Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Risk Taker. Ponies # 167, 168, and 169: Fluttershy's parents and Zephyr Breeze

Deadpool and the taco squad stood in an open field with Cloudsdale in the distance.

"According to my calculations," Pinkie spoke, holding a map of Equestria "The ammount of gunpowder we have, the impact of the explosion, followed by the force & wind resistance, you should be able to land in Cloudsdale."

"But how's he going to stay on?" Surprise asked

"F**k logic!" Deadpool yelled, putting on a helmet. "I'm Deadpool!"

"...Fair enough." Sonata gave Deadpool a quick taco, which he scarfed it down, despite wearing his mask. Discord held a lighter and placed the fire on the fuse.

"And now... Ride of the Valkyries!" Fluffle Puff pulled out a boombox from her coat and played it. Discord lit the fuse. Quickly, everyone put on army outfits with thick mustaches. Deadpool, as soon as he let out a short but, but pretty loud fart, was fired! The wind flew by his face as he was blasted to Cloudsdale; all the pegasi could see was a screaming red blur flying past them, and many of them flew out of the way to safety, though others were just fazed.

In a small house, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash sat on the table as the shy pegasus's parents made tea for them. While the two mares talked about what they may do for the weekend, in came in Fluttrshy's brother, Zephyr Breeze.

"Have you heard the news as of late!?" He asked, walking to the table with a strut in each step. "Some weird thing name Deadpool is around here!"

"...Yeah," Rainbow Dash spoke, uninterested. "We know that already... it's been almost two years already."

"Of course, Dashie," He rustled her mane "I was just checking your knowledge. If anything happens, I'm here to protect ya!"

"He's really not that dangerous," Fluttershy spoke "or mean, just... different."

"Oh? How so?" Her father asked, setting the tea on the table.

"Well, he's-" Everyone stopped as they heard a whistling noise heading towards their home, followed by the roof exploding as Deadpool entered, rolling across the floor and breaking all the bones in his body, landing on the family couch.

"AHHH!!!" Deadpool screamed "My Neck! My Back... ♫Lick my p***y and my crack.♫" Zephyr hid behind Rainbow Dash.

"Gah! What's that thing!?" He asked

"It's Deadpool." Rainbow Deadpanned.

"The one and only!" Deadpool spoke, pointing the air... which cracked & broke. "GAH!!! Mother F***er!!!"

"Oh dear!" Fluttershy's mother spoke "He's hurt!"

"It's actually normal for him." Fluttershy spoke, walking to the merc. "Let's just pop this in there..." She cracked Deadpool's shoulder in. He wailed in pain, followed by laughter. He popped his other shoulder in, flopped onto the floor, cracked his back, and, flailed his legs back into place. He stood up, much to the disturbance of Fluttershy's family.

"Healing factor, Fluttershy's family." He spoke, putting on a bowler hat & tipping to the family. "I'll pay for the damages done." He teleported to the table and sipped the readily made tea. "Mm... exquisite!"

"I'm outta here!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed, zooming away.

"Wait!" Zephyr spoke "You need-" He was quickly tackled by Deadpool.

"No one takes Dashie!" He yelled "No one! Only Soarin! Fly Dahie! Fly like the wind! Become the spectrum!!!"

"...See what I mean?" Fluttershy asked her parents

"Oh yes," Her mother nodded "He's very... different." Deadpool appeared next to Fluttershy's father.

"Hm... I see that you're a huge Markiplier fan," Deadpool observed her father "What with the pink, and might I add, lovely mustache." Her father blushed.

"Oh, uh... thank you?" He replied.

"But your mane... is it strawberry ice cream? I'm more of a chocolate person myself, but, to each their own, I guess." He teleported and picked up Fluttershy's mom. "And look at you! I'm quite surprised that you're just as soft spoken as your daughter!"

"Oh... is there something wrong with that?" Fluttershy's mom asked

"Oh nononono, not at all. I guess that most of the Brony's headcanon was that you were both part of some motorcycle gang. That, or more than likely, it was anything but soft spoken, along with Zephyr."

"Me!?" The stallion demanded.

"We all thought you were more or less Butterscotch and when her friends saw you, it was love at first sight... or more or less a real case of stalker-ism like that one girl and ninja guy... eh, some things are meant to be broken anyways, like various theories online. But enough of destroyed ideas, let's head to the park!" Deadpool ran and opened the door.

"Deadpool!" Everyone yelled. He took a step and fell through the clouds.

"WHY DIDN'T I LISTEEEEEEEE-!!!"

"...Well... that's one problem out of our manes." Zephyr spoke. His family all gave him an angered glare. "What!? He was annoying!"

Deadpool crashed through Luna's roof, landing on her bed. She was busy looking over various papers.

"You're paying for those." she deadpanned.

"I know." Deadpool replied, snapping his neck into place. "Just meet Fluttershy's family. Very adorable... except maybe Zephyr, of course."

"... Agreed."

"...You know, though I was there very shortly, it felt... welcoming, actually."

"Mhm."

"I mean... they were nice to me, despite my recklessness, listened to me, had a very soft feeling, were... loving," he began to sniffle "were innocent... and... and-" Luna turned to him.

"Are you seriously going to cry!?"

"... Sorry... just... never really had a feeling like that." Luna groaned. She used her magic and brought him next to her.

"You're suppose to be the jackass that gets everyone straight and not act like whining babies, not me."

"Oh, and what's your role?"

"I'm suppose to be the loving, motherly type who encourages everyone to follow their dreams and never give up. Or, in your case... something like an inspiration."

"...You want that to be like us?"

"With the way you snapped me out of my 'oh woe is me?' trance and how you're a damage man that needs some love... definitely." Deadpool smiled under his mask. She took his mask off. "There, now there's my handsome as hell testicle with teeth."

"Heh, and you're my horse with literal mooncheeks, mooncheeks."

"Just shut up and give it to me."

"Oh, I'm gonna give it to ya!" He pulled out a chimichanga. "After movie night."

"...What do you plan on watching?"

"Eyes wide shut."

Author's Note:

Next one's going to be more slapstic... and slightly racist. (Sorry Indians )

Comments

[Tunefulsubset72]

[DarkSpider]

Of course it'll be racist. It's Deadpool. If it wasn't racist, I'd be disappointed

[Mal Masque]

That was.. shorter and more tame than I expected. Oh well, RIDE OF THE VALKARIES!
DAH DUN DA DUN DAH DUN, DAH DUN DA DUN DAH DUN, DAH DUN DA DUN DAH DUN, DAH DUN DA DAH DAAAAAAAAAAH!

[MrAquino]

7299077 WATCH IT!!! I'm not a huge anime guy, but One Punch Man is OP!!!

[DeltaXeno1138]

Ugh, I don't even have to hear Ze- Fluttershy's brother's lines for my ears to hurt.