Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Another conspiracy. Ponies 207-210: Dr. Fauna, Wrangler, Hard Hat, Dandy Grandeur ... and that giraffe

To put off his wait for Watchmojo's inevitable Top 10 Sexiest Emojis, followed by top 10 Sexiest letters of the Alphabet (which he hoped #1 is S for it's curves), Deadpool decided to check out the Sweet Feathers Sanctuary Fluttershy... with Wrangler, Hard Hat, and Dandy Grandeur.

"Let us go this instant, you ruffian!" Dandy ordered. "I'll have you know that my security will be after you!"

"Hey, buddy!" Hard Hat barked. "Don't make me get the boys on you!"

"I'm not gonna repeat mahself!" Wrangler spoke. "If ya'll don't let me go, then I'm gonna show you what it means to be bucked by the horse!"

"Yeah, yeah, shut up." Deadpool nonchalantly replied, throwing them all on the side to see the sanctuary. "See what could've happened? Something as beautiful as this could've been made, but NO, you don't go with Fluttershy's idea! You just want to do things traditionally!"

In retrospect, Fluttershy should've been more organized and have a more clear idea to show.

Shut the f**k up! The episode says she's innocent, so she's innocent!

They all looked at the sanctuary.

"... Why didn't she show us a model of this?" Hard Hat asked. "I couldn't tell with those twigs."

"Agreed." The other 2 added.

"D'oh!" Deadpool yelled, facepalming himself... right before falling over a cliff and rolling down the hill, landing next to Dr. Fauna, who was checking on the giraffe.

"Oh, why hello there, good sir." She greeted kindly. "Here to see the animals?" Deadpool lifted his head.

"That, and to show the 3 stooges of what could've been, though they seem to agree that Fluttershy didn't had a proper vision to show them."

"... ok, not gonna ask."

"So, whatcha doing?"

"Just checking on Clementine. She's had a bad case of a flue." She turned to Deadpool who was dressed up as Lee from The Walking Dead. "... Uh..."

"I know, the feels have returned from everyone who played that. But..." He turned to Clementine. "Clementine! Please! Speak up!" The giraffe gave a confused look.

"Uh... sir? Clementine's a giraffe. Giraffe's can't-"

"She's an equine! And from what we've seen, Equines can speak; Ponies, Donkeys, Zebras, Changelings, anything that's part equine can speak!" He turned back to Clementine, squishing her cheeks together while bringing her head to his. "Please! Speak to us!" Clementine looked both ways before letting out a sigh.

"Alright, you got me." She spoke in a rather... sultry voice.

"WHAT!?!?!?" Dr. Fauna yelled.

"A-HA!!! I F***ING KNEW IT!!!" Deadpool boasted.

"Look, it's not that simple." Clementine spoke up. "In my home, the Zebras have taken over my kind's secret kingdom. We were a proud kingdom, unheard of from any other race, for better and, in this case, for worst. The Zebras found us and, being threatened by our height, declared war on us and attacked our home. Our necks prove to be our biggest weakness, as they were quick to enslave us. While a good number of us escaped, we didn't know who to trust, so, we acted like animals, being quiet from everything around us, especially to you ponies. Seems you're the only one to get passed my charade, Mr..." She paused as Deadpool snored away. "Oh great." She turned to Dr. Fauna, who still looked shock. "Look, thanks for the help Dr. Fauna, and I'm sorry, but with this long neck, how am I supposed to do anything?" She turned and trotted away. Dr. Fauna fell to the floor, passing out.

Deadpool teleported and rode on Clementine's back.

"Hi ho! Clemmy, away!"

"Hey! Get off!" She spoke, trying to buck Deadpool off, only for the merc to grab onto his neck.

"Listen, I'm no expert, but I know someone who you can talk to that, if done well, can lead your kind to be free and equals to the zebras."

"... I'm listening."

---

"NO! NONONONONO!!!" Clementine pleaded as Deadpool, with a leash, dragged her to Zecora's hut. "Anything but that! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!"

"Oh quit your whining!" Deadpool replied. "Zecroa isn't that bad, and I think I know why."

"How can you tell!?"

"Fan theory time!!! Zecora left her kingdom because of the poor treatment of the giraffes, wanting to get away from the torture that was happening, so she sailed across the land to find Equestria, where peace and friendship is possible. Of course, the Everfree forest was more or less like home, but she plans to use make a powerful potion that can make the zebras realize what they're doing is wrong and change their ways."

"And where did you read this?" Zecora asked, walking to Deadpool. "Tell me, or you're getting a deathwish."

"Relax, it's just a theory... A PONY THOERY!!!"

"... Is this a giraffe? How is she here, away from her home and a half?"

"Ah, yes, Zecora, meet Clementine. Clementine, Zecora."

"... Please, don't hurt me." Clementine whimpered.

"Hurt you? I have no interest in doing that for you, so blue."

"... Really?"

"I am not like the others. We do share the same mothers."

"Mothers? You mean... oh! The different versions of Faust herself?" Zecora nodded.

"Have fun!" Deadpool replied before running off... and getting mauled by a Timberwolf shortly. "AHH!!! SPLINTERS!!!"

Author's Note:

After seeing the various Giraffe artwork (with some OCs), I had to make this a bit of a weird fan theory on why Clementine doesn't speak. Of course, others may say she's a mute, but I think otherwise. Some dark themes in a kid's show...

Comments

[DeltaXeno1138]

"A-HA!!! I F***ING KNEW IT!!!" Deadpool boasted.

We all knew it

[KVFFour]

The fuck d- Screw it. It's Deadpool.