Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

APPALOOSA!!! All the buffalo and Ponies # 141 & 142: Granny Smith and Braeburn

At the break of dawn, Applejack, Applebloom, Big Mac, and their granny arrived at the town of Appaloosa.

"Heh, we made it, Granny!" Applejack spoke to the wagon they pulled. "Up and At 'em, Granny!"

"Uh wha?" the voice of an elderly mare spoke "I'ma comin'."

"Same thing here!" Another voice spoke.

"What the-!?" Applebloom yelled. Deapool's head popped out of the back of the wagon, sweating and panting hard.

"I gotta say... you really were something, Granny Smith."

"M-hm," the elderly mare replied, sticking her head out, also sweating. "I may be old, but I still got some moves."

"Oh, that I can't deny!"

"Ready for another Round?"

"Hell yeah!" They both entered the covers again and the wagon shook with the sound of the two moaning. Applejack's cheeks perked with a green, Big Mac's eyes widened & pupils shrunk, and Applebloom just had a curious look.

"Is Deadpool hurting Granny?" Applebloom asked.

"OH F**K YEAH!!!" Deadpool finished. The two popped out, sweating hard, holding out an apple pie.

"You sure help made the pies so easy." Granny Smith commented.

"Yeah! Pie making is awesome!" He turned to the apples. "What? You seriously thought I was doing it with Granny? Her hips would break!" He teleported out, wearing a... sexy cowboy outfit.

N***a, you gay!

Hey! Don't use the N-word.

But we're cowboys. This is part of history!

And that makes it worse.

"Oh boy! Appaloosa!!!" Deadpool spoke. "Time to prove my inner Western! Texas Stereotype: Commence!!!" He dissapeared and reappered in the town, wearing his other Cowboy suit. He turned to see the handsome S.O.B. himself, Braeburn.

I have the strangest boner right now.

This for some stallion? You're gay.

A Western tune was played by a pony band nearby, and, through the eyes of the Mercernary, the whole thing became an old Western movie.

"This town ain't big for the two of us." He spoke in a familiar gritty voice.

"Oh! Howdy Stranger, ain't seen you here before." Braeburn spoke "Ah'd like to welcome you to the town of-"

"When the clock bangs at 12, draw!"

"... Beg your pardon? Ah rest assure you that there's enough space for you, good sir. Tell me, what's your-" The clock in the town banged loudly.

"DRAW!!!" Deadpool pulled out twin revolvers and fired at the stallion! Braeburn ducked down, though his hat was struck by the bullets, leaving multiple holes in and around it. Just like a machine gun, complete with noise, Deadpool fired wildly at Braeburn's spot. Multiple holes now occupied the side of the building, and the town's folks scattered in panic, screaming their heads off. After what felt like an hour, the firing stopped, and Braeburn peeked his head out, shivering in fear at what just happened. "Aw man! I have the worst aim in history!!!"

I guess that's why you use machine guns.

HA!!! Stormtroopers have a better aim than you!

"Damn, you're right." He threw a bag of Money at Braeburn. "Heep your stinkin' money!!!" He teleported away, landing onto the clock tower. He looked around, seeing the orchard of apples, and a traveling dust trail.

Look out! Darude Sandstorm!!!

No, it's a stampede.

"Ooh! Buffalo!!!" Deadpool teleported at least a mile away from the upcoming stampede and set up a camera. "Hi, I'm Deadpool, and welcome to Jackass. Hit the theme!!!" He turned, screamed, and ran for his life from the upcoming Buffalo stampede.

He tripped and jumped into the air, landing on a buffalo's back. The buffalo tried to shake him off, but Deadpool held onto it's horn, acting like a cowboy on a bucking horse. Unfortunately, his cockiness failed him, and he fell off, followed by the pain of being stampeded by all of the buffalo running. He wheezed as he healed from the trampling, but was meet by the calf, Strongheart, herself.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Never been better." Deadpool replied. "Just give me a moment." He jumped right back up, fully healed, but he teared up as some of the buffalo stomped on his... tenders. "Oh Christ-all-mighty... that hurts. Where's your camp?"

"That way." He turned around to see that the camp was just a foot away.

"...Why didn't I see that?"

"Who are you, sir?"

"Oh! I'll tell you who I am!" He readjusted his cowboy outfit and pulled a guitar out. "Fallout 4 joke." He played the song and hypnotized the Buffalo with his music, leading them to Appaloosa, where the residents were preparing for the annual Apple family reunion, and fixing the building Deadpool shot down.

"♫Oh well, I'm the type of guy who will never settle down

Where pretty girls are well, you know that I'm around

I kiss 'em and I love 'em 'cause to me they're all the same

I hug 'em and I squeeze 'em they don't even know my name

They call me the wanderer

Yeah, the wanderer

I roam around, around, around

Oh well, there's Flo on my left and there's Mary on my right,

And Janie is the girl with that I'll be with tonight.

And when she asks me, "which one I love the best?"

I tear open my shirt I got Rosie on my chest

'Cause I'm the wanderer

Yeah, the wanderer

I roam around, around, around

Oh well, I roam from town to town

I go through life without a care

And I'm as happy as a clown

I with my two fists of iron and I'm going nowhere

I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around,

I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town!

And when I find myself fallin' for some girl,

I hop right into that car of mine and ride around the world!

Yeah I'm the wanderer

Yeah, the wanderer

I roam around, around, around♫"

The crowd was hypnotized by the music, and everything was fixed immediately.

"♫Oh yeah, I'm the type of guy that likes to roam around

I'm never in one place, I roam from town to town

And when I find myself a-fallin' for some girl

I hop right into that car of mine and drive around the world

Yeah, 'cause I'm a wanderer

Yeah, a wanderer

I roam around, around, around

'Cause I'm a wanderer

Yeah, a wanderer

I roam around, around, around

'Cause I'm a wanderer

Yeah, a wanderer♫"

The crowd shook themselves off as the song ended, finding Appaloosa to be cleaned up and fixed beyond damage.

"Thank you so much for listening!" Deadpool spoke in a microphone "I'll be here for the next reunion! Or, at least, probably away from the ponified version of Brokeback mountain here." He pointed at Braeburn. "So I'll see ya!" He looked at his watch. "HOLY S**T!!! A WEEK UNTIL MY MOVIE COME OUT!!!" And with that, he ran away with fast music.

Author's Note:

Check out my top 10 Deadpool Appearances in hype for the movie.

Comments

[Skullkingjr]

Is there a SCP chapter if not can you make one?

[MrAquino]

6912405 SCP #3.14159: A pie that grants someone immortality but will kill a world leader. Has googly eyes for some reason and a... you know... for some weird reason.
Who comes up with these SCP's!?
And if this is a secret thing, why is it online for everyone to read?
Quiet! I wanna read the SCP about the Miley Cyrus turkey that twerks on someone until they die!

[Skullkingjr]

6912435 I'll take that as yes you have done it... Lol...

[MrAquino]

6912441 Actually, no, I haven't. That's really my opinion on the SCP thing. I give respect for some things, but the others are just ridiculous. Plus, you have to admit, if this is suppose to be a secretive thing, why can we read them, even if the messages are blocked during interviews & info?

[Skullkingjr]

6912454 true but it might be just fake or it might have been all released by accident or someone hacked into them and put them on the Internet.

[MrAquino]

6912465 I vote for the latter: Creepy Pasta writers that got their 5 minutes of fame

[Skullkingjr]

6912469 I vote for the SCP that makes people kill themselves once they download this protector for their computer and the system starts sending pictures that you have token but with one difference with that creature in the photo and after a while you will start seeing it in real life then you end your life.

[MrAquino]

6912474 So I'm gonna die from looking at a Pizza box?

[SudokuBrony]

Something I just noticed is that isn't Deadpool supposed to be taking selfies with each new pony he meets? That was his goal right?

[Skullkingjr]

6912476 SCP-1471

[MrAquino]

6912479 OH S**T!!!

[Radioactive Dragon]

i just watched the deadpool move last night

[DarkSpider]

6912435 What's a SCP?
-Dark

[DarkSpider]

6912479 At least I'm not the only one who noticed
-Dark

[Prismmmm]

7097573 It's a semi - popular horror game series. This is an SCP.

http://pre05.deviantart.net/a7cf/th/pre/i/2013/360/6/b/scp___old_man_joy_by_tchaikovsky2-d6zhph5.jpg