Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

A break from craziness: Pony #101 & 102: Lotus and Aloe Blossom

"Why the f**k did I not accept help!?" Bre-pool yelled to himself, struggling to hold his phone in his hands

See what happens when our pride get in the way?

Yeah! We become men! Stop whining and carry that phone!!!

"Easy for you to say! If only I could multiply myself somehow."

Hell no! I'm fine with him as another voice, but I don't want to be with him in the flesh!

Same thing here!

"Fine! I'll carry this stupid phone! Yo! Update the people what's happening ever since that 'Attack on Titan' reference chapter."

Don't tell me how to do my job. Anyways, Bre-pool had a steady flow of wind coming right behind him, blowing him to where he believe was Ponyville.

Tee hee! He said blow!

You blow.

Yeah. The wind, if you're wondering, was caused by the escaping changelings, and Bre-pool, still holding onto his phone, floated into the town of Ponyville. Without her noticing, Rainbow Dash flew past Bre-pool, making him float wildly.

"DAMN YOU BREEZY WINGS!!!" He floated right into a the sauna, where the Mane 6 all rested together, getting hooficures.

"I wonder where Deadpool's been," Fluttershy spoke while in the tub "he's been gone for a really long time."

"There's no need to worry for him." Rainbow Dash spoke, shooing one of the twins away from her hooves "We've seen what he's capable of, and I'm fine not having another Pinkie Pie around here."

"Them's fighting words!" Pinkie growled for a second, then went into a near depressed look. "It's been a while since he summoned the Taco squad for help. I do wonder if he's alright."

"At least his house is maintained." Rarity quipped "That is... if you count a Diamond Dog stampede as maintenance."

"I'm more concerned on where that other Alicorn feller went." Applejack spoke "It seems like she does had looks for you, princess."

"ME!?!?!?" Twilight yelled, blushing a bit "Uh... no! He... just knows how to be nice to me... protected me from those other humans... teamed up with me... and-" Deadpool's phone landed on her head, confusing the Alicorn princess for a second.

"Is that Deadpool's phone!?" Rainbow Dash asked in complete surprise

"Whoah nelly!" Applejack said, bracing herself for what Deadpool was going to do. Fluttershy looked ahead, as a small, red Breezie with a blonde mane & tail landed on her muzzle.

"Oh my!" Fluttershy exclaimed "A breezie! What are you doing here, little one?" Without saying anything, the Breezie jumped off Fluttershy's muzzle like an Olympic diver, barely making a splash. In a few seconds, Deadpool appeared, splashing everypony around him, as his mask & head were untouched by the waters.

"What I was doing," Deadpool spoke, unphased "is to tell you that the Alicorn Twilight was having feelings for is overweight, works as a cart pusher, and was lying about everything to you all."

YOU B*****D!!!

"Where were you!?" Rainbow Dash yelled in anger, shaking the water off her coat.

"♫I was runnin' through the 6 with my woes! You know how that should go! You know how that should go!♫"

"... I won't question that." Rarity spoke. Deadpool relaxed more into the pool.

"Ah... that feels good."

"Did the pool just get colder?" Fluttershy asked. The door opened, followed by a gasp.

"Deadpool!?" A woman's voice asked. "Sister! You need to see this!" Deadpool looked up and saw what was a pink earth pony with a blue mane, wearing what looked like a white bandanna on it's head & a white collar. Another pony, this one looking awfully familiar wearing the same stuff to the other, but was blue with a pink mane. She gasped at Deadpool as well.

"Aloe!" The blue one spoke "Is that really Deadpool!?"

"It is, Lotus," The pink one replied "The human that's saved our town multiple times!"

"Eeyup!" Deadpool replied in his best Big Mac voice

"And he does impersonations!" Lotus squeeled.

"Come Deadpool," Aloe spoke "you'll get the best spa treatment of your life! Free of charge!"

"SWEET!!!" Deadpool yelled, getting out of the tub and quickly drying himself off. "Your best man is going to be Fabulized!" Deadpool followed the sisters inside their spa.

"Please." Aloe spoke

"Remove your clothes." Lotus added

"Ooh! We're going there!?" Deadpool asked, failing at trying to be sly about it.

"We are!"

"... Well... there's a first for everything!" Deadpool began to remove all his clothing, but, to keep this a Teen rating story, I slipped Deadpool 50 bucks to keep his underwear on. "Damn straight! And I'm keeping the mask on so you two won't be scared of my face."

"Understandable," Aloe spoke "please, lie down on this."

This is gonna be some kinky s**t!!!

We still have our underwear on, so there won't be anything kinky.

"We don't know that!" Deadpool spoke to himself. "Thanks for the 50 bucks, sucker!!!" He tried to take off his underwear, but the twins returned, both with buckets & brushes in their mouths.

"Please," Lotus spoke "don't move while we add this."

"I won't baby!" The sisters began to pour the strange contents inside the bucket all over Deadpool's body (minus the head and groin area). Deadpool felt the soothing liquid on him, remembering the most famous & often parodied sexy song from Gunther Levi. When his song ended, he finally realized what was happening!

What the-!? We can't move!!!

Oh god! I think this is what it is!

What!? WHAT IS IT!?

... it's-

"A BRAZILIAN!!!" Deadpool yelled in fear.

To understand how painful this is, watch this at the 20 second mark.

We're not even that hairy!

Agreed, but the PAIN!!!

Both sister ripped off the remained of Deadpool's chest hair, causing the merc to wheeze in pain.

"That's all!" Aloe spoke with a smile.

"Does that feel good, Mr. Deadpool?" Lotus asked, also with a smile.

"...No." Deadpool wheezed.

"Don't worry! We just had to get rid of the most painful procedure first."

"Your real spa session will begin!" Aloe added.

"...Oh good." Deadpool spoke with hope. "This should go well." And it did! He went through everything one should expect to be in a spa: steam sitting rooms, mud baths, facial stuff (don't ask, he kept the mask on and they followed), Hooficures (or in Deadpool's case, it's both a manicure & pedicure), and he headed to where he'd have a massage.

"Is everything going well?" Aloe asked

"Everything's FANTASTIC!!!" Deadpool replied, feeling really relaxed.

"Need any type of massage before we're finished?" Lotus asked

"Just the best one that everyone goes for."

Oh my!

You may want to reconsider that.

"We'll give you the best massage ever!" Aloe announced

"And I'm sure he will enjoy giving it!" Lotus added. Deadpool froze.

"'He'!?" Deadpool asked. The wall crashed right behind him. Deadpool turned to see Bulk Biceps standing there!

"LET'S DO THIS!!!" He yelled

"NO!!!" Bulk grabbed Deadpool's head with his pecs and dragged the merc away for the ultimate massage of his life! Let's just say, minus any of the sword users, the characters of Mortal Kombat would be proud. Deadpool crawled out of the massage room, dragging himself until he saw the feet of a certain baby dragon. He looked up, only to see Spike looking down at him

"Took the extra strength hot stone deep tissue massage?" He asked

"Yep." Deadpool replied

"Bulk Biceps?"

"Yep."

"Got carried away?"

"Oh yeah!"

"Feeling better?"

"...Not really."

"You will the next day." Aloe and Lotus came from right behind and picked Deadpool up, placing him on the chair.

"Thank you so much for being with us today!" Aloe spoke

"We hope to see you again soon!" Lotus added

"YEAH!!!" Bulk Biceps yelled, appearing right behind the two. Everyone turned to Bulk Biceps, who just stood there, flaxing his muscles.

"...Yeah... perhaps." Deadpool spoke, pulling out his phone. "But I think we should remember this, just in case."

"That sounds great!" Aloe exclaimed

"Perfect way to end this day!" Lotus added. The two got together, as both Aloe & Louts were on Deadpool's side, and Bulk Biceps photo bombing the picture as he flexed in the background.

Author's Note:

What's a spa like? Eh, who cares!?
Who should Deadpool meet next?

Comments

[SudokuBrony]

He should meet Cranky

[UsurperBronyZant]

Muse of Discord should be next!!!

[Zero Geass]

Shiklah or spider mane from Spiders and Magic by Maximus_Reborn.

[Mr beaver Beaverton]

Is it a griffin, is it a Pegasi is it...both?
Do silver quill ! Or else...

[MrAquino]

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