• Published 26th Jul 2015
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The Things Tavi Says - shortskirtsandexplosions

Let me tell you a few things about my roommate, Octavia. After all, she saved my life.

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Vehicular Things

Author's Note:

I stand outside the door to the "Audio / Visual" Room. Through the walls, I sense the gray streaks of Twilight Sparkle's voice. The bands grow thinner... sharper whenever she's panicking, and the Princess panics a lot, I've noticed. Whatever the... "Techies" (as she calls them) are telling her inside, it can't be very pleasant. I wonder if we're taking more steps backwards than we are forward.

Just relax.

Stay calm.

Breathe in and out through your... super weird, upright lungs.

I spend the first few minutes examining the fingers... the knuckles... the wrists of this body. All in all, they aren't so bad once you get used to them. Still, I would much rather have my horn and hooves any day.

My mind wanders, and in many crazy circles, too. Just how is it that I'm incapable of speaking here? I think Twilight said something about residual magic following "my essence" through the mirror. And my condition is because of screwed up leylines, so...

But is the other Vinyl... the human Vinyl mute too? Did something happen to her that keeps her from being able to speak? Just how similar are these two universe to one another? Could things have happened in a similar way?

Does she also... have a best friend?

My teeth clench, and I rub my head. Goddess, this melon is so big. Why would nature put something so heavy at the very top of something that stands upright?

Bodies wander by... students... faculty. Several of them smile at me, waving, saying my name. A few of them hold their fists out. I glance awkwardly at them, then repeat the same gesture—only to have them bump their knuckles to mine.


I smirk.

That's kinda cool.

Guess this Vinyl had no problem letting the DJ-P0N3 out in the open. Although, in this place, she wouldn't be much of a P0N3, would she? What would it be? Something like H0M4N? P3RS0N? GR34T4P3?


It's haunting how familiar a bunch of these faces are. Instead of trademark coat colors, there are flesh tones. And yet... it somehow works. I see Miss Cheerilee carrying a bunch of books with her fuchsia mane flouncing behind her pleasant expression. I spot Derpy wearing a backpack with... muffin patches on it? That can't be a coincidence.

"Bake sale!" A blue, blue voice. I'm shaken out of the moment and lulled into exhaling all the same. I look to my right, then tilt my head down.

A pale face smiles up at me. A tweenster in a red blouse and light-colored skirt hands me a flier. Her Glazed green eyes glisten as she speaks with Sweetie Belle's voice:

"Bake sale after school Friday! We'd all love it if you showed up, Vinyl!" She smirks, waving. "Bring the boom box!"

I nod, waving back. I turn the flier around in my hands, observing several familiar names being listed.

Is it just me, or is everyone here either... a lot younger than normal or a lot older than normal? This isn't just an alternate universe, it's an alternate timeline. Or maybe a timeline that's been crunched and turned inside out... I dunno...

And just how many times has Twilight been here? Or maybe she's not been here that often at all, but there's an alternate version of her that goes to this school? And... just why is it a school? Do towns in Equestria equate to schools in this place?

If so, then 'Trottingham Academy' must be where I'd find—

The door opens to my side.

I turn to see Twilight shuffle out, and she's more than a little bit frazzled.

"Okay..." She wheezes through a crooked smile. "It's not too crazy of a situation. I think we can still find the other you."

I reach into my jacket's pocket, pull out a pen, and write on the back of Sweetie Belle's flier. I hold my written inquiry out to Twilight.

"Well, to make a long story short..." She fiddles with her fingers, squirming anxiously. "The techies don't have the proper tools to triangulate on Vinyl, assuming she's crafty enough to broadcast anything—a signal or a message or anything. But they did say that you... er... the other you possesses some far better gadgetry on board Wub Wheels."

I don't know whether to belch or vomit or both. I produce a single word with my mouth.

"Wub Wheels. It's... It's..." Twilight fidgets. "Well, you'll see. But first we need to make a stop by your... her locker. If you can figure out the combination, then we can get what we need to open up Wub Wheels and get access to Vinyl's tech."

With a magenta sigh, I shrug, and gesture for her to lead the way.

"Can you walk on your own now?"

I nod.

"Oh! Good! This shouldn't take any time at all!"

And it doesn't. We make a zig-zagging path through the school, with Twilight leading. Before too long, we arrive at a series of metal containers. Twilight points at one particular door. I fiddle with the combination, and it takes me three tries before I can actually open the thing. So she likes to use my favorite number from five years ago. Interesting...

"I think I can find what I'm looking for," Twilight remarks, fishing her hands through the mess of random bags and belongings. "According to one the Techies, Whiz Kid, Vinyl likes to hang out with the Audio / Visual Club a lot. They're great friends, and he says that she likes to keep some spare keys in her locker."

I nod listlessly, my gaze falling on a series of albums leaning against one another at the bottom of the locker. While Twilight rummages through the container, I squat down and flip through the records, reading the artists and their names.

Kraftwerk... Daft Punk... Basement Jaxx... Skrillex... Crystal Castles... Royksopp...

I raise an eyebrow.

Why the Hell are they all spelled wrong in this dimension? And so weirdly too?

"Ah-HAH!" A gray explosion, laced with gold. I hear the platinum jingle of keys, along with a plastic switch. Twilight smiles victoriously at me. "This is it! Now we're cooking!"

I stand up, grab two pens from the locker, and sign in blank speech: "What now?"

Within two minutes, we're outside of the school, marching aimlessly through an asphalt sprawl of aluminum and glass... things. Twilight says it's called a "Parking Lot" and that these weird, enclosed metal wagons are "cars."

Sure. Why not.

"Okay... somewhere... around here..." Twilight licks her lip while she reaches the keys straight out. Her fingers repeatedly press a green button in the center of the black plastic card. "Darn it... you'd think I'd remember what it looks like! It was pretty much the deus ex machina that we used to defeat the Dazzlings. Besides Sunset, of course."

You know, if I was any other random pony grabbed from Equestria for this adventure, I'd think the Princess was crazier than an outhouse rat...

The air suddenly chirps with a dull red beep.

"Got it!" Twilight points towards a quartet of flashing lights.

I squint.

Resting between a pair of painted white lines is a sleek blue-and-white mechanism with four black wheels and a thick pale tarp for a roof. A rich purple prancing pony rests on the hood as an ornament, matching the harp-shaped rims of the wheels.

Twilight poses like a giddy supermodel in front of it. "Wub Wheels!"

I sigh, then shrug.

She rolls her eyes, then presses a flashy button on the keycard. "How about..."

Whurrrrrrrrr-Ch-CHTUNG! The vehicle expands, its panels separating mechanically and revealing an elaborate sound system with gigantic speakers and flashing LED lights.

"...now?" Twilight smirks slyly at me.

I blink.

Oh hey...

Wub Wheels...

A crooked smile.


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