• Member Since 25th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago

Majin Syeekoh

We’ve got dents and we’ve got quirks, but it’s our flaws that make us work.


Rainbow Dash wants to get better at writing, so she tries her hand at prompt writing.

Sunset Shimmer is not impressed with the results.

Edited by Rainedash!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 45 )

“She thinks I’m better at everything than I actually am.”

I didn't know it was possible to have a higher opinion of Rainbow Dash than Rainbow Dash herself does.

Majin Syeekoh

6397625 If anyone could do it, it would be her mother.

What she doesn’t realize is that I’m only good at writing Daring Do.

That is a pain I know all too well.


You obviously didn’t get that from you mom

Well, from what I see, these people telling you you’re bad reads more

Both need to be changed to "your". Great story btw.

This was nice. Short, sweet and to the point.

Nice job!

Majin Syeekoh

6397645 I can sorely relate to that point as well.

Fixed the first one, but the second one is indeed correct, for it is a contraction of "you are".

Well, from what I see, these people telling you you are bad reads more


Rainbow Dash hummed. “Better than what? I think a metatextual commentary on contest prompts is an awesome entry.”

You sly bastard.

Rainbow Dash grinned. “Yeah, because I’m awesome as soccer.”

'at' or is she implying something else here?

Otherwise this was funny

She is better at writing Daring Do.

That's exactly the same thing when I'm writting about Rainbow.

Rainbow Dash nodded. “Yep! Distant Shores was the prompt!”

I see what you did there. :raritywink:

Anyway, that was a fun read. You captured the struggles of a novice writer quite well in my opinion. Excellent work as usual, Syeekoh. :twilightsmile:

Majin Syeekoh

6397851 Yeah, it's nice to have a little perspective sometimes.:twilightsmile:

6397851 I don't.

I can sympathize a lot with what the fic says, even to the mom part. But... you kinda ruined it in the end.

Relevant, so friggin relevant.

Rainbow Dash the fan fic writer . . .

She better not tell Twilight. I think Sunset did a better job than Twilight would.

Such a relatable and enjoyable story!:yay:

How so? Remember, constructive criticism only works if you give someone a task to work on. Right now, you basically just told him to come into work at the usual time, and when he arrived, you left tools for him and nothing else.

Take all of my likes. I can only give one, but take them all. Please! I BEG OF YOU! :raritydespair:

… Mainly because I'd be Sunset Shimmer in this situation. Probably at the "I'm done" part, too. Though that's just me speculating, because I've never actually proofread for that kind of stuff before. :derpytongue2:

Majin Syeekoh

6398435 I will.:trixieshiftright:

And I'm pretty sure I've invoked that kind of reaction several times with my prereaders.:twilightblush:

6398325 I don't know what you are trying to say. I simply didnt understand what Manaphy did in that phrase.

As for the ending of the fic I said I didn't like it because it ended abruptly with humour when it shouldn't have.

I just was on a feels train and I was slapped with humour.

Que *qua qua qua quaaaa* sound. Overall I liked the fic. I have no idea what you are saying.

Ahh, by "him," I meant Majin. Sorry, I can see how that was confusing.

EDIT: And I was metaphorically referring to how you told him what was wrong but not how it was wrong. You gave him tools with nothing to build, so to speak.

Well, this story is about as subtle as a displeased yak. On roller skates. Leaping through a ring of fire. And then he proceeds to smash the ring of fire.


I killed the bit, didn't I? :derpytongue2:

I can't say I'm a big fan of PSAs like this, mostly because of the aforementioned lack of subtlety. But considering how many new authors make the same mistakes over and over again, I can see why subtlety may not be a viable method to get the message across. As such, I have no real qualms with this story's execution. In fact, one could argue that you're doing the site a service, which is very noble. Kudos for that. :ajsmug:

I think the biggest problem is that, well, Rainbow Dash doesn't really learn her lesson. She just keeps making those same mistakes, and Sunset gives up on her. It kinda undermines the whole message you were trying to convey if no one in the actual story learns anything. You might wanna tweak that if you want your audience to take this story seriously. :duck:

Majin Syeekoh

6398535 ...well, she learned not to use a self-insert. I'd say that's a pretty big step up right there.:rainbowwild:

And as for the content of the story, a lot of lessons are two steps forward, one step back. The main goal in Sunset's mind was to re-contextualize how Rainbow Dash saw her writing ability, which she did splendidly. Someone I respect once told me the most important thing one can do for a new writer is to encourage them to keep writing, which I believe this story encapsulates nicely. Once one gets confident enough to accept criticism for what it is, then the rest will follow. A lot of times one will keep making certain mistakes, but I think the Rainbow Dash at the end of the story is far more likely to take whatever criticism is offered for her entry than she was at the start of the story.

That's just me, though.

I enjoyed reading this story. I was able to relate to Rainbow Dash a great deal when I was reading it.

I know how hard it is to write good fan fiction (or anything else that is good for that matter). In fact, I have not written any fan fiction for the the best part of a year. I have only written one fan fic so far (although I have written down a few ideas on paper from time to time) and I deleted that one less than a day after writing it when I realized just how bad it was (as a result of reading other people's comments, and re-reading it myself a couple of times). That particular fanfic was so bad that I am glad that I never made a backup (and I hope no one else has either (but that's probably excessively optimistic since this is the internet...)).

Outside the area of fan fiction writing I can relate to relate to Rainbow Dash's feelings in this story even more. Starting in about 2009 my father wanted me to take some fairly advanced exams about Internet Router and Switch configuration and subnetting (and some related topics). Suffice it to say, he thought that I knew a lot more about routing and switching than I did (to put it mildly). At that point, my only computer networking experience consisted of setting up my home DSL connection in around 2006 (with some help over the phone from my ISP). I am still studying some intermediate level routing and switching topics when I'm not reading about other technology related topics, or reading MLP fan fiction. My mother, on the other hand seems to think that I have fewer abilities than I actually have (and so it is sort of the opposite of what is described in the story (I think)). Also, she is rather laid back in terms of what she expects of me (which can be either a good thing or not (depending on the situation)). My father is a lot less laid back, which is usually a good thing (except when it causes enough stress to interfere with good performance (like how Rainbow Dash felt during the episode "Sonic Rainboom" just before she went on (with Rarity)).

The only piece of constructive criticism that I have about this story is that it should have multiple chapters. I would like to know more about Rainbow Dash's parents.

6398444 Then that's a good thing that it seems to be such a similar reaction for us all. :rainbowwild:

“The only way I’ll get better at writing is by writing."

Makes sense to me. That's half the reason I started writing fanfiction in the first place.

6398636 That's how I saw it as well. Rainbow Dash believed everyone was telling her how bad she was, but Sunset convinced her to see it as them telling her how to do better.

6397652 Oh, I misread it. Thought that "bad reads" was a noun. My bad!

Majin Syeekoh

6398999 It's perfectly fine. I knew you were trying to help, and you did! Thank you.:twilightsmile:

6399001 Hooway i feel special!

Rainbow Dash hastily replaced Prism Run with Daring Do and resubmitted the story. She then felt a warmth inside of her as she prepared herself for the onslaught of constructive criticism that she’d receive, each bit bringing her one step closer to becoming a better writer.

New PM: Distant Shores Is DUMB has failed moderation

..... :twilightsheepish:

Majin Syeekoh

6401711 I have to admit that that made me smile.

6401722 We've all been there!

Sweet Celestial Stars is Sunset patient. I'm not hating; this was an awesome RainbowDashIsAwesome(AndSoIsSunsetShimmer) story, but damn; I would've walked out saying "I'm done" just halfway through the fic:twilightblush:

Dash is only good at Daring Do fan fiction, eh? She and Adagio need to team up, then.

As for this epic, I like it.

Good, but it seems like it's... incomplete. Like the ending is lacking something.

Sometimes, people are so stubborn that the only way you can let them learn is by letting them run into the wall with their eyes shut. I think that Sunset has done everything she can here; it's just a matter of letting Rainbow's own issues provide the negative reinforcement.

6402124 I'm weird in that sometimes I read stories that are terrible simply for the sake of reading them.

This story does not fit that category. Because it isn't terrible.

I've written and published Fanfiction and I Know it is garbage, but I leave it as reminder of where I started. I also continue it because well unfinished stories are just not in my nature. Speaking of which, I need to start writing them again it has been like a year since I posted something. Stupid College Workload.

Anyway, I love the story.

Damn, that's meta. Meta as hell. The only way this would have been more meta is if it were written for a contest prompt.

I think the only quibble I have with the story is when Sunset reads the contents of the magazine ad to Dash. It would have made more sense for Sunset's reading of the ad to just be done via narration or inner monologue, and for her to to simply say "wow dude i had no idea you were under so much pressure". Because, like... presumably, RBD's already read the thing, right?

Other than that, I liked the banter and the interplay between the two characters, and there were several genuinely funny moments in here. Thanks for helping me kill fifteen minutes. :twilightsmile:

Majin Syeekoh


Damn, that's meta. Meta as hell. The only way this would have been more meta is if it were written for a contest prompt.

Funny story about that, actually...

7326818 ...

is this Inception? Should I spin a little top to make sure I'm not dreaming?


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