The Things Tavi Says

by shortskirtsandexplosions

Sullen Things

Author's Note:

I sit on a stool before my turntable, staring forward.

My hoof rubs deeply across my muzzle. Any harder, and I'd rip my lips off.

My head hurts. I know it's not caffeine withdrawal... not anymore. Maybe this is what happens to ponies when they glare for too long.

She stares back at me. Her eyes are radiant—a bold and dazzling magenta to rival the glitter of her gown. She likes blue. She loves blue. Even the spotlight from above colors her part of the stage like a glowing sapphire.

She leans towards the microphone with careless ease. Her muzzle is open, the darkness within briefly marred by the wear and tear of age on the cover.

There are no shades. No headphones. Now frizzled spikes to her mane or a turntable to hide behind.

There is no pretense.

Not all ponies are lucky enough to be so free. Even fewer of them are lucky to be so free for so long.

I sigh. And the dizziness nearly throws me off my stool. Have I forgotten that I have to control each of my breaths now? Even the slightest snort... the most miniscule whimper...

She leans towards the microphone as if she has control... as if she can control everything.

I hate it. I hate her. Her smile and her fashion and her mane.

Every color—pale, blue, and red—mixed into a shadow that forever lurches after me.

I run a hoof over my face, sighing.

I should go to the police or something.

Press charges on Capricorn for her damnable stalking.

Use Princess Twilight as leverage or something.

Beau? No, I shouldn't bring him into this. Sure, he has experience with freaky ponies doing freaky things around a celebrity like me, but I don't want him to be in this any deeper.

I don't want him to know.

But then again, Capricorn knows, and if I make a big show of it...

Then everyone...

I grit my teeth.

My hoof lowers and I peak at the elegant mare on the vinyl cover again.

I wonder what it would be like to have that confidence again. To be the source of the light, instead of just a sponge that soaks up all the color.

I don't even know how long I've been sitting here, staring at this thing.

I should get rid of it. Toss it away. Throw it in the shredder. At least I would be showing more courage than DJ Capricorn ever could.

And I do have more courage than her...

...right?

She stares back at me. She knows nothing of how much I'm broiling inside over this. I only hate her more.

I hate her... and that's a strength few ponies will ever have... or will ever bother to.

At last, my glare ends. I know what I need to do. I always know.

Lifting the vinyl and its cover up with my magic, I trot over to the very... very end of my shelf full of albums. I slide it up against the wall. I know it's out of order—and that it destroys the entire pattern of my sample collection—but I don't care. It's where it belongs, deep in the recesses of all the tools I'll ever have to be great.

And yet, as I trot away from it, I can't shake the fact that I know...

I know it's there. Lingering like an infection, a cyan cockroach in the corner of my mind—and now my home.

Our home.

A shiver runs through me, and I turn to face the velvety end of the foyer.

To my relief, Tavi isn't here. She mustn't see this. She won't see this. She never trots on my side of the living room anyways. Odds are, she won't even know that anything's been added to my collection... which is the way it should be.

She saved my life. She doesn't need to be concerned with the fossils of pathetic prehistory.

It's around this time that I realize I'm pacing and pacing.

I need to get my mind off of things.

I could use a Dr. Pony... but I had two bottles of the stuff earlier at Sugarcube Corner.

I could go for a walk... but I'm exhausted by the trip back from Salt Lick City.

I could take a nap... but the caffeine—

Celestia!

I shudder and scuffle to a stop. I clutch my head, teeth gnashing. The green hum of the world spills into my ears—a high pitched whine that I can only remember when the turquoise beyond everything doubles the pressure. There's no escaping it, and I'm the one fortunate soul in all of Ponyville to be reminded on a regular basis. Usually I can shake it off. Usually, I'm able to take the ringing noise, stretch it out, and reshape it into music.

But now...?

I can't stand still. I can't linger in the spotlight. Not like her. Her damnable smile...

It doesn't occur to me that I'm panting until I exit the apartment in a blur. It's so bright, and the magenta bursts aren't helping. I need to calm down. I need to be someplace that's safe... comforting. Someplace where I can be engaged. Where I can be useful. Where I can be DJ-P0N3.

There's a black shard in my peripheral vision, and my heart skips a beat.

Yes. Princesses. Always a blessing.

I lurch towards Twilight's Castle with something like a smile. It'll have to do.

Comments

[Skalula7]

it would be interesting if someone heard it.

[RoboRed]

She stares back at me. Her eyes are radiant—a bold and dazzling magenta to rival the glitter of her gown. She likes blue. She loves blue. Even the spotlight from above colors her part of the stage like a glowing sapphire.

She leans towards the microphone with careless ease. Her muzzle is open, the darkness within briefly marred by the wear and tear of age on the cover.

There are no shades. No headphones. Now frizzled spikes to her mane or a turntable to hide behind.

I really, really long to know more about Vinyl's personality and the pony she was as Cyan Sings before the accident. It's a subject I find interesting. Almost like memories before/after amnesia, but not quite.

Also, typo.

I know it's there. Lingering like an infection, a cyan cockroad in the corner of my mind—and now my home.

I think you meant "cockroach".

[QueenMoriarty]

I feel like we need to know a little bit more about Cyan Sings before I can demand Capricorn face comeuppance.

Doesn't change the fact I would break a buffalo's horns over her head if given the chance, but justification or the lack thereof is key.

[reader238]

I bet Tavi would love to hear what vinyls voice used to sound like, though I would imagine that listening to the album herself would probably cause her to pass out

[Philosophysics]

She needs a psychiatrist.

[EVBP]

Keep up the incredible work! I look forward to a new chapter nearly every day (I know, everyone needs a break now and then). This story has me hooked, and I can't wait to see where it will go next!

[Lightning Bearer]

She can't keep running from it. And she isn't doing Tavi any favors by keeping her in the dark.

[Dustchu]

I'm curious about the album and what will become of it. A part of me is thinking Tavi will for some reason venture over to Vinyl's side of the room and find the album, and Vinyl will come home to her listening to it, that'd be interesting to witness playing out.

Nice job!

[Whiteout]

6539814

Vi's kind of a bundle of trauma, yeah. I dare say any pony would be in her situation, much less a vocalist. A lot of this antipathy for her past is fear, you know. Fear of how much it hurt to lose her definition of self, fear of ending up right back where Tavi pulled her up from, but without any guarantee of another guardian angel wreathed in violet airs to save her from herself.

[grogar]

Interesting, she a bundle of nerves and sooner or later she has to meet her past, hopefully talking with Octavia will calm her down. btw if they ever meet Discord here a weird song you could use

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6Io6XBRRUs

[Philosophysics]

6539954 So... A counselor would be good. Preferably changeling.

They're kind of made for that sort of thing.

[arancaytar]

6539780

Interesting idea. I'd think the reaction is literally from using her vocal chords, not hearing her own voice, but who knows? This is probably testable by having the doctor magically deafen her for her next exam. But considering how much she enjoys medical exams, that is not happening any time soon.

[reader238]

6540562 if that is the case then I am curious as to why she hasn't tried to build up her tolerance, by speaking one word a day/week until she feels no reaction then switching it to two words and so on

[FallenLaughter]

6540805 well, wasn't that the exact point of the doctors meeting to begin with? to get her to talk on regular intervals and slowly help her built up a resistance to the occurrence? the thing is she doesn't go, even though it might help her in the long run. why we can't be exactly sure of quite yet, but i'd guess that it hurts her to much, both literally and figuratively, considering how much she seems to cherish her voice. she probably just can't stand constantly being reminded of her loss by hearing how awful she sounds now. that's my guess at least.

6540562 i don't think it's her voice. during the few occasions she does make sounds, she describes it as red, and we've seen her use the same colour for other sounds without them having a particularly negative influence on her, even though most of the things she did describe as red were of an rather unpleasant nature (for example the hissing of a train's steam release, if i'm not mistaken). it's more likely a bodily phenomenon, rather than something that has to do with sound, especially considering that the whole thing was started by a magic overload. so, it's most likely her magic acting up when she tries to speak, and not the sound of her voice, that causes the pain.

[Noble Cause]

Eventually, somepony's going to find that album... if it ain't Octy, it's gonna be probably Sweetie.

Cue some very awkward conversation...

[Seraphimus]

I feel so sorry for her. Because she has convinced herself that she hates herself, because it's easier than admitting how much she misses... She misses being able to SING. She can't even speak anymore without passing out, and she used to be truly amazing singer.

[BenRG]

All I can say is this: You can't run away from your past and the one pony that you can never escape, only keep at hoof's length, is yourself. However, Vinyl is strong and I suspect that she'll be able to keep up her stubborn pretence for some time before she finally breaks. I'm also pretty sure that Sweetie Belle (post-cutie mark) will be the catalyst.

[Firethorn]

6544770 best I can say is that she has magical brain damage. It's affected more than her speech centers. Brain damage can be weird that way.

[Sleepysandman]

6544770 well it's because of she makes noise, it's physically painful, breathing too loud would be like rubbing sandpaper all over her body

[BurningBright]

6544770 she just had a scare and had an old trauma dragged to the surface. Hyperventilation would be a natural reaction to that.