• Member Since 24th Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Winston


The original Sunburst!

T

It was a just a common, ordinary spell, one that unicorns use every day. Somehow, something went wrong. Now Twilight Sparkle has to figure out how to cope with the aftermath... before it's too late.

Fourth place finalist in the "Out of Time" writeoff prompt at writeoff.me.

Thanks to Bachiavellian, Titanium Dragon, FanOfMostEverything, FrontSevens, horizon, JonOfEquestria, The Cyan Recluse, The Letter J, and Trick Question for their reviews during the writeoff.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 35 )

Awesome. Good to see it here.

6688296 Glad you liked it. It was a bit delayed in getting to a FimFiction posting, but that just gave me some time to clean up a few things, so I think this version is a bit better than the original writeoff draft.

Chilling. Creepy. And very well written!
Twilight's situation is really heartbreaking! It is a mixture of Classic The Twilight Zone's pilot "Where is Everybody?", The Outer Limits's episode "The Premonition" and the short film "12:01PM" (itself based on a Richard A. Lupoff's short story of the same name)...

Actually Twilight's situation is worse, because at last the short film's protagonist could interact with people!

P.S. I think that this could be tagged Sci-Fi...

6688325 Good idea. Tag added!

Jeez, I've been reading a lot of dark stuff recently, but this really hit a spot in me that gave me the shakes. Just one little thing going wrong that she does often, and this is what she gets... 8:06 a.m. forever. I imagine that I'd be stuck pulling into the parking lot of one of the schools that I work at for eternity. What a thing to ponder. Excellent job as always, Winston.

6688473 Thanks, Descendant! That's exactly the kind of vibe I was going for. :twilightsmile:

Holy cr@p does this need a sequel! It begs for one! Well done, Winston!

"her parent’s house"
"parents'"?

Interesting story. :)

That was... unsettling. Well done! :twilightsmile:

6689079 Right, thanks.

6689479
No problem. :)

Awesomely written!

I would really like to see this expanded in some way. I've always had a bit of a fondness for time loop stories, and this is an interesting take on the idea.

Ouch, this was kind... dark? Horrifying? Not in the evil villain way, but a fate worse than death in some ways, being stuck between seconds apparently, with no way out. And she's probably just hallucinating about something else being out there, but whether there's something else in whatever quantum state she is trapped in, hard to tell if that's better or worse than being alone. Twilight used to like being alone, but she usually had Spike at least, and as a Princess now, she definitely doesn't want to be alone anymore.

Sorry, Twilight. Energy/mass and time are non-commutative.

Gives a whole new meaning to "living in the moment".

No Twilight, you're not going insane.

You are simply gaining knowledge of the the unknowable. I pray you get out of this before you realize what those moving shapes in the corner of your eye area...

Nice and eerie little piece!

I had the idea that she's not going crazy, but catching flickers of other teleporting unicorns...

Well, that was haunting.

Although, I have the feeling that if Twilight ran into Discord, he'd be able to do something. Why? Physics and laws of magic don't screw with Discord-Discord screws with them.

So, while this is sad and just a little heartbreaking, I firmly believe that at some point Twiligh will either run into Discord do something...chaotic, or she'll go see him and almost have a heart attack when he breaks out into a dance.

Still, wonderfully written, eerie story.

HiddenMaster out

This is really good. However, I, like a lot of the others around here, really wish there was more to this. It ends abruptly, but not in a way that's enough to be dark or disturbing. It's just a "Wait, that's it?" feeling. Perhaps that's the point, but it would be really nice to have a little resolution.

Still, Twi's emotional state about her situation and the subtle, creepy atmosphere stand out and make this an enjoyable read. Have a bookshelf add!

You're not going to write a sequel... are you? :applecry:

Good story, but I can't up-vote it until you've finished it. Hint Hint. :rainbowdetermined2:

6804560 Probably not. I think what's here is the part of the story I'm interested in.

6804714... Fine, you get an upvote.

Awesome story! It's so hauntingly dark. Not many "scary" stories are actually scary for me, as there's a non-reality to them that makes it fake. Throw monsters and zombies and whatever at me and it's just kinda "meh," but this... this is true nightmare fuel, and incredibly heartbreaking because of it. Well done!

6850821 Thanks! This story was a strange combination of interesting and disturbing to write. Complete isolation and deprivation is one of the most profoundly frightening and torturous things that can possibly happen to someone, and doing the research and reading about what exactly it does really chilled me because, as you said, it's real and gripping, not something mythical that just kinda slides off. Attaching that to the premise that it could happen out of the blue as a result of something a character does every day without thinking left me with that kind of feeling in my gut that happens when something really wrenches you. When that kept persisting over time the more I thought about it, I knew I had a winning idea.

I swear, if this happened to me, I would go crazy before the second "day". Great story!

mein gott, this is... this is ... This.. is..
I can't even.. I ..
I have no words. It's too good, chilling, awesome, depressing, amazing, just ... aahhhh!
*throws you a Holy Muffin* Just.. just take it!
~SoDF

7006522 Mmmm, muffin! Thanks! :pinkiesmile:

7006559
^-^ the Holy Muffin is an award I give to stories that I am utterly blown away by, that I rate as unparalleled, the cream of the crop, of the cream of the crop. on this amazing site. There are very few that make this category. It's my highest honor, so enjoy every bite!

The entire diamonologue to her mother was very powerful, I mean, the story didn't tell about the days or weeks leading up to this moment; it never had to. Instead you captured Twi's despair in one day.

We don't have to know if she spent the first "days" fooling around doing whatever or simply sitting inside crying, what's important here is how she feels now, and that's fear and determination. She's scared, scared of the situation and of herself. But she's still going strong looking for a solution, so that she can live again.

All in a very Twilight'y manner.

Have a thumb and fav'
:twilightsmile:

Huh. This story's had an interesting upsurge in views recently. Anyone have any idea where it's coming from? How did you (if you're just reading this now) find this story?

8059010 If nothing else, this was posted and was at least in the popular box for a while. Maybe that's part of the reason.
Now I'm off to read it.
:scootangel:

8059373 Thanks! Looks like the mystery is solved. I'm flattered that someone actually wanted to write a prequel. :twilightsmile:

8059511

I'm flattered that someone actually wanted to write a prequel. :twilightsmile:

Looking at the amount of comments wanting more, it isn't much of a surprise :pinkiehappy:

I'm one of them TBH

Dunno if I'd call it 'Sci-Fi', but that's just me. Technically I'm probably wrong, as I read Sci-Fi and Sci-Fantasy quite a bit, thus having a bit of a skewed sense of it.

I did like this fic. I'm curious if you have any intention on continuing it? I can't help but wonder if she's driven to madness, eaten, or manages to escape.

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