don't say you go to that length, but, well... yeu get the idea. Hopefully
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Oh yeah I get what you mean. I am planning to rewrite the previous chapters for this anyway. I did get that feeling something is missing here.
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Mhm! Last bit of advise: find a beta reader to do pre-reads and giving advice. And maybe help with grammar. Not really a must, but it's good to have a perspective.
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Got it.
Everyone that is watching, I decided to rewrite this fanfic to a more simpler way.
Example:
Valiant: (says his line).
Twilight: (says her line).
This way, it'll be easier for me to write and it'll also be easier for the reader aswell. Trying to write with proper punctuations, is really burning me out. So, it's gonna take some time until I make the next chapter. I'll still be active while I'm rewriting everything. Hopefully you'll enjoy this story more once I'm done! I'll see you all there!
Okay guys chapter 1 is rewritten. Hope it's a little better! I've also added my friend's art scene on it and it's my favorite piece yet!
Okay guys chapter 3 is redone. Sorry it took me so long. Had a lot of irl things to do, but I'm back!
Superpone is that you?
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Wasn't really intentional xD
Is this gonna be a reoccurring thing where it’s written like a play?
No one thinks to make precautions out of the public eye? So basically Krypton.
Put a page break there.
camo.fimfiction.net/yTKEA-R1-PIG21LIrx9JwM3AxSEm1-9g2C8Lk2wiYRo?url=https%3A%2F%2Fcdn.discordapp.com%2Fattachments%2F1178539014270242839%2F1196075516445335572%2FUntitled28_1.png%3Fex%3D65b64f21%26is%3D65a3da21%26hm%3De694144675a70ef973c7dab91a83acbbf9c852e7e3f87796fb94817e0c586514%26
Isn’t his wing’s supposed to be blue?
I’m curious to hear your opinion on my alien in well the Crystal Empire. I have a few touch ups to do in the latest chapter but otherwise there’s nothing to change. My story has the theme of going from story to backstory like Once Upon A Time.
FYI I would aim for 2k to 5k chapters from now on because these were pretty short.
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artist behind the art here, yea i did made some mishaps, though its nice to think that this here station has a 2 tone wing, white on outside, and a combination of glacier cyan and aqua underwing, amd becomes full cyan and aqua when excited or in "fight stance" tho, ill let my friend send his thoughts to me via discord and see
Original character reference credit goes to my friend Retro Fall/JheyMeloetta.
pbs.twimg.com/media/GI7LzfFaAAAB7vX?format=jpg&name=large