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Flutterpriest


I write hoers (Ko-Fi/Patreon)

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Flurry Heart invites a colt over in hopes of getting her first kiss. Her parents have MANY THINGS to say about this.


Art by the amazing Jargon Scott

Reading by Straight to the Point Studios

2nd 3rd Place Winner in the Cadance is a Terrible Mom Competition

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 75 )

I, as a horrible human being, shouldn't have been given the power to dictate the next generationt of storytelling. Thanks for the entry!

OMG, that was crazy funny! Cadence is definatly worst Mom, ever!!

Poor Flurry!

I feel so sorry for Flurryheart as she can never have a normal teenage moment with her mother being the princess of Love and her father captain of the Royal Guard.

Great story by the way.

“HOWDY KIDS,” Cadance yelled, dressed in a gaudy Cupid outfit. “I’M THE SEX FAIRY, HERE TO TEACH YOU ABOUT SAFE SEX.”

this line killed me

With a light of her horn, Cadance was making condoms rain from the sky like dollars at Princess night at the strip club.

🤔😕 Ponies usually don't wear clothes... How would a strip club in their world work?

“I HATE YOU WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!” Flurry screamed, sprinting at her mother and pushing her out of her bedroom.

SHE'S THE PRINCESS OF LOVE. SHE MUST!

“This is supposed to be the speech I take to the Wittenland?!” she growled to herself. “I can’t go and preach to them about loving one another when they can barely keep their society democratic. This is such a mess.”

Well, they did just transition from feudalist monarchy to a democratic society...

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The fact that someone caught my Equestria at War reference made my day.

That was hilarious.

Cadance suddenly had a heart attack and died.

T h e e n d XD

Can't blame the parents, they were concerned with other matters anyways.

“PLEASE JUST GO DIE OH MY GOD MOM.”

And it was at that moment that Flurry realized that she would never have a normal love life. Not with the Princess of Love as her mom.

Perfection. :rainbowlaugh:

I can imagine Flurry using the same tone as she does in this video:

Damn, i feel sorry for Flurry Heart.

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ShoutingIsFun has the best Flurry.

But the one in this is story is great too!

Hmm...
Not sure if Flurry thinking her mom is terrible is enough to make Cadence a terrible mom.
In fact, it might mean the opposite in this case.
I’m afraid this might be ineligible.
😋

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(To the downvoters - for the record, I did read and upvote the story. It was late and I was quite confused by the condom fairy and what I just read.)

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this is the origin story how she became that flurry

I can't stop laughing :rainbowlaugh:

“Go ask your Mother.”

God I hate it when parents say this

And so, Princess Flurry Heart remained chaste until she was 31.

*Dies in wtf cadance just leave them alone*

The door to her room burst open like a goose that ate a pack of mentos and was drinking Coke.

You can always tell when and author has been holding on to a particular line for a long time and has just been waiting for the perfect opportunity to use it.
This is one of those lines. My god, what a mental image. Well done.

Stellar comedy. And some cute teen romance to boot!

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I hated that when I was a kid, but if I ever become a parent, I suspect I'll be sorely tempted to say that every time. :twilightsheepish:


On another note...

"Daddy, can a colt come over?"

“Go ask your Mother.”

"Why, Sweetie, of course he can cu—oh, you mean visit. That's okay, too."

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Flurry is giving me some Miss Nagatoro vibes

Gah dayum this is absolutely superb! I can't describe how amazing the wholesomeness, humor, and craziness blends so well together! This whole story is just one massive ball of absolute high-quality amazingness! I hope ya didn't mind, but I just HAD to make a reading of this spectacular fic of yours!

Audio Linkywoo!: https://youtu.be/gwm15z_CLvU

(I don't mean to offend anyone with this comment in any way!)

:facehoof: Cadance, as the Princess of Love, you of all ponies should know not to do this. Heck, I'm an autistic recluse, and even I know that.

Flurry was dancing in her brain. It wasn’t a good dance. After all, Cadance was her mother.

Love it hahaha

Dan
Dan #32 · April 12th · · ·

I would hardly say Cadance is being a bad mother. Quite the opposite- being annoying and intrusive is an intrinsic part of mother/teenager dynamic, and doing it so enthusiastically is a point in her favor.

O god... o god I laughed so hard at this. This was brilliant,

All of my respect goes to Spruce, clearly he knew what he was getting into when he went over to Flurry's home.

Dan

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If he's any good, he'll find it all hilarious, and hug and assure Flurry she doesn't have to be mortified. And look back and laugh together in a few decades, if things go well. Maybe tell the kids an embarrassing grandma story.

Lol this is genius

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That is assuming he lasts that long, Spruce still has to convince the major obstacle, known as Shining Armour, that he is worthy. For that reason, I hope that Flutterpriest is willing to continue this story. :raritywink:*wink, wink*

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Oh she knows exactly what she's doing.

The ending was a little out there but I got quite a giggle from it. Here have a moustache :moustache:

“This is supposed to be the speech I take to the Wittenland?!” she growled to herself. “I can’t go and preach to them about loving one another when they can barely keep their society democratic. This is such a mess.”

Ey, good to see other sprinkle EaW references/world building in their stories, too. :pinkiecrazy:

i.ytimg.com/vi/rrql5lHcEpU/maxresdefault.jpg

Rarely do stories make me literally laugh. Comedy gold indeed.

Cadance has officially become my role model on dealing with my childrens dating lives.

Cadance then goes on to insert into the TV the tape of Flurry's conception, followed by a hard jump cut to her birth. :trollestia:

Shining at the dinner table is way too real for comfort, lmao. 10/10

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The best part is when both deflect to each other. In fact, that might be the best way to say "no" without triggering teenage rebellion: confusing them into giving up.

16?? my folks won't let me date till im 30 XD at least that's what dad said

Love this fic 💜

10767349 Clearly, those primitives need a Pony Princess to reign supreme over them for a thousand years to show them what democracy is all about!

:trollestia:

Spruce's only option is to embrace the chaos and laugh.

How! The Neighder Cut of the Power Ponies movie wasn’t even supposed to exist!

I see what you did there. Nice reference.

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