In this story Adagio Dazzle discovers the cure for cancer.
But she doesn't tell anybody.
And it's not just "because she's evil".
Story inspired by image.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 8th Dec, 2014
- offline last seen Mar 23rd, 2018
VitalSpark
Something, something, something, dark side. Something, something, something, complete.
VitalSpark
Joined 8th Dec, 2014 ·
Offline
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Huh... Why did this fail moderation?
And why the hell can't I upvote it?
6485316
You can upvote it. You just can't see the votes until it hits 10 votes.
And apparently it's not related to My Little Pony.
I haven't read it yet, but I have to ask, is the cure her hair? It's her hair, isn't it?
I'm finding the reasoning of it'll increase the population too drastically to be kind of predictable and not really very sound. Wouldn't such obvious consequences have been taken into account as part of her reasoning from the outset of beginning cancer research and stopped her from starting down that path at all? The story would be much stronger if the cure itself had something about it that raised some sort of new moral or philosophical question, rather than just dealing with a pre-existing one that should have already been clear.
*claps* I hope this gets approved soon!
6487835
Well, there wasn't much dialogue in the story that could be changed to be more Adagio-like. (And besides it makes sense to me that Dagi would speak rather differently to her colleague in this story than she speaks to her minions in Rainbow Rocks.) I've added some internal monologue stuff though which is very Dagi.
I've also added some more explicit explanation of her character development early on in the story. I preferred the more implicit and gradual exposition, but meh.
6504999
If that's what it takes. 
Huh. My guess was that she'd withhold the cure out of spite for losing her voice. Or make the cure, examine it, test it (somehow?), and then facepalm. "Oh, shoot, I was trying to cure the common cold!" Followed by tossing the cure out a window and starting over.
This was interesting, though, makes me think of the trio using centuries' worth of knowledge and study (if only at times when they were bored) to catapult the human world into the space age. But there's probably a fic about that already out there somewhere.
Couldn't she just go back to Equestria, and bring back a bucket full of enchanted gems? If overpopulation is an issue, then put those billions to space travel. Terraform Mars, go asteroid mining, build generation ships! Start building downward, we've literally only scratched the surface of Earth. Create vertical farms and stop using animal products, if food is an issue. We can produce way more food out of vegetables in less space. GM crops have a much higher yield than regular ones, use those too. And if we don't do any of that, we'll probably end up fighting a massive war for what resources we already have and the population problem will be solved that way, horrible as it is. It'll be rough, but overpopulation probably won't kill off humanity.
While you somewhat discussed it, I personally think that because there is so much money in treatment, scientists wouldn't divulge a cure simply to save their paychecks. But the whole overpopulation thing works well enough. Upvote.
That is your FIRST LINE. That is the thing you use to entice people people to keep reading. And it's really, really bad at its job.
It's "pored", from the verb "to pore". And it needs a preposition as well, to express a relationship between the action and the thing being acted on, most commonly "over" or "through".
This clause, as it is, tells me she somehow managed to turn computer screens into a liquid (were they Liquid Crystal Displays, perhaps?) and poured it over something else which isn't mentioned. I assume that was not the intent.
The rest of the story wasn't even that bad, grammatically, but I just couldn't get my mind off that terribad opening clause. It cast a shadow over everything that followed. Fix it. NOW. And in the future....go over your opening sentence with a dictionary in hand. Make sure you put your best foot forward, eh?
As to the content, it basically reads like original fiction with FIM names. Even the gems are just MacGuffins to provide a magical cure to move the plot along. The story suggests Adagio is trying to make up for what she did, but the idea of her as a scientist curing cancer is so far removed from what the show portrayed that any narrative threads you can draw between this work and the show are tenuous, at best. Imagine a fanfic where future Pinkie Pie is a bank manager. Not a super-fun bank manager, or a woman trying to reconcile her fun-loving side with her job, or someone reminiscing on how she had to give up her personality to make a living. Just a regular bank manager, going through her day. That says nothing about the character or her personality or her struggles in life. Nothing.
That's what this story feels like. There's an interesting idea here, but not anything that requires the story to be set in this universe.
6510501
Thanks. I think I was too busy trying to figure out whether it was "screenful", "screenfull", or "screen-full" to notice any other mistakes in that sentence.
6510960
No problem. Despite that gaffe, your writing is pretty good.
It's "screenful". I would've just split it back into two separate words, but that's just me.
*reads the title*
You BITCH!!!
Why does the title remind me of an episode from Family Guy?
she would be evil if she revealed it...
and it wiped out the human race.
What happened here?