Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Late Mothers Day. Pony # 186 & 187: Windy Whistles and Bo-Hot Hoof.

"Are ya'll sure about this?" Applebloom asked. "It worked with Scootaloo, but ya'll are bigger than her." Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo all stood around the makeshift slingshot they used to launch their pegasus member into the sky with. Deadpool was dressed up as Evel Knievel, with only a helmet on his head, and used a different scooter.

"Hey, if I get seriously injured, then this is my own fault." Deadpool replied, adjusting his helmet. "Besides, I can't wait to meet Rainbow Dash's parents!"

"You could've joined me earlier." Scootaloo replied.

"True, but that would ruin the episode." He pulled one of his katanas out and aimed it to the city of Cloudsdale. "To CLOUDSDALE!!!"

"... If you say so." Sweetie Belle spoke, knocking the end rope back.

THWACK!!!

Deadpool's ass stung as the rope snapped on his butt cheeks, and was fired into the sky with the makeshift ramp.

"MY AAAAASSSSS!!!" He screamed as he was fired into the air with the chorus of a famous Aeroshith song playing as he was in the air.

♬Don't wanna close my eyes

I don't wanna fall asleep

Cause I'd miss you babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing

Cause even when I dream of you

The sweetest dream will never do

I'd still miss you babe

And I don't wanna miss a thing♬

"Thanks for the song!" Deadpool spoke as he was just a few feet from the bottom of the clouds.

Hold on... can't only pegasus ponies walk on clouds?

"... Oh s**t."

BRACE YOURSELVES!!!

---

"Mom!" Rainbow Dash blushed as she was presented with more fan mails her parents wrote for her. "Why do you take all this time to write to me?"

"Because you're our wittle Dashie." The bulky, purple stallion with a shorter rainbow mane & tail, and green button up shirt spoke in a cooing way. "And there's nothing that can replace you."

"Dad!"

"Oh, but you'll love this," the cyan mare with the red & pale yellow, bowl cut mane & tail added, bringing in a large sandwich.

"... Mom... is that-?"

"A pasta and potato sandwichin between sourdough? Yep! I know how much you LOVE your carbs!"

"Aww... thanks mom... I was feeling hungry and-" They stopped as they heard something falling.

"RACIST MIDDLE EASTERN JOKE!!!" Deadpool yelled, crashing through the roof, holding some rather crappy, lit fireworks that barely did anything but make a few sparks and puffs of smoke. Rainbow Dash's cheeks bluhed even more red.

"Oh no!"

"Uh... who's this?" Her dad asked. Deadpool pulled his face out before standing back up.

"Are you Mr. Bo-Hot Hoof and Mrs. Windy whistles?" He asked in a gentleman-like voice.

"Uh... yes, that's us." Rainbow's mom replied. "Are you a friend of our Rainbow Dash?"

"You bet!" He slid back and took a seat. "Name's Wade Wilson, better know on the surface as 'Deadpool', and might I say, it is such a privilege to meet the ever loving, supportive parents of the fastest flier in Equestria!"

"Oh... uh... thanks?" Bo-Hot added, blushing himself. "We tried our best to make our little Dashie the best she can be! And it's paid off so much!"

"How did you two meet each other?" Windy asked

"She thought I was some sort of season premiere or finale villain planning to take over the world," Deadpool answered nonchalantly "she she beat the s**t outta me, and killed me." They stared at him awkwardly, then to Dash. Rainbow smiled awkwardly, sweating a bit, trotted to Deadpool, and turned serious.

"Deadpool." She spoke through shut teeth. "This is NOT the best time for this! I'm TRYING to spend some time with my family!"

"And you are!" He pulled out Scootaloo's scrapbook. "But boy, you were quite the adorable wittle fiwwy you were!" He pointed to a baby dash picture, who had a much more different looking mane with a single tooth. "D'aww!!! You had your daddy's manestyle! That's so sweet!" Rainbow Dash shook in anger.

"Oh, she was," Bo-Hot added. "She changed it so it can be more 'aerodynamic'."

"But our wittle Dashie really wanted shade over her eyes so she could take her naps better." Windy added. Rainbow turned red.

"I can see that." Deadpool replied. "But did you find her in some are and she was like 'I'm Wainbow Dash! Mowe Appwe cidah'?"

"She did say that!" They both spoke in unison. Rainbow began to steam wildly. She was triggered. In a blur, she tackled Deadpool, making a large hole in her parent's wall. The two landed on the floor below, but Deadpool teleported before he could hit the ground.

"Ok, I know it's 2017... or whatever year people are reading this on, but I gotta do this! SANS THEME, GO!!!"

Rainbow landed a few feet from Deadpool, snorting loudly.

"Alright! I've had enough of you!" She shouted in pure anger. "All I wanted was to have some peace with my family, but YOU came along!"

"Oh, Dashie," Deadpool replied "I thought you always wanted the attention. Afterall, from the wise words of Jake the Dog from Adventure time; Sucking at something is the first step to being sorta good at something."

"STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!" Rainbow flew towards Deadpool, throwing a left hook. Deadpool blocked it. "What the-!?"

"Never underestimate your opponent."

"RAHHH!!!" Rainbow proceeded to throw many punches to Deadpool in super fast, Dragon Ball Z levels of speed, but Deadpool continued to block her attacks. The two were at it so fast, to the naked eye, they were both just blurs of red and blue! Deadpool ducked and slid across the floor, tripping the mare before standing back up.

"Do you want to have a bad time?"

"You're gonna have a bad time!"

"Nope! Woop woop woop!" He ran away.

"HEY! GET BACK HERE!!!" She chased after him.

Throughout Ponyville, the two were nothing more but blurs of red & black and rainbows, clashing into each other, causing many large explosions of light upon impact. It wasn't until they literally clashed heads upon each other did everyone in town see who were fighting.

"You may know everything I'm going to do! But that's not gonna happen since I know everything you're going to do! STRANGE, ISN'T IT!?!?!?"

"SHUT UP!!!" The two kept pushing each other... until Luna came in.

"Cease, now!!!" She shouted in her canterlot voice, blowing Rainbow and Deadpool away. The merc had a smirk across his face.

"I win." He bloated. Luna zapped him.... and his tablet with the newest Samurai Jack on.

♬I'm sick of doing things for you

I ain't your mama! ♬

"I was watching that!" Deadpool yelled

♬Poor you

I ain't your mama! ♬

"What is your problem?"

"Boy I ain't your mama." Luna replied

♬But what the hell do you expect when you only date your

Young backup dancers?

I am barely legal

You're a cougar!

You're a million years old! ♬

♬It's true I like my men

Extremely young

The sexy dancer type

Who's dumb and hung

But my relationships all fail

Time and again

Cos I'm more than twice as

Old as my men

They're all spoiled

From my money

They make me cook

They make me clean

I'm like their slave ♬

♬Girl stop acting

Like you do not have maids and cooks that you pay

Drop this dumb charade!

Hey! ♬

Luna walked away to Big Macintosh.

♬All men lack maturity ♬

She took his apple.

"Woah I was eating!" He shouted

♬Want no responsibilities ♬

He threw a quill at the Quills and Sofas guy, where it stuck out of his forehead with a small fountain of blood pouring.

"Ouch I am bleeding!" He spoke, running off

♬I love this feeling ♬

She pushed Bob's computer as he tried to finish his chat with his mom online.

"Hey you broke my PC!" He shouted. Luna walked to Night Glider with Party Favor

♬Is he your fiance?

You should leave him

You ain't his mama ♬

She pushed Party Favor to the side.

"Why would you say that?" He asked with some tears

♬Cause all men act like kids

Dump his lame ass! ♬

"She's right take back your ring!" Night Glider added, throwing a ring at Feather Bangs. Luna stood in front of a camera while dressed up as Hitlery Clinton.

"Ladies you don't need a man! All men do is mooch off you and expect you to cook and clean and do their laundry, like you're their mama. Well that stops now! Walk up to your husband or boyfriend, tell that lazy a**hole 'I ain't your mama' and dump his ass!"

"I ain't your mama!" Mrs. Cake yelled, slapping Mr. Cake across his face.

"I ain't your f**king mama!" Twilight Velvet yelled at her husband as she got up and walked from their picnic.

"I AIN'T YOUR MAMA YOU GREEDY PIG!!!" Cadence yelled as Shining rocked their baby to sleep.

"I ain't your mama, and I want a divorce, you old sack of s**t!" Granny Smith yelled to Apple Stroodle, who already baked a delicious looking Apple pie for her.

Soarin and Deadpool sat near a table together.

"What's with our girls?" Soarin asked

"They don't like us." Deadpool answered. "Due to Mooncheeks' midlife crisis.

"They've been brainwashed by her huge butt!"

Rainbow Dash and Applejack stood near their table.

♬We're too good to be

Your loser's mommies

We're finally free

B***h!!!♬

They flipped their table before running out, where Luna, and every single mare made in this fic so far danced together as one.

♬Lunahas set all women free

She is our hero

Men are things we do not need

Cos they're all zeroes! ♬

Twilight Sparkle ran to the front.

♬Wait I just thought of

One potential problem

What we do for sex

Without our men? ♬

"Oh that's no problem." Luna replied, making out with Twilight quickly before singing and dancing.

♬We have each other

And we can all be lesbian lovers

Let's all start scissoring! ♬

Deadpool and every stallion in this fic all sat together, playing videogames, giving each other massages, and drank beer. The merc's phone rang.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me." Deadpool scoffed as he answered the phone. "Yellow?"

"Hey," Luna spoke on the other line with the other mares next to her. "I messed up, REALLY bad! Seems every stallion in the world thinks they're gay because of my stupid song."

"I know, and it's F**KING AWESOME!!! No more nagging women, constant beer, videogames, spoats, and SEX!!! We're shooting man tears as it's a sprinkler system here, and there's no one saying 'Clean that up!'"

"No, babe! We really, REALLY want you guys back! We don't even know hot to scissor each other!"

"... B***h... I ain't your daddy."

The morale of the story is this: Don't be a blind feminist!

Treat each other with respect. Don't make the other act like 2nd class citizens.

Ooh! Can we also do one for racism and tell people to not hate white people!?

I think Chubbs has that handled.

Author's Note:

VERY late Mother's Day special... sorry.

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But, to stay relevant... "I'm Marry Poppins, ya'll!"

Comments

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What, even?