• Member Since 27th Nov, 2017
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Licensed Real Estate Agent & Notary Public. I also really love magical girls.


The eternal night of Nightmare Moon’s reign is a harsh and unforgiving time, and growing food during it proves to be a most difficult affair. When famine hits, Applejack believes she has a good idea on how to fix the problem.

Now with a reading by Skijarama - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HX1J0EIWPA8

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 79 )

Well, you thought correctly. This was pretty fun.

I suspect that Nightmare Moon realizes that the letter wasn't written by a sober pony. The constant repeats of how much they love the night do point towards Applejack being drunk.

Does that mean Nightmare Moon agrees with the fertilizer idea?

Ahhh such a great fic! You got me laughing all the way through!

Pony meat doesn’t taste good.

N. M.

...So, how exactly does she know that?

Look at those fangs and that evil and tell me she wouldn't have tried. :pinkiecrazy:


Trial and error. You live that long, you get opportunity to greatly expand your horisons.

Nightmare Moon: “This whole bucking thing is leading to me either raising the sun or killing everypony, isn’t it? UGGGGHHHHHHH…”

I kind of like imagining Nightmare Moon as being less “evil overlord” and more “petulant teenager” as a ruler, at least on a day-to-day basis when her game face isn’t on.

11492899 Look, it was just a few nibbles and the other pony liked the process...


AJ wants horny horses to come and fill her with their meat:rainbowwild:

Well, unicorns were technically the ones who headed the governing body way back when, so being full of shinola is probably their forte

You don't just eat the unicorns, you grind up their horns for magical powder and sell it to import food from abroad. Everyone wins! (except the unicorns)

Replace 'unicorns' with 'rich' and then she'd have something.

this was good. and I'm a unicorn enjoyer :trollestia:

11492983 Every once in a while I toy with writing a Nightmare Moon story which begins: "My Diary, Day X5. Still queen, dammit."

Quite a modest proposal.

The original Modest Proposal was (satirically) suggesting eating the poor.

Why would the rest of the world have food, though? :trixieshiftright: They wouldn’t have day-night cycles anywhere else either lol

The other half of the world might have sun, but I’m sure they’ve all dehydrated to death by now

Or was Swift really just masking his desire to eat babies behind satire so he wouldn't be judged

NMM is lying. Ponies are delicious. Just ask the griffons. :fluttershbad:

But pegasi are the MOST delicious! Sweet and tender. Just ask Pinkie! She has a GREAT recipe for using them in cupcakes! :rainbowhuh::pinkiecrazy:

11493380 We could ask the WEF, since they're legit eating babies.

11493086 Tell the Chinese it's an aphrodisiac and you'll get $10,000/gram for it! :trollestia:

11492899 She asked a vegan. Who LIED!

Ponies are tasty and we should all eat them. :raritydespair:

Pray they never invent A-1 sauce

Horse meat does have a certain flavor. Not bad mind you but it definitly needs pepper and salt.

Get writing that story.

11493454 I've tried. It's a cute idea, but it just won't write.

11493220 You have your Jonathan Swift, and I have my Motorhead. (Or Aerosmith if you prefer the cover.)

11493086 There aren't as many Chinese billionaires as there used to be...

Pony meat doesn’t taste good.

N. M.

That's...a really chilling response...

:moustache: I tried eating unicorn it gave me gas
:duck: Sorry, I farted
:facehoof: You stunk up my lunch
:moustache: It was just a hoof nibble

everypony wins.

Except the unicorns

Well, there's no sense crying over every mistake. You just keep on trying until Celly eats all the cake. :trollestia:

NMM: "Seriously, I never thought I'd win long enough to actually need to THINK of the actual logistics of my plan. How was I supposed to know the pony needed to stop me tripped down the stairs rushing to my sister, hit her head and ended up comatose a day or two before my glorious return?"

And the science gets done and we make a new sun for the ponies who are still alive!

lets be real here, if NMM promised Twiggles access to the whole canterlot library she'd have flipped in a heartbeat

Well that is silly and delightful. Those dimensions brought to us by Starlight need some more exploration.

:pinkiegasp:”Gasp” I am offended. Most of us don't even need such thing. There are just far too much work to be done nowadays. And …that we spend lots of time online now, but the point is that we have much better things than that. You'd have more luck selling those as drugs in like, I don't know, Mexico.

Well the society has so many people to feed and educate, so it's normal that things need to balance out a bit. shrugs

11493727 *watches you buy 100 kilos of Unicorn Dust... to then distribute in Mexico!* :pinkiegasp: Mmmmm-hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! :trollestia:

Lies and slander! Just because most of us doesn't have access to a bunch of foreign websites doesn't mean that we will allow such insult happen when we see it!
No, I am serious, one of my friends unleashed their rage on an artist just because that artist they follow drew a picture about ponies abusing drugs.

Mom pick me up I'm scared

"Some backsides may have been gobbled."

The short description actually uses the words "modest proposal" which I'm pretty sure qualifies as a statement of intent. :ajsmug:

11493639 11493694
This was a screwup
I'm making a note here- big mistake
Why did I think I could be the ruler
My little ponies
Are so very hungry, also tired
Everybody's sick to death of fresh mushroom soup

But a queen can't admit when she got it wrong
So I'll keep pretending I was right all along
Just fake it all while I flash a huge smile
That scares ponies who are still alive

I'm doing a queen's work
Keeping my ponies safe and sound
(Why isn't there a monster when you need one??)
So why can't my ponies
Figure out farming- that's their job
Why can't they find a crop or three that grows by moonlight

But I won't be discouraged by their ingratitude
Though the looks that I'm getting are a little bit rude
Why can't they see I'm right about my eternal night
My ponies who are still alive

Who am I kidding
I've made a huge mess- bucked it up
Now they've started talking cannibalism
I sent a memo
"No pony meat, please- it tastes bad."
(Faust I hope nobody asks how I found that out)

Being absolute ruler isn't one bit of fun
If this keeps up I'll have to bring back the sun
And my sister will go, "Lulu I told you so,"
In front of the ponies that are still alive

But at least they are all still alive
I managed to keep them all still alive
I mean, even Granny Smith hasn't died
(Send a guard to check that she's still alive)
(Still alive? Still alive)

And the award for best poem goes to.... “Still Alive” by Kris Overstreet!

I adore that Applejack's "Honesty" Element comes out in the form of pure undiluted sarcasm. Since it took her a day to come up with a response, I think she either went and tried pony meat herself, OR, asked another creature that had had it.

Oh my WORD XD;;;; And the final implications... I feel like Nightmare Moon crafted that reply SPECIFICALLY to freak them out more

Glad I'm not the only one that thought "huh, unicorns don't actually do anything critical for Equestria's existence any more since the alicorns showed up."

11493768 Then I shall BLOW UP THE PLANET!! (The Freeza Solution to any and all problems...)


What do unicorns really provide to pony society anyway?

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