Cadance Is A Terrible Mom - 2021 Competition Winners! - Cadance Is A Terrible Mom - 2021 Competition

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Muggonny #1 · Jun 2nd, 2021 · 11 · ·

CADANCE IS A TERRIBLE MOM - WINNERS!

I plan on going over all of the entries in bulk on my day off. As for when the winners will be announced, that will be up for debate. I'm striving for soon, but each of the judges have full-time jobs and their own lives to manage. Just know that I don't plan to keep you waiting for an entire month.

Just know that I don't plan to keep you waiting for an entire month.

Just know that I don't plan to keep you waiting for an entire month.

June 1, 2021
My index finger jitters uncontrollably as it hovers over the Esc key.

"Just one more day..." I whisper through crusty lips. The effort I put my vocal cords through is strenuous. "One more day, and it will all be over."

I said that very phrase a month ago on a day much like this one, and I said it on a day very much like the next one. I'm sure that I will undoubtedly say it on the next one after that, and so on. I have uttered this phrase for so many days that it could fill a month, perhaps two. "Just one more day." I say, and as that belief sinks in, so does the entropy.

My skin is bare, spotted with rashes. My torso has become a bony husk, and as I stand out of my chair, it screams for the insatiable fulfillment it so lusts for. "Soon..." I whisper as I place a single hand over my belly. "Soon you shall receive the nutrients that you require."

My legs wobble with the strenuous effort I put on them as I make way to the bathroom to relieve myself. Then, I hear it -- the knocking! I swivel around, my body practically lifting itself off the floor as I propel myself, eyes bulbous and protruding.

"Who dares!?" I scream. "Who dares disturb this sanctuary!?"

I hear the quick rapping sound of three more knocks and my legs are suddenly filled with a vigor they hadn't felt in over a century. I arrive at the door, both of my hands wrapping around the knob, and I pry it open.

I hiss, blocking yellow beams of light from my eyes with a hand as the rest of my body becomes devoured by putrid vitamin D. My other hands swings in front of me, searching for the one who dares. It brushes against something smooth, so I grasp it. Immediately, I hear speeding footsteps storming away, and I know that the one who dares is gone.

Feeling tortured enough, I shut my eyes and slam the door shut. I open them back up, and allow my vision to readjust back to my room. It is then that I see what I hold in my hands: a bright yellow package.

My soul fills with giddy, and so do my vocals as I scream, "It's here, it's here!"

I open my mouth wide, saliva trailing down my chin, chomp down at the package's corner, and rip it open with my remaining thirty-two teeth. I sit on the floor crisscross applesauce and laugh gleefully as I turn it upside down. The contents slide out, and I scream with delight.

"It's here!" I shout at the top of my lungs. "It's finally here!"

The lights in the room come on. "What is?"

I turn my body and see NotEnoughCoffee standing in the doorway. I pick up the object in question and present it to him. "The Cetaphil I ordered. My eczema has been acting up."

"Ah," he nods. "Well, the contest results are ready if you want to announce the winners."

I smile and nod back. "Sure thing, man. I'll get to that in a bit."

"Lit," he replies. He turns to leave, but just as he's about to close the door, he stops and turns back toward me. "Hey man, you're lookin' skinnier. Have you been working out?"

"Nah, man. It's the vegan diet. Started doing it a week ago."

"Well, you're lookin' good man."

"Thanks. It's been difficult. Tofu can only keep me going for so long. I finally understand what Christian Bale went through during The Machinist."

"Anyways," he says, "I gotta head out. Later dude."

"See ya," I reply.

He turns the light back off and leaves. I'm all alone again, and with nothing else in the way, I switch my attention back to the computer screen that glowed like the light of heaven amidst a vantablack of darkness. I approach it, and as my bottom touches the chair, so does my index finger begin to hover over the Esc key again.

"Just one more..." I whisper again.

I tap the Esc key, and the game resumes. Just one more day and this month will be over. Just one more day... and I'll finally beat Death Stranding.

Oh yeah, and I'll post the contest winners too, sure. Just, whoa boy, is this game long.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

EWhy Cadance is a Terrible Mother

A diary entry from Flurry Heart, detailing why her mother, Princess Cadance, is the worst mother in Equestria.

Boopy Doopy · 1.4k words · 201 11 · 3.7k views

Why Cadance is a Terrible Mother was a delightful read that many of the judges related to. It was also one of the few entries that, rather than actually make Cadance a terrible mom, made her a terrible mother from the perspective of an angsty teenage Flurry Heart. But get this: she's not just angsty, she's goth! ~~It was everything I wanted out of this contest.~~ Unless those two things are the same, then I wouldn't be shocked.

EPrincesses Shouldn’t Have to do Homework.

Princess Cadence wants her little princess, Flurry Heart, to have a normal life, which includes sending her precious filly to school. Of course, having a normal filly also means having normal parent problems.

Hotel_Chicken · 1.3k words · 81 3 · 1.9k views

I believe any parent can relate to having to help their kids with their math homework. The equations were well-written and did a good job confusing the fuck out of all of us. Both Flurry Heart and Cadance were great in this story, and the conversation they had which led into the initial punchline of the story was endearing. Go give it a read!

ECuckoo's Lullaby

Cadance is pregnant. Facing down her own fears, she has a heart to heart about it with the infant Flurry Heart. Flurry Heart, in turn, is extremely unhappy at this betrayal.

TCC56 · 1.4k words · 169 9 · 2.5k views

Cuckoo's Lullaby gets really creative with its premise, which will not be disclosed here because it would spoil the overall story. It's best that you go into it with blind eyes because the initial twist that occurs is hilarious.

3rd Place Winner

T"Daddy, Can a Colt Come Over?"

Flurry Heart invites a colt over in hopes of getting her first kiss. Her parents have MANY THINGS to say about this.

Flutterpriest · 2.1k words · 503 13 · 7.1k views

This story did an excellent job in setting up its characters. The comedy is both exaggerative and consistent throughout, Flurry Heart's character is very likable, and the build-up is nicely paced. It was an absolute blast for all of the judges. We highly recommend this one.

2nd Place Winner

TWhen Dad Is Away

Cadance has to take care of Flurry Heart during Sunburst's day off. Alone. With no help. She quickly begins to realize that she isn't very good at this.

anonpencil · 3.2k words · 101 7 · 2.3k views

Reading this story while eating was a great choice. Trust me.

I did read it while eating, and frankly, it made for an immersive experience. When Dad Is Away takes a very simple premise and holds itself together through pure writing. The story follows Cadance throughout her day as she takes care of Flurry Heart, and boy does it lead into some interesting escapades. There's not much else to say except that the comedy was consistent throughout and felt so natural that it impressed every judge.

1st Place Winner

EA Lesson in Regicide

Cadance unintentionally teaches her daughter about a very important tradition to Crystal Empire royals.

MayhemMoth · 4.5k words · 280 6 · 3.1k views

Not only is the characterization stellar, but the amount of set up the author gives us provides a really funny payoff that makes it a blast to read. The story begins with Princess Cadance explaining to Flurry Heart the death of King Sombra, and the route it goes is unexpected yet satisfying. Every single one of the judges had a blast reading it, and we think you will enjoy it too!

Welp, looks like that's the end of the contest. We got way more entries than I expected there to be. Seriously, I thought there would be something, like, 12. We wound up exceeding that number very early on, so wow, thanks to everyone who entered. If you want to know how you did, PM me or one of the judges, and we will give you our basic thoughts. Note that we don't plan on going in-depth if that's what you're looking for. We would love to do that! But, alas, we can't fulfill those requests if our PMs are flooded with a bunch of people asking for the same thing.

Soaring

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Soaring #2 · Jun 2nd, 2021 · 1 · ·

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