• Member Since 24th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 11 minutes ago


The original Sunburst!


Cheesy pick-up lines? Really? They're so dumb!
Who comes up with this stuff?
There's no way that actually works.

...Does it?

Cover art by OrchidPony.
Written for the A Thousand Words contest.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 55 )

Whelp, I died. Great job!

Glad to hear it. Sorry about you being dead, though! :twilightsheepish:


Shining Armor choked and spat out his coffee all over his newspaper, to Flurry Heart’s giggling delight.

Pfff haha :rainbowlaugh:

No brother wants to hear there sister got lucky.

Was NOT expecting that ending:rainbowlaugh:

But to be honest, I am with Twilight on the pick-up lines thing, maybe I'm just not very confident, but I don't use them because I don't want to come across as sleazy or creepy or desperate. I want to meet someone who likes me for me, not some smarmy "dude" image.

10/10 for the punchline.

Liked, fav'd.

Whoo! Man, that ending! Thumbs up!

That was a nice little story…with a very unexpected ending! :raritywink: I loved it!

A pleasant blurb of a story. It's good to finally see something new from you.

Thanks! I had fun writing it. :raritywink:

Bad pick up lines are my jam. A+.

Its funny I hadn't realized it but I agree with both Rarity and Twilight on this one. Pick up lines are stupid so logically they shouldn't work because yes at their core they almost inherently talk down at the recipient at least a bit. Yet still everyone should know this so its never so much about the line but about the delivery and pulling it of takes charisma. If you fumble your line at best you should expect to get scoffed at and going in you should never expect it to do more than open a door to conversation.

All that aside I love stupid jokes and pick up lines are some of the dumbest they are just so corny that I can't help but laugh at even the worst of them most of the time. I've even spent a fair bit of time coming up with highly specialized ones when hanging out in online chats. Never with the intent to even accidently woo someone but just to share my terrible sense of humor.

Why does Twilight's complete naivety towards what a pick-up line is feel so amazingly in character? This was great for a laugh, thanks.

Oh, Luna, that ending. :rainbowlaugh:

Well, I guess you WINston, and you LOSEston.

HAAAAAAAAA. Ha ha. ha. Ha.

yeah, I liked this. I’d recommend it to my fellow clergy in the cathedral where I am currently nunning.

Surprised she didn't work an 'egg' pun in there.

"I got your sister something she really needed," said Cadence. "She's an egg now."

"An egg?" Shining Armor asked with slight bemusement.

"Yep, she's freshly laid."

Perfect. Simple but masterfully executed.

Oh, that ending took me off-guard. Great work!

"No, but I did get my hair dirty as I dug my way up when I ascended from Hell." :twilightsmile::pinkiecrazy:

Huk #20 · May 29th, 2022 · · ·

Nice one! But in the case of Twilight, I imagine it would go more like this:

Random Stallion: "You like books, huh? If you want, I could help you... rearrange your library stacks, if you know what I mean :raritywink:"

Twilight: "*grins* That would be lovely. Let's go right now, cause we're gonna be doing it all night long :twilightsmile:."

Random Stallion: :raritystarry:

And then the poor stallion ends up rearranging Twi's entire library for two days straight :rainbowlaugh:

Priceless turntables! :trollestia:

Exquisitely made!

Cadance… best wingmare. But this was very funny

My favorite variation is this:

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like the tumble fucked up your face pretty badly!"

*smile* That was a fun little romp! Thanks!

I was hoping for way more dumb pickup lines, but that ending more than made up for it. Very good for such a short story.

Welp, Twiggles is a quick study at least . .

The punchline was 20/10 lmao :rainbowlaugh: liked and faved!

“It was a good night,” Cadance explained without really explaining. “A little scheme I’ve been orchestrating for a while now finally paid off, and your sister got something she desperately needed.”

“And what was that?” Shining Armor asked with slight bemusement.


Shining Armor choked and spat out his coffee all over his newspaper, to Flurry Heart’s giggling delight.

Cadence, this is an intervention. You have a shipping problem.

Well, that was an amusing (and somewhat educational!) kiloword. :)

edit: Sorry about the double post; I thought the first one hadn't gone through, but it looks like the net hiccuped just after it was sent rather than before... or whatever that was.

Comment posted by Reese deleted May 30th, 2022

Pfft. That was glorious. Did Mono get you to do this for the contest? :trollestia:

Nope. Don't blame Mono, this one is entirely my fault! :trollestia:


That was great. Loved the ending. A+. :twilightsmile:

Pink Horse is best princess in moments like this

Falcon Punchline! Meddling Cady is my jam so gold stars all around.

Whelp, you definitely need some confidence to go and use a pick-up line like that on a princess.

And I gotta say, Twily's own attempt was pretty smooth, although I'm not entirely certain how to interpret the scene.
I mean, did Twilight, in universe, spontaneously come up with that line herself, or did she just catch Rares off guard and make an ancient line work with royal confidence and a spritz of Twily-patented adorkableness ?

Cadance proves it again: She's best pink horse.

Funny little snippet. Thx for sharing.

The Princess of Shipping strikes again.

I'd definitely wanna know if she was cheating on me. :duck:

Incest is relative, sisters are for fisters and a family that plays together, stays together.

She ain't called an egghead for nothing! :raritywink:

And then Flurry Heart spent the next two months spitting food at Shining Armor.

It wasn’t exactly some rustic tavern or small hamlet pub out of a fantasy adventure book

Do fantasy adventures even count as fantasies in Equestria, or are they historical fiction?

(somehow, to Twilight’s incredulity, he managed to pack three halves’ worth of expressiveness into one smile)

Come now, consider her social circle. I'm sure Pinkie can cram eleven halves of expressiveness into a small grin.

Ah. Elegant setup and execution by the Princess of Shipping. This would've made a great entry in the Fluff category as well. As is, still a thoroughly delightful bit of Raritwi. Thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.

Princess of Shipping gonna ship. Great story.

Cheesy pick up lines are an art form of sorts. Very similar to puns.

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