Bring out the Napkins. Diamond Dog (???) (Possible) #1: Dr. Wolf
Deadpool woke up in what was another home, lying on what was a red, comfortable couch. He looked around, seeing shelves with books around, a blue chair that was next to his couch, and pictures hung on the wall, showing off many of Deadpool's victories taken from different angles, most likely a Pegasus' work.
Hold on... I beleive... we're in a psychologists office.
Aw hell no! We ain't got time for that!
We don't plan on anything at all! Plue, we could get some help and I beleive this belongs to-
Blah, blah, blah! If we want psycho stuff, we'll play psychonauts!
"True that brother!" Deadpool spoke to himself. "Let's-a get outta here!" Deadpool got up and opened the door to the room, only to be meet face to face with a 2nd grade Sentry from Team Fortress 2, aiming right at him! He stopped and stared a little bit, watching it aim at him as he moved around his head a bit. He teleported away, only to be meet with an army of 3rd class sentries outside the walls! Teleported away, more sentries on the rooftop! Teleported, and now, back to the room!
Mother f***er! So many sentries!
This is one crazy TF2 fan! I hope none of this hit anypony we know!
A door opened and in came was a Spike sized, white coated wolf like creature that wore a grey vest, a purple tie, and black shorts.
"Oh! Good afternoon Deadpool," the small wolf creature greeted himself, oblivious on all the sentries around their area. "I'm sorry for the frying pan thing earlier; looking over your personality, I knew you would'nt cooperate on what we're doing."
"...who the f**k are you!?" Deadpool asked.
"Oh dear! My deepest apologies. I am Dr. Wolf; a psychologist here in ponyville. I actually want to have a word with you, Mr. Deadpool."
"♫I'm good, I'm good, I'm good! Livin' life just like I should, Wouldn't change it if I could!I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good!♫"
"... Well... I'm sorry to say, but you're going to stay with me for a while until this word is over. Please, have a seat."
"Fine!" Deadpool dragged his feet then flopped onto the soft couch. Dr. Wolf himself hopped onto his chair and took a seat.
"Now, Deadpool, is it alright if you care to take your mask off?"
"What!? ♫OH HELL NO!!!♫
"Please, it's only the two of us here. Plus, I'm certain there's things on your mind you want to let loose."
"Let loose!? What? You mean like-"
"Not here! Keep your clothes on, just lose the mask."
"...Fine! If you want to see an ugly a** tumor, then be my guest!" Deadpool sat right up and slowly took off his mask. In a few moments, his skin felt the air again and he breathed much better, as his mask came right off.
"...interesting."
"Oh please! This ain't gonna help me win Mr. Universe anywhere except in the Marvel Zombie comics! ... oh s**t! I forgot about headpool!!!"
*In Deadpool's apartment
Headpool laid on the table, whistling to himself. The doors kicked open, and Punisher entered.
"WHERE ARE YOU WADE!?!?!?" He yelled, looking everywhere. Punisher found Headpool and fired at the little guy!
"...ow." Headpool replied "What a waste of a cameo in my part!"
*Back in Ponyville*
"... Eh, probably nothing." Deadpool, spoke to himself, going into a relaxed position.
"Now," Dr. Wolf continued "care to tell me about your past?"
"... ♫Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down. And I'd like to take a minute, Just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town that's somewhere!♫"
"Without the singing, please?"
"...Fine! But if we're going to do this: MRAQUINO!!! Show what happened back then while using that Italic button for us! Color me Red and Wolf's Gray!"
"Who... are you talking to?"
"The D****ebag that made you come here in the first place!"
Somewhere, in Canada during the late 80's and early 90's
I was a pretty happy child... or at least... that's what I'm suppose to say to those insurance people. Never knew why until later.
And how did that all go?
A little something like this.
A young Wade Wilson hid in his closet, curled up in a corner in a ball. He was ordinary looking, having blonde hair and blue eyes, something that'd make Adolf Hitler happy! He hid in the closet, silently whimpering to himself, which he gasped at, hearing a door inside slam open!
"WHERE'S THAT LITTLE B*****D!?!?!?" A masculine voice yelled
"Honey!" A feminine voice yelled "STOP!!! You're drunk!!!"
"I'M NOT DRUNK!!! I'M BUZZED!!! Where's WADE!?!?!?"
"He's away from here!!!"
"LIAR!!!"
"NO!!! DON'T!!! AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!" Wade heard what was violence going on for a few seconds, followed by silence. He slowly pushed himself to the corner, going into a fetus like position, seeing and hearing what was the footsteps of his father heading to his area, breathing hard.
"Come out Wade! We're gonna have a little fun! You like fun, don't you?" Wade silently whimpered to himself, as a small feather from a pillow came down and tickled his nose. He sneezed, and his father stopped
"oh crap." Wade spoke to himself.
Now if it weren't for that feather, I'd probably made it out without a serious a** whooping!
And what did you do that made your father angry?
I told a police officer as school on all the things my dad did!
I see... now tell me, what about your life after being a child?
I F***ED up in High School REALLY BAD!!! Father kicked me out because 'I'm too irresponsible to take care of now'. Really, he needed his beer, but I guess that helped started my career as an assassin! Hell! I was happy to be away from my family! I had a girlfriend Jenny was her name!
I see... but it didn't last long, did it?
*A deep breath* Yeah... it went well that day... until I going to the Doc and finding out what happened.
Some time in the 2000's
Wade entered his apartment room, seeing Jenny finishing up some exercising things. She turned and rushed to Wade, hugging him!
"There's my favorite assassin of all time!" Jenny spoke, rubbing her head in Wade's chest.
"'sup Jenny." Wade replied, caressing her hair while hugging her as well.
"Did you get the money?" Wade pulled out a large wad of cash
"All $200 thousand!"
"Oh honey! You're the best!!!"
"Yeah... I was."
"Wha- what do you mean?" Wade walked to their bed and sat on it. Jenny walked and sat next to him, giving him a back massage. "Care to tell me what's wrong, Wade? Are you feeling a bit down?"
"No Jenny, I wish it was that. It's... rather serious."
"Well please, tell me! We're together in this!"
"That's the problem; you'll be lonely now." Jenny turned Wade's head around.
"What is it?"
"...I have cancer." Jenny stopped and the stared at each other.
"So... you're going-"
"Yeah... I am." More silence "Jenny... please... I... don't you to see me go."
"What do you mean!? I'm staying with you until you pass!!!"
"I don't want you to see someone close pass away!"
"But I-" Wade pulled out Jenny's purse from underneath the bed and placed the wad of cash in it.
"Go!"
"Go?"
"GO!!! Get outta here!!! If I'm gonna die, I might as well do it alone!!!"
"But... don't you-" Wade pulled a pistol on her
"I DON'T WANT S**T!!! NOW GET OUT!!! NOW!!!" Jenny got up and ran away.
"YOU'RE AN A**!!!" Wade lied on his bed.
"...Well Death... I'm waiting."
If I had known Lady Death was there, I may have teased her with my horse c**k!
I... didn't want to hear that.
But that'll be later! Back to my past!!!
1 Month Later:
The door to Wade's apartment was knocked, and he walked around to the door in a really weak, defeated way. He opened the door, and two men in suits were there.
"Mr. Wilson?" One of the men spoke
"Came here to arrest me?" Wilson asked "Too bad; by the time I drop the soap, I'm going to be dead!"
"We're not here to arrest you, Wade." Another spoke "We're actually here to help you."
"...Help me? With what?"
"We believe we have a cure to your cancer, but we need a real subject to see if it works."
"If you die," the other added "then you should be glad you didn't go to jail and died in an honorable way."
"What if I survive?" Wade asked
"You'll find out later."
"The choice is yours." The other man spoke "Join us now to hopefully become the first few people to be cured from cancer."
"Or stay here and die." Wade looked at the two, turned to his apartment, then back to the two with a smirk.
"Well... I'll apologize to Jenny when it's over." Wade spoke with a bunch of confidence in his voice.
So you followed them?
EEYUP!!! And they f**ked me over to a part of Weapon X!!! They stuffed many needles in area where one should not have them in, and, though I now heal rapidly, I still have cancer, and I didn't know I was invincible then.
And you escaped how?
Well... it's kinda a blur, but I know I wasn't alone at all.
Details, please. And don't worry, I don't mind any extra details.
If you say so! It was at least 2 years after my capture & experimentations, and, for the first time, I embraced my insanity!
Weapon X division research center. 2 years later:
Two armed guards walked to Wade's prison cell, each holding batons. The left one banged on Wade's cell door.
"Hey Wade!" He yelled "Get up! It's your time now to be with Dr. Killbrew!" Silence fell among them.
"GET UP!!!" The other yelled, banging harder on the door. Silence. The first guard opened the door open, turning on his flashlight and entered the room. The second one stood in the doorway, taking out his baton for self defense. The first walked to Deadpool's bed and lifted the covers, seeing nothing whatsoever!
"What's going on!?"
"HE'S GONE!!!" Call for backup: We have an escaped experiment!" Silence fell. "Are you listening, I said-" Wade grabed him and snapped his neck, killing him.
"What a twist!" Wade yelled to himself. Unlike his younger self, but not like himself now, his skin showed some deformity, especially around the face, but he looked somewhat normal. He picked up the baton and ran outside the door with it, a couple of other experimented mutates seeing Wade pass and begging him to rescue them.
We should probably save them.
Deadpool ran into the bathroom and landed into a stall, hiding from a couple of guards running to the cells where he escaped.
"WHO SAID THAT!?!?!?" Wade yelled
I am your conscious. Or... at least what you think a conscious sounds like. In other words, I'm sorta your Super Ego.
If You're the Super Ego, then I'm the Super SUPER EGO!!!
"Who the f**k are you!?"
That is your Id, or, as a recognizable way, your devil.
I'm not evil! Listen though, we can escape this facility with a huge explosion that Michael Bay would jerk off to!
See what I mean?
Wade peeked out of the restroom, seeing guards patrolling the area.
"I think we're going to need help on this one."
Fine... but the explosions!?
"Maybe." Deadpool entered an open air duct, crawling his way through the area, heading to where the experimentations were held at. A lone guard had his back at the door, chatting on the radio to be on the look out for Wade. Wade kicked the guard in the balls, causing him to fall and keel over. Wilson took his gun away, followed by a headshot to the guard, making sure he wouldn't contact anyone else. He entered the room, seeing 4 mutates on their beds, covered in patches and looking seriously injured.
These guys won't do! Get the muscle bound guys!
Hey! We need everyone to survive this! But how are we going to do that?
"Hm... Music?"
I... doubt that'll-
HIT IT!!!
(Begin at 22 seconds)
You studied old music?
Nah! When you go insane, you learn a lot of things and know things without studying them! Anyways, as I was saying-
"Wade Wilson!" One of the 4 spoke "How... did you do that?"
"The power of music!" Wade replied, jumping down to their level "That, and I need all the help I can get to escape from this hell hole!"
"Tell us what we have to do, and we'll do it!" Another spoke
To make things shorter, I had those 4 cause a distraction while I released everyone, Cabin in the woods style!
And what were you doing during this?
Ah... freedom! As soon as everything was destroyed, all those b*****ds killed, Freedom! I still remember it!
Deadpool and the mutates exited the facility, feeling the, though cold, still warm air of the outside world.
"You... did it!" One of the mutates spoke
"We did it!" Wade corrected
"Wade Wilson," another Mutate spoke "for surviving against all odds and leading us out of trouble, you deserve the name of names!"
"And that is?"
"You... are the Deadpool!!!"
"I'm... Deadpool?"
"Deadpool Everyone!" A chanting followed, slowly rising from low to high, as all the mutates began to cheer 'Deadpool' over and over!
We now have a fanbase!!!
More like a cult.
After that thing, I had one person to visit, hopefully, as a way to get her back.
And how did that go?
...What do you think?
New York City:
Wade, in a trench-coat and fedora, approached an apartment building's room and knocked on it's door.
"Ugh... who's there!?" A familiar woman voice asked
"You know who it is." Wade replied in the voice of Bill Clinton.
"... Hold on just a sec." The door unlocked and Jenny opened the door, wearing a towel to cover her breasts and taco. She gasped at Wade's sight. "W-Wade!?"
"That's right baby!"
"What... happened to you!?"
"I got cured... but I also have cancer. How you doing? Boobs still squeak?"
"Wha-!? No! Look, I'm sorry... but-"
"Who's there?" A voice came in. A small, hairy man with a hairstyle that looked like horns appeared in the room, holding a bottle of beer in his hand. "Jenny! Who the hell is this bub?"
"Oh! This is Wade! My old boyfriend. You know, the one with cancer?"
"Yeah... I remember."
"Wha-!?" Wade yelled "Who... who the hell is this!?"
"Wade," Jenny spoke "This is Logan... my husband."
Hold on... I meet Woverine before!?!?!?"
You're telling me this. How do you not remember?
He knocked me out with his bottle, causing me to bleed hard. They thought I was dead, so I followed it, doing my own sad Hulk walk, killing the character singer that song in the process with a jack in the box!
And who would that be?"
Click on the link and you'll see.
Link? But-
BACK TO MY PAST!!! I went back to the destroyed facility, more scarred than ever. If I was lucky, I could find some people to talk to, even if they were a**holes.
A Canadian military base:
Deadpool banged on the floor, crying deeply to himself! Next to him was a gun, smoking as it fired some bullets, and Wade, who's head was healing quickly.
"MOTHER F***ER!!!" He yelled to himself "F**K YOU WORLD!!! LET ME DIE ALONE!!!
We can't die at all! We can use this to our advantage!
As a Halloween prop, maybe.
"SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!"
"There he is!!!" A voice on a radio spoke.
"Fire!!!" Another yelled. Deadpool looked up and saw a bunch of soldiers running to him.
"KILL ME!!!" he yelled "KILL ME!!!" The soldiers fired at Wade, only to look at him in fear, as he healed rapidly! "DON'T STOP!!! KILL ME!!! KILL ME LIKE I'M SADDAM HUSSEIN!!!" He fell to the floor, as a headshot was made on him, but felt himself healing already. "CHOP ME HEAD OFF!!! CHOP IT OFF!!!" One of the soldiers knocked him out with the butt of his rifle.
Wade awoke in a dark area, where a single light hung over him.
Uh oh! THE ILLUMINATI!!!
SHUT UP!!!
"Welcome, Wade Winston." A voice spoke, followed by the silhouette of a figure "The name's Stryker. I heard what you did to one of my research areas."
"Oh yeah!" Wade replied, remembering what happened "Killbrew and Ajacks becoming beef stew and applejacks!"
"Yes... those two. While you lead all the mutates to victory, it's your skills that intrigue me."
"Which skills!? Combat or bed?"
"Combat. Listen, you're not the only one with super healing. Come out all of you." Around Wade, were the 4 other members of the team:
Lady Deathstrike:
Omega Red:
Sabertooth:
And Hugh Jackman!
"These are your new friends, Wade." Stryker continued "Choose to stay, and we'll be one happy family. Choose to go, then just wait for your death." Wade looked around him, seeing the four.
"Please," Wade spoke "call me... Deadpool."
Wade Wilson died that day, and Deadpool was born!
And what happened after that?
Short man got his claws and ran away. Rest is explained in my clips from "Hulk vs. Wolverine".
A terrible day to know about other heroes in the world. At least Weapon X was destroyed!
And what happened after that?
I made a name for myself! I did whatever the f**k I want now!
I see... well, I'm glad to see your origin is done.
THANK F**KING LORD!!!
but what about-
Me as a brony? I forgot about that, actually. I guess I could thank Death Battle for that.
That... makes sense. But what did you do before landing here? Before all of... this?
That? Well... I apologize if I cry for this.
Moments before Deadpool was brought into Equestria:
Deadpool walked into a local hospital in Candada, stopping the desktop in front of him. A woman was sitting on her seat, looking through her i-Phone and playing some App game that is now overrated.
"Excuse me?" Deadpool spoke
"Who are you looking for?" The woman asked, not even looking away from her phone.
"I'm looking for a Mr. Wilson."
"... uh huh. And who are you?"
"His son: Wade Wilson!"
"... we get those." Silence fell, as she continued playing her game. Deadpool pulled a cup of water out and splashed it at the woman! She jumped and dropped her phone, causing it to explode like it was a bomb! "WHAT THE HELL!? WHO DO YOU THINK YOU-!" She stopped and gasped, seeing Deadpool in front of her.
"Were is Mr.Wilson?" He asked, placing his head on his head, making a condescending Wonka face.
"W-which one!?"
"Any. I'll find 'im!"
"B-back there! In the W section!"
"Thanks! And FYI: put down your god damn phone when someone's talking to you!!!" Deadpool marched to the W section, passing doctors and patients screaming at him! The woman clicked on a button below her desk and waited.
After a few moments of looking, Deadpool found the one person he search for: his father! He entered the room. His father looked at him, but didn't show fear at all.
"Deadpool," he spoke weakly "I knew some b***ard wanted me dead. Who was it? The bar owner? My wife? My excuse of a son? Tell me and I promise you that I can pay more."
"No one sent me, Mr. Wilson." Deadpool replied, taking a chair and sitting next to his father.
"Ah... came to kill the weakest person here then?"
"No... I came to say goodbye."
"...Goodbye? Who are you?" Deadpool took off his mask, showing his ugly mug to his father.
"Your 'excuse of a son'."
"...Wade!?"
"That's right! Your son is the feared Merc with the Mouth! The Regenerating Degenerate. The Ninja Spider-Man!!! All of those are me!"
"Why... didn't you tell me?"
"MOTHER F**KER!!! I've been texting you all this time!!! You never checked!!!"
"I'm too weak... you stupid a**hole."
"No! You're the stupid a**hole!!!"
"Sure... blaming the one that made you strong."
"You never made me strong! You made me feel inferior, small, weak, stupid, and all other synonyms!!! You made my life a living hell!!!"
"Your life is a living hell? Ha! Back in my day-"
"Don't give me one of those 'back in my day' bulls**t explainings about how tough life was! Look at the math kids do now! Look at the bills now! Look at me!!! You don't know the hell I've been through!!!"
"...maybe you're right. ... So you came here to wish me goodbye?"
"I came here to wish you to go to hell!"
"...close enough... ungrateful b*****d."
"Hey! You're only happy with those booze you got!"
"And I'll die happy!"
"You'll die worthless!!!"
"At least I'm above your worthlessness."
"SHUT THE F**K UP!!!" Deadpool pulled a gun and placed it on his father's head!
"Yeah... go ahead... shoot me... we know you don't have it." Deadpool stared at his father, tears falling from his eyes.
"I... will not!"
"Because you're a coward."
"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!! ALL I WANTED IN LIFE IT TO BE LOVED BY PEOPLE!!! You, Jenny, the Weapon X a**holes!!! I thought they loved me!!! Why can't I just go to Equestria and experience love for the first time!?!?!?"
"...Equestria? You watch that gay girl show?"
"... YES!!! I watch it, and it ain't gay!!! They'll accept anyone through time!!! I just want someone, some people, who'll love me for who I am and now what I offer!!! You should know that, 'DAD'!!!"
"...And you'll die alone with that attitude." Deadpool stared at his father, hearing the beeps going slower.
"...Do you love me at all?"
"...Did. I did... wilson." A flat line. His father died. Marching was heard, as policemen entered the building.
"FREEZE!!!" one of them yelled. Deadpool stood near his father, seeing his corpse.
"GET AWAY FROM HIM!!!" Another yelled
"He died." Deadpool replied "Now leave me alone." He turned around and started to walk to them, putting on his mask.
"STAY!!!"
"We'll do this another day. I just wanna go home. "
"STAY"!!! Deadpool continued walking to them
"OPEN FIRE!!!" Another yelled. All the policemen fired at Deadpool, who only shook as each bullet pierced his skin. Tjheir clips were out, and they stopped, seeing Deadpool stand, rapidly healing himself.
"...I said," Deadpool spoke "Leave Me ALONE!!!" Deadpool pulled his guns out and fired at the policemen, killing them on sight! Screaming could be heard, as patients and doctors ran for their lives. "You wanna play rough!? Alright!!! WE'LL PLAY ROUGH!!!" Deadpool walked to the hallway, seeing more policemen entering! Deadpool pulled out a bazooka! "SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND!!!" He pulled the trigger, firing a missile at the police. A huge force pushed Deadpool back, as a hole was left in the wall and blood everywhere from the explosion! A whole squadron of vehicles surrounded the hospital.
This is an awesome final stand!!!
Not now!!!
"SHUT UP!!! BOTH OF YOU!!!" Deadpool ran up the stairs, kicking the door to the roof, seeing as far as he can see, Vehicles everywhere. The helicarrier floated above Deadpool, as he could see the silhouette of Nick Fury looking down on him.
"It's all over Deadpool!" Nick Fury yelled into the radio "Surrender yourself now!"
"I JUST WANT TO BE ALONE!!!" Deadpool yelled. He pulled our a machine gun and fired everywhere! Normally, he would love this to happen, as he would time himself to see how long he can survive, but this was different. A green portal opened right above him and it sucked him right in!
WHAT'S HAPPENING!?!?!?
Either we're being saved by a Deus Ex Machina, or we're being taken somewhere else!!!
"I DON'T GIVE A F**K!!!" Deadpool yelled, dropping all his weapons behind. And, just lie that, he was gone.
Present:
"And that's how I came here." Deadpool spoke, tearing up a bit. "It escalated very quickly.
"I see." Dr. Wolf replied "Anything else you want to add?"
"Well... my time here... it's been great."
"Great? How so?"
"Well... friends everywhere... new adventures... favorite show... and... just being able to be me with no judgement. Or... at least... a lack of judgement."
"Interesting... well... you can all come out."
"Come out!?" The walls feel over, and they were both on a TV set! The audience was everypony (and thing) he took a selfie with so far, each tearing up to Deadpool's story!
"And that's why we never wanted to tell you about his story!!!" Rarity whined!!!
"...Oh crap. You're next, MrAquino."
And, again, just like that, everyone released the epic cry!
I suck at making people cry, okay! I had to watch these clips to at least get a concept!
Dr. Wolf's channel
Now, as some news, I- wait a minute! DEADPOOL!?!?!? What are you- AAAHHH!!!
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To a sir Deadpool, as I'm quite sure you can hear us now...
YOU NEED TO FIND THE BREEZIES AND DO SOMETHING TO THEM.
Shiklah or spider mane from Spiders and Magic by Maximus_Reborn.
I would like to see Silver Quill.
Sliver quill please! !
5935041
ooh, your good.
5939290 Thanks!
i swear to god... if you dont add asura's wrath. im going to be piss
still waiting for Muse of Discord
I think you mixed up Deadpool's and Dr. Wolf's lines a bit