• Published 26th Jul 2015
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The Things Tavi Says - shortskirtsandexplosions



Let me tell you a few things about my roommate, Octavia. After all, she saved my life.

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Introductory Things

Author's Note:

Two massive crystalline doors open. As Tavi and I walk through, we're greeted by the most fabulous room I have ever seen in my adult life. A round chamber lined with translucent blue crystal greets us with ethereal light. Straight above, the roots of a dead tree protrude from the ceiling, dangling with multi-colored gems and rubies. Right beneath it, a cylindrical table with a three dimensional see-through projection of the Equestrian landscape looms in the center of the room. Situated around this table are six large thrones and one smaller throne. I can tell that the chairs have been moved around; they face us, along with the ponies seated within.

“Oooh! Fuzzy pony!” Pinkie Pie bounces on the edge of her chair. Her voice is full of gold daggers practically vomiting my way. “And sparkly pony! Fuzzasparkles! Welcome! To the Throne Room of Tomorrrrowwww! Heeheehee!”

“Eheheh... pleased as ever,” Tavi murmurs out the side of her muzzle. She catches me out the corner of her eye, nods, then initiates what we've rehearsed for days. In careful, synchronized motion, we both bow low before the largest throne in the room. Upon it sits a petite, blinking alicorn with a sparkly crown. “Your Most Esteemed Royal Highness,” Octavia speaks, her voice full of purple eloquence. I find it hard to not fall over. “We are blessed to be in your presence, and it would fill us with great honor to perform for you today—or any other day.”

I hear an auburn chortle from the background, and my mouth thirsts for apples. Nevertheless—for Tavi's sake—I remain bowing.

“Awwwww...” Sugary pink. Fluttershy. “They've rehearsed this entirely for you, Twilight. I just know it.”

Dang. Octavia's gonna wince from that one.

“Please... you don't need to keep doing that,” Princess Twilight stammers. Her voice is a curious color: gray with a sprinkle of turquoise. I try and pretend to not know what that means. Certainly her friends don't. “Uhm... rise? My s-subjects?”

I wait for Octavia to stand up straight, and then I follow suit. We relax before the thrones, side by side.

“Really, we've all crossed paths before!” Twilight says with a nervous smile. There are red cloudbursts behind her vocal cords. I think she's just as anxious as we are, if not more so. “Why should a pair of alicorn wings make things awkward between us?”

And a crown,” cracks a black tone.

Twilight sighs. “Right... and a crown...”

And a big friggin' castle and a massive throne room.”

Twilight groans, ears folded. “Thank you... Rainbow Dash...”

“Just saying...”

Twilight clears her throat. “Spike? If you would... y'know... do the usual.”

The little whelp in question waddles up to the center of the room. All the while, I sense something rattling from the sidelines, like a bottle of glowing sapphires. Curious, my shaded eyes wander across the room. It's hard to do with so much blackness lingering on all corners.

Spike's voice snaps me back front and center. “Now presenting to her Royal Highness—in application for the positions of Royal Minstrels to the Princess of Friendship—DJ P0N3, otherwise known as Vinyl Scratch, and Octavia Melody, otherwise known as... erm... Octavia Melody!”

And Second Chair to the Trottingham Symphony Orchestra for thirty-six consecutive months!” Tavi blurts, smiling crookedly with violet vibrations. “Among... other accolades. Eheh...” Rivulets of sweat form along her brow.

I face-palm. Out of the corner of my vision, I sense the rattling sapphires once more. I glance about, muzzle scrunched. Where is that coming from?

“Well, that's just fine and dandy!” Rich country auburn. “Sorry for makin' y'all wait so long. The last audition took an awful long time, seein' as the musician kept... uhm... taken moments out of the music twangin' to fill us in on her personal conundrums of fine philosophizin'...”

Tavi and I exchange glances.

Lyra,” Tavi murmurs.

I shake my head, shrugging.

“Hey!” A black dagger, making me wince. Octavia and I look up to see Rainbow Dash no-longer-reclining lazily in her throne. Her ruby eyes blink, as if waking up from a deep, bored coma. “I know you! You're DJ-P0N3!”

Spike rolls his eyes. “That's what I just said—”

“Wow! Your beats are super sick!” She grins, a brilliant gold torch at the end of a dark, dark tunnel. “I swear! I must have bulleted my way through Ghastly Gorge to your wicked bass tracks at least—I dunno—a hundred times!”

“Yeah!” Pinkie giggle-snorts. “She's a real party animal! Remember at Shining Armor's wedding?”

“Oh!” Fluttershy exhales in pink beams. “I do remember. Oh my...” She glances aside at Applejack and Twilight. “We've crossed paths many times! It's a small Equestria, after all.”

“Pfft! That ain't the end of it!” Applejack smirks in the Princess' direction. “Twilight, didn't you and your other friends take on the sirens with a little help from—”

AHEM” Twilight flaps her wing in Applejack's direction, knocking her hat off kilter. With a nervous smile, she says: “Yes. It's wonderful to witness auditions from all trots of life! Famous as well as... up and coming! It is... certainly nice seeing you again, Ms. Scratch.”

“Yes... we do get around,” Octavia says with a violet chuckle. In her next exhale, her voice takes on an indigo hue. “Of course, some more than others.”

I arch an eyebrow in her direction.

Spike speaks up: “Okay... according to the program...” He scribbles off a few bullet points on his clipboard. “DJ-P0N3 performs a quick set. And then we have Octavia Melody with Marezart's Spring Suites No. 1 – 3 performed via cello. And then, time permitting, we have 'The Wedding Duet,' a recent piece worked on by... both mares?” He looks up, spines drooping. “A cellist and a DJ? Performing a duet? Really?”

“Shhhhh!” Twilight hisses in red slices. “Spiiike!” The Princess turns toward us with a soft smile. “We're more than happy to see every performance you have to offer.”

Every peformance?” Rainbow Dash groans.

“Yes. Every performance.”

“Unnnngh...” The pegasus slumps with a black exhale.

“It's quite important that we turn this Castle into a hospitable location for ponies—both visiting and local,” Twilight explains. “We've already had dignitaries visiting from all corners of Equestria. And just what have we had here to make them feel at home?” She shrugs her shoulders. “Pinkie Pie can't be the only caterer. And while all of us are gifted in music, we're too busy being ambassadors to actually put on a performance for those visiting and learning friendship. So... while I-I've been putting it off for a while, I think it's high time that this Castle got fully stocked with a working staff.” She smiles brightly. “And minstrels are my first choice.”

“And funnest choice!” Pinkie giggles.

“Mmmm... yes. That.”

Applejack raises her hoof. “Uhm... if I may?”

Twilight sighs. “Applejack, how often do we have to go through this? We're not in school. You don't have to raise your hoof in order to speak.”

“Are ya sure?”

“You've got a throne. That means you've got a tongue.” Twilight rolls her eyes and says, “What's on your mind?”

“A question.” The mare with an auburn voice looks my way. “Do ya take requests?”

I nod.

She smiles, full of freckles and delight. “Got any of them fancy re-mixin's of Whinny Nelson?”

I wince... but nod again.

“Ungh... AJ,” Rainbow wheezes. “Whinny Nelson?”

“What?” Applejack shrugs. “He does everythang! He's Whinny Nelson!”

Rainbow rolls her eyes. “Might as well play 'Leaps after Love' by Cheval.”

“Well, if it's fine by DJ P-Zero-N-Three here, then it's fine by everyone!” Applejack winks my way. “Ain't that right?”

I smile at her.

“... … ...you ain't much for talkin', are ya?”

I bite my lip.

“Uhm... it's quite alright,” Octavia speaks up, much to my relief. “She'd be more than happy to take requests, Miss Applejack.”

“How'd you know?”

“If she expresses disinterest, I would know,” Octavia says with a smile. “Trust me.”

“So... like... you speak for her n'stuff?” Rainbow Dash asks.

Octavia and I exchange glances. My roommate nods with a purple breath. “When it fits. Still, it would be most polite if you asked her directly and allowed me to intervene if Miss Scratch desires it.”

“Awwwww...” Fluttershy touches her hooves together. “That is so sweet of you!” She brushes her bangs aside while her muzzle drips with pink sincerity. “You must be very close friends.”

“Eheheh... well, yes...” Octavia nods. “We've been roommates for a while. Going on...” She glances at me, brow furrowed. “...seven years, is it?”

I shrug.

“Wowsies! That must be good luck!” Pinkie Pie points, sitting... upside down on her throne. “Cuz DJ-P0N3 has been famous for just about as long! Ain't that right, ya chatterbox?”

I grimace slightly. If not for Pinkie Pie, it's for the almost eye-shattering resonance of sapphire energy... … … where is that coming from?

“Rarity? Are ya alright, sugarcube?”

“Ohhhhh!” The jar of sapphires shatters completely, and the room fills with elegant teal. “I simply cannot hold it in any longer!” A white ghost of a mare leaps from her throne, crosses the distance... and curtseys directly before Octavia. “I am so... so wonderfully pleased to finally meet you in person, Miss Melody!”

“Oh?” Like that, Tavi's voice throttles from indigo to violet in a heartbeat. “Is that so?”

“Mmmm!” Rarity does a tiny-tiny jig in place, her cheeks puffing to the point of red cloudbursts. “I've listened to your Manehattan Studio Recordings Celestia-knows how many times! The elegance! The refinement! The professional classical renditions! Oh!” Rarity clasps the mare's front right hoof. “And your posture and your attention to etiquette! I d-don't care in the least what those gossip magazines say! I think you are the absolute epitome of Equestrian culture! And that bow-tie matches your eyes just so!”

“Oh! Why... thank you, Miss Rarity...!” Octavia gulps. “I-I had no idea from all of the times I've come to the Boutique for dresses—”

“AndI'vebeensohonoredtomakethem!” Rarity spits out in teal shockwaves. She inhales, shudders, and smiles again. “Anything to help further your climb towards the top of the elite! Only now... now that there's a ch-chance you could be a minstrel in the castle of my very own home town...”

“Heehee! Rarity's a big fan!” Pinkie chirps.

“Yes. Quite.” Octavia brushes her bangs back. “I've n-noticed.” She smiles my way and mouths: “Gossip magazines?”

I shrug with a helpless smile.

“Oh! My goodness!” Rarity backs up, wincing slightly. “I've overtrotted my bounds, haven't I?”

“No, it's quite alright. I just... wasn't aware that I had an appreciable audience this far from Trottingham.”

“Oh, darling...” Rarity waves a hoof with a coy smile. “Believe me. The country doesn't stay the country for long.”

“What in the hay is that supposed to even mean?!” Applejack cackles.

Rainbow Dash's chair explodes in black giggles.

“Uhhhhh...” Twilight looks my way. “Miss Scratch? Maybe you should go on ahead and get your session under way.”

I nod and shuffle up toward a DJ booth set up especially for me.

Might as well get this madness over with...

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