Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Spooky Scary Skeletons. Ponies 240 & 241, Dragon #6, and The kirin: Rolling Thunder, Short Fuse, Sludge, Autumn Blaze, and Rainshine

Gallus approached Deadpool's house, being really concerned. His professor had been gone for a long time, and with it being Nightmare Night, he wanted to be sure that Deadpool was alright. Standing near his professor's house, Gallus knocked on the door.

"Uh... Professor Deadpool?" He asked. "You alright?" There was no answer. He knocked a bit more. "Professor?" The door opened with a loud creak. Inside, Deadpool's house was dark, with only a silhouette of Deadpool at the far end of the hall. Gallus nervously entered. "Deadpool? You ok?"

"... Who enters my domain?" Deadpool asked in a raspy voice.

"It's me, Gallus, remember?" He walked in. "You've been gone for a long time, sir. Cozy Glow has been getting on Twilight's good side, and we're unsure if you can-" As soon as Gallus flicked on the lights, he jumped back and screamed at the sight of Deadpool. His teacher was a zombie!

"What?" Deadpool asked.

"D-Deadpool! You're... you're-!" Gallus stuttered.

"Oh... right... I'm a zombie."

"How did you-!?"

"I honestly don't remember, but in case you're wondering, I'm following the Marvel Zombies logic of the only way for me to keep my sanity and not devour anyone close to me is to lock myself off from the rest of the world and wait until the hunger has worn off. And so far, it's been working. Of course, I had to keep myself entertained." He pointed up. Gallus looked up, seeing sausages, tied to strings, were on the rooftop. "Now, if you excuse me, I'm trying to be creative." Deadpool began to bang on an electric keyboard in front of him, singing about sausages.. Gallus got annoyed, slapping Deadpool across the face. His professor shook himself. "Oh god! That's the last time I watch Freddy Got Fingered At FNAF. What was I doing?"

"You rambled on how you're trying not to eat people."

"Oh yeah... and I was waiting for MrAquino to make a new chapter following the rest of this season. You hear me! You did this!"

"Right... well... at least you're back to normal... kinda. Are you going to find a cure for this?"

"Maybe. It's hard to tell. I could be a zombie like this for the rest of this fic, or, more than likely, Luna's gonna burst in, curing me of this disease, and wants me to have sex while I try to show her my collection of Bionicles."

"... You lost me." The sounds of screaming was heard from outside.

"Oh great! We've got commotion." Deadpool got up, before his torso fell right off his legs.

"Deadpool!"

"I'm alright... hold up... I think I remembered what happened during that hiatus..."

---

Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo argued as the latter was in a black and green outfit, standing alongside Lightning Dust. However, Deadpool entered.

"Hold up!" He shouted. "Scootaloo, as much as I think it would be cool for you to do this, I gotta side with Dash on this one. You're just a kid."

"I'm not a kid!" Scootaloo shouted. "I can handle this!"

"Oh yeah? Watch." Deadpool got on the scooter.

I admire we're trying to be a role model, but this?

This is totally gonna be f**king rad!

"GO!!!" Deadpool was blasted away by the rocket on Scootaloo's scooter. Going at near turbo speeds, Deadpool was launched into the sky by the ramp... the rocket exploded, showering the entire crowd with Deadpool's blood, guts, and severed limbs. On the side lines, Short Fuse and Rolling Thunder only stared with a look of fear. Landing next to Ocellus was Deadpool's head, causing the changeling to scream.

"What? Not a fan of Shakespeare?" He asked. Ocellus screamed loudly, flying away.

"Ok... I'm outta here!" Rolling Thunder exclaimed in her Australian accent.

"Wait for me!" Short Fuse yelled "Get back here you son of a-!"

---

"... I should apologize to Ocellus." Deadpool spoke to himself.

"Hello! Focus!" Gallus snapped his claws at Deadpool. The merc saw the entire town was under attack by living skeletons. Each skeleton caused havoc, running around, clanging their bones around, stealing cartons of milk and literal cows with them, and delivering awful skeleton puns.

"Oh! Skeletons... granted, it's not zombies, but still, we've got some Army of Drakness vibes around here."

"Yona need help!" The titular yak yelled, blasting her machine guns at the skeletons.

"I know something that can help!" Ocellus spoke, turning into a lion. She roared, making some skeletons in front of her tremble and turn into a pile.

"Ooh! A lion!" Deadpool spoke. "That reminds me of another small bit I had during this hiatus."

---

In the Peaks of Peril, there laid a village of lion-dragon-pony hybrids. The Kirin, as everyone seemed to know now. All the kirin were able to talk, but in this case, they had another special guest. Rainshine, the leader of the Kirin (noted by her being the tallest out of all of them), rested away, humming away, before hearing the sound of a cart rolling along. She looked outside of her house to see that Deadpool rolled out a cart, wearing a straw hat with white robes. Autumn Blaze approached his cart first.

"Oh wow! A new visitor! Hi, I'm Autumn Blaze, welcome to my village."

"Hi there, young one." Deadpool spoke in a stereotypical Chinese accent.

Oh, we weren't gonna be racist!

Oh Herro!

"I sense something from you." Deadpool continued, right before pulling a gong and banging it loudly, with the Chinese note playing afterwards "You wish to learn the ways of Kung Fu, yes? Or some fried rice, yes?"

"Uh... the rice sounds nice, sir. My name is-"

"Your name is Autumn Braze, yes?"

"It's... blaze, but yes. And you might be?"

"The hero of the rand of Equestria."

For the love of us, stop that accent.

You need a sense of humor.

"Oh... Deadpool." Rainshine spoke, approaching to the counter. "Everyone, please, ignore him. He's just an annoying figure."

"Annoying!?" Deadpool shouted. "How dare you say that, miss! And how would you know!?"

"I have my sources."

"Yeah right! Name something I like."

"Princess Luna."

"What the-!? Alright! What do I think of your kind?"

"We're cute."

"Son of a-! Alright, what color is my underwear?"

"White, but since you never wash it, it's brown and yellow."

"... Dammit! Alright, the biggest one... what is so hot it's cool, but is so cool, it's hot?"

"Poptarts."

"... CHEATER!!!" He pulled out his swords. "I challenge you to Mortal Kombat!" The crowd gasped.

"... Eh, I win already."

"Win!? How!? You didn't even-!" Rainshine turned into her Nirik self and delivered a hard uppercut to his nuts. Deadpool squealed loudly as he flew into the sky. "MY BAAAAAAALS!!!"

"... And that, my subjects, is why we control our anger."

---

"Man... I hope the Kirin return next season." Deadpool spoke.

"Deadpool, we captured the guy as we said." Sandbar spoke. The merc saw that they were in a warehouse of sorts, and tied up was Sludge the Dragon.

"... Holy s**t, I'm gonna enjoy this." Deadpool pulled out his set of torture tools.

"Hey! What's going on here!?" Sludge yelled. "Why are these so many creatures here!?"

"Can it, Sludge!" Smolder quipped. "You've got something we want!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

"You'll understand." Deadpool spoke, pulling out some pliers. "Afteralll... we need to know, how the skeletons are arriving."

"I don't know! Magic? A virus!? I don't know! Let me go!"

"Ah... poor choice of words." Deadpool shoved a Metal pole in Sludge's mouth, keeping his jaws opened. "Ooh! I see a loose tooth here! Lets's see if it'll come out." Deadpool used the pliers and clamped onto one of Sludge's back teeth. Sludge screamed in pain as he felt a tooth of his being ripped out from behind. With a hard yoink, Sludge's back came right out in a bloody mess!

"Ooh! I can get a lot of bits from the Tooth Fairy with that!" Silverstream spoke, taking the tooth away. Sludge teared up, but not before Deadpool took the pole out.

"What do you want!?" Sludge begged. "I'll tell!"

"Who's raising the skeletons!?" Deadpool demanded.

"I-I think it was someone in ponyville! Yeah! A pony!"

"Which pony!?"

"I don't know! They all look the same!"

"Poor answer!" Deadpool pulled a car battery out with a pair of tongs. "Even though you're a dragon, you got a serious case of moobs. Let's give you some nipples!" Deadpool shoved the tongs onto Sludg's breast areas, making the dragon squeal in pain. After a few seconds, Deapool pulled out the prongs, revealing 2 burnt marks on Sludge's underbelly. "Whoo! A beautiful pair of nips! Care to tell us now!?"

"Please! It's a filly! A pegasus filly! She goes to this school!"

"Uh huh? Any more descriptions?"

"That's all I know! Please!" Deadpool turned and pulled out a gas canister. He kicked Sludge to the floor, the chair's legs breaking, but Sludge was still strapped in.

"Here's a little lesson I learned in Guantanamo Bay: this is the closest thing to a bath, as well as a day at the beach." Deadpool placed a wet towel over Sludge's face. The dragon attempted to use his fire breath, but Deadpool poured the containments into Sludge's face, making him drown. "Yeah! Waterboarding! AKA, the idiot's surfing guide if they've never heard it." After what seemed like a minute, Deadpool took the towel off and pushed Sludge to the ground, allowing him to breath, puking out the containments.

"What was that!?" He cried.

"My p***." Deadpool picked up a sledge hammer. "Now, are you going to say who it is?"

"Cozy Glow! It's Cozy Glow! Please, I'll cooperate!"

"Aw... good boy... so, shall we all get back to school?"

---

"Alas, after so many months, you are finally completed!" Cozy Glow spoke in the basement of the school of Friendship. The doors were kicked open and the X-Force entered.

"Cozy Glow!" Deadpool shouted. "How can you do this!? How can you let skeletons cause havoc with their skeleton puns!?" Cozy Glow only had a smile.

"Oh, you're such an idiot, aren't you all?" She flew around the covered creation. "It's called a Distraction for a reason. I'm about to unveil my newest creation, one that even you cannot beat." She flew to a lever and pulled out. Huge sparks of Electricity went off, as the creation glowed with an eerie red, forming the silhouette of a centaur that towered over everyone.

"No... it can't be..." Sandbar spoke.

"It's a cyborg!" Silverstream and Ocellus shouted.

"It's Tirek!" Gallus and Smolder yelled.

"No, it's..." Yona added.

"CYRIK ACTIVATED!!! EXTERMINATION IN PROCESS!!!

"Holy s**t... That's awesome." Deadpool complimented. "But you forgot one thing, Cozy. We have the power of music! ... And these students are the Elements of Harmony 2.0, but f**k it, get the instruments ready." Gallus pulled out a guitar, Silverstream a drum kit, Sandbar with the bass, Smolder with a keytar, Yona with speakers on her back, and Ocellus, with her own microphone. An eagle screech escaped from Silverstream's mouth, with Gallus beginning the first riffs on his guitar. Ocellus began to sing, alongside Deadpool.

♬Deep inside the universe, in the depths of space
There rises a sinister evil
The people live in fear, under any tyrant’s reign of terror
Who will save us now? ♬

♬From out of the darkness and into the fight! (FIGHT!!!)
X- force is coming to set things to right!♬

♬X-Force!
Kicking ass for justice and for liberty!
For freedom and tons of cash!
They’re the final stand
The last band of heroes
Who’ll fight evil with no remorse... ♬

♬(X-force)
For Freedom!
(X-force!)
For the cash!
(X-force!)
For liberty and justice for all! ♬

♬Evil forces are amassing
But they’ll never take our freedom
We call on the defenders; on the youngest avengers
To liberty or death ♬

♬On wings of iron eagles, X-force brings the rain
A whirlwind of blood, sweat, and bullets
Villains will pay for the carnage they have shed
Cos X-force is coming to fill them with lead♬

♬X-Force!
Kicking ass for justice and for liberty!
For freedom and tons of cash!
They’re the final stand
The last band of heroes
Who’ll fight evil with no remorse♬

♬(X-force)
For Freedom!
(X-force!)
For the cash!
(X-force!)
For liberty and justice for all! ♬

A Kickass guitar solo came from Gallus, who shed some manly tears, as the Cyrik began to short circuit.

♬In the darkest hour
In the eye of the storm
We stand together
An unbreakable force of Bros! ♬

♬X-Force!
Kicking ass for justice and for liberty!
For freedom and tons of cash!
They’re the final stand
The last band of heroes
Who’ll fight evil with no remorse!
X-FORCE!!!♬

With a press of a detonator by Deadpool, Cyrik's robots screams were heard, followed by the cyborg centaur exploding.

"NO!!!" Cozy glowed yelled. "MASTER!!!"

"And your parents are gonna hear about this." Deadpool spoke.

"Wow... that was awesome! ... And lame." Silverstream commented. "Didn't we have guns for this?"

"Yeah, but it's best we actually do use it in an actual emergency."

"Yona want to perform next time!" Yona announced.

"Oh man, I love this so much, Dad!" Gallus commented, but quickly covered his beak.

"Did you... call me dad?" Deadpool asked.

"Uh... a little bit."

"... God dammit! You're all adorable badasses! Come here!" Deadpool grabbed everyone and got them into a huge group hug. "Ooh! That's what I need to do!"

"What, sir?" Ocellus asked.

"We need more X-Force members!"

"Uh... aren't we good enough?" Smolder asked.

"Of course you are. But we need more men. You guys are diverse enough, but we need more diversity! You hear me, Hasbro! Where's the other races you have but dropped!? Where's the Diamond Dogs, Mintotaurs, Buffalo, Furries, and the new Kirin student!? Huh!? Where!?!?!?" Luna tackled Deadpool out of nowhere and stabbed him with a syringe. In seconds, Deadpool's flesh went back to normal, now no longer a zombie anymore.

I actually forgot we were a zombie.

Eh, subplots always fail in fics like these.

"Now you're cured!" Luna spoke. "I need you inside me, NOW!!!"

"... Wow... blunt." Deadpool replied. "But before we have another session of buttsex... care to see my Bionicle collection?"

Author's Note:

Hey guys, sorry for being away for so long. Consider this as a ketchup to all I miss, and a weird, half ass Halloween special.

Comments

[Macdaverin]

Ah, Deadpool's back at 2.3% brainpower.
Nothing new there.
(Sits back in lawn chair)
Now to wait for the Heartswarming special.

[KVFFour]

"The hero of the rand of Equestria."

Make it more obvious. De herroh of de random of Equestriah. Trust me, I'm Asian.

[Paulli]

9017915
Oh you too.

Stan Lee
1922-2018
RIP.