Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Let's rock. Ponies 133-136: Limestone, Marble, Igneous Rock, and Cloudy Quarts Pie

It was the peak of dawn at the Pie rock family's home. Everywhere as one can see, there were rock everywhere, and it doesn't help that even the house inside has rocks around it. The ponies inside and waking up was a light gray coated mare with a darker mane that had the same look of Fluttershy's shyness, a dark purple mare with a dark gray mane that always looked angry, a light brown stallion that wore an Amish looking hat & bow-tie, a light gray mare with a gray-blue bun mane & wore glasses, and Maud. No need to tell what she looks like, it's Maud. Oh and the Thing's there too, but he's still sad that his movie bombed in the box office and no one but Maud like him with the fact that his 'family' is dead. Hey, at least you got likes on your trailer when they were shown, and people were cautiously optimistic unlike Jem.

That movie was AWFUL!!!

You saw it?

Don't need to. I can see EVERYTHING a mile away.

Eh, true. The statistics agree on how much it sucked and how it's not going to get a sequel where they finally introduce the Misfits.

GUYS!!! Spoilers!!!

It's not like anyone's gonna watch that!

Yeah, and it's going to be difficult to watch it as very few theaters are playing it.

Okay, fine. May I continue? ... Good. The family here was the Pie family, and they woke up to harvest the rocks like they do in their life. Except... Oh good lord.

"WHO MESSED WITH HOLDERS BOULDER!?!?!?" The angry pie yelled. On the large, egg shaped boulder was the... oh Jesus, you REALLY had to use Ant-Man's arch rival!?

"Like it?" Deadpool asked, standing next to them, "it's my favorite artwork to the most stupidest villain I had to fight and work with, Egghead!"

"YOU!!! YOU'RE SO DEAD!!!" Deadpool booped her.

"And you're so angry!" He carried Maud in his arms, twirling her. "Oh Maud! How's it been!? Is Ben Grimm fine?"

"Hello Deadpool." Maud replied in her usual, neutral voice "I've told my family about you. And the Thing is fine. He'll learn to love me." He rustled her mane.

"That's good to hear!"

"Thouest is Deadpool!?" the stallion asked in surprise. "My daughter hast teacheth us how thouest is... strange."

"Of course!" He now wore a wig that looked like Princess Luna's mane "But please, thouset can call we whatever they want as long as it doesn't hurteth thy feelings."

"Alooweth us to introduceth ourselves. I am-" Deadpool pointed at each of the family members.

"Igneous Rock pie!" He looked shock "Cloudy Quartz pie!" Also shocked "Marble Pie!" She blushed and hid behind her mane. "And Limestone pie!" She growled and slapped his finger away.

"How the hay do you know us!?" She asked

"It is thy ability known as 'Breaketh thy 4th wall', sweeteth Grumpy pants."

"Don't you dare call me grumpy pants again!"

"Not even for the friend of Pinkamena Diane Pie?"

"Not even from a friend of my sister!" The two stared at each other.

"You're no fun." He teleported away and reappeared with Marble in his arms. "Oh! But you're going to be the time of my life! Look at how adorable you are!" She was freaked out. Marble did everything to get away from Deadpool's tight hug, but to no effect as the only thing she was able to do was whimper. "Fluttershy 2.0, you my best friend." She froze as Deadpool snuggled with her as somewhat fitting music played in the background.

Anything for the parents?

... Amish paradise?

"Truly, you do admit you're strange," Cloudy Quartz spoke "and you do seem friendly, but we're going to have to ask you to leave."

"Unless thouest can prove thyself they know they ways." Igneous rock.

"So get out!!!" Limestone snapped. Deadpool stared, but smirked. He disappeared, but reappeared, wearing Amish clothing (complete with a fake beard) as music played. He then proceeded to do the song's music video with the help of his Taco squad and partners (all also wearing Amish outfits complete with beards). Deadpool's squad and allies stood together, churning butter while trying to look sexy at it, making the entire pie family stare with their mouths open (minus Maud), almost as if they were experiencing Pinkie Pie's party again... though Pinkie is with Deadpool, both churning the same butter and- Oh god! That's just wrong!

"♫As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain

I take a look at my wife and realize she's very plain!

But that's just perfect for an Amish like me;

You know, I shun fancy things like electricity.

At 4:30 in the morning I'm milkin' cows;

Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows... fool

And I've been milkin' and plowin' so long that

Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone!

I'm a man of the land, I'm into discipline

Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin..

But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine

Then tonight we're gonna party like it's 1699!♫"

"♫We been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise.

I've churned butter once or twice

Living in an Amish paradise.

It's hard work and sacrifice

Living in an Amish paradise.

We sell quilts at discount price

Living in an Amish paradise.♫"

"♫A local boy kicked me in the butt last week

I just smiled at him and turned the other cheek;

I really don't care, in fact I wish him well

'Cause I'll be laughing my head off when he's burning in hell!

But I ain't never punched a tourist even if he deserved it

An Amish with a 'tude? You know that's unheard of

I never wear buttons but I got a cool hat

And my homies agree, I really look good in black...fool.

If you come to visit, you'll be bored to tears

We haven't even paid the phone bill in 300 years!

But we ain't really quaint, so please don't point and stare

We're just technologically impaired.♫"

"♫There's no phone, no lights, no motorcar,

Not a single luxury.

Like Robinson Crusoe,

It's as primitive as can be.♫"

"♫We been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise.

We're just plain and simple guys

Living in an Amish paradise.

There's no time for sin and vice

Living in an Amish paradise.

We don't fight, we all play nice

Living in an Amish paradise.♫"

"♫Hitchin' up the buggy, churnin' lots of butter

Raised a barn on Monday, soon I'll raise another!

Think you're really righteous? Think you're pure in heart?

Well, I know I'm a million times as humble as thou art!

I'm the pious guy the little Amlettes wanna be like

On my knees day and night scorin' points for the afterlife!

So don't be vain and don't be whiny

Or else, my brother, I might have to get medieval on your heinie!!!♫"

"♫We been spending most our lives

Living in an Amish paradise

We're all crazy Mennonites

Living in an Amish paradise

There's no cops or traffic lights

Living in an Amish paradise

But you'd probably think it bites

Living in an Amish paradise.♫"

The Pie family (with the exception of Maud) stood with wide mouths open as Deadpool and his peers had made a complete replica of their rock farm.

"Oh my." Igneous Rock simply commented.

"Like a baws!!!" Deadpool commented. The pies stared, then fell over with goat sounds like Fluttershy did in Dragonshy. Pinkie and Maud walked over to their family.

"Oops!" Pinkie spoke "We overdid it, din't we?"

"You did." Maud commented, picking up their family. "Come on. We know the routine." Deadpool took Marble away.

"Just five more minutes!" He whined as he cuddled the petrified pony. Pinkie walked over and tried to take her sister back. Deadpool pulled Marble back to him. The two began a tug-of-war with each other.

"Come on, Deadpool!" Pinkie grunted "You have to let go!"

"Never! She's my snuggly cuddly pony!!!"

"I can be your snuggle cuddly pony." Vanessa spoke.

"You're my Snuggly cuddly human! With boobs! And a woman!"

You're making us sound gay.

What's wrong with being gay!?

"Shut up!!!" Maud went to Deadpool and tapped his leg. A single tap caused his leg to rupture and explode for some reason. He released Marble, much to his pain, and fell on his back. "Ahh! My Neck! My back! ♫Lick my p***y and my crack!♫"

"We better get ready." Maud spoke to her sister "Hearths warming is coming." At that moment, Deadpool stood right up and left. Wait... Deadpool!? You're suppose to be dressed up as Santa and-

"F**K OFF!!!"

What!? Deadpool, this is a time of cheer!

"And higher suicide rates!"

Deadpool!? What's wrong? Why aren't you-?

"Make a new chapter already!!!"

What? I can't do it now, I need to-

"DO IT!!! JUST DO IT!!!"

...okay Shia Labeouf. We'll... see each other again.

"Great! You made me reference Shia Led**che!" He walked off. Well... this was... strange.

Tell me about it!

Author's Note:

If you're reading this, I need some help, actually. Deadpool... he's not feeling it. It's Christmas time and I'd like to find out what's wrong. Yes, he and I don't get along, but he's like a brother. I'm planning to do a Christmas 3 parter thing like what I did with Halloween, but, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm gonna need editors on this. This whole thing is going to be in rhyme and it's going to be based off of three classic Christmas stories. Message me if you really want to join with me on this and want to know what the stories are. Don't tell anyone when you find out, though! If you don't celebrate this, then I'm sorry.

Comments

[Sigmacipher]

In that comic in your author notes...is that the deer from Them fighting Herds?

[MrAquino]

6601110 Velvet. (Or if Rarity was a deer)

[Radioactive Dragon]

6600246 it was a joke like deadpool did how did you not get that?

[Radioactive Dragon]

6600246 I also said story

[Stormcloud1120]

We are missing a very important pony here. Lauren Faust.

Where is our god.

[MrAquino]

6607173 She'll come when this ends. So... NEVER!!!

[Stormcloud1120]

6607274

[MrAquino]

6608079 Relax, there may be an ending to this and I've already got it down in my notebook. Lauren Faust will come, but not until a long time. Prior to that, something like this will happen.

[Stormcloud1120]

6608133 Looks fun!

[Kendall04082]

Okay, MrAquino. Just imagine, Deadpool destroying and wrecking havoc across the Hearths Warming Eve party, or maybe something even better. A LOT better........for Deadpool I mean. If he's grumpy about Christmas, then why not make him destroy the HW party? It's perfect! Plus, I've always wanted Deadpool to wreck havoc across Ponyville since the first time I read this.

And yes, I know that I just sounded disturbing and creepy. If you don't agree, then just get help from the other readers.

[MrAquino]

6613039 well something like.that will happen in then first part, though this'll follow a classic that was ruined by Hollywood and stars Jim Carrey.

[ross787887]

"Lick my p***y and my crack"