• Member Since 24th May, 2014
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TheCrimsonDM


Artists sometimes spew creation like a fountain of colorful vomit. Other times we must work, and toil, and practice until our fingers paint our keyboard and our story red with our efforts.

Sequels1

T

Trixie Lulamoon has led a hard life, especially after the events of her magic duel with Twilight Sparkle. Now trying to piece herself back together, can she learn the meaning of friendship from her first real friend, Maud Pie? What kind of events will happen between these two ponies? Can Trixie get through to Maud's heart? Will Trixie learn the true meaning of Friendship?

Special thanks to Crow for all the help.

There is a direct sequel up already called Heart of Stone: Recovery Light. Check it out here!

(This story is currently going through revisions.)

Chapters (129)
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Comments ( 476 )

Cool story bro! Keep it going :pinkiehappy:

Glad to hear you enjoy the story TheCow. Thanks XD

Oh my, that's an interesting take on Trixie. I like it. :trixieshiftleft:
Trixie as actually crazy* and giving her meds to get herself under control, along with all that guilt to make her a timid pony, is not something I've seen before and I look forward to seeing how that plays out, so far its been interesting with how she behaves. I feel like there's more being indicated in there as well, like with the half clean half messy thing going on, but I don't have any knowledge on what that could mean. Is it a known side-effect of medication or something along those lines?

The moment where Trixie briefly has a 'great and powerful' stirring was a nice indication of how she still struggles with herself even if the meds are helping her win that fight on the side of sane.:trixieshiftright:

Pairing her up with, stability incarnate, Maud? Definitely a good idea. It's nice to see Trixie has started to grasp some of the subtilies on how to read Maud, even if she has a ways to go yet, she knew Maud wanted to talk. Though it was amusing to see Trixie could not distinguish between that and Maud thinking. :rainbowlaugh:
Also interesting to see what they see in eachother a bit towards the end, and just how much. I'm a little surprised Trixie left Maud hanging at the end there. It must have been pretty scary for Maud to do her best to show her feelings only to get no reaction out of Trixie. I wonder how she feels now, maybe she thinks she made a mistake? I guess the next chapter will tell.


* No disrespect meant to anyone with schizophrenia.


While reading I came across a few minor mistakes I noticed, and I decided to tack them on here for your convenience.

Trixie really did enjoy Maud’s company for those exact reasons, as most ponies either disliked her because of her past.

I think either this needs to be removed, or another statement needs to be added. :raritywink:

Another oddity about Maud was that the few times Trixie allowed herself to began ranting

Begin*

Although it was hard to tell if Maud actually enjoyed Trixie’s stories or weather she simply was kind enough to pay attention.

whether*

Maud would ask questions about what she walk talking about

was*

They had gotten near the entrance before a black vine strikes out grasping Maud by the leg! Looking down at the vine Maud smacks it with a fore hoof.

Struck* & Smacked*

You occasionally drop from past tense to present tense.

Its mouth was filled with razor sharp teeth, and its head looked similarly to that of a Paraná

Piranha* unless you really meant Paraná? :raritywink:

the monotonous voice that Trixie had become so enamored too

To*

Thank you for your insightful comment. I have had a suspicion that Trixie may suffer from some sort of mental illness ever since the episode, "Magic Dual". She actually reminded me of my brother who does suffer from schizophrenia, and after doing a lot research I found some great idea's for a story focusing on this aspect of her life.

After I watched the episode, "Maud Pie". I realized that they had both worked on rock farms, maybe even the same one. That was when the creative juices truly began flowing, and the story of Mixie (Maud x Trixie) began.

I really have enjoyed this project so far, and look forward to continuing the project. I hope you continue to enjoy it as well. XD

...wow...well alright then.

Good intro, lots of grammar mistakes but I like the concept. :pinkiesmile:

How was Trixie's back "damaged?" Pretty confusing yo but I'm enjoying this so far.

4871937
Trixie's back was injured from Pinkie's surprise tackle. Pinkie Pie has a tendency to tackle ponies without thinking about the consequences. it was only a mater of time before Pinkie Pie hurt someone, whether by accident or on purpose.To make maters worse Pinkie Pie was angry with Trixie, and so she tackled Trixie with even more force then she normal uses.

Well that was interesting.

4872340
I understand that she was injured but it was very vague. How could you see a knot and what did they see that frightened them so much. Also how could a knot cause permanent damage?

I was a bit confused but meh, great story so far. :pinkiesmile:

Fluttershy with Trixie's cape does sound pretty adorable.

damn dude . . . so intense, this chapter send me chilla through my spine, I can relate to her grief, bad choices sometimes seems to haunt us for long time /:

Place your bets, what form of disaster will happen?
Giant monsters, chaos gods, spiritual creatures or a mob of ponies?

Crist this deep bit good job on the way

MORE Herr kamadat I need to now more

4978076 I am glad to know that you're enjoying the story so far. Thanks for the comments XD

I like the idea of someone writing a fic about Maude and Trixie interacting, they have such different personalities and Trixie did work on a rock farm, but that whole opening segment is really awkward and rough. You just dump a whole ton of info on us without anything happening. We know Trixie's a blue unicorn mare, we know a lot of her past, you'd be better suited to work the parts we don't know (like crazy pills and guilt) into the rest of the fic instead of starting out just telling the audience everything.

4990729 I am glad to hear that you enjoy the story so far, and I appreciate the advice. I know that the introduction to the story is a bit long, but I feel as though it is important to the story. The introduction's purpose was to cover elements from Trixie's past that some readers may have forgotten.

I feel as though it would have been awkward introducing a weak and helpless version of Trixie without giving a good explanation. and I did my best to shorten the introduction originally. With hindsight I now realize that I could have made it a little shorter.

Thanks again for pointing this out to me, I will take your advice to heart for my future stories. In fact I have been trying to do just what you said with another story of mine, hopefully I did a better job there.

And I hope you enjoy the rest of the story. XD

4993606 exactly the point that bit of information helped a lot about trixe. Her past was a bit bleak to me. that or forgot about it. :P

The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned!!!
And for all the right reasons, I might add.

I'm surprised at the low amount of comments.
The last three chapters had zero comments!!

Maybe it's because ppl are too engaged by the story.....

What?! Nooooo!!!!
There must be more to it.....

Wow, nice turn!
I get the feeling you have plenty of story left!

5011282 Thanks for the awesome comments. XD

And yes there is a bit of story left for me to cover. I hope you all continue to enjoy this story. XD

5027436 lol that's awesome. It's too bad that there has been showing of Trixie after the Magic Dual episodes (except for what you see in the comics). I really want to see another episode staring her, it would be nice to see her grow into a good pony in the tv show

Spelling mistakes and some OOC but I'll keep reading.

AGH! Typos KILL tense moments!

for all…you’re help.”

*your

Eh. That honestly was REALLY hard to buy. It really threw too much in there at once with little to no explaination. Honestly not a good chapter or twist in my mind.

This...*sigh* I'm sorry but it's getting really hard to continue reading here. There is so much that is incredibly hard to believe and to top it off Trixie and Maud feel almost nothing like themselves. I try to continue tomorrow morning but at this point it's just...eh.

Comment posted by TheCrimsonDM deleted Oct 3rd, 2014

5089936 thank you for pointing that out. I feel kinda silly for missing that typo. I guess I was pretty tired when I wrote this chapter. XP

5089966 a lot of this story is inspired from the cthulhu mythos, and that can be very confusing at times. Trixie was only able to glimpse a small fraction of what Death is in like this world. So she doesn't have much in the way of information. Maybe she will discover more details in her future endeavors?

5090066 A lot of this story is inspired by psychological thrillers, and various forms of insanity. In addition Trixie's experiences have damaged her, and this story is about her recovery and transformation into a new pony. Maud on the other hand wasn't given much time to establish her character in the show. That makes her both wonderful and odd to write about. So yes, these ponies are different then they are in the show, but not without reason.

If you have any advice though, I'd love to hear it XD. I know I still have room for improvement, and thank you for your honest opinions.

Phew, I finally got around to reading the second chapter. Shamefully late I must admit. This has done a great job of hooking me in further so far. Poor Trixie, all that insecurity and fear turns out to be justified from her point of view. I was surprised Twilight intervened before Maud did, but I suppose Maud might be too surprised and confused as to what's going on.

I really like the little things we see Trixie doing as she tries to be a better pony. Getting a book about writing letters for the sake of writing a good apology, and whatever is in the package that was meant to bond with Maud. Come to think of it, isn't that package and book still in the living room? I wonder what they'll find.

Pinkie Pie's rage. It is hard to picture Pinkie Pie angry, but then I remember the time AJ broke a Pinkie Promise... and yeah, Pinkie definately does get angry, and she's really scary when she's mad. I'd imagine she's super protective of Maud, and her reaction to Trixie being there is believable given how she feels about Trixie. Especially given that Trixie has shown she does revenge plots.

A few notes:

Maud was setting down some snakes on the table

Maud is pretty hardcore, but not that much. ^.~
Snacks*

As Trixie approached the little house that she shared with Maud, in truth it was more like a cottage. She could hear a few ponies speaking inside,

The first sentence sets up a time, but then does not say what happens 'as' she approaches.
Basically, I think the period after "cottage" should be a comma for this. If you think the sentence is too long when doing so, I'd recommend changing the comma after "inside" to a period.

With a sudden force a pink blur flies from the couch and slams hard into Trixie knocking her onto her back. She lets out a yelp as pain shoots up her back from the sudden force. A pair of hooves holds her down as a pink muzzle gets shoved angrily against hers.

This paragraph is suddenly in present tense, unlike the rest of the story.

Keep up the good work, though really, you update so frequently I doubt I'd need to even say this. xD

Pretty relieved to see this all taking a perfectly in character turn. Overreacting is one thing, but if they had actually continued to hate Trixie after what they saw I'd have been worried. Granted that it was already hinted that you wouldn't take that path with how Twilight reacted rather reasonably, and she had the bookmarked page at the time.

The massage was just wonderful. Loved Trixie getting embaressed for enjoying it and starting to suspect Fluttershy might fancy her if she made her feel so good. xD

Interesting to see Trixie briefly slip back into 3rd person, I wonder if it was related to her trying to convince Twilight that she was bad.

Excited Maud kinda frightens me. >.>
But I guess it was a nice way to show that she really really liked Trixie's gift. So dawww. ^^

You know the drill, Notes:

anypony outside of us three know about what were looking into

we're

A few more minutes pass by before Trixie had began to feel other warm feelings inside of her,

Passed*
begun* Or possibly "Trixie felt other-etc"

Trixie stood up carefully remembering the pain her back was in only a few moments prier.

Prior*

the package was unopened thankfully sitting next to her.

This may warrent a rephrasing. For example: "Sitting next to her was the package, thankfully unopened." or something along those lines.

simply said. “Oh.

Missing a closing quotation mark.

Even if All I could do was give you my friendship

Stray capital.

only Trixie could understand just how badly that feels

Felt*
You seem to on occasion use present tense.

There outside, Rainbow Dash needed to fly.

They're

5110157 Thanks for the awesome comments. It's really nice to hear peoples view on my story, and even better to hear they are enjoying it. XD

Also thanks for pointing out the grammar mistakes, I unfortunately have yet to find an editor and appreciate the help. I shall fix them the first chance I get.

Wow looking back on this story, it feels like it's been such a long time since I started writing this. It's a neat feeling.

Maud answered her flatly. “We were about to have sex.”

Maud, you rock. xD

I'm surprised there are no comments on this chapter.

Maud and Trixie take another step in their relationship, or several really. It's good to see Trixie realize her life is good right now, and slowly fight back against the guilt of having a good life as a bad pony. You can clearly see Trixie is waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under her though, poor Trixie is so sure she is about to get the bill for this happiness from karma.

Only thing I noticed:

“I am glad that this little visit of Pinkie Pie’s came so soon, I needed a good excuse to come and visit you in person. This way there won’t be any suspicions raised.

This is missing an closing quotation mark.

A few seconds pass with Pinkie Pie

passed*

If you keep this up I may have to expand the notices I comment on.
I'll throw one in here as a sign of good faith. ^.~

Pinkie Pie opened the door saying. “Twilight we found a cool store, wanna come and look?”

This is a said-tag. you normally use a comma for those instead of a period like:
Pinkie said, "the best kind of cupcakes have more cake than cup."
Note that after the said-tag there is a comma, and as there is no period the "The" is not capitalized.
"The best kind of cupcakes have more cake than cup," said Pinkie.
The reverse. This time we do start with a capitalized "The" and we end with a comma because the said-tag is at the end. As a result, "said" is not capitalized because there was no period.

Now, one more thing. If you remove the 'saying' entirely, the sentence is actually correct to use a period:

Pinkie Pie opened the door. “Twilight we found a cool store, wanna come and look?”

This is because we've removed the said-tag, but we are still aware of who is speaking because Pinkie Pie is acting before the dialogue is spoken. (Also works if she acts after it is spoken btw.)

If anything is unclear about this do let me know.

Keep up the good work. ^^

smell of hay bacon and eggs

I'm not sure if I find this lazy or absolutely briliant. xD

In the previous chapter, I kinda questioned the notion of herbivore ponies eating eggs, but refrained from commenting on it (after all many baked goods use eggs, like cake, and they totally eat that). Now you've added in bacon, but stuck a 'hay' in front. On the one hand I am awfully tempted to incorporate this practice too, just so I can stick a 'hay' in front of anything I would like the characters to eat, "Hay Steak", "Hay Spareribs", but on the other hand... Looking at those examples I gave makes me feel a little silly.

I do understand the basic idea. After all we have "Hay burgers" and "Hay smoothies", but I think there is a dividing line somewhere. That said though, "Vegan Bacon" or "Fakon" is apparently a real thing, as are vegan spareribs&steak. So I can't actually fault you for this at all, it may indeed be perfectly legit. ^^

After taking her morning meds

You know, I actually noticed that she didn't take her meds yesterday morning (chapter 2). I was wondering if it was intentional or just "off screen." Though nothing especially crazy happened (that Trixie was responsible for anyway.)

I loved the breakfast thing. I'm not sure what I can say about it without doing a playbyplay. But it was a lovely bit of interaction between Maud and Trixie that I hope to see more of. ^^

I noticed you kept using "The Apple pony" untill somepony finally called her "Applejack" then switched to that. Nice detail. ^^

Trixie said tiredly. “Good morning.

Missing closing quote

“Good morning Trixie. Maud’s making breakfast isn’t she a wonderful chief.”

1.Comma between "breakfast" and "isn't"
2. end with a "?" rather than a comma as it is a question.

About halfway through her breakfast Trixie heard Maud speak again. “I read that you’re supposed to have caffeine with your medicine.

1. Closing quote missing
2. From the context, I think Maud is meant to say Trixie is not supposed to have caffeine with her meds.

“I love bunnies. I need to introduce you to Angle.”

Angel*

Who knew that zebra’s could cook?

Wow, Trixie, racist much? :rainbowlaugh:
Though, props to Trixie for knowing what a Zebra is, that puts her a few miles ahead of Ponyville.

Nice to see a bit of what Trixie's gone through in her life after she was chased out of town. A very sad tale as one might expect. Since the last chapter, I was quite curious what had happened between Trixie and RD, good to see that question answered so quickly. I guess its Lucky that Trixie is so flashy or RD might never have known she was there.

Interesting to see Twilight behind Trixie's treament. Though it may be an illusion since Trixie is not exactly in any position for seperating truth from fiction at the moment. She already saw Twilight behind one secret plot, Trixie might have just imagined this together as a result. I doubt it though.

I'm not quite sure what to think of the Deep One. It seems to be a kind of order vs chaos balance act and they feel there is too much order at the moment. They might have a point, but they'd need to build a stronger case then just saying there is damage if we don't see any of it so far. What is especially curious is that it apparently choose to speak to Trixie, if this is real.

Some notes:

Rainbow Dash walked through the front door and continued walking to the zebra mare,

This is redundant, you tell us in the same sentence that RD walked and that she kept walking. unless you tell the reader that she stopped walking/does something else, it's save to say the reader will assume she keeps walking.

Zecora began speaking again. “You see she’s awake, though she is not aware. Would you bring Twilight here?”

Zecora did not ryhme? That is surely a crime!

Afterword Zecora sighed and looked up at the floating Trixie.

afterward*

She then said in her rhyming way of speaking. “You have been broken, your magic has darkened. Listen well little pony, and you will find that the answers will come to from across time.”

Am I just not seeing it? I don't think there is a rhyme here either.

“Darkness has fallen, and time has come short. Only you can pull free from the stone you’re sword. Take heart and move forward, never to stop. For one single misstep and everything will be gone.”

your* sword (unless Zecora actually means Trixie is a sword.)
Also, still no ryhme. Though I can tell you were trying for one here. Zecora is hard to write dialogue for. ^^

She then heard a deep growly voice say. “Interesting.

Missing closing quote.

Trixie was scarred of this thing.

scared*

she wanted so badly to be there pride and joy. Unfortunately she became there enemy instead.

Their*
Their*

5114239 Thanks for the awesome comments. These chapters are pretty old, so there are quite a few grammar issues with said tags. I didn't get how to use those until later. Thanks for telling me about not needing to use a said tag if a character acts before speaking. I didn't know about that. XD

5114359 it's common to add eggs to horse feed. It's a great source of protein and it makes there coat shinier, horse riders love to feed eggs to there horses. I was actually shocked to learn about this from a friend of mine. Now it makes since why there are eggs in the show.

hay bacon is a fan food. although vegan bacon is actually made of tofu. Apparently most of the food the ponies eat is an actual product for human consumption. Even hay fries are a human invention.

and yes Trixie took her medicine off screen. again thanks for the awesome comments.

5118719
5118614

Thanks for the awesome comments.

Anytime. :rainbowdetermined2:

These chapters are pretty old, so there are quite a few grammar issues with said tags. I didn't get how to use those until later.

Knowing this now, I am kind of tempted to read the latest chapter just so I have an idea of what you already know at this point, so I don't end up giving pointless advice. (Though I lucked out this time with the action thing. :trixieshiftleft:)
I don't suppose there's any recent chapter I could read that won't spoil me much?:unsuresweetie:

it's common to add eggs to horse feed.

Wow. We used to have horses and I didn't even know that. :rainbowderp:
This is really interesting.

hay bacon is a fan food. although vegan bacon is actually made of tofu. Apparently most of the food the ponies eat is an actual product for human consumption. Even hay fries are a human invention.

Also quite interesting. I've not heard of hay fries existing till now. I'm still kind of skittish about hay/vegan bacon, but that may just be because of the feeling of sacrilege that anyone tried to imitate bacon.:pinkiegasp:

and yes Trixie took her medicine off screen.

Good to know. If I might make a suggestion on this though? I'd highly recommend editing in a line about Trixie taking her meds. It is completely up to you of course. It's just that I really liked the way that on day 1 and day 3 it's mentioned and emphases this is now a very real part of Trixie's life that she starts her day off with every time. If that makes sense?:unsuresweetie:

Again thanks for the awesome comments.

Again, keep up the good work. :yay:

5119527 unfortunately I can't think of any chapters that wouldn't spoil anything. It's all very interconnected. But feel free to keep giving me advice, it's nice to have. XD
I hope you continue to enjoy the story. XD

Twilight’s expression of worry turned hard as she said. “Trixie you hit your head, you only imagined that. I wouldn’t do anything so reckless.”

And Trixie wonders why she was not allowed to come on the top secret mission. She's talking about it right infront of everypony. xD
To be fair to her, she's pretty spooked, but Twilight and Maud both remembered to keep this to themselves and shush Trixie while covering her story up. They're like pro's at this. ^^

she found Pinkie Pie lying next to her, Pinkie Pie looked to be asleep. Trixie was a little unsure of how to feel about this

Pinkie's complete lack of understanding the concept of personal space is kind of sweet in this case. I really like what you've been doing with Pinkie so far actually, she started off rough due to a missunderstanding, but since then she's been very supportive and keen on picking up Trixie's cue's without needing to be told. Which makes a lot of sense since Pinkie has plenty of experience with reading Maud's emotions, so Trixie is practically an open book to her.

“Trixie is concerned as well. She wants Twilight to be okay. Is there anything we can do to help her?” - she was envious and angry with Twilight -

Well now, isn't this interesting. Trixie's 3rd person made a comeback. It may be related to those feelings she's experiencing. I had to check to make sure, but Trixie does seem to speak exclusively in the 1st person until this point, not counting her flashback. So this has cropped up after her run in with the Deep One. So far though, it seems harmless enough, but it might be a start of something, worth keeping an eye on.

Oh my goodness, this is really was something worth keeping an eye on, although... I am not entirely convinced this and the other thing are related. The first instance of her 3rd person act seems related to the anger that was reawakend, but this time it seems to have been brought out by a desire to help her friends, for which she 'needs' her old confidence, so I think these are different manifestations.

I am loving this right now. "The only pony who could" indeed. ^^

That little trick to calm Fluttershy was murderously adorable. <3


Notes:

Maud gave Trixie a hug saying flatly. “Shh Lulu, you need to rest. You’ve had a rouge day.”

Rough*
Also, said-tag comma, but this will be the last time I mention this since you know.

Trixie laid back down and said lamely. “Trixie think she needs some rest.”

thinks*

Maud pulled the blanket up over Trixie and kissed her cheek saying. “Good night Lulu.”

This seems like a good oppertunity to talk about the use of names in dialogue.
Names and nicknames are treated the same, so well done there. (ill refer to names from now on.)
Names are Always capitalized, as you know.
However, if you call the person you are adressing by name, you have to surround the name by comma's where possible.
So:
"Goodnight, Lulu."
"Lulu, sleep tight."
"Hey, Lulu, did you sleep well?"

were all going to drown”

we're*
Missing a period.

Keep up the good work. ^^

Holy shit! Screwy is Trixie's MOM! :pinkiegasp:
Mind blown friend, you have officially blown my mind... What other surprises do you hold?
Seriously, what's with Pinkie in every story sound like she's a deranged serial killer?
But seriously great chapter. Can't wait to see what lead to Trixie's mom to end up like this.

crawled on top of the altar lying down on her back and spreading her legs wide.

...Well, I'm going to hell for where my mind went during that sentence. :facehoof:

normally she would have Pinkie Pie deal with the crazy unicorn keeping it distracted.

I like how this kinda implies Trixie and Pinkie Pie regulary stop crazy unicorns.:rainbowlaugh:

I’ll take all your crazy Twilight; I’ll carry your burden.” She then whispered in Twilight’s ear. “Just like always.”

Wait, what? :rainbowderp:
Does this imply Trixie has been carrying Twilight's burdens before? Is there some kind of history there that we don't know about? A little further in the chapter we're told that Trixie always strove to out do Twilight in magic school, so there's certainly more going on than we know... perhaps something happened back then?

Trixie coughed and said. “Tell Rainbow Dash I’m sorry for breaking our promise.”

For the longest time, I was thinking I missed some kind of promise being made real quick this or last chapter. I finally got it though, THAT promise. :applecry:


A few notes:

Trixie was use to such weather; it seemed that the other two were as well as nopony complained.

used*

No pony wanted to enter the cave, not even to get out of the rain. But they had no choice she knew that Maud was inside.

This last line seems off to me. I think it is because it reads as though the group has no choice, because Trixie knows Maud is inside. Which I do not think was your intention. Perhaps:
No pony wanted to enter the cave, not even to get out of the rain, but they had no choice. Trixie knew that Maud was inside.

It was darker in here then last time

than*

Rainbow Dash looked at her, and then at Trixie asking nervously. “Do you here it too?”

hear*

Opening her eyes through the pain she could only see red, and only she could taste the sickly flavor of blood in her mouth.

the* only thing* she could taste was* ?

I think that's about it, oh wait there was one other thing...NOOOO Trixie!! Don't you dare die!

I... I just...

Let me begin by saying, you got me. When Trixie first passed out I figured she would wake up after a bit of coma, but once you threw in the Luna scene I was convinced Trixie was going go die. Getting one last emotional moment with Maud, in a field with all her friends to make her comfortable, it was beautiful. Of course, I knew there were more chapters, which factored into my initial disbelief, but at the Luna scene I legitimately started to think about what on earth those other chapters would be about, perhaps Maud taking a journey on her own to better understand Trixie's past? I had no idea, but Trixie wouldn't be in them.

What follows was so out of left field that I am still having trouble wrapping my head around it, but let's start with the part that I really liked about it.

“She was able to learn just about any spell. She didn’t even have to see the spell preformed more than once. However she was unable to master more than a few of them.

I love this take you have on Trixie's talent. It fits with her as a performer, knowing many different tricks and spells to keep her show fresh, but never quite mastering any of them, merely having a working understanding of it.

The robed counsel, and the pegasus though... there... there are just no words. I don't want to be negative, but it came out of nowhere in a rather Deus Ex Machina sort of way. You know what? I'm just going to assume most of this was a fever dream Trixie had when she was hurt badly, and going through healing. Yeah, that's it.:unsuresweetie:

We do get to end on a nice sweet note with Maud and Trixie, so it's all good.:twilightsmile:

Notes:

Trixie had let, she had stopped fighting against a world full of cruelty.

left* ?

Trixie closed opened her eyes and took another look around herself.

remove

5141950 I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the chapter, even though it is a little awkward. As the story continues things will make more sense. I can not really say much about this chapter right now for fear of giving away important details about future chapters. I have a very intricate design for this story.

I have to admit that this chapter was a little difficult to write. I wanted to pour a lot of detail into this chapter because it is a first hand view of death, and that is something I have always been interested in when it comes to fantasy. I didn't want to overwhelm the reader with new information So I had to try to find a good balance of information, foreshadowing, and pacing. I hope I did a decent job.

by the way thanks for pointing out the grammar issues, I feel silly for missing those. I even found a few that I had missed the first time. So I ended up doing a full re-edit of this chapter.

I hope that you continue to enjoy the story. And thanks again for the comments, it means a lot to me to hear people enjoying my story. XD

5138738 Thanks, I'm glad I could BLOW YOUR MIND!!!
I think you will enjoy the next couple chapters of this story.

This was really nice, just a post-insanity moment of peace for the cast. Allowing Trixie a little time to talk to her new friends and unwind. We learn a few interesting things about Rainbow Dash in the process, I don't expect to see that explored any further in this fic, but it's nice to know it might be there behind the scenes. ^^

Another quick glimpse of Trixie's past, and I'm starting to get more and more curious about the whole story here. So far we've got a lot of questions and no answers, but that feels like it's by design so I'm sure we'll get into it in due time.

I'm not entirely sold on the mindreading thing, but Pinkie Pie made it amusing enough for me to stop questioning it. Also, I agree with Trixie's reasoning, probably not question crazy Pinkie too much.

Okay, so, we get the door ajar, that was a really nice touch that I'm glad to see come back this way. Then, Maud's room. I like how you made it nothing like what you might innitially expect, some kind of flintstones bedroom, but went with a pink motief all the way, even boulders bed.

The Maud/Trixie scene, very tasteful. I will have to remember this technique. Shy Trixie is cute, though what surprised me quite a bit that this was apparently not Maud's first rodeo. So the semi-emotionless pony has more romances than expressive Trixie. This amuses me a fair bit, and makes me curious, but it's bad form to talk about ex's, so I don't expect any answers there.

Maud appears to be much more expressive, but I am not sure if this is because Trixie is more attuned to picking up her cue's, if its Maud expressing herself more clearly after getting such a big scare, or if Maud just opens up more once somepony is past a certain barrier. I'll be interested to see which, if any, it is.
Edit: Heh, the more I think about this, the more I like the idea. Like we end up in a similar situation as Pinkie Pie was in "Maud Pie" but from the other PoV. Like, since we see it through Trixie's perspective we can see Maud being expressive, but the rest of the Mane5 don't see it, and think Trixie just caught Pinkie's brand of crazy.

Now I didn't actually notice anything this time around, so here's some general observations that are not nessisarly wrong, more like quips,

Unfortunately for her, she couldn’t drink much of the Cider. Alcohol didn’t mix well with her brain.

I bet it doesn't mix to tell with her medication either, heh. But, I could be wrong.

As the last few ponies got sung in their beds Trixie walked back to her room

While I don't reject the possibly that somepony Pinkie/FS/RD was singing a (drunken) lullaby, I am not sure that is what you meant?

Keep up the good work.

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