- Member Since 25th Dec, 2013
- offline last seen Yesterday
Majin Syeekoh
We’ve got dents and we’ve got quirks, but it’s our flaws that make us work.
Majin Syeekoh
Joined 25th Dec, 2013 ·
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Cryosite2,675 stories ·252 members
- Suicide1,520 stories ·414 members
Stories on Goodreads28,599 stories ·492 members
Aria Blaze381 stories ·619 members
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Thanks... I... I actually needed a story with a hopeful end.
Why is there such a sudden influx of suicide fics? This is the fifth one I've seen in the last few days...
6405097
They are cries for help... and for more Patreon supporters.
Why do I get the feeling that Pinkie's gotten the "a vanquished enemy is about to commit suicide" Pinkie Sense before? Beyond the obvious symmetry, it seems like Sunset's been on the other side of this conversation, or has at very least contemplated this option.
In any case, a very powerful scene. Nice work, and kudos for having Flash Sentry do something useful.
6405097
I think a lot of people might be feeling tthis way, or know someone who I'd, right now so they write about it.
6405097
Because the edge is real.
When you hurl yourself over it.
6405236 Too soon.
I like the last paragraph as well. And good on ya for the way Flash was used here.
Aria looks great with her hair down
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But we only have 2 seconds.
This was really good.
This whole living thing is highly overrated.
That was sweet. I'm really happy how this turned out.
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I'm glad that you enjoyed the ending! It's always nice to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
6405654 Thank you;I always appreciate compliments!
6405129 Yeah, that's what I was going for—that Sunset had been there and could offer a hand. I'm also pleased that you and 6405515 approved of my handling of him.
Wow... That was, well, powerful, for me. Very well written, Syeeks.
I think it has a great ending, though I'll admit I'm curious about the after-the-ending events.
One of my favorite Three Days Grace songs has these lyrics:
Why is it so hard to find someone who cares about you
When it's easy enough to find someone who looks down on you
It's not hard. We just need to look. The ones who care may be closer than we think. The ones who care will be there to stop you from the brink of death, even if we don't know they care.
That's what I took away from this. Kudos, Syeekoh.
(If I'm violating site rules with the lyrics ref, since it's a comment and not a story per se, let me know and I'll edit the comment accordingly.)
6406180
This.
Thanks to that ending, I wouldn't exactly classify this as "dark".
More, please.
Also, two things.
I totally support Flaria;
and I can definitely relate to Aria. That feeling that everything you do hurts someone, and that you're useless... I don't think it can ever completely leave you, but it doesn't bother me as much now.
Well, aside from the fact that the science here makes it very hard for me to believe that Flash could catch Aria after she fell from the roof, with no injuries to him or Aria, I really liked the story. It was short, but it had a nice little hopeful message at the end, and I think it completed what it set out to very nicely. I would love to see more, I think it could be an interesting story, but at the same time, there's nothing wrong with how the fic ended here, and wouldn't blame you in the slightest if you didn't want to continue.
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Well, I wouldn't say that it isn't prevalent within the story. Just because a story doesn't end dark doesn't mean that the story itself isn't dark. In the end, Aria attempted and nearly succeeded in committing suicide. I'd say, personally, that's fairly dark.
However, I'm not going to deny that the tone didn't exactly fit the tag all the way. I can give you that. I think it has a lot to do with this being a oneshot.
*glares at Majin for his inability to write multi-chapter fics lately*
It's always good to read a story without a terrible ending, and it's mainly because these things happen every day. Metaphorically, and maybe even literally, people are caught from their fall. There are, in fact, happy endings in real life. And people'd do well to remember that fact, lest they delude themselves into darkness.
So, I managed to keep my eyes from rolling long enough to finish this story finally. I didn't bother reading the other suicide bandwagon fics on the site that appear to have been written in yet another effort by the masses to get in the feature box.
This wasn't good. It isn't even a story except on a technical sense. It's a scene, and as often happens on the site, the author would rather rush out something to ride the bandwagon rather than do the work writing a real story.
Who is Aria? We saw a hint of who she might be in Rainbow Rocks. It's up to you, author, to show us who she is. The person in your story is a nobody. Rather than sound like a complete character, you have a monologue that reads like a checklist. Item after item are told to us to make sure we understand this is supposed to be the character from Rainbow Rocks.
So we're expected to believe that Aria is the quiet brooding one, when Sonata and Adagio are the two bickering and fighting. Well, that is certainly different than the relationship dynamic we saw in Rainbow Rocks. I'd be willing to believe that if you showed it to me. But like anything else resembling a character-building story, that too is missing. It does stand out as weird, given how much else is crammed in to try to milk the canon for name-brand recognition.
So why does it matter who Aria Blaze is? Because as it stands, we have no reason to care if she lives or dies. There is a common sort of human empathy element where we don't really want anyone to die, but that doesn't really extend to shallowly developed fictional characters, especially those shown to be the villains. In order for her possible suicide to actually be compelling, we'd have to get to know your vision of Aria, care about her situation, and worry about her mental health. That's a lot of work, and it was all skipped.
If this were a clopfic, it would be labeled as porn without plot. We have the bare minimal details needed to get our puppets in mind, then we get thrown into the "climax" so we get our sticky entertainment. Maybe "jump right into the climax" would be a better choice of words. Regardless, we have no buildup. No foreplay. All the issues "Aria" of your story mulls over in her monologue contain lots of things that, were they actually written out and shown to us, would serve as a great buildup to this scene. Show us Sonata and Adagio fighting over who is to blame. Have Adagio shout in anger that Aria is to blame, and Aria runs out of the apartment crying. Have Aria see people she hurt, glaring at her. Have her get hungry and tired, and notice the passing of time keenly. Show us all of these things that contribute to Aria's spiral downward.
That's all just the buildup. In a proper story, we'd have our denouement. After Aria is saved, we'd have more than just the hand helping her stand. We'd see her spending real time with Sunset. Maybe some relapses, but further help. Make us believe that things actually did get better. While you're at it, what about her former roomates? That's another plotline just waiting to happen. Do they need and eventually get help too? Do they reject help and wind up drifting away, or wind up in a tragic end?
It is ridiculously easy to see the things this "story" is missing. A fic like this doesn't tell a story about the characters within, it tells a story about the author and the meta-game of the site. The fact that not one, but three people worked on getting these 1230 words to their present form and published says a lot.
6406800
I hate to say it, but I have to agree with most all of this. This story goes way too quick--barely 1,000 words isn't really enough to dedicate to a one-shot about suicide. This doesn't feel powerful to me. It just feels like something that happened. I haven't connected with Aria at all, I haven't seen any of the buildup to this--you've just kinda shoved it all into the first two-hundred words or so. As such, I can't connect with her. It doesn't help that quite a few of Sunset and Aria's interactions are really cliched, and sound like they've been taken out of every suicide story ever. There are some flashes of brilliance here, like this line:
Take some time to actually build Aria into a character, and not just a plot device.
Also, why was Flash there? And if Aria was really so serious about this that she was ready to kill herself, how in the hell did Sunset manage to calm her down in, like, a minute? That's not really how being suicidal works.
A big problem here is that it's told through Aria's POV, but we don't get nearly enough of her internal thoughts and reactions during the most crucial moments, like when she jumps, which only serves to, again, make the suicide feel more like an authorial decision than the natural decision of a character. What emotions are present, however, are often told to us rather than shown...
Small typo:
Also, there are some really strange tense things going on in the first half of the story. You keep switching from past to present ("The implements to achieve said goal are lost to us now. And now I have nothing." and other examples) to past again, and at one point you seem to imply that she's already jumped off the roof, when she doesn't do that until 300 or so words later:
6405109
Is there a particular reason you're obsessed with mentioning patreon every time you don't like a story or a trend? It's especially odd when most of the time the writer doesn't have a patreon account.
6407054
Who said I thought the story is bad?
It's tolerable, by the way. Doesn't really go anywhere or say anything, but there's nothing offensive about it either.
This is a beautiful story, and I'm really proud to have written it.
Lots of love,
♥ Majin's alt ♥
If there was anyone in the HuMane world who knows what it is to turn from the Dark Side and find some way to atone for one's wilful evil acts, it is Sunset Shimmer.
6406800 Glad I read this before reading this story. I don't want to read a bandwagon story made just to draw in suicidal people's likes. Especially if it isn't written well.
6406345 You wouldn't classify a story about a person attempting suicide dark?
6406862
Yeah, I suppose you guys are right. I've been a brony for less than a year, and this was the first fic of the sort that I'd read. Since I had nothing to compare it to, I thought it was good.
6406800 Thank you for your criticisms. Something to me felt off about the story, and you've highlighted exactly what that is.
I would kill for more comments like these and 6406862
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6406783 Yeah, fully fleshing out ideas before I publish them is something I need to work on.
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6406797 I'm glad I was able to inspire hopeful feelings in you guys. That makes me feel great.
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6406800
I have to disagree here. This is complete on a technical level—it's a short story. As in, the genre.
6407655 I would classify a story about someone committing suicide dark. I would classify a story about someone attempting suicide and failing, yet still being all alone, as dark. I don't classify a story about someone's suicide being prevented by someone who cares as "dark".
Okay guys, let's read the comments first, just to see-
Times up! Alright chums, let's do this! LEEROOOOOOOOOOOY JENKINS!!!!!
He's reading it. Oh god, he's reading it!
6408084 But don't you think the idea of suicide is dark? Therefore, giving the story a 'dark' tag?
6/10
Interesting choice of portraying Aria as the suicide risk. Usually Sonata is the one driven away by the other two, being the least dominate of the two (at least, that's what I think). In any case, it's a good thing Sunset Shimmer and Flash Sentry are both such quick thinkers. I have just one question out of curiosity: what were they doing together?
6408752 Well, what kind of writer would I be if I thought I was already the best at what they did?
I'd hate to display that level of arrogance anywhere on the site. It would just come off as self-serving and shallow.
I'm here to learn, same as the rest of us.
6407896 So, does that mean you'll expand it? Cause i love the potential here.
6408862 I hadn't considered it, but there is some potential in the idea, yeah.
Maybe I'll bounce some ideas around and see how it works out.
6408870 sweet! Let us know if and when you come up with something!
Hmm,
Think I prefer Ave Sonata better.
There's been a rush of suicide fics lately? I guess I wouldn't know, since I don't come around here every day and often skip the features since the majority of stories on there don't appeal to me.
Although I can't really disagree with the criticisms, I still enjoyed this story. I like nice & compact.
6408234 I don't exactly classify a story about a dark topic with a happy ending "Dark". It has dark elements, but doesn't embody the genre.
Man... I came to read about a bloody pancake on the concrete... Dammit...
I'm confused. A fall from the roof of your average high school isn't gonna kill you. Maybe break a bone or two. And if it WAS high enough to kill her, then Flash would also be dead. He certainly couldn't have caught her.
6408870 In your story, did the elements force Aria to feel guilt that she previously hadn't?
Is there a sequel?
I feel like there should be a sequel. Please write a sequel? PLEEEEEEEASE!?!? I wanna know what my-I mean Pinkie Pie's "thing" was. PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!