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When Sonata Dusk is found murdered in a backalley, the other sirens find themselves alone and friendless, except for perhaps one person. Sunset Shimmer, attempting to befriend them at school, feels for their loss, and tries to console them. Meanwhile, a murderer with an apparent grudge against the Dazzlings is still on the loose.
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Whoa...my first review...oh, and the fic was shocking too, I guess...
Great job! This is a perfectly dark and gruesome fic! I know, that sounds sadistic of me, but man; you're goooood!
Hope to read more from you soon.
5510528 I'm glad that you enjoyed it. I'm also a fan of gruesome fics too
My main point for this one was really for the reader to find out who the murderer actually is. Did it surprise you at all? Or did you expect it?
Its a good fic with a great idea. Yet, the pacing threw me off a lot. After the police questioning I would of liked for you to specify that it was only Aria in her "semi-grand" (<--lazy adjective) house. More buildup to the stabbings and the confrontation with Adagio would of been nice. A first person account of Sunset doing the stabbing and seeing her mindset would of been a cool route. These complaints are petty compared to how well written this is grammatically, but they are still valid points in my opinion.
5510615 Oh certainly. Don't be afraid to voice any objections that you have (so long as they are things that I can actually affect). Nothing I am or do is beyond reproach. I'm only human after all.
I particularly like your idea of Sunset having a flashback. I might actually rewrite this a little and incorporate that
............ Wow... Just... Wow...
Honestly, at the beginning, I was crying after what happened with Sonata, and then the tears happened for Aria again. The way the story was going, I thought it was possibly Adagio that did it, jealous that her sisters had been able to become a part of the CH 5... I just didn't expect that of Sunset...
This was beautifully written, but... Wow... This was extremely dark...... Darker than the hospital scene... Even darker than the Dark Ending of The Threesome. o.o
Please stop killing the sirens!
They're just little girls now... They deserve a chance to live again, not be cut down before they have that chance to grow up. :c
Look at Sonata, look at her! She is so sad at this, look at those big orbs and sadface, and know you are hurting her!
(In all honesty, it's your creative mind, I'll read what ever you throw at us, because you're one of the few writers I'll actually read ALL your stories, they're that well written, until you write one that has a description I'm not interested in, that is, lol)
At first I was like o.o
But then I was like
O.O
At first i thought it was adagio because of the blade she had in her hand and the plot twist that it was Sunset that murdered them.. I was like holy shit.
I didn't expect that at all, you caught me by surprise. Anyway so at the end, she made it look like a suicide? But ya know, police know it was Sunset.. She will get arrested and possibly executed or unless she runs back to the human world....
Clarify.
5511924 No, no, Sunset put the gun under her own chin.
The implication is that she shoots herself
5511494 I like dark things. They're never as popular as the more slice of life, cutesy-ish stories, but I like them. And I'm happy to supply them to those few others who like it.
Look at my killing characters this way: I frequently kill the characters I like. I don't know why I do, possibly it's that I like them in situations where they face grand things that most other people don't ever face. I like the feeling of empathy with them, feeling for their pain.
I have to divorce myself from the understanding that I'm causing that pain, by writing it.
5511977 Okay so she kills herself then... Right?
You're so brutal with this stuff bro.
Got something against the sirens? O.o
5511991 Don't ruin it for everyone else
But yes. That's the implication. I'm trying to be thought provoking here. You're supposed to imagine what happens.
Dammit Shamalan!
You know, how about trying to write stories where Sunset is shipped with Aria or Adagio, seeing how you've been murdering Sonata in all of your other stories.
5512017 I didn't murder her in the Evening Sonata...
Sorry about that, but I have a tendency to kill characters I like. I sometimes wonder if George Martin is the same way.
Did you enjoy the story at least? I should hope that you at least didn't find it un-entertaining.
5510567
Weeeell...It went more like this:
I looked at the story, and instantly said, "OMG, SUNSET MURDERED THE DAZZLINGS!"
But when I finally read the entire thing, I was like, "Whoa, I was just kidding back there, jeez..."
So, you could say that I was half shocked, and half not.
5512025 The story itself was actually pretty flippin' good, my man. Honestly I could stop rereading it just because the twist ending was soooo out of the blue!
But seriously, stop murdering Sonata, I'm starting to feel depressed...
5512287 I make no promises... but I will try. She's just so damn loveable though.
Must... refrain... from murder...! *Grabs a hold of typing hand and holds it back*
Damn. Damn!
Damn...
that's all I have to say.
edit: alright, my hands stopped trembling now. that was...damn.
happened too quickly though. their deaths would have been all the more... what's the word?... they would have had a bigger impact had we seen how they became friends first. so one could feel their loss more. you know, kind of like a hope spot...
5512322 I know, I knew that would be at least one of the objections to this fic. But it's a one shot, an idea I had to get on paper... so to speak. I already have one continuous story that I'm committed to, and I'm iffy about doing more.
In honesty, this fic was just meant to be a short shock/thought provoking story. Like those short stories that were so popular back int he 50's. There's even wanton murder in it
5512320 You can do it! The power of SunsetXSonata courses through your brain!
5512287 I honestly think he has something against the sirens.
I love his stories, but sometimes he gets out of control with these dark stories but in a seemingly satisfied way..O.o
but I agree.
STOP KILLING THE FANDOMS WAIFU!! :( NOT MY SONATA! I WUV HER.
5512685 Yes! But no.
I don't think he has anything against the sirens, its just getting a little dark but we still have The Evening Sonata.
Yes in the fact that someone finally agrees that Sonata is the waifu and not Sunset!
5512777
5512685
I don't have anything against the sirens
I like them. And Sunset Shimmer is my favourite character. That's why I write about them so much.
I just happen to write a lot of dark stories, so naturally they get blended together. And sometimes the characters get blended too. In a blender. There's usually a lot of blood involved.
5512785 I thought that the entire time and I'm glad that you've affirmed my thinking but I have to ask something very important.......
Is Sonata the waifu?
5513092 I'm not sure what you mean by that. Can you elaborate what you mean by "waifu". I was under the impression that term was used to describe a fictional character that a person wished to hold as a sort of pretend girlfriend.
Overrated Pinkie clone dies? Finally a premise I can get behind.
I love dark fics like this. Great work
5513672 As do I. Thank you
A good author can take the simplest idea and make something great out of it. This plotline is straightforward(though very original, don't think I'm degrading it for that) and executed in a way that makes it very compelling. The end carried Sunset's motivation across really well
5513770 Thanks for saying that, and I'm glad that you enjoyed reading it
I'm also happy that you took notice of the gravity I tried to put into Sunset's last action. I think it might have escaped some readers thanks to an imperfection in how I originally wrote it.
5513853 there aren't many things more frustrating than being so excited to put a scene on paper that you phrase a key bit of narration or dialogue awkwardly so that the scene comes off wrong to a reader. We've all been there
5513535
Wow. No need to be an asshole.
5513118 Ok, so I've been trying to post this replay for like 20 hours now (not really but I am very tired none the less) and basically,
You're talking about a Moe girl that is borderline Moe Anthropomorphism if it wasn't for the fact they're human(ish) characters.
Ask SadisticFluttershy for more detail on Waifu itself, cause I tooo tired
...You monster D:
I actually suspected Sunset from the beginning. Call it a gut feeling, not to mention theres only so many choices (main characters are the sirens + Sunset Shimmer) then I remembered that you ship Sonata & Sunset so I actually suspected Adagio. But I was right from the start...
Eeh anyway, this isn't supposed to be a mystery story I suppose (though it had some elements of "whodunit"). However, you hit all the tags right. This is sad, dark, gruesome and overall a very well done fic.
This sounds like it needs a tragedy tag... Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.
5515999 Who's the woman in your avatar?
5515677 I think I understand you. You mean, is Sonata simply a big ball of anthropomorphised cuteness?
Why yes. Yes she is. It makes her character a little flat to be sure, but that's why fanfiction authors exist to flesh it out a little in the expansive world of the fanon.
5516397 I have, but the rules stipulate no human stories, and no gore. A little bit limiting in my opinion, but I don't know what goes on there
5513118
That's pretty much what it means. A lot of people jokingly use it to describe their favourite female character, but usually it means they wish they could marry whoever they're talking about. Typically they only use the term if there's only one character they feel that way about. The male version is "husbando".
Man, Sunset's friends are in for a shitty day when they see that in the newspaper tomorrow, especially since Sunset never explained her motives in a note or something. I bet things will be pretty awkward if Twilight ever pops in for a visit.
5516718 But she did it for them
But yeah. This wasn't meant to be a happy ending. I like sad endings. Hope you enjoyed it
5516661 Thank God you actually got that message, you wont believe how much crap I had to do to fix my account to reply to people!
Oops. Forgot to mention, I approved this for Nonpareil Fiction. Check the Dark folder.
Well done, by the way. 'S good.
Well, this was a nice change of pace: it's good reading some really noir and dark fic in a while, after reading too much romance.
Double thumbs up!
5527559 It is my opinion that there isn't enough noir fiction on here. People seem to prefer romance and comedy, and, well, you know what happens in the free market.
5527081 Thank you
5527742
Basically it's like this on every fanfiction site, all fluff or fun stuff, but try a single time to write something noir or dark...
I did it, once, in my mother tongue: let's just say that I had to write an epilogue because a lot of people was whining on the ending "it's too dark!" "too much blood!" "you are mad, ruining my OTP!", and I was "ok, fine, you damn motherf******".
And that's why I almost stopped writing in my mother tongue and why I'm going (in a few days, I hope) to post something here.
Fuck, that was just cold.
I think you've succeeded in royally fucking with my head.
I...I think I need a hug now.
Well I'm gonna go cry now
that was depressing and it's very hard to get me depressed so good job sir/madam I tip my hat at you
5611306 Here you go *hugs*
I've been expecting it to be Sunset since about halfway in, didn't ruin the end in any way though.