• Published 26th Jul 2015
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The Things Tavi Says - shortskirtsandexplosions



Let me tell you a few things about my roommate, Octavia. After all, she saved my life.

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Green Things

Author's Note:

The left record on my turntable spins and spins. The needle dangles off the end while my headphones fill with crackling static. It's been at least three long minutes since I last looked at my instrument panel.

I am, however, studying the movements of two amorous ponies across the ballroom in unnecessarily intense detail.

Clouds of glossy brown mirth hang over a veritable puddle of gray. The royal guard says something... and says something else. Grinning.

Twilight Sparkle leans away from him, giggles, and leans back. From the subtle sway of their bodies—standing side by side—it almost looks like a mutual dance. Almost. I can't help but feel as though the stallion is careening towards her like a dusty cyclone about to sidewind.

Another explosion of gray. Twilight's blushing so hard that I swear she could illuminate the entire Castle Interior. I wonder if anypony else takes notice of this.

I glance below my booth with a blink. Finally turning my head from the sappy scene causes no less than five stiff joints to pop.

Rarity and Fluttershy have trotted over to chat with Applejack. All three ponies are talking in a felicitous manner, no doubt discussing today's "musical" itinerary. The only thing I care to notice at the moment is how each of them have their flanks positioned curiously towards the Princess and her not-so-solitary entrance. It's as if that half of the Palace no longer exists, and I fear that there is some poisonously measurable meaning to the gesture.

And then my eyes wander towards a flighty plume of violet emanating off to my left. Octavia has abandoned the cello completely, choosing instead to throw her concentration muzzle-deep into a dense book full of even denser songsheets. She too has her flank aimed at the Princess and the... Princess' testosteronical satellite. However, I find that this is a poor mimic of the other mares' gesture, as belied by the furious blush practically dripping off her muzzle.

There are seldom times when I've observed my roommate to be this stupidly distracted, and each occasion has involved more than a little bit of bacchanalial inebriation.

My next breath is so fuming that I'm almost certain the magenta backblast will knock me on my haunches. Nevertheless, I swivel back to gaze at Twilight's side of the ballroom. It would appear as though I've missed the first half of a parting of ways. After sharing a soft nuzzle, the princess and the guard shuffle in opposite directions. They can't seem to stop finding excuses to wave at one another... again and again and again... blushing more and more with each increasing length of cold crystalline floorspace between them.

Egads. Puppies wish they could puke up something as bubbly and fragrant as this...

"It's super pathetic, right?" A voice rasps, and I am encumbered in jet-black inky coolness. "I mean... like... why doesn't she just carve a hole into his chest and live there for—like—a full winter?"

I nod—then jump with a startled jolt. I look over my shoulder, panting.

Rainbow Dash hovers, suddenly behind me. She glares in the same direction that I have been. "Just look at him. I bet Flash Sentry doesn't even know how friggin' lucky he is to get this cushy post. After all, the real action is far away in the Crystal Empire."

I blink at her, chewing on my bottom lip.

"Flash Sentry," huh...?"

I look over to the other stage left of me.

Octavia clears her throat, standing up prim and proper while Twilight makes a hasty entrance, greeting the rest of her friends.

My brow furrows.

Guess who just made the list...

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