• Published 26th Jul 2015
  • 9,947 Views, 4,213 Comments

The Things Tavi Says - shortskirtsandexplosions



Let me tell you a few things about my roommate, Octavia. After all, she saved my life.

  • ...
49
 4,213
 9,947

PreviousChapters Next
Primate Things

Author's Note:

Colors... shapes... smells...

There are simply far too many for my brain to contemplate... which is made even more alarming now that I get the distinct impression that my brain—my skull is a lot larger than it's supposed to be...

Before I know it, a pair of doors have creaked open and shut. I blink—the world around me no longer a blur. I see that I am inside a large supply room of sorts. It's filled to the brim with soccer balls, stacked gym mats, and all manner of sports equipment.

"Okay... we should be fine in here," Twilight's voice says from behind us. "At least for a while. There isn't a P.E. class until next period."

P.E. class...?

Is she for real?

"This should give us time. Time for me to fill you in on what's going on and time for you to adjust to—" Twilight spins around, and her eyes blink. "Oh! Hey! You're standing already!"

I am?

I look down, and the floor is a million miles away.

Oh Celestia...

The floor flies up to my face.

"Gah!" Twilight jerks forward, her forelimbs catching me by the super-bendy waist. I dangle like a mess of hair and noodles in her grip. "M-my bad! Uhm... I know! Maybe if you sat down..."

I wince as she ushers me over to a folding chair.

"Easy... easy... just let gravity take hold..."

At last, I plop down, rocking slightly. It's the weirdest sensation in a world. My body is bent at ninety degrees... and yet it feels fine. Natural, even. Just what the heck am I?

"Okay... try and... erm... feel around." She stands back a few meters, and I find it hard to look at her with a straight muzz-er... face. It's still the Princess, but in place of lavender fur Twilight has... lavender skin?

No, she has hair. I can see that now. Even on my own limbs, I can feel some strands of fur... only they're super thin and super long. What kind of a creature would stand to be this naked? I mean, besides mole rats...

"Just breathe easy. Your lungs aren't exactly in the same place. Also, your ribs are positioned towards the front of your torso instead of towards the side. Your spine is arranged for bipedal movement and you haven't got a tail—"

"...!!!" I spin, gawking at my flank. I feel around the folds of my jacket. Sure enough, there's no hole situated around my posterior.

"It's okay! It's okay, Vinyl!" Twilight places the ends of her limbs on my shoulders. "It's not permanent, alright?! It's only for when you're over here! The first moment you return to Equestria, you'll become a pony again. Okay?"

I shudder, calming slightly.

"That make you feel better?"

I gulp and nod. I adjust my shades and stare at her.

"Okay. Now... uh... look at me and I'll show you the basics." She stands again at a slight distance and wriggles the appendages at the ends of her limbs. "These? These are fingers. You have five of them for each hand? See?" She takes turns pointing with each body part in question. "Just like Spike's got. Only they're made of mammalian skin instead of draconian scales. Also, there are fingernails instead of claws. This is the palm... and this is the back of the hand. Careful, the fingers only bend so far back... see?"

I'm looking at my own hands. I bend each finger, one after another. I feel the bile rising up in the back of my throat from the alien sensation, and my face grimaces severely.

"Yeah. I know. A little scary at first, but they're perfectly natural." Twilight lifts one of her rear legs and points at an article covering the end of it. "This is a foot. It's a lot like a hand, only it's made specifically for standing on. On this side of the mirror, you only walk on two of your limbs. The foot has five digits too, just like fingers, only made for standing and walking. They're inside your shoe—which people here use for protection, cuz feet aren't as tough as hooves. You can move the toes... erm... the digits at the end of your feet almost as much as your fingers, but not quite so much. Go on ahead and give them a wriggle."

I fidget nervously. I stretch one leg out... then flex the muscles inside. I feel a bunch of tiny things squirming around inside one shoe, like beetles crawling all over my hoof. I shudder, but eventually nod.

"Now... a person's body has a different center of gravity than a pony's. Long ago, their physiology evolved so that they could stand upright. I know it might seem impossible, but you've got the ability to stand upright. That's how human beings go about their daily lives." Quietly, Twilight approaches me, both hooves... I mean hands outstretched. "Try it. Just... bend your knees... and lift your body with your legs. You can use your hand against the back of your chair to steady yourself if you need to."

I hesitate, but Twilight insists. At last, taking a deep breath, I throw myself forward. My skull flies towards the floor of the supply room again, but she catches me in the nick of time. Then, with her assistance, I bend my body upwards until my head raises to the ceiling. I feel the world spinning beneath me, and a sudden fear of heights that I never knew I had haunts me from all angles. I teeter, nearly topple, but—miraculously enough—I found a magical sweet spot where I'm... okay.

The resulting blink is so intense that it nearly pops my shades off. I stretch my arms out, feeling as Twilight slowly lessens her grip. At last, she lets go of me altogether, and I'm actually standing on my own.

And it's absolutely crazy. What kind of creature would want to do this to itself? Hell, even giraffes have the good sense to walk on four limbs.

Why the blood isn't draining from my skull is beyond me...

"See? It's perfectly natural!" Twilight squee's. It's so horselike that it instantly puts me at ease. "Look around from that vantage point. You should be able to see the room better."

I look to the left and to the right. Twilight makes a good point. I can see better now.

I wonder if I can see my feet. I look down, but they elude me. I can't even see my shoes, for there's a whole bunch of me in the way. Is my jacket straight? I tug on the thing, but the lumps refuse to move. So I try pushing them both in—only to wince in mixed pain and surprise. The Hell are these things?

"Uhhhh... no. No no..." She grabs my hands and lowers them to my sides. "You don't wanna do that. Trust me."

I frown at her.

"Yeah. I know." She sighs, leaning back. "I'm not a big fan of them either."

I reach my hands up. Fidgeting, I rub the top my head. These "fingers" are super sensitive, and for the first time in my life I feel pain from the prick of my spiked mane. Still, I feel around, in search of my ears. To my horror, I have to drag my hands down... until I find these super fragile, paper-thin things sticking out the sides of my skull. Ugh... I hear through these?

"Here..." Twilight walks up with a pen in one hand and a pad of paper in the other. "This might help in communication for a bit. I know you must have a ton of questions." She places the pen between two of my fingers, then holds the pad up. "Give it a try."

I stare at the pen dangling between two of my digits. I tilt my head up, glaring at her.

"Oh... erm..." Twilight blushes. She plucks the pen from my hand, twirls it around, and holds it nervously at chin level.

I instantly lean in, clamp the item between my teeth, and write as neatly as I can across the sheet of paper.

"You can ask anything," Twilight says, smiling sympathetically. "Anything you want."

I finish writing, then wave my forelimbs at her.

She turns the paper around, blinks, then reads the words out loud: "'Why... is... your skirt so... frigging short?'" She glances down at her legs, then at me.

I fold my arms and squint at her.

"Hooo boy..." She fans herself with the pad of paper. "This is gonna take longer than I thought..."

Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
PreviousChapters Next
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!