• Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Jul 27th, 2018




“You know how when you're at a party, and you use what you didn't realize was a magic letter to Princess Celestia to roll a joint?
I guess maybe that's not, uh, a thing, but yeah, I did that this one time. It was at that huge party Shannon and Adam had a while back. You know, Max's friends? …No, Celestia's not one of—They wouldn't know each other...
But anyway, yeah, in case you were wondering why I'm all like, a girl unicorn now, that was kinda the short version.”

Meet Rob, a 27 year old musician who gets more than he bargained blah blah blah
Get a front-row seat in his brain for the Long Version, as he wracks it trying to weasel out of being a pony, or at least not let anything slip by as he takes it one freaky moment at a time.

What will the other lost-weekenders think when they walk in on him passed out on their couch? Will he be able to get through the city and at least back to his apartment, if not to normal? Will he learn anything about REAL friendship along the way and stop being such an insufferable hipster? What if some blowhard fan author just couldn't “turn it off” and ended up trying to write a pony story as actual sci-fi? Will Ahuizotl get the statue? Does P=NPony? Can you grab me another beer while you're up?
And did that letter ever get to Princess Celestia?
Your standard pony Trip Report, with your standard pseudo-autobiographical narrator, written to flush out my creative plumbing and play around with, uh, like, good...thinkies and word-putting, and because the urge to do it just wouldn't leave me alone, so I just had to get it outta my system. I just really like the juxtaposition of humans and ponies, I guess.

Title is obviously a reference to M-Theory and Tristram Shandy, respectively. Because I can never pick just one thing.

Rated T for Adult Situations, gratuitous overthinking, and fuckloads of swearing. Oh and I guess drug use.

Chapters (11)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 377 )

I am always impressed with your artwork, Balthasar999 - Just thought I would mention that.

The writing is excellent, well constructed, well crafted. Rob is a putz, but then he is supposed to be, and whether I like him or not is irrelevant - you write him well.

This, I would say, is wacky done well, with real style and skill.

This is catching the wave of funny, and I felt swept out to the Sea Of Hilarity with this one. Many great lines, the waking up scene was priceless "Gimmie a P!", and the overall tone was quite entertaining.

Again, your illustrations impress.

+10 points for Oliver Sacks reference
+10 points for Boltzmann Brain reference
+5 points for Jorge Luis Borges reference
+ 5 points for 'tramp stamp' description of cutie marks plus 'steaming' illustration
+100 points for ending chapter with "I gotta poop."

I have to say I am enjoying this. You are clearly well read, and it shows, delightfully. The silly, light-hearted approach is enjoyable, and the use of illustrations adds to the experience.

Love the chapter name.
The bit about learning how to walk was brill - I liked the description of the situation.

in fact, I'd always been somewhat ashamed that there was no sensation of "who I was"; all I'd ever truly felt like in my life was a floating camera and two manipulators, or like I really was just a brain inside a skull, consulting an imaginary internal display.

This line really hit me. Before my transition, that is exactly how I felt, how I related to my incorrect body. I used to describe it as feeling like I was sitting in the back row of a movie theater, watching someone else's life go by on the screen, far away. After transition, I was front and center, alive. But wow, that passage brought back that feeling I used to experience.

Grandiloquence: You and me, brother. Also, really nice to see that word used.

+ 50 points for R. Crumb reference
+30 points for SCUMM game reference "Use: Mirror On: Pony"
+ 10 points for Ferris Bueller reference
- 1 point for spelling it wrong
+ 5 points for KISS reference

Your DA art of Blue Shift puts everything I've ever drawn to shame.

The story is fun, but I still don't like the protagonist.

Wow, this intro chapter has me hooked. I like the writing style, the character, the world you've created, all of it. I can't wait to see more.

Chatoyance stole what I was going to say about the humor, so I'll say this instead. I am a vivid fan of gender bending stories, and I like how you are pulling it off so far. The internal conflict with the character coming to terms was brilliant, and I loved the ending line.

I will definitely be sticking around to see this one through. :pinkiehappy:

Combined with the entertaining little illustrations, and all the potential for hilarity, this is bound to be good.

You have my attention.

I haven't read this yet, but M-Theory is my favorite Scientific theory, So there's a good thing there, plus also the whole male human genderbending into a female unicorn is quite interesting so once I get the chance, I shall comment again. Or just add an Edit down below, which ever I feel like doing at that time.:twilightsmile:

Yeah, I like those, too. I mean, being only one category of thing for your entire life is some bullshit, right? Why be satisfied with any form short of 'Matrioshka brain'? I wanted to have a character who's confident enough to not have a freakout about not being manly anymore, but for that exact reason starts to lose confidence that he was ever anything specific to begin with.

I'll try not to lose it! There's a lot more where this came from, and hopefully that potential for hilarity will be fulfilled, like a prophecy about farts.

I'm an E8 man, mahself! Either that or a Tegmark-esque "pure math" thing. Not that that rules out branes, per se. I could have called this story "P-Branes" but that would have been both too precious and too obscure.
I'm kinda doing this story in two parts, where first, on Earth, the biggest problem is being a pony who can communicate, then in Equestria, it's being a girl who can't (language barrier).

Thank you, great story! Very un-boring. Big thanks for providing links to references- why not make use of the medium's capacity?

Oh man...


This is pretty good, please finish it!


I'll admit, I liked the chapter but I did find the overly long explanations and in depth thinking a little too long. I don't hate it, per say, as it does give us some great insite into the character, I just feel it went on a bit longer then needed.

Still a great story.

Wow, the writing is marvelous and very fluid! Not only that, but you also have illustrations aswell, this is no ordinary HTIP (Human Turns Into Pony) fanfic, it's extraordinary! Immediately favoriting!

Eh, I don't know, I kind of like the mix of pony and horse rather than just pony. Not sure why, but your images of him/her as a mix between the two makes me rather enjoy them mixed rather than just as a pony, but that's just me.

Oh my... found this fic randomlly. Turns out was a good thing. Heh. 'I gotta poop'.

I know, right? Back in the '90s people were all like, "hyperlinks! multimedia is the future!" but now it's just delightfully banal, like smartphones are becoming and stuff like Google Glass is going to be before we realize it. Sure, let's add some music and pictures, why not?
OK, I'm also just self-indulgently looking for an excuse to link to songs I really like, but shoot, that's just one more way people discover rad music they might not have heard before.
Thanks, that's the plan! I've got a ton of stuff written, I just have to sew it all together. Like monster parts.
Yeah... It was a tossup between keeping everything secret or more effectively pretending I know what I'm doing, and it's not exactly a twist, so...
It's true, it does go a little bit into Author Tract territory, but after I wrote that part it was a major factor in naming the story what I did. I wrote all that stuff out, and wanted to keep it as "think piece" material, so I just kinda built some things around it. I know that's not the most masterful storytelling, but this is supposed to be a bit of an experiment, anyway, so...
I tried to break it up a little with that song part; make it more poetic and less pedantic.
Thanks! I had a lot of fun writing it and drawing those pictures, and I can only hope that comes across to the readers.
Yeah, I'm trying to write this as how I think it would go down if it really happened, and part of that is having to come up with what Ponies "really" look like, which I think would basically be like real horses, because A) hyper-stylized ponies realized in actual meat would be pretty fucked up and B) sapient actual-ponies are stranger and more fantastical than sapient creatures only based on actual ponies. It is called "My Little Pony" and not "My Little Sapient Equinoid," which I always took to mean that all them girls really is horses.
Even the best of us has the occasional accident :rainbowderp: Glad you found it, too - Hopefully it'll help keep you regular.

I dont really have anything to add, except for reaferming that this is interesting. ^_^

The protagonist of this story is a douche and a smartass, but you manage to characterize him in a way that makes him quite likable. Bravo!

Thanks, that's sorta what I was going for. I really like "lovable jackass" characters and was always a big admirer of "Urusei Yatsura"'s Ataru Moroboshi for basically that same reason. He and Archer and Jeff Winger from "Community" were minor inspirations for this character, for I guess the 15% that's not just self-insert.

Ok, I liked this chapter, and I like your attention to detail, but good god was this overkill. In the previous chapters it was fine because you gave us equal story to balance out all those paragraphs of description and wandering off topic, but here there is barely any story. I know you're trying to show us everything, but over half of the chapter was dedicated solely to the character looking at herself in the mirror. Honestly it made the chapter a pain to read, and it quickly became filler, so much so that I found myself reenacting Monty Python.

However, when you did focus on the story, it was really good. I just feel that this chapter didn't need to be as long as you made it - or at least you needed more story to balance out the descriptive parts.

Now this chapter was a vast improvement over its predecessor, although it does still feel like a filler chapter. Nothing really is happening to further the story along, the main character hasn't said anything really to Steph and we mostly just got a bunch of scenes of her thinking sexual thoughts... which I enjoyed. I thought they went a long way to showing the internal conflicts the character is beginning to have due to these changes. Still, I do wish the story would get back on track soon.:twilightsmile:

Best ponified-human story ever that I've read so far. :rainbowkiss:

I like that the protagonist doesn't just shrug off the freakiness of the transformation and introspects on how does it feel to be a bat pony but doesn't go to the opposite extreme of lamenting the loss of his essential humanity/manliness/whatever.

Though some of your comments suggest that later he's going to be guilt-tripping about not having a sense of essential identity and that's kind of worrying but I'll complain about it when it happens. :twilightsmile:

Oooh, then you might not like the next one too much... It's just Steph and Blue Shift talking, but it ranges pretty wide and hopefully is pretty funny... But after that, things start to capital-H Happen again, and then it's back to adventure. I just wanted to stitch all the "thinky" parts together and get them out of the way for a while, plus have ponified versions of closely examining yourself in the mirror and sitting on a bed debating whether or not to make a more direct pass at a girl, both of which are a big part of my own life.
Hahaha, nice Nagel reference. That essay actually floated to the surface of my mind more that once while writing this.
Yeah, I'm using this as a bit of a platform to talk about the idea of identity and how it's constructed, but what I meant to describe was the protagonist worrying about not playing the same game as everyone else - To use another famous philosophical experiment as an example, he's worried that his willingness to play along with form he's been dealt means the 'beetle' in his box is totally different from everyone else's.

The Totally-Not-A-Brony-Dude jig is never up for me.

>> though how would I tell, if a different me was doing the looking?

Unless it mucked with your memories, you could notice different cognitive habits.

Now... why he's lying so much I can't say. What does he expect to get out of it, especially with the first three? I mean, I can see why he's leading Stephanie on, but the non-fans? Eh. Habitual lying would cover it, I guess.

Jacobson's Organ. From what I've seen on the farm, it is typically used by males to detect hormones of in-heat females.

Said male usually looks very silly when employing it, almost derp-face.

This is simply hilarious!:rainbowlaugh: Keep up the good work, I will be watching from the shadows:rainbowdetermined2:

These two play off each other well, their chemistry is a pleasant surprise.

Lol. "don't worry there's plenty of people who would fuck a pony "
Awkward. ...

'Huh, so that's what a unicorn's vagina looks like. Still learning every day...'

Won't deny it. Nearly lost it right there. Glad to see another chapter out, and eagerly awaiting the next.

Comment posted by spritefan10 deleted Apr 12th, 2014

Yeah, it's true - You could probably tell if you were different. Hell, I can tell I'm a radically different person from who I was, say, ten years ago, but that's partly because I have a span of "transitional fossil" memories I can use to reconstruct how I got that way. I think if you went through some kind of bottleneck like this there'd be a real chance you're fooling yourself someway by interpreting your memories differently. But only a chance.
As for why he's spinning tales, there's a bit early on where he's talking about how when he gets back to normal he wants a clean break with this incident and to not have it be traced back to him, because otherwise he'll be hounded almost as much, at least by people who saw him that way (no one else would likely believe it).

Yeah, I toyed with having her name it or not, but eventually decided it'd be... unrealistic for her to just have that in the pocket ready to go. I was looking up the horse's digestive system for a scene later, and ended up doing a wiki-walk where I discovered the Jacobson's thing, and since it was totally novel to me I decided to throw it in there for some color. There's a bit in the bathroom scene that subtly foreshadows it. But yeah, it does make any face look ridiculous.


Thanks, it's really nothing if it's not funny. Oh, there will be more for you to pounce upon from above the castle rafters. I'll post some guards so there's a bit of a challenge.

Thanks, it was a surprise to me, as well. I'm not really a writer, at least not of prose, so I'm kind of doing this by the seat of my pants and letting it go where it wants, betting that interesting developments and themes will just "fall out" of it.

I think the more interesting question is "would you turn one down?"

Haha, awesome. I like that line, too. People can be made to be cool about just about anything if you append the word "natural" to it.
The next chapter's almost ready to go, just have to give it one last proofread. Then there's another 50,000 words of material after that, but it's just disjointed scenes that each still have to tunnel through from opposite sides of the Word Mountain to join up with each other.

Oh, there'll be a visual callback to it, rest assured. That is a Checkhov's hand cannon right there. In the meantime, however, I invite you to use your imagination (and/or Wacom tablet).
I wanna keep this "teen," though. Blue Shift will have to strum the banjo or otherwise test the equipment eventually, because not doing so would be insane, but much like the character I'm not sure what to do about it right now except make jokes. Not that I have a problem with sex scenes per se, I just don't feel like putting one in this - Unless they're being used to illustrate something else they usually feel like a visitor from outside the story to me, like a musical number.
...Not that I don't like musical numbers, either, it's just not the approach I'm using here.

Comment posted by spritefan10 deleted Apr 12th, 2014

2329613:rainbowhuh:Now why would you do that? I'm just watching from the shadows, there is no need for me to have to kill your guards:rainbowwild:

I'll never tell :trollestia:

It's alright, I get some kind of tax break for high henchman turnover. It's why the air vents have so many big razor-sharp fans in them. I'd talk more, but I just got a text - Apparently the heiress isn't in her cell and one of my MacGuffins is missing.

2330508Well, good luck finding/ capturing them:twilightsmile:

This chapter was great piece of character interaction, and I loved all the personal discoveries. However, those paragraphs about pointless internal ramblings still weighed the chapter down ever so slightly. Not as much as in previous chapters, but still a little.

Love it! Pointless personal ramblings included!

This story... damn. No words can explain how happy this story made me. The best part is the illustrations and you update relatively quick. I have been been exhilarated :pinkiehappy:

But, I usually encourage show vs tell. In this case, I prefer a little more tell because you show a little too much of the protagonist's thoughts...

You write this for reasonably smart nerds. You write it damn well for reasonably smart nerds.

first....your dreamscape suck shit... dreamscape is supposed to be crazy but not completely un-understandable. I mean overall its good work so far *Chapter 1* but your word choice is completely ridiculous. There's a phrase that was repeated to me endlessly by one of my favorite teachers when it came to ELA&G and it was 'Keep it simple, stupid' and I think that is what you need to work on.

I like this so far.
Mind you, the previous chapter inner ramblings were approaching 'first pony view' standards of taking half a chapter for the protagonist to take a single step. Or to do anything.
This one actually is much better. Especially the interaction (even the awkward moments, weren't as awkward as I thought they would be).
Overall, tracked and followed :twilightsmile:

I think your little interlude worked quite well. Your characterization of Celestia and Luna is rather interesting--the only way I can describe it is that it's unexpected, but somehow fitting.

It'll be interesting to see how they bounce off Rob.

Had Celestia always been so much taller than everypony else, and always so insecure about it at school?

This would make an awesome story.

Thanks, it's really fun to work on - Which is why I suppose it goes off in all sorts of crazy thinky directions, but then that was sorta the idea...

I really don't know how not to!

I've never actually had a dream before because I don't sleep, like in that song from Office Space.

Thanks - I had fun writing all that stuff out because I wanted to hit every note I could think of, but I tried to make them interesting and now that the story's going to be entering its second act it'll switch up a lot more.

Thanks, I was kinda surprised with how it came out, myself. I decided I needed a little something in there, and then it sort of came together on its own.
I wrote a bunch of other crap for this part about what Canterlot is like, but I'm saving it for Interlude Two.

I can't believe I'm the first one to think of it... Someone should totally do it, though.

2500798 Well...I've sort of explored the idea which is why I am so enthusiastic about someone actually doing it right. Or maybe teenage Celestia isn't awkward about being huge and is instead the school football team's star linebacker?

Haha, that could be pretty cool, actually... Either way, she's definitely a big girl. I wonder how many centuries it took before she stopped whanging her horn on door frames all the time.
...She's all calling from the bathroom like, "Luna! I got my weight back under half a metric ton!"

This chapter was nice, though maybe a few bits at the beginning were a little too long in my opinion. Also, what is up with this letter? How did the protagonist get it? I'm really getting curious.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!