We're not socks, but I think we’d make a great pair!
Twilight Sparkle fumed beneath rainbow-edged dapples of light that glittered down from a fancy overhead chandelier. She hated the bar scene.
Loathed it, really.
Especially here in Canterlot, and especially-especially at ultra-high-society events like the ball she had found herself obligated to attend.
Back in Ponyville? The local bar there was a pleasure. It wasn’t exactly some rustic tavern or small hamlet pub out of a fantasy adventure book, but it captured some of what she imagined the spirit of a place like that was supposed to be: laid-back, cozy on a cold winter’s day or a shady reprieve from the sun of a hot summer afternoon, and most importantly, someplace to be in good company.
But in Canterlot…
Like most things in Canterlot, the bars had a glass-like polish, a gleaming shine that felt like it put an ineffably thin layer of water between her and everything she touched. That smoothness and shine coated everything, every surface, glimmering and glinting with reflections of the lights above until it blinded and bullied with extravagance and excess.
And most of all—most of all—the ponies. Twilight dreaded the kinds of ponies who frequented the bars, even just a small bar area off to the side of a much larger open-air ballroom, here in Canterlot.
But still. The host of the evening was considerate enough to at least make it an open bar, and an open bar, for all she detested Canterlot bars, was just too good to pass up when she needed a drink and a break from the… thing. Event. Soiree? That’s probably what Rarity would call it. And where was Rarity, anyway? She said she’d be right behind—
“Miss?”
“Huh?” Twilight turned and saw a stallion standing behind her. She noted, tiredly, that his façade had the same high polish as everything else around her. It was in the perfectly fitted and pressed tuxedo jacket, the impeccably starched collar with precisely turned down little corners, the shining blue silk bow-tie… and in his face. That smarmy-charmy smile, exuding a look that was half-arrogant, half-amiable, and half-tipsy (somehow, to Twilight’s incredulity, he managed to pack three halves’ worth of expressiveness into one smile) all over his face.
“I’m afraid I’m going to have to report you to the Royal Guard.”
“Excuse me?” Twilight narrowed her eyes. “For what?”
“For stealing my heart.” His smile widened slightly.
Twilight’s brain froze for a beat, then ran like a hamster furiously spinning on a wheel, getting nowhere in the effort to decide what on Celestia’s green Equestria to make of this nonsense.
He pressed a half-step closer. “Of course, I wouldn’t have to turn you in if you gave me yours instead.”
Twilight reflexively took her own half-step backwards, away from him.
“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard,” she declared, finally snapping out of her indecision and running with her first impulse.
The grin-smile started to fade. “Oh, don’t like that one? Well, how about this—”
“Do you think I’m dumb?” Twilight interrupted him.
“…Of course not?” Confusion crept across his face. Now it was his turn to take a half-step back.
“Then why would you say something like that?” Twilight demanded. “Frankly, it feels insulting to think you think so little of me.”
“It was a joke!” He said, in a slight tone of protest.
“Not a very good one.” Twilight gave him a dead stare.
“I, um.” He fumbled. “Okay, sorry.” Awkward, heavy seconds passed, and finally he turned to walk away.
Twilight watched him go, feeling a lingering weirdness about the whole exchange.
“Was he bothering you, Twilight?” Rarity’s voice filtered in from one side of the bar. Twilight turned to see her friend approaching.
“Kinda, I guess,” Twilight said. “Just said something stupid, that’s all.”
“Stupid, like what?” Rarity asked, sidling up to the bar next to Twilight.
She recounted their exchange.
“Oh, Twilight, Twilight,” Rarity laughed gently. “That means he likes you. Haven’t you ever heard a pick-up line?”
“Sure, but it’s just, if you’re trying to win somepony over, shouldn’t you be trying to sound smart?” Twilight wondered.
Rarity smiled and shook her head slightly. “That’s not how it works,” she explained. “Not at all. It’s not about what is being said, it’s all about how.”
“And how was something that bad supposed to be said?”
“With supreme confidence, of course.” Rarity gave Twilight a look. “The line itself is bad on purpose. That’s part of the point – to display so much confidence that it shows you can make anything work, no matter how stupid or silly. And sometimes it works, because some ponies find that kind of charisma very charming.”
Twilight took a long sip of her drink, considering this carefully while wheels in her head turned.
“Huh. Alright.” She nodded slowly. “So, can I ask you something?”
“Yes, of course.” Rarity listened.
“Did it hurt?” Twilight asked.
Rarity looked at Twilight curiously. “Did what hurt?”
Twilight smiled and glided in a half-step closer to Rarity. “When you fell from heaven.”
She waited as a half-beat passed, with Rarity in wide-eyed surprise.
Then she felt a sudden tingle of exhilaration when Rarity smiled slyly at her, with just the slightest hint of a blush blooming on her cheeks.
From across the ballroom, a pink alicorn watched the proceedings at the bar, while mingling expertly with the crowd to make it seem like she wasn’t watching at all.
“Oh, I just love it when a plan comes together.” Cadance hummed happily to herself, sashaying over to the breakfast table the next morning.
“Hmmm?” Shining Armor looked up briefly from his morning coffee.
“It was a good night,” Cadance explained without really explaining. “A little scheme I’ve been orchestrating for a while now finally paid off, and your sister got something she desperately needed.”
“And what was that?” Shining Armor asked with slight bemusement.
“Laid.”
Shining Armor choked and spat out his coffee all over his newspaper, to Flurry Heart’s giggling delight.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Monochromatic · 1.6k words · 167 4 · 1.5k views
- King Ice · 2.8k words · 310 7 · 3.6k views
- Kodeake · 3.6k words · 327 13 · 4k views
- Soaring · 2.6k words · 129 7 · 1.9k views
- Shaslan · 2.8k words · 92 3 · 1.1k views
- AFanaticRabbit · 1.2k words · 132 9 · 1.8k views
- Bloonjitsu7 · 21k words · 48 2 · 890 views
- Monochromatic · 3.4k words · 452 11 · 3.6k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.259 seconds
Total duration
560 users online
1,217,236 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Whelp, I died. Great job!
11254937
Glad to hear it. Sorry about you being dead, though!
Pfff haha
No brother wants to hear there sister got lucky.
Was NOT expecting that ending
But to be honest, I am with Twilight on the pick-up lines thing, maybe I'm just not very confident, but I don't use them because I don't want to come across as sleazy or creepy or desperate. I want to meet someone who likes me for me, not some smarmy "dude" image.
10/10 for the punchline.
Liked, fav'd.
Whoo! Man, that ending! Thumbs up!
11255081
Thanks!
That was a nice little story…with a very unexpected ending!
I loved it!
A pleasant blurb of a story. It's good to finally see something new from you.
11255130
11255138
Thanks! I had fun writing it.
Bad pick up lines are my jam. A+.
Its funny I hadn't realized it but I agree with both Rarity and Twilight on this one. Pick up lines are stupid so logically they shouldn't work because yes at their core they almost inherently talk down at the recipient at least a bit. Yet still everyone should know this so its never so much about the line but about the delivery and pulling it of takes charisma. If you fumble your line at best you should expect to get scoffed at and going in you should never expect it to do more than open a door to conversation.
All that aside I love stupid jokes and pick up lines are some of the dumbest they are just so corny that I can't help but laugh at even the worst of them most of the time. I've even spent a fair bit of time coming up with highly specialized ones when hanging out in online chats. Never with the intent to even accidently woo someone but just to share my terrible sense of humor.
Why does Twilight's complete naivety towards what a pick-up line is feel so amazingly in character? This was great for a laugh, thanks.
Oh, Luna, that ending.
Well, I guess you WINston, and you LOSEston.
HAAAAAAAAA. Ha ha. ha. Ha.
yeah, I liked this. I’d recommend it to my fellow clergy in the cathedral where I am currently nunning.
Surprised she didn't work an 'egg' pun in there.
"I got your sister something she really needed," said Cadence. "She's an egg now."
"An egg?" Shining Armor asked with slight bemusement.
"Yep, she's freshly laid."
Perfect. Simple but masterfully executed.
Oh, that ending took me off-guard. Great work!
"No, but I did get my hair dirty as I dug my way up when I ascended from Hell."
Nice one! But in the case of Twilight, I imagine it would go more like this:
And then the poor stallion ends up rearranging Twi's entire library for two days straight
Priceless turntables!
Exquisitely made!
Cadance… best wingmare. But this was very funny
My favorite variation is this:
"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Cause it looks like the tumble fucked up your face pretty badly!"
*smile* That was a fun little romp! Thanks!
I was hoping for way more dumb pickup lines, but that ending more than made up for it. Very good for such a short story.
Welp, Twiggles is a quick study at least . .
The punchline was 20/10 lmao
liked and faved!
Cadence, this is an intervention. You have a shipping problem.
Well, that was an amusing (and somewhat educational!) kiloword. :)
edit: Sorry about the double post; I thought the first one hadn't gone through, but it looks like the net hiccuped just after it was sent rather than before... or whatever that was.
Twarity <3
Lmao
Pfft. That was glorious. Did Mono get you to do this for the contest?
11256937
Nope. Don't blame Mono, this one is entirely my fault!
That was great. Loved the ending. A+.
Pink Horse is best princess in moments like this
11255424
"..."
"Hot."
/grin
Falcon Punchline! Meddling Cady is my jam so gold stars all around.
Whelp, you definitely need some confidence to go and use a pick-up line like that on a princess.
And I gotta say, Twily's own attempt was pretty smooth, although I'm not entirely certain how to interpret the scene.
I mean, did Twilight, in universe, spontaneously come up with that line herself, or did she just catch Rares off guard and make an ancient line work with royal confidence and a spritz of Twily-patented adorkableness ?
Cadance proves it again: She's best pink horse.
Funny little snippet. Thx for sharing.
The Princess of Shipping strikes again.
11255021
I'd definitely wanna know if she was cheating on me.
11257798
Wait, what?
11257828
Incest is relative, sisters are for fisters and a family that plays together, stays together.
11257966
11256208
She ain't called an egghead for nothing!
My Little review & Feedback I did your review.
And then Flurry Heart spent the next two months spitting food at Shining Armor.
Do fantasy adventures even count as fantasies in Equestria, or are they historical fiction?
Come now, consider her social circle. I'm sure Pinkie can cram eleven halves of expressiveness into a small grin.
Ah. Elegant setup and execution by the Princess of Shipping. This would've made a great entry in the Fluff category as well. As is, still a thoroughly delightful bit of Raritwi. Thank you for it and best of luck in the judging.
Princess of Shipping gonna ship. Great story.
Cheesy pick up lines are an art form of sorts. Very similar to puns.