Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Through the fire and flames: Dragon 3 and 4 (Who counted those other ones?) Torch and Ember

Deadpool woke up to find himself in what was a large canyon.

"Hey! How'd I get here!? Guys, know how we got here?"

I have no idea!

Drugged, sleep walked, perhaps just teleport here? take your pick.

"HUMAN!!!" A loud, booming voice shook Deadpool and the place. Deadpool stood right up and saw what was a-

"WHOAH!!! That's one big muthaf**k!!!"

"Your humor eludes me. I have heard all about you, and how you easily defeated some of the dragons that later tried to take my place as Dragon lord."

"Oh yeah... that was before I meet Gunvolt... and before my author helped that other guy make Rogue Chaos... Hey! My word is green again!"

"SILENCE!!! Human! I've been yearning for a challenge! I may no longer be a Dragon Lord, so you defeating me will not be anything to be ashamed of!"

"Wait... you want me to fight you!?"

"BRACE YOURSELF, HUMAN!!! When I win, you will be nothing but a snack for my belly!"

"Eww! I don't to go through some Voraphilia again! But... let's dance! Yo! Hit it!!!"

"Ooh! Skyrim! Me likey!" Deadpool put on the classic Skyrim helmet and ran to the giant dragon! The dragon let out a mighty roar, blowing Deadpool away before he flapped his wings and let out fire! Deadpool ran to the side before the fire could touch him, and began to run to the dragon, pulling out his pistols and fired. Unfortunately, Deadpool should've seen that the dragon had armor over it's underbelly, with the bullets bouncing off.

"HA!!! My armor can stop any attack!"

"Crap! Better get close! Hey! Dragon! I've got a bigger d**k than you!"

"NOTHING'S BIGGER THAN ME!!!" The dragon flew to Deadpool, opening his maw, ready to devour the Mercenary. Deadpool charged ahead, jumping onto it's lower lip, and jumped onto it's horned nose before he could clamp Deadpool. He ran inbetween the Dragon's eyes. The dragon looked around. "WHERE ARE YOU!? Come out, you coward!" Deadpool ran to his right eye. The dragon looked at him

"I prefer being called 'Strategic'. LEMON JUICE!!!" Deadpool pulled out a sliced Lemon and squeezed the juice into the pupil. The Dragon wailed in pain.

MY EYE!!! Deadpool jumped out of the way as it used it's claws to cover it's eye. He climbed in between the eyes, ran past his crown, and slid down his back, disappearing beneath his armor. He grabbed onto some scales sticking out, and, with his free hand, pulled out his sword.

"I know, God of war like." He began to stab the dragon. The dragon winced in pain.

"WHAT IS THAT!? A THORN!?!?!? HA!!!"

"Close enough!" He pulled a grenade out. "This is gonna hurt like hell, bot for you and me, big guy." He pulled the pin and mushed the grenade inside the sliced flesh.

"GYA!!! WHAT IS THAT!?!?!? A- GAAAHHH!!!" The grenade exploded, blowing Deadpool down further down the dragon's back, but stopped as the dragon fell down onto it's belly. The Dragon, as Deadpool could see and feel, took off it's armor, and, much to Deadpool's surprise, fell onto his back.

"This is gonna hurt." Deadpool could feel the incredible weight of the dragon land on him, reducing him to mush.

Gah! I wonder if this is how Playdoh feels.

Or just dough in general.

The dragon stood up.

"Grape escape." Deadpool said.

"YOU'RE STILL ALIVE!?" The dragon asked in shock. "Surprising, but it makes no difference." Deadpool felt the Dragon's two claws grab him. You are tough, I will give you that, but I am hungry! You will be satisfying for my belly.

"OH HELL NAW!!!" Deadpool yelled. He was tossed into the Dragon's maw. Before the jaws could close, Deadpool pulled out his swords and stabbed the roof of the mouth. The Dragon roared, making the merc's ears ring, but he didn't give in. "Had enough, b***h!? Try to bite me down, and my swords go directly into your brain!"

"*I will chew you into bits, human!*" The dragon spoke, his mouth full and in pain, leading to this translation of muffledness "*You can't possibly expect to survive!*"

"Oh, I will! I can go on for a complete three days!"

"*I can go three weeks!*"

"Three months!

"Three years!"

"Three centuries!

"Three-"

"Dad!" A female voice spoke. Deadpool turned to see a light blue, female dragon flying near her father's slightly open mouth. "Dad! You're bleeding! And... is that Deadpool!?"

"Oh, 'Sup!" Deadpool spoke "Very nice to meet you. I'd shake your hand and any royal thing, but I'm a little... tongue tied here!"

"Dad! Spit him out!" The young dragon yelled

"*But Ember...*"

"I got this." Deadpool said, teleporting away and onto the giant dragon's nose with his swords, sheathing them. "And I was hoping we'd have a truce where I'd let him live, he'd go around and cause havoc, I 'kill' him everytime, and we'd be stinking rich!"

"...Okay..." she replied "Well, greeting, I am Dragonlord Ember, it is a pleasure to-" Deadpool slid to her and kissed the hand that wasn't holding the scepter.

"Your majesty! Might I say that, you have become one of the most talked ladies around Equestria. So much so, that there's a bunch of featured fanfics around you right now on FimFiction.net!"

"...What?" Deadpool scooped the now stiff dragoness.

"Baby... if you weren't a baby, with your father away from us, and if I wasn't already sexually attracted to Princess Luna nor Sterile... then we'd be making Dovahkiins!" she gasped

"You've studied the language of dragons!?"

"Uh... Not really. I do know one, though it's dangerous."

"Please! Tell me!"

"... Ahem... FUS-RO-DAH!!!" Both Ember and her father were blasted away by the quote.

"I LOVE YOOOOOOOOUU..."

Uh oh! She loves us!

What does that mean!?

Looks like we're going to be in a love triangle like many Young Adult novels today.

Oh no! Teenage drama!!!

"And that's why I prefer Harry Potter, folks." Deadpool spoke. "And I better get outta here! TO THE NEXT CHAPTER!!!"

Comments

[Rathorc Lemenger]

Oooohhh.... Ember's gonna fap now?

[DarkSpider]

Ha. Should've saw that coming. Every time a new character is introduced, you're going to have them meet ole Deadpool. But I just thought of something. Did he meet Bon Bon? I could be wrong, but I don't think he did.
-Dark

[Moon loving Changeling]

DragonHeart reference. ~ hug

[Tunefulsubset72]

*error has acerd, please contact help support, becaue my brain is not working*

[MrAquino]

7143553 don't worry. Not a lot of people see it either.

[Mal Masque]

Well, that was... something. Nice to see you taking jabs at the sudden surplus of stories based around Ember. DANG this writing community works fast. Keep up the work... and Zhang He wants another rematch sometime, DP.

[Sharp77]

oh....HELL NO!!! EMBER FUCK OF GILDA FOUND HIM FIRST!!!!

[MrAquino]

7145137 Changelings are as big as ponies! I present a theory that says that, though they're huge to insects, they share a common phobia with frogs and any natural insect eaters... Like that one kid you knew in Kindergarten!

[Radioactive Dragon]

................................... i dont know how but i have no jokes to say.... well shit im going to suicide

[redsopine]

7143758 er he tried to kill gilda remember