Four weeks since she had seen her. A month. A whole month apart.
Celestia traversed the streets with her head held slightly down, dodging merchant carts. The ponies around stared at her, confused as to why their goddess and ruler would be in that part of town. Celestia paid them no notice. She could have been anywhere else, and it would have made no difference. She had no aim for being there.
She needed to get over this. It had been quite a while, right? She had stuff to do.
But some part of her knew it wouldn't happen. Her cheeks would remain chewed nervously, eyes slightly drooping from lack of sleep.
The hustling crowds around her only made her tired, but at least it was a distraction. Something to think about.
Soon she was out of the city, in the forest. Dammit, she didn't want to go here.
The first time Twilight had ran away. At least she had come back then, not stayed so frustratingly out of her reach.
Celestia looked at a leaf. Why did it have to be so brief? They had only been together for, what, two months? Not even a quarter of a year. And then it had collapsed.
Ponies were noticing her attitude. She hadn't been to any meetings since it had happened, delegating those tasks to her sister. She sometimes caught a glimpse of a magazine cover with her face on it, a headline questioning her health sprawled across the top. Ponies thought she was dying.
They didn't know that she was already dead.
All she wanted was it back. Not the physical intimacy. That wasn't what she craved. She wanted to talk about magic and friendship over dinner. She wanted to hear Twilight awkwardly explain her strange taste in music. She wanted to converse about the symbolism in Donkey Oat.
She just wanted Twilight back. But it wouldn't happen. It was a stupid idea, a horrible one. Relationships with age differences of ten years never lasted, much less thousands. It was wrong.
But none of those excuses would stick in her mind, it wasn’t enough. She wanted it back.
And, without it, she felt as if a shadow was over her. Almost like her heart was in a coma.
* * *
Twilight, somewhat ironically, felt almost the exact same way.
She herself had spent most of her time in the library, quietly contemplating her own faults. She had barely ventured outside. Normally her friends comforted her, but now they served as horrible reminders of her apparent inability to keep the most important relationship she had. Ponies were starting to notice.
She had overreacted. That much was obvious. So had Celestia, really.
Of course, she couldn't really shake the feeling that they should have told others. It might have made the relationship stronger. Or it could have killed all the suspense, ruining it. But wasn't it based off something deeper than the fear of getting caught?
Twilight ran the ideas over and over in her mind. She just couldn't make sense of them, a jumble of emotions that didn't really seem to go up there. She didn't know what to do. Didn't agree with most of her own thoughts. It was horrible.
Some part of her wanted things to go back to how they were - Her, five best friends, and a crush that she assumed would come to nothing. It would have been much easier than this. Yeah, sure, she was supposed to be glad it happened, not sorry that it was over, but she couldn't shake the feeling of regret. The purple mare put her head in her hooves, sighing. She was past crying, but she still couldn't shake the empty feeling in her chest.
"Twilight!"
Her ears perked up at the sound of her name, before being assaulted by a barrage of knocks.
"Twilight, darnit! You've been shut up in that dang library for a month!"
"Darling, we're worried about you!"
Twilight ignored them. She couldn't talk to them right now. She didn't have the strength. She knew they would go away if she just waited long enough-
Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a window opening.
"Twilight! Are you alright?"
Twilight glanced upwards, noticing a cyan pegasus just in front of her (apparently unlocked) window.
"Rainbow! I can't believe you just broke into-"
"It's not like she was going to talk to us any other way!" the pegasus snapped, cutting of Rarity. "C'mon, Twilight. Can't you just talk to us?"
Seeing no other option, Twilight stood up, staring irritably at the intruder. "Maybe if you hadn't just broken into my house."
"Twilight. Please."
Rainbow swooped down to the door, unlocking it.
"We're trying to help."
Twilight bit back a response. She wanted nothing more than to take out her anger on something, anything, and her friends presented a prime opportunity.
"Twi," Applejack eventually began, taking care to break the several seconds of silence gently, "Can you just tell us why you've been cooped up?"
"Studying," Twilight responded, hoping they would buy her excuse.
"Without any books in front of you, in a dark room?" Rarity questioned.
Damn.
Well, there went that plan. Twilight searched her head for an excuse.
"I just don't feel good, okay?
"Are ya sick?"
"Yes. I have a flu."
"A month-long flu, and you haven't visited the doctor once?"
"I mean... Okay, fine, I'm not sick."
"Then what happened?"
"I- I mean," Twilight began, trying to think up an excuse.
"Look, Twilight. You spent the past couple'a weeks gone over to the Princesses' every other day. You were always busy- I mean, ya missed Pinkie's party for Winona's eighth Birthday, not to mention all our pet picnics. We assumed you two were workin' on an important project. Then you suddenly come back here and disappear into your library. We've hardly seen ya in a month. So I have a hunch this has somethin' to do with the princess."
"Darling, did something bad happen?"
"You didn't get, y'know, expelled, did you?"
Both Rarity and Applejack shot Rainbow a disapproving look.
"Er- Sorry," she added, sheepishly.
"Not... Exactly." Twilight said, panic slowly rising in her chest. "We, uh, we were working on something, and we had a fight on, uh, how to proceed, and it got a bit, uh, angry, and we might have, you know, yelled, and then, well, she hasn't contacted me, so I thought that maybe she was angry, so I've been-"
Applejack cut her off before she could ramble any more. "Calm down, sugarcube."
"You yelled at the princess?" Rarity asked, shocked.
"Uh, not really yelled, more of a louder voice, I mean, I wasn't screaming, or anything, that would-"
Applejack cut her off again. "Twi, that's enough. Look. She hasn't talked to you at all?"
Twilight nodded.
"Well that's a might suspicious."
"Maybe she wants you to talk to her?" Rainbow piped up, still hovering a few inches off the ground. "Like, a friendship lesson, or something?"
"Yeah, friendship," Twilight muttered, just barely quiet enough that nobody in the room could hear her.
"Y'know, Rainbow has a point," Applejack said, still trying to be gentle, "She might be tryin' to teach you a lesson about friendship."
"It does seem like something the Princess would do," Rarity commented.
Twilight smirked. Oh, if only they knew...
Still. They kind of had a point. Letting everything go because of one argument was childish. Both of them were better than that.
"I... I guess you're right," Twilight responded. "I have been feeling a bit off, after the fight. It would feel good to just talk to her."
Her friends nodded.
"Send her a letter?" Applejack suggested.
"No, don't do that! Talk to her in person," Rarity interjected, before Twilight could respond, "It's always much better to do it that way, dear."
"So, what, she's just going to walk up to the palace and ask for a private audience with the princess?" Rainbow asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Well, fine," Rarity responded after a slight pause, "Maybe send her a letter to let her know you want to talk."
Twilight swallowed. Her friends had no idea how serious this really was. Still, there was something comforting about how they tried to help. After mentally struggling for a moment, Twilight resolved to follow their advice.
"I think I will," she said, a burst of hope hitting her in the chest.
"That's the spirit! Giving up is never the right option."
"Yeah. You gotta work through it."
Twilight smiled and nodded.
"We'll give you some space, then," Rarity said, turning towards the door, "Wouldn't want to distract you from writing!"
Getting the hint, the other two ponies left, leaving Twilight alone in the library.
As Twilight placed a piece of parchment on her desk, she wrestled with her stomach. This was it. The most important letter she would ever write to the princess.
The familiarity of the action was strange, considering the context. She hadn't written a single letter since she had started the relationship with her former mentor. She was still writing, but it felt worlds apart from before.
She took a deep breath and began.
"Dear Princess Celestia..."