Deadpool in Equestria

by MrAquino

Round 2.

Deadpool glanced at the teams and who were in the competition.

Ponyville: Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, Starlight Glimmer.
Ponyville 2:Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle
Appleoosa: Braeburn, Pheremone, Lightning Round.

"Huh... I was expecting more teams to enter." He said to himself.

What a letdown!

More like more lazy writing.

"Oh well, it's one step closer to the money." He put on sunglasses as Snails and Gilda stood next to him on both sides. "Let's go win us those bucks. Hit it."

Deadpool did his best 'pimp walk' as his team entered the arena. Staring at them awkwardly were their opponents; Team Ponyville 2. The crowd cheered as the two teams stood in their positions as the referee stood in the middle.

"Alright!" He barked "I want a clean game! You know the rules: The Earth pony, and in this case, human, are on offense and stay in the middle for the Buckoff."

HeeHeeHee!!! Buckoff.

F**k off.

"The Pegasi are on defense try to keep the ball out of the goal buckets, and pass it to their earth pony teammate to buck the ball into the other goal. And, unicorns, stand outside and attempt to catch the ball with only the bucket in their magic! I don't want any fighting, cheating, manipulations of ball in any way but natural, and poor sportsmanship in general!"

"Of course, Coach!" Deadpool replied, hopping and preparing himself for the game.

"Ah'm sure that won't be a problem, sugarcube." Applejack replied, preparing her hind legs for a buck.

"And Deadpool," The referee spoke "since you have the height advantage, you won't be able to use your hands and arms for this."

"Fair enough," Deadpool replied. "I can beat Applehorse here without my arms!"

"...Ah... don't want that to happen." AJ commented, not wanting to see an armless Deadpool with fountains of blood spilling from the stumps of his arms.

"Good to know," the referee continued "now, wish each other good luck and head to your positions!" Both Gilda and Rainbow flapped their wings, followed by them staring down at each other.

"Sorry about this, Gilda," Dash spoke "but it looks like I'm going to have some roast chicken tonight!"

"In your dreams!" Gilda replied "I'm gonna turn ya into glue!"

"Uh... what's glue?"

Twilight and Snails stared at each other for a bit.

"This is going to be quite fun!" Twilight squealed in excitement. "My first game ever! I heard how good you are, snails. What's your secret?"

"Not thinking about it." Snails answered, walking past her and taking his position. Twilight blinked.

"... To each their own, I guess." She took her position. Both Deadpool and AJ stared down at each other.

"I'm gonna win that cash, AJ," Deadpool spoke "And when I win that money, I'm gonna pay Sony Animations to cancel The Emoji Movie!"

"Uh... Ah have no idea what that's about," AJ replied "but Ah am quite curious on how ya'll will do." The referee lifted the ball and whistled. He tossed the ball into the air, in which it fell to the two. Deadpool performed a backflip, kicking the ball into the air. Rainbow Dash flew to the ball and delivered a spike to it, passing it to AJ. The Earth Pony got her hind legs and bucked it to Twilight, only for Gilda to backhand the ball to Deadpool. The mercenary simply jumped in the air, bouncing the ball on his head, catching Rainbow Dash off guard as Snails caught it with the bucket in his magic. Deadpool fist pumped in victory.

We Won!!!

We need five more points to win.

Oh... uh... what do we do?

"We gotta Rumble!" Deadpool answered, pulling out a Boombox and a CD of the Official Space Jam Soundtrack. "Ya'll ready for this?"

The game went as about as you expected through, yet, another montage, because I'm too lazy to write it all down, and this happens in every sports movie. Deadpool was in the game, but danced the whole way, matching the music that played as he bounced the ball to Snails. In the non-game scenes, it showed only Deadpool dancing in the middle of the field, but with a cut, Snails joined, and with another, Gilda joined, followed by a final cut showing the two teams dancing together, much to their opponent's surprise on what they're doing. However, if this were a true video, I'd request the maker to flash a certain character that made every boy have strange feelings when they were growing up... and have Deadpool dressed up as them by the end of the song, to which the score was simply Deadpool with 6 points and Ponyville 2 with 2 points. Their opponents panted hard as the game ended.

"I... can't believe... we lost... again!" Rainbow spoke.

"Aww, don't feel bad," Deadpool spoke, ruffling her mane. "you tried your best."

"...Huh... that's pretty nice." AJ replied "Ah think yer-"

"But your best isn't good enough. That's what I tell to my targets when they think they got away from me."

"Nevermind."

Afternoon.

The team sat at the Hayburger, with Sonata, because reasons. Pinkie stood at their table.

"...Aren't you supposed to be in the game?" Deadpool asked.

"Nah, we forfeited." Pinkie replied. "We didn't want to make them feel bad, so we gave up. And Starlight's kinda bad, if you ask me."

"Fair enough."

"Anywho! Can I take your order please?"

"Alright, guys, what do you guys want?"

"I'll take a Number 9, idiot." Gilda groaned.

"I'll take a number 9 as well." Snails added.

"Let me get a number 6 with extra dip." Sonata added, seeing as it's the taco related thing on the menu.

"I'll have two #9's," Deadpool ordered "a #9 large, a #6 with extra dip, a #7, two #45's, one wit cheese, and a large soda."

"...That'll be 79 Bits." Pinkie spoke. Deadpool blinked and looked around.

"...Uh..." He ran out of the door.

The next day.

Deadpool and his team stood in the field for the last two hours. Yesterday wasn't all that good, since the guard arrested Deadpool momentarily and demand that he pays by tomorrow or else he will have to pay a fine that's more than the original price, serve a year behind bars, or perform community service. If he lost, he'd choose the latter. However, the referee walked to them.

"Well, it seems Appaloosa's team isn't going to be here." He spoke.

"Say what!?" Deadpool asked.

"Yep. Braeburn felt sick and couldn't handle the pressure. So by default, your team won."

"... We're rich!!!" They all jumped in the air for victory. However, a mail appeared in front of the referee's face. He took the letter and read it to himself.

"...Oh? Looks like this won't be easy."

"Easy?" Gilda asked "We won everything 'cause everyone's a total wuss."

"I'm down for another game." Snails spoke.

"And who's our opponent, coach?" Deadpool asked. The referee simply pointed. Wade turned and gasped at who their opponents were.

Deadpool and Gilda began to stammer in place, unsure on what to do. Snails, on the other hand, gawed at the princesses, as he's always wanted to be a princess himself since he was a foal.

Ha! GAAAYYY!!!

"Oh my," Celestia teased. "are you really afraid of little old me, Deadpool? Afraid to play with the princess of Equestria herself?"

"And are you afraid of her sister playing against you?" Luna added "Fret not, I still love you, but I can see that your balls aren't as big as you say they are."

"Now, now," Cadence spoke "we shouldn't be mocking this team for getting this far. We still have to make a good example for Flurry Heart when she grows up, even if Deadpool redecorated her room to his liking."

Celestia took her spot, standing in front of Deadpool as Luna flapped her wings, and Cadence prepared the bucket. Deadpool's team took their spot, though Wade and Gilda sweated hard, unsure how to tackle this situation. The referee blew his whistle as he tossed the ball in the air. Celestia turned around and, with one leg, bucked the ball so hard, it blew all the clouds away as the ball exited Equestria's orbit in a blink of an eye. Everyone blinked, unsure where the ball went... only for the ball to return from the other side of the stadium, right behind Celestia, coming down in a ball of flame! Deadpool could only say one word as his pants now had a large wet stain in between his legs and a puddle around his feet.

"...Mommy." The ball hit him in the face as everything seemingly went in slow motion for him.

The next day.

Deadpool stood behind the cash register as Canterlot's Buckball team celebrated. Gilda got the heck out of there, making her way back to the Griffin kingdom, and Snails was too young to be working there, but somehow, foals could work at the Ponyville hospital... as if that made sense. It was his first and last day at community service, and, unbeknownst to everyone else, he watched the Superbowl commercials on his phone.

"Yep! And man, I'm so hyped for-" He was tackled by a hangry Twilight.

"Where's our burgers!?!?!?" She demanded with a hiss.

"Ahh!!! C-coming up, your highness!"

Comments

[Kendall04082]

By the time Twilight got her hayburger.......

Hey, don't tell this to anypony, but I secretly put a quesadilla in Twilight's burger.

[MrAquino]

7912388 Twilight's reaction: TRIGGERED

[Kendall04082]

7912418

Worth it!

[Starfire Skyblaze]

quick question. will you cover the deadpool vs pinkie pie Deathbattle in this story?

[MrAquino]

7919344 No. Mostly because I knew they'd be friends in the end.

[CyberBookworm]

"...Ah... don't want that to happen." AJ commented, not wanting to see an armless Deadpool with fountains of blood spilling from the stumps of his arms.

How about just tie his arms behind his back?