Mark always knew he was... well, you know. But what was he supposed to do about it? Nothing, really. It didn't matter anyway. Nothing was ever going to change. Or so he thought, until a portal to Equestria appeared in his house. But with that portal, he'll be forced to acknowledge and confront what he is head on.

Preread by everyone's favorite writer, Starscribe. They've helped make this story ten million times better than it was before.

Cover art by CrimsonWolf360. You can find their work here.

“You know how when you're at a party, and you use what you didn't realize was a magic letter to Princess Celestia to roll a joint?
I guess maybe that's not, uh, a thing, but yeah, I did that this one time. It was at that huge party Shannon and Adam had a while back. You know, Max's friends? …No, Celestia's not one of—They wouldn't know each other...
But anyway, yeah, in case you were wondering why I'm all like, a girl unicorn now, that was kinda the short version.”

Meet Rob, a 27 year old musician who gets more than he bargained blah blah blah
Get a front-row seat in his brain for the Long Version, as he wracks it trying to weasel out of being a pony, or at least not let anything slip by as he takes it one freaky moment at a time.

What will the other lost-weekenders think when they walk in on him passed out on their couch? Will he be able to get through the city and at least back to his apartment, if not to normal? Will he learn anything about REAL friendship along the way and stop being such an insufferable hipster? What if some blowhard fan author just couldn't “turn it off” and ended up trying to write a pony story as actual sci-fi? Will Ahuizotl get the statue? Does P=NPony? Can you grab me another beer while you're up?
And did that letter ever get to Princess Celestia?
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Your standard pony Trip Report, with your standard pseudo-autobiographical narrator, written to flush out my creative plumbing and play around with, uh, like, good...thinkies and word-putting, and because the urge to do it just wouldn't leave me alone, so I just had to get it outta my system. I just really like the juxtaposition of humans and ponies, I guess.

Title is obviously a reference to M-Theory and Tristram Shandy, respectively. Because I can never pick just one thing.

Rated T for Adult Situations, gratuitous overthinking, and fuckloads of swearing. Oh and I guess drug use.

Daniel Habbuck, UN ambassador to Equestria, hates his job.

Sure it pays well, but it's hardly worth having to put up with flank-kissing politicians and the stomach twisting anxiety of knowing that he represents all of humanity.
One night, after a particularly tense meeting leaves him wound up, Daniel is desperate for somepony to talk to. With his friends either busy or too far away, he hires a batpony prostitute, just so he can have some company.

As he soon learns, there's much more to this streetwalker than meets the eye...

Rated T for sexual references, but no clop.

Special thanks to WingmanRed, Georg, and Kraken Hatchling for proofreading and editing

EDIT: Special, special thanks to Comrade Pony for the suggestions
EDIT: Deleted cover art.

After a long time--she would be more precise but Twilight has lost track of time--she emerges from the dark of the library. Her candles are burnt down to nubs. There is no food left in her pantry and furthermore, no coffee. So she goes to seek both.

And finds the town changed. Or is it Twilight who has changed?

There is a village where everypony can be the same.

You may have read some nasty things about it. Rumors of stolen cutie marks and power-mad unicorns. Tall tales about forced smiles and frightened glances.

It's all lies. All except the part about us wanting to escape. That's true.

It's why we came here in the first place.

Winner of the May Writeoff Event.

Side story/tribute to Born On A Rock Farm by Aragon.

Inkie Pie holds her one and only show for her Band. Her Band decides to join in as well...

Inkie Pie performs for "The Mares of Hoofington."

(Featured on EQD)

(Many thanks to both Aragon and Octavia Harmony for pre-reading and proofreading respectively.)

Set in the universe of Friendship is Optimal.

I love to sit in my apartment and play video games. And I love My Little Pony. So when an MMO of MLP comes out, of course I want to play it. But it's more than a game. It's a new look on life.

Dinky Doo asks her mother a question.

Derpy Hooves finally reveals a truth.

Story collaboration with Rootbeer Dew, who helped to write up the ending.

Picture by some guy on Deviantart. Doomcakes, I think it was? XD

Popular Section! 5th July, 2014, Saturday! Thank you everyone!

UPDATE - There is a sequel to this story! To read the sequel, look up TheMyth, and his story 'Where Is The Love?'. This is the official sequel that I gave him permission to write up. Thank you everypony for your views and support! You guys and gals helped to make this a special story!

Link to the sequel! Where Is My Love?

The subjunctive is the verbal mood of abstractions and possibilities. To ponies and their indicative-based language, it is a frightful mood, awkward and unwieldy. To changelings and their language of nearly inaudible shrills, it is indispensable.

Equestria’s inhabitants are a diverse race, no two the same color, who speak a language of concretes. But to Errenax, a changeling linguist well-versed in both languages and fascinated by their dimorphism, everything about them intimates a singular notion: that this division of moods and language is perhaps deeper than it initially appeared.

Thank you to my editor, Golden Tassel.

Cadance didn't know what to expect when her formerly banished Aunt Luna returned from her thousand year banishment. But, she's quite entertained by the hilarity. Especially if it means a chance to play a little joke.

Edited by Habanc. Preread by The Albinocorn, Foals Errand, and Timaeus

Cover art was done by Silfoe and used with permission! In fact, this fic is a gift for her!

Now with Spanish translation by SPANIARD KIWI.