As Celestia ponders the true meaning of eternity, she realizes that she'll never find it alone, nor does she want to, but will her chosen mate accept the new changes in her life?
Chapters (1)
Spirit Chaser
Joined 13th Jan, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- aKaPinkiePie · 3.1k words · 255 19 · 7.6k views
- hammerspring · 14k words · 330 11 · 11k views
- Ponycletian · 20k words · 349 10 · 16k views
- TheCrazyAsian · 2.8k words · 186 12 · 6.5k views
- Feedbacker · 24k words · 570 21 · 8.7k views
- The Wizard of Words · 14k words · 547 32 · 6.3k views
- MakeMeFamous · 31k words · 223 10 · 7.5k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.145 seconds
Total duration
1,021 users online
2,308,607 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I find this to be a fitting song for this fic. Well done.
Grow wings. Try not to cry. Cry a lot.
2165894 Listened to 10 seconds of it and was laughing already had how well it fits
yes
2167058
No
i like it, but you did have some grammatical errors and this sentence didn't make sense:
well, it makes SENSE, but it's a run-on and isn't as poetic as the rest of the story.
that aside this is a nice fic.
This feels really, really rushed. I think you tried to compress too much information into too little a space, which resulted in a lot of the dialogue feeling forced.
If you could stretch this out to be two or three times as long, then I think it would solve the forced feeling the dialogue has.
2167910 Fixed the sentence!...I think.
I think your trying to say.||"Well, you must be on your way then, and don't worry, things might not be good right away, but in time, everything will be fine."||
thats as much as I caught sorry.
anyway the story is beautiful.
I wonder if there's a story out there where Celestia didn't recover from the initial rejection?
Twilight has never been said to be immortal. If she suddenly grows massive and becomes capable of moving celestial objects then I will begin to worry.
2168452 Fixed and thanks!
Well... meh. I mean it was a good idea, but it seemed rushed and there were quite a few errors I caught that I found distracting. This feels like it shouldn't have been a one-shot. Editors are all the rage these days. You should look into getting one. I feel that this could have been a bit better.
Excellent!
Feels rushed, could use an editing pass. Still far ahead of most of the other post finale Twilicorn focused fics, at least (which I suppose isn't saying much).
It was kind of confusing in parts where there was a POV change--for example, where it switches from present-day to when Twilight was a filly, it could have used some kind of marker to show that the scene had changed. Also it did seem a little rushed in parts, especially the dialogue. And did that Twilight scene really happen or was it a dream; I'm sort of confused, haha.
All that aside though, I really liked your take on Twilicorn and Celestia/Luna dynamics.
2170967 If you're talking about the river scene then yeah it did happen, sorry about the confusion!
It was a cute idea.
It just was a bit shaky, confusing and forced at parts. The drama felt a bit hamfisted, and you kind of embellished the "Immortality curse" trope that's been done to death. But it was a necessary conflict I suppose.
You really need to work on your transitions though, they were rather confusing.
2168336 Yup, looks better.
Downvotes, always so hard to motivate, but I usually at least try,
As you might venture from the above sentence, I didn't particularly like this story. It's not truly bad, but it never passes the "average" line either. There is a few contributing factors to that, and it's partly pure personal opinion on Twilights and Celestias characters.
On Celestia and Luna:
One of the main gripes I have here is with how... Casual they sound. I mean, you had Celestia use the phrase "My friends were good ponies and we liked hanging out with each other". This phrase alone makes Celestia come off as if she's in her teens or early twenties, when writing, what words a character use do as much to shape the readers perception of them as the actual descriptions.
With these two in particular, you really would do well to read the dialogue out loud, to see if it feels natural when actually spoken. Then there's some places where you've made them say things that come across as particularly odd. For example: "You've been very omniscient this past few days."
In this case, it seems like an odd choice of word when you could have used the more natural "perceptive". But I suppose this might be more personal opinion than anything else.
On Twilight:
Well, the bit that stands out to me the most is that you described the most studious pony in Equestria as being a quitter. Trying a spell once and then giving up? That really doesn't sound like Twilight. Trying it once, changing it, trying it another few dozen times and then accidentally blowing up a table in frustration sounds more like her.
Finally, you also need to work on scene breaks.
You throw in a couple of flashbacks and dream scenes into the narrative that feels ham-fisted. They're thrown in with barely any warning. First Celestia is reflecting on how she always knew what to say to Twilight when she was a kid, then instantly you have dialogue from a decade in the past. These transitions really need to be smoothed out.
Anyway, that's all I have to say for now. Have fun writing :).
This was amazing...so amazing...
WHY CAN'T I CLICK THE THUMBS-UP BUTTON MORE THAN ONCE?!?!? 
2173043 Aww thanks!
2174539 Your welcome! quite frankly, this story felt like I took a punch to my feel's nuts. it's just that good.
(to me anyway)
2172568 Ahh, then there is the story of shining armor.
Your tenses switch constantly between past and present tense, making some sentences very confusing and others just grammatically incorrect.
I can't point out every instance in which this happens, but I can point out the first one.
These tenses don't agree with each other, and because this is in the first paragraph, you can see how it'd be littered throughout the story. I'd recommend (as I always do) a proofreader, especially since this fic has become so popular (congrats on the feature!)
2176111 Thanks, yeah I'll get a proofreader from now on.
or make sure you learn that age spell.
2166855
I have my moments.
Using the word 'newbie' really breaks the chain of thought, but otherwise, a good story.
Nicely done! I enjoyed it
2174539
Have all of the thumbs!
chiropracticco.com/img/newsletters/10-05-2012/thumbs-up-crowd-stock-620px.jpg
Good fic, maybe a little fast paced, but ultimately extremely enjoyable.
, However, the BIGGEST third wheel in history has just been created.... Poor luna. 
A fucking classic
It was pretty good and I enjoyed it even though I feel you missed Celestia's personality by a wide margin ;)
I can see her face when it says "Celestia's face could have been one big smile..." But unfourtunately while this is not quite right I'd say this is pretty close. kp-shadowsquirrel.deviantart.com/art/Celestia-Portrait-3-328797488
Also I hope you can actually see it, I'm not sure i did it right...
I really enjoyed this story.
Minor typos:
Unless you're imparting Celestia with powers over more than just the Sun, that should probably say "I do have time".
"so to speak".
Good. Really good. The only thing I didn't like was Twilight's anger. Otherwise, everything was fine.
I choked on this story's short description.
Downloading this. Hopefully it won't take me too long to get to this story haha.
2444365
That's what Thursday threesome night are for.
The best thing to happen to someone who is immortal is loving someone who is also immortal because then immortality goes from a curse to an eternity of happiness.