• Published 26th Jul 2015
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The Things Tavi Says - shortskirtsandexplosions



Let me tell you a few things about my roommate, Octavia. After all, she saved my life.

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Crusading Things

Author's Note:

As I trot out of Ponyville Central Hospital, I'm actually... pleasantly surprised at how even my hoofing is.

I could have sworn—in the past, at least—that I've stumbled out of this place considerably less in control of my faculties. I even vividly remember three or four times when I needed Octavia's help in walking me home.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing. From the way Doctor Clark made it sound, I haven't improved much over the last three years. Well, I guess I could have fooled... me?

This is why I hate checkups. I'm never the one giving the diagnostic.

Nevertheless, with an even breath, I shuffle on home. My path takes me down a hilly path and over a verdant stretch of park grass. As I pass a few tall trees, I catch a glimpse of the Ponvyillean rooftops rising over the distant shrubbery.

A soft smile graces my muzzle. I almost completely forget about the magenta drowning I endured earlier. There isn't much to fret about when you live in a town as quaint as this.

It truly is quaint—at least until ear-splitting screams shoot crimson rockets into my ears. I nearly trip over my hooves, wincing. I briefly wonder if there's some latent aftereffect of the examination assaulting my senses.

No, now I'm hearing hoofsteps... tiny, pitter-pattering hoofsteps. They rumble closer and closer, exploding on either side of me with a chorus of foalish squeaks.

"Up! Up!"

"Pull up!"

It's Scootaloo and Apple Bloom. They're both sharing a single breath—a very panicked one at that.

"Sweetie, trust me!" Scootaloo yelps. "You've gotta pull up! This isn't a joke! Stop veering all over the place, girl!"

"It's no use!" Apple Bloom's eyes are plastered to the sky. "She ain't gettin' no air!" She twirls around—then jerks back as if suddenly noticing me. "Oh! Oh my goodness!" She gulps. "Uh... hello there, Missy... uhhhh—"

"An adult unicorn!" Scootaloo barks. "Thank Celestia!" She gallops up to me, her amber voice taking on a pink tone. "Say... uh... would you be so kind as to use your mature telekinesis to stop our crazy friend from crashing into a bloody pulp?"

"... ... ...?!?!" Muzzle agape, I tilt my head towards the sky. I squint and I squint, and finally... finally I sense it—a blue on blue swath of color floating, streaming, screaming closer.

"Aaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaah!" A pale figure attached to a ramshackle assortment of wooden rods and fabric flies—more like flails overhead. Sweetie Belle's voice dances across all hues of the blue spectrum, flooding the air with an ocean of panicked shrieks. "Aaaa-haaaaa-you guysssss!"

"Just... stop... freaking out!" Scootaloo hollers. "Even it out along the horizon! Pretend you have wings!"

"Easy... for... you... to... say...!" Sweetie Belle manages between hyperventilating bursts. Her sapphire bursts stop as her glider—riiiiiiiip—gets punctured by an errant tree branch in mid-flight. If she was twirling about before, now she's practically spinning like a top at four stories from the earth. "Aaaa-AAA-aaa-AAAh! I dun wanna die! I dun wanna die!"

I grimace, dancing awkwardly in place as I feel the crimson pulse pounding in my ears.

"We only wanted to fetch ourselves cutie marks in aviation!" Apple Bloom whimpers. "Ohhhhh... my sister's gonna kill meeee!"

"Never mind that! We're all gonna share a grave with Sweetie Belle!" Scootaloo hops up onto a random park bench and cups her hooves over her muzzle. "Don't panic, Sweetie Belle! Try and aim for the water!"

"Huh?!"

"Aim for the water, I said!"

"What?!" Sweetie Belle does crazy-loopty-loops in the air. "You m-mean like a water tower or something—?"

"No—skkkt—ya stupid melon fudge!" Scootaloo growls. "Something that will make a splash!"

"How about this giant vat of green pudding?!"

"Uh... Sweetie Belle, that's the ground!"

"Omigosh! Omigosh!" Sweetie Belle clenches her eyes shut as her glider plummets directly earthward. "Tell Rumble I lovvvvvvve himmmmmm!"

"Seriously?" Scootaloo grimaces. "Rumble?! Ooof!"

Apple Bloom shoves Scootaloo over, sobbing. "Apple Bloom—!" A pale blur glides past the two fillies. They look up, blinking. "Whoah..."

Holding my breath, I jump high, grab onto the low hanging branch of a tree, then frantically glide my way up. Out of the corner of my shades, I see Sweetie Belle plunging, and I scurry in the opposite direction. Birds and squirrels scatter as I throw, climb, and swing my way up the branches. At last—about three stories high—I shimmy out onto a precariously dangling bow. I hang upside down, take a deep breath, and concentrate a burst of magic out my horn.

With miraculous luck, I stop the glider in mid-air. The thing freezes, dangling upside down, with a shivering Sweetie Belle clinging to it.

"Hnnnnnnghhhh..." The filly winces... winces... and finally opens her eyes. "...huh?" She looks all around, seeing her floating predicament. "Whoah! H-hey! If this is death, then sign me up!"

"Oh yeahhhhh!" Scootaloo and Apple Bloom jump up and down in place, cheering.

I grit my teeth, sweating profusely. It's taking every ounce of strength in my body to keep the filly and her stupid glider levitating in place.

She sees who her savior is, and she glances over with a bashful smile. "Eheheh..." A blue cloud wafts between us. "Thanks, Missy! You're one in a—" Scrkkkkk! The belt holding her in place rips loose, and her eyes bulge. "Uh oh." Fwooosh! She falls from the glider like a fluffy anvil.

"Oh no!" Scootaloo and Apple Bloom hug each other.

"... ... ...!!!!" Holding my breath, I do... something stupid. The wind gliding gold past my ears proves it—I've just thrown myself off the tree branch. I sail out into the air, grab the filly with all four legs, and spin around so that my body is facing the hard earth first.

She shrieks into my ear, such delicious blue waters.

And then I hit the ground. There's a brief flash of brilliant crimson, tempered slightly by a soft cyan gasp. I feel a safe twitch of her limbs before bitter cold numbness sets in.

And then all is turquoise.

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