It was a while before Katrina’s father came back in, walking into her house covered in snow. She did her best to going back to a casual conversation with her brothers, but after a few unsuccessful minutes, decided to get up to make lunch. She was in the middle of preparing it when he came back in, setting himself on the couch, his face still showing a deep scowl.
“What are you making in there, son?” her father finally asked after a long moment of silence.
“Macaroni and cheese and Reubens. I don’t have corned beef though so I’m substituting in ham instead.”
“Then it’s not a Reuben. All Reubens have corned beef. That’s what makes it a Reuben.”
“I know, I just said I don’t have corned beef,” she replied irritatedly. “I’m not as stupid as you think I am, Dad. Do you want one?”
“Yeah, I’ll take one. Also, happy birthday, Mark.” He had a tone in his voice that said he couldn’t care less either way. She could practically hear him rolling his eyes as he said it.
“By the way,” Trent broke in, “Apparently Jase said Mark’s name is Katrina now.”
Her father didn’t comment, only shaking his head and letting out a breath as he rolled his eyes again, turning on her TV.
“Chiefs are playing the Jaguars tonight on NBC,” he said, not looking over to her. “You gonna watch the game? Or do you not like football anymore, either?”
“Yes I will because this is how I’ve always been,” Katrina told him. “Literally nothing about me has changed.”
“Oh, that’s rich. You’re just gonna drop a bombshell like that and then say nothing about you has changed? Get out of here.”
“It’s not like I woke up yesterday and decided ‘Hey, you know what would be great? Being slapped in the face with dysphoria every waking hour’ like you think I did.”
She knew it wasn’t good to snap at her father about something like this, but with the way their relationship was, it was force of habit. She knew her attitude wasn’t going to be doing her any favors though if she kept it up.
“Anyway, lunch is ready, so everyone get in here.”
The four of them ate a quiet meal, Katrina finishing first and excusing herself back to her room. Once she was alone, she quickly locked the door and moved into a place where she wouldn’t be heard to call her mother. She’d already done the rest of her family. All that was left was her mother and sister.
“Why am I so nervous?” she asked herself, practically sweating bullets as she made the call. “She’d be the very last person in the whole world to care. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”
“Hey mom,” she got out quickly as soon as the phone picked up. “It’s, uh, it’s me, uh Mark.” She practically had to force the name out as she said it, almost shaking from what she was about to tell her.
“Oh, hey sweetie!” her mother said happily. “Happy birthday! How’s your day going?”
“It’s- it’s okay,” she lied. “I- I just wanted to call you to tell you something important. I know you’re busy and stuff, but I wanted to do it right now while I have the courage to say it.”
“Huh? What’s that, dear? I’m glad you caught me on break, but I don’t have much longer left.”
She took a breath and cleared her head for a second before saying, “I’m trans, mom.”
To her surprise, her mother laughed at that. “I already knew that, sweetie,” she said with a lighthearted tone.
“...what?” Katrina asked, blinking in confusion as she tried to process what she heard.
“Well, I didn’t know,” she explained. “But I knew. I mean, you’re my child. A mother is always going to know these things.”
“But, like- how?” she asked, completely surprised. “How did you know? How long did you know?”
“It wasn’t anything in particular,” she said, “but I knew something was off about you since you were probably seven or eight years old just from the way you acted with other kids. I didn’t know what it was, but that hunch started to form when you were around twelve, I think.”
“I…” Katrina blushed at that and asked, “H-have I really been acting like a girl since I was seven? That seems unbelievable to me.” It made her smile to herself at the thought of it.
“It’s the truth, dear. Honestly, you were more feminine than your sister was. I always thought it was very adorable. I didn’t bring it up with your father though because I knew he would be harder on you if I said something.”
“Well, I just told him and Trent, and I don’t think they’re taking it very well, so I guess you were right to not say anything.”
“Well, that’s your father,” she said simply. “I know he still loves you, but we both know how he is. It is surprising to hear that about your brother though. I don’t think he’d be like that, as far as I know.”
“Yeah, unfortunately it looks like he is like that, but it’s mostly just Dad acting that way. It’s not that great to listen to.”
“Don’t I know it. I listened to him for twenty years before we divorced. Anyway, I have to go back to work now. You have a happy birthday, okay sweetie?”
“Okay. I’ll text you later. Thank you for talking to me, mom. I love you.”
“I love you too, dear, and always will, regardless of who you are.”
With that, she hung up, leaving the call smiling widely. It was unbelievable that even here she could feel the weight leaving, even if just a little bit. Just telling her father and brother how she felt was reliving, even if they tried to disagree and argue. She was happy at the idea that she could start being herself, a sharp contrast to where she was in June.
She went to her last family member, Sam, and sent a quick simple text to her. “I know it’s a weird thing to do on my birthday,” she typed, “but I just wanted to let you know that I’m trans. It’s not a revelation I just came to, although I do wish I would have acknowledged it sooner. You can ask me whatever you want, but I do have to go back to spending time with Dad and Trent now. I’ll talk to you later.”
At that, she walked back into the kitchen where the rest of her family still was and grabbed a seat at the table, deciding to wait until they finished lunch before showing them what was in her closet.
“I just want to say,” her father suddenly cut in with a sigh, “that you’ll always be my son, Mark. I know you’re confused about yourself right now, but I think you’re gonna be able to work through this and see who you really are. This… Katrina business, this isn’t you. You and I and everyone here knows that. You’re not one of those people like your friends online probably tell you that you are.”
“I absolutely wish you were right, Dad,” she thought to herself bitterly, forced to keep what she wanted to say to herself. “I wish I didn’t know how wrong you are. At least if someone told me to be trans like you think, I wouldn’t have felt so terrible day after day and year after year. I wish I was as confused as you think I am.”
“I appreciate it,” was all Katrina could offer in return as she stood up. “If you’re all done though,” she continued, “I want to show you guys something. Jase already knows what it is, but you two are gonna see it for the first time.”
“Ugh, what is it now?” her father asked with a tone in his voice, frowning again at that idea. “You’re not gonna show me some makeup collection you bought or something, are you?”
“Just come with me,'' she instructed, standing up and expecting them to follow behind her. She went to the closet she knew well, turning back around once she knew that the other three were with her. She closed her eyes and took a breath to calm her nerves before she spoke.
“Before I show you, I need you to not freak out, okay?” she said to them. “I told Jase the same thing, too, and he was cool about it, so I need you to be cool, too.”
“Yeah, it’s literally out of this world,” Jase said. “If you freak out though, we don’t fault you.”
“What is it?” Trent asked. “You have me curious now.”
Katrina didn’t give him an answer as she opened her closet door, revealing the dress she received from Rarity. Despite how many times she’d seen it hanging up, she’d honestly forgotten about it, and blushed in embarrassment at the sight of it. She didn’t have to turn around to know that her father and older brother were staring right at it.
“If that’s all it is, I think I’m just gonna stand outside in the snow until the pregame show comes on in a few hours. I’m not gonna deal with this bullshit.”
“It’s not that,” she said quickly, pulling the trapdoor open. “What I want to show you is down here.”
She descended first, followed by Jase, then Trent, and her father taking up the rear. She stood in the small empty room until they entered, her older brother staring intently at the sign on the door but knowing better than to go through yet.
“Miss Mark ‘Katrina’ Wiley,” Trent read as her father made his way down. “This isn’t your handwriting if I remember correctly. What’s going on?”
“Just follow me and Jase, okay?” Katrina told the two of them. “And like I said, be cool. Try not to freak out. You’re- it’s- it’s going to be something going through that door. I’ll let you guys see for yourselves what happens.”
“You and Dad should go first,” Jase suggested with a smile. “You know, since I’ve already seen it and stuff. I’ll be right behind you.” The two didn’t need any more motivation, both of them stepping right through as Jase turned to Katrina.
“Do you want me to beat them up for being mean to you?” he asked, feigning seriousness. “I’ll beat them both up if you want me to. Well, not Dad, but I will Trent, at least with my words. I’ll tell him off for being a bad brother and making you sad.”
“What? No! Now’s not the time for joking. It’s very awkward and annoying to deal with, but I’m fine. Let me just handle it and everything will-”
“MARK!” her father yelled suddenly. “WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?” he didn’t sound scared or nervous, but absolutely angry with her, and it made her anxious.
“You go in,” Katrina told her little brother. “I want to wait a minute before they see me, okay?” Jase gave a nod and a smile before he headed on through, leaving her alone.
“Just walk through and show them who you are,” she whispered as she took a breath to calm her nerves, pushing her hair out of her face with a hand. “You already told them who you are, now you have to show them. This is who you’re going to be.”
She took another breath before stepping through the worldgate, changing into the pony version of herself. She was greeted by her father talking to Jase, the former of whom looked a combination between frightened and enraged, and Trent blinking in surprise, looking around the room silently, taking everything in. As much as she feared doing so, she cleared her throat and drew their eyes to herself.
“Hello,” she announced simply, using a hoof to wave. She didn’t feel embarrassed or awkward by their staring as she expected she would be. Instead, she felt relieved at their looks. They may have been shocked looks, or in her father’s case, angry, but she was still glad they could see who she was. She found herself wondering why she didn’t do this sooner.
“Just like that old song,” she thought to herself. “When everything’s made to be broken, I just want you to know who I am. And now they do. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this. I never would’ve imagined being this far five months ago.”
“Are you supposed to be my son?” her father asked angrily. “You’re a god damned horse! What in God’s name are you doing to us, Mark? And you’re just gonna go along with him, Jason?”
Before her little brother could say anything, she broke in, “This is how I know I’ll feel better, Trent. Being here, being a female here, all of that dysphoria I had just completely dissipated. It’s unbelievable how much I can not only stand existing, but actually like existing over here. It feels nice to be able to finally be myself, and I want to have that feeling- this feeling- on that side, too.”
“You’re absolutely insane, Mark! If you want to be a god damned horse, be my guest, but don’t get the rest of us wrapped up in whatever fucking witchcraft you have going on here!”
“I don’t want to be a horse, Dad,” she explained, frustrated that he wasn’t getting it. “I want to be myself. What myself is- that’s a girl. That’s what I want to be. That’s what I am, and I suffered for so long hating being in my own skin because I didn’t want to acknowledge that fact. I am a girl.”
“I don’t care!” he yelled. “Just get us out of here! Fix me right now!”
“All you have to do is walk back through and-” Katrina started, not able to finish as both her father and brother quickly made their way back through the worldgate, Jase giving her a sheepish smile before following behind them. She took a moment to catch her breath before heading back through herself, her father right on top of her once she made it to the other side.
“Don’t you ever, ever, do that to me again, do you hear me?” he yelled, sticking his finger in her face. He didn’t wait for an answer, grumbling loudly to himself as he quickly climbed the ladder back to the top. Before she knew it, she was hearing her front door slam loudly, making her sigh.
She turned to Trent afterward, saying, “I know you think I’m making a mistake, but now you know it’s not something I came up with out of the blue. I also didn’t figure this out by going through that portal. It’s something I’ve always known. That portal just forced me to acknowledge it.”
“I-” he started before stopping himself, taking a moment as he tried to formulate what to say. “I’m… I’m gonna go now guys. I need time to think about what on Earth just happened and I don’t think Dad wants to wait on me for too long. All of that is just… something. I’ll talk to you two sometime later. Happy birthday, uh, Mark… err, Katrina, or whatever you want to be called.” He didn’t say anything else, quickly climbing up the ladder to follow their father out.
“That could’ve gone better…” Katrina sighed, setting her back against the wall. “I expected something like this but I still… ugh. I have no idea why I was thinking anything else would happen. I just… got too confident. I’m letting this all go to my head.”
“Well at least he took it better than Dad did,” Jase observed. “That’s something, right?”
“I guess but… he was probably just doing that to be nice. I know Dad doesn’t like me, especially not after that, and I’m pretty sure Trent isn’t going to want to talk to me anymore, so that’s two out of-”
Her phone buzzed in her pocket, interrupting her and revealing a text from her sister. She pulled it up, expecting to hear some heartwarming words, but receiving something very different.
“Do not text me again,” was the only thing she saw, making her close her eyes and clench her jaw sadly.
“Never mind,” she started again. “That’s three out of five. Sam told me just now not to text her again.”
“Sam said that?” Jase asked, Katrina nodding in response. “That- that’s unbelievable. I’d never expect that from her.”
“Neither would I. I guess that’s what I get for saying I want to be myself,” she replied tiredly.
“I’m sorry, Trina. Can I call you that? I think it would be a nice nickname for you. Or Kat, too.”
“Not right now, okay?” she told him. “I just want to be alone.”
“I’ll talk to them if you want me to. I’m not sure about Dad, but Trent might come around if I talk to him, and probably Sam. Let me see what I can do.”
“It’s fine. Please just let me be alone for now…”
“This was just a big mess…” she thought to herself as she shivered, a few tears dripping down her cheeks. “I just want to be myself…”