• Member Since 18th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Inky Scrolls


What is life? Is it nothing more than the endless search for a cutiemark?

E

Celestia has always wondered why Twilight never replied to most of her letters. Fortunately Luna breaks the news 'gently'.


A rather silly idea that popped into my head this afternoon. I make no apologies.

Edit: As a few people pointed out, the title was really giving the story away; I've changed it on their (sound!) advice.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 78 )

And what about all her letters to any other subject?:twilightoops:

11494992
I reckon she delegates those to ponies with a bit more common sense.

A large, bristled, frowning post-stallion stood imposingly in front of the doorway, blocking the sunlight with his vast frame. He was a unicorn of few words. "You Twilight Millicent Sparkle?"

:facehoof: At Twilight's middle namw. I know she doesn't have one. But still. Great story though.
11494992

11495004
You assume she sends them anything at all :trollestia:.

I find it very odd that Celestia would be the one to not know what stamps are, and why Luna would know instead.

11495120
Well, Luna does seem to be the one with the near-obsessive fascination with the mail service altogether, as shown in "Between Dark and Dawn," so... :rainbowlaugh:

The archprincess muttered, and grumbled, and grouched, and finally spat out: "It's not even my best side!"

My reply to that would be "You are sitting on your best side.".

:pinkiehappy:

11495120
"Luna Loves Post Office" (S9 E13)
Luna likes the post office & finds it interesting. Celestia was bored with it.

:trollestia:

Good stuff, its also funny too with the ancient one trying to wrap around the concept of mail stamps.

11495127

11495137
I've forgotten pretty much everything of S9, so that might explain it.

"Oh - and they're all postage due."

On the upside, Twilight will finally be receiving all the letters that Celestia sent her.
On the down side, Twilight is going to send an angry worded letter requesting reimbursement.

Never occur to me that the head of a country might not know some basic stuffs since most of those chores were done by their subordinates. Well done, sir.

11495061
I read a story once where it was Monoceros. Talk about redundant.

11495061
Well, it seemed the daft sort of name she'd have.

:moustache:

A large, bristled, frowning post-stallion stood imposingly in front of the doorway, blocking the sunlight with his vast frame. He was a unicorn of few words. "You Twilight Millicent Sparkle?"

Millicent??
Interesting.
Source??? Oo

That's mean!
She gotta pay up her flank and write a hoof off. Literally! Hah

Though not sure if the title doesn't give away the joke early. Could have made for a nice twist...

Thankfully Luna is a bit more in touch with the times, even with her banishment:rainbowlaugh:

11495425
Granted she’s had to restart from the ground up 😂 After Nightmare Night, she likely thought she’d be in error if she didn’t catch all the way up with what was going on in the current realm.

11495197
I think the most stunning thing here is that, immediately after learning that letters and parcels require stamps (or other postage) in order to be sent anywhere, Celestia's response is to order that everything be sent, and not pay any of the postage. Not even a directive to send them on credit and then invoice her office.

This goes beyond mere reimbursement; this has firmly entered the territory of compensation.

Dear Princess Celestia,
In order to meet recent unexpected bills, I have taken a part-time job as a postmare in Ponyville. It really is a wonderful job and I can't believe I didn't try it before. I get to meet almost every pony in town with a smile and their daily collection of letters, even if they are mostly bills and junk mail, some of which is postage due.

One particularly good part of the job is the competition for new stamp design, open to postal employees only. To my surprise, I won this year's contest and it had nothing to do with the Elements of Harmony judging the entries at all. I thought they might be a little upset at my surprise bill too, but they put it all behind them, and in any event the new stamp was released today and I used one of them for this letter. I know how you always were critical about the photographers and portrait painters not capturing your right side, and I think my entry truely captured your essence with some of that 'thinking outside the box' that you encouraged in my long years of training that I spent without ever once being told you had a sister. I think this stamp will really let the ponies of Equestria and beyond (since it is an airmail stamp) know a facet of our leader that only really close friendship reveals, and that they will think of that aspect every time they lick a stamp for a letter. After all, I don't think capturing your right side was really the correct goal, and I think this stamp actually shows the right end.

Sincerely,
Postmare Twilight Sparkle, Ponyville, 65674-4027

wear a dear-stalker

Deer stalker.

I need to start reading these short stories more often, they seem quite entertaining.

Tia—sorry, Celly—felt somewhat OOC, but for a short, silly story like this, that’s acceptable. Leave it to her to still not get it, even after Luna explained it to her.

11495539
The story needs a sequel like this.

"I spent a thousand years locked in the moon, and I still know more about the public services of your kingdom than you do?"

11495532
This really begs a question though: does she need to use stamps for a service being run in her name?

Like, in England (afaik, I'm not British) the monarch doesn't need a driver's license or a passport. Does anyone know if a letter from the king/queen need a stamp to be delivered?

11495755
I am British and I'm actually not sure (though it would apply in the whole of the UK, not just England, whatever the rule is). You're definitely right regarding King Charles III not needing a passport or driving licence.

This was pretty fun. On the constructive side, I'd say the prose was a bit purpley at times, and the narrator bits were unnecessary and a little distracting. Also the odd spelling mistake. Other wise good work!

"Oh - and they're all postage due ."

H#LL NO!!! Return to sender!!!

"Oh - and they're all postage due ."

Say goodbye to your savings Twilight.

This story was absolutely amazing, glad to see it take the #1 spot on featured as it deserves!

Celestia Learns About Stamps - Inky Scrolls

Celestia finally finds out why Twilight never seems to reply.

This story would be funny, if it weren't for the fact that you're giving away the punchline before you even tell the joke.

I recommend you change the name and the tagline. They're spoiling it.

11495755 I'm guessing not.

In the United States federal government officials, particularly Congresspeople, have "the franking privilege," i. e. unlimited free postage provided it's used for their official duties or to inform their constituents of their activities in Congress. (If you think that sounds like government-paid advertisements for incumbents, congratulations! You're absolutely right, and that's almost entirely what it's used for today.) The privilege dates all the way back to the founding of the country, and I believe it was a carryover from British practices prior to the Revolution.

That was really sad. Poor Celestia.

11496076
Hmm, true. I think I'll do that.

This story is such hot stuff that i died laughing when i knew what was going on! THE POST STAMPS MISSING??? Sweet Celestia Have Mercy on Young Twilight for this! :rainbowlaugh:

lol after all that she sends them collect?:rainbowlaugh::trollestia:

Worst Case that under 450 "Bits" for all mail being postage Due
best case is 86.90
assume that Postage due stamps are like ours with 1c to 50c stamps
regardless thats a lot of money

at least twilight gets paid by the crown

probably

11496363
Here in the UK, a second class stamp is 68p, which comes to about £554. If we assume all the parcels are reasonably small, that'll come to £184 at standard Royal Mail rates, for a total of £738. Quite a sum, though presumably as you say, Celestia would bail her out!

11496111
And it was the source of at least scandal, as it was ripe for abuse.

This was cute, I love it. Although, I imagine it'd be more likely for Luna to not understand how postage works, given then whole "thousand years on the moon" thing lol

Leader of the nation, several thousand year old royalty... doesn't know how basic normal-people things work. It's beautiful.

11495539 And now you know why Equestria's rarest, most valuable stamp is the Equestrian Royal Cake Depository Memorial Issue.

11496076
Agree-
Glad he took the feedback and others get to enjoy a good story just a tad more though :)

The three editors notes feel out of place, the first two are just weird asides and the third is a spot where your editor should have told you to rewrite the sentence.
She brothed in sharply -> she inhaled sharply.
Otherwise an ok shaggy dog story

Twilight knows the all important words. Return to Sender.

11496621
"Princess?"
"Mumgmph?"
"You're only supposed to lick the stamps."
"Mgph but strawberry shortcake mglmplmph. Give me that other roll, please."

Login or register to comment