Writer of fanfic occasionally. Very little freetime. You might see me hanging around /mlp/.
Shipping 💖11,670 stories ·9,742 members
The Fillyfoolers3,946 stories ·3,487 members
Twilestia is Bestia956 stories ·3,267 members
Twilight is Best Pony6,373 stories ·3,071 members
Twilight Sparkle12,272 stories ·4,755 members
Celestia has been the Princess of Equestria for longer then she can remember, and hasn't really had much time to herself. Maybe that's the reason for these feelings. Stress, just stress. She certainly can't actually - No, that would be too ridiculous.
Of course, ridiculous things can happen.
Loosely based off of the Animal Collective Album "Merriweather Post Pavilion"
Page generated in 0.177 seconds
Total duration
994 users online
1,349,648 hits today, 2,244,100 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Author's notes:
1) First story I'm doing with a romance tag. God help me.
2) OC is not a pony and won't be shipped with anybody. He is also not a red-and-white alicorn from earth who has a dark past and mysterious magical powers. He's simply the "King of the Griffons," who was mentioned in the first chapter and will come into play during the next chapter. Since said next chapter is basically entirely about him and Celestia talking, I decided to add the tag, just to be safe.
3) This is based off of something, and I imagine a portion of you already know what that is. I wrote this mainly as an experiment to see if I can do longfics again. Still, it will hopefully turn out alright.
4) Constructive criticism is extremely welcome. Destroy it with critique.
Good opening so far. Celestia provides enough exposition via inner thoughts to clue us in.
Critique? I might say Octy and Scratch pairing is over done. But it is in my mental head canon, so that would be a lie.
I will think about it some more.
It's a start. I think you are going for sunny skies, but I'm getting a vibe of scootamom's Celestia. Don't mess it up, I'm watching you.
1452447
I actually haven't read anything by either, so I'm not trying to emulate either.
Going will her full entourage would no doubt give publicity to the situation, which is the last thing she wanted in the situation.
This sentence is awkward. I'd change it to:
Going will her full entourage would no doubt give publicity to the situation, which was the last thing she wanted.
There is no place quite so lonely as the place at the very top. You're never alone, always watched and always judged. Usually, you're judged by people who don't know you, don't know the pressures you are under and seem to think that their ignorance of the real issues and hidden factors makes them an expert whom all should heed.
Yes, I imagine that Celestia would like to be just... Celestia. Not a princess, not a Manifest Goddess, not a sage to whom all looked for wisdom and leadership... Just Celestia.
Of course, we don't all get what we want, do we? The gods least of all...
I look at the main ponies pictured in the character bit, and ponder: Is this going to be a Twilestia? If it is, I shall squee merrily.
New chapter. Written at night so it might not be perfect.
If nobody gets what this is referencing by now I'm going to be slightly disappointed.
I think that the most immediate repercussions of this won't be economic, it will be political. I think that Celestia will develop a bit of a downer on needless shows of luxury in her court for a while and maybe want to spend more time actually helping ponies in distress. I think that will lead to some grumbling from dandies like Blueblood but I'm sure Celestia will enjoy slapping him down.
The economic knock-ons may be limited by how quickly Equestrian manufacturers can switch from 'flashy' to 'practical'. Good-quality work-wear, long-lasting furniture and good and relatively cheap foods will always be needed.
Celestia seems determined to do the 'crucified by duty' thing here, doesn't she? Fortunately she has Luna who is the only one who I think can tell her when she's talking horseapples, get away with it and get Celestia to agree with her.
>>BeRG I agree with you on that note. But to the reference, I really have no clue.
Till next time, good sir.
Alicorn Twilight...
*Looks at his outline*
Well... You're not going to have a very good time in the next ten minutes...
This reminds me of Dune where Duke Leto Atredis was more interested in his men than the spice and the representative in the craft said that he liked this duke.
Whoa, I wouldn't think she would just teleport out like that. Hmm. (and by the way you got the upvote on the second chapter and it still remains up -- I am making this edit because saw the one downvote occur right after my comment went in and I didn't want you to think I did it.)
"...to raise the run, which..."
Should probably be the sun.
San Antlernio.. oh the bad puns... at least you mentioned the Riverwalk.
Calvin and Hobbes and Twilestia. Marry me?
She had to knock on the palace's door? My expectations when a palace is mentioned would indicate a guard, or at least someone noticing her arrival beforehand, unless she just landed on the king's balcony (which would be an interesting way to conduct a state visit; *knock knock* "I'm not dressed!")
Other than that, there's not much to say yet... There's only so much variation you can get in the first few thousand words. I'm glad to see that your Celestia at least has a preexisting longing for romance, and isn't just *bam* "I've fallen in love! How tragic!"
Just a side note: beatification is the third step in elevation to sainthood in the Catholic church. Beutification is when you plant flowers everywhere
Well that explains the knocking on the palace door.
Avery is sort of cool, but I'd like a little bit more description of him. Was he physically remarkable in any manner? How did he sit; lounging relaxedly, upright and rigid, perched on the edge of his throne? Did he talk casually, like between friends, reverentially? Did he gesture while speaking, or remain still? Did he look at Celestia, or at his own claws, or let his gaze wander? Etc...
In general, I feel that this chapter was a bit heavy on the dialogue, more like a script than a traditional story. It of course gives the reader more freedom to imagine anything onto this Avery, but I'm reading because I want your view on what happens.
If it's a stylistic choice re: difference from last chapter or Celestia not paying attention, then it's a different matter, of course.
Also, a couple more typos. Do you have a proofreader? There's a group where you can get one, or you can ask your readers and/or followers. It's a good story, so it'd be a shame if somebody didn't like it because they can't handle typos.
The story seems to be moving quicker than most, which I think is a good thing; I don't need more 270 thousand word monsters on my to-read list.
All that this chapter left me missing was a bit more elaboration on how the general twisty romantic feelings resolved on Twilight. Was she already on Celestia's mind? Did Twilight, specifically, just come up in the dream for the first time? If the latter, is she surprised? It obviously has meaning to her, since she doesn't debate that Twilight was just a representation of the idea of any romantic partner.
Also, nosy, active, I-know-you-best Luna is good Luna.
You keep answering my questions in the next chapter when I ask them in the previous
Well that didn't go too bad. Twilight's unusually socially observant in this fic, catching on to Celestia's intent. In any other story, it would have taken a lot longer to get through her thick skull. I consider your version at least as good, probably better, if you don't want to spend entire chapters on that.
Upvoted and followed for continuation.
2246808
You think?
I'd say that Twilight's typical blindspot shows up because she's working out a problem in her head rather than concentrating fully on what's going on. But canonically Celestia seems to be an exception to this -- if nothing else is happening to hold Twilight's attention, it remains fixed on Celestia.
2246708
I do not have a proofreader. I'll have to check out that group.
Thanks for all the comments, they really do help. I've been basically flying solo on this, and it's nice to have somebody critique it. Gives me a bit more perspective on things.
2246464
The riverwalk was my favorite part of that city. I'd actually like to go back again eventually - It really seemed like it would be a good place to work on my more serious writing.
2246531
Glad somebody caught that reference!
2247112
It's still there though it's been a while since I've been down there, even if it's a straight shot down I-35.
Twilight, you just broke the heart of the sun goddess...
Bad Twilight, BAD!
Damn, that took her by surprise.
Poor Twilight! The Goddess of the Sun wants to date you! It isn't the sort of thing guaranteed to help an notoriously neurotic unicorn keep her mental balance, is it? She'll be okay after she's had a few days to panic, obsess and seriously think of running away.
1445355 It's four chapters in and I am sorely disappointed by the lack of red-and-white Earth-based alicorns with dark and mysterious pasts and strange magical powers.
2250777
Here, have an mini insert:
"Then John Regenald Smith, a human turned Alicorn, burst into the castle.
'Aha!' He said, 'I have come to avenge my parents and murder you with my lava powers, oh princess of the night!'
Luna looked at him for twenty seconds, admiring his muscular black form, then screamed and jumped at him, shouting 'I only did it for love, John! Only for Love!'
As the servants nearby watched Luna attempt to vanquish one of the suits of armor in the dining room, they made a mental note to remind Celestia to insure that Luna did not eat more than five bowls of Chocolate Frosted Sugar bombs in one sitting, and to especially insure she didn't eat twelve and then down a whole pot of coffee."
Satisfied?
2250947 I sense a side story approaching
How does Alicorn Twilight conflict with the story? We have no idea what Twilight's up to after the coronation, and I don't believe her behavior would be much different..
May I ask why the romance tag? I assume celestia shipping, but I'm not sure on with whine she is shipped. I hope you don't mind sharing this with me...otherwise I probably will not read as I don't know if it is something I would want to try. Sorry if that sounds rude or harsh...I just like to know what pairing to.expect before I go and make assumptions and usually dislike a story if I assumed wrong.
2269058
Twilight/Celestia is the idea, but I'm trying to avoid "romance porn" (y'know, stories with no substance except "D'aww, they're in love!"). I've never done anything with shipping before, so hopefully it isn't terrible.
I will admit, I feel weird as hell writing this. But I've maintained moderation. This isn't going to turn into a clopfic or anything.
2269058
Seriously? I guess you didnt read the first chapter, but its twilestia.
2269097
Yeah, this right here kinda. It's rather apparent.
And Feed, I'll send ya a PM, if chapters stay somewhat short like this, I can lend my eye on the proofing side of things.
2269164
I'd love to have you!
Neuroses, thy name is Twilight Sparkle. It makes sense that Twilight would be haunted and terrified that she would be rejected for her feelings. She really is very poorly socialised, isn't she?
"Foolproof plan"? Oh dear. RED ALERT! RED ALERT! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! EVERY MARE FOR HERSELF!!!
yay updates!!
love stories that stay with an author, ... always stuck at cliffhanger when end it. twilight thinking her friends and family would abandon her, and scared because of it sounds like a good read. noticed no mention of spike, maybe hes to young?, it would be cool if to twilight's surprise some of her friends are together and 'come out' because they discover the truth. read a few twilestias but none really mentioning her parents, would be interested in how they really think, :p my guess is her fears are over done and parents love her anyway, xD maybe twilights mom will ask celly to call her mom...
1502198 Why am I getting a "kill him while you can and before you regret it" vibe.
2270356
Spoilers, but...
That's the last time he shows up. I think. I don't actually have any sort of outline.
Found this story, liked it.... Waiting for a new chapter! What more can I say?
THE WRITING... SHALL LAST.... FOREVER
>writing a fic based on MPP
>not the superior STG STV
ishiggydiggy
2331430
Finally!
You get 1,000 points for getting the reference. Unless you were there when I posted it on /mlp/, in which case you only get 500.
Constellation.
Also, EEEEEEEE ADORABLE OH MY GAWWWDDDDD
A few minor spelling errors can't even begin to detract from the sheer just AWWW SUPER DUPER WUPER ADAWWABBBLLENESSS
I'm resisting with all my might the urge to make a noise that's just the letter E but dragged on forever at high pitch.
2331445
Glad you liked, and thanks for pointing out that error. It should be fixed now.
I can't into spelling.
2331460
To read makes our speaking English good, yes?
I just have one problem with the story that has been bugging me, and its that you've been referring to the Equestrian throne as a Monarchy, but every since Luna returned and joined her sister in rule, it would technically be a Diarchy.
Adawable is the only word.
I had so many words, wording wordingly.
But now, only Daaaws.
ALL OF THE DAAAAWS.
(dances) EEEEEEeeee!!!
I'm such a romantic at heart!