HEART OF STONE
Chapter Eighty Eight: Family Matters
Written by TheCrimsonDM
“Trixie, you must focus your anger, your fear,” Scath purred into Trixie’s ear.
The rock Trixie stood on was a deep rose color, and smooth as glass. If this hadn’t been her dream world she would be fearful of slipping. As it was, real physics didn’t exactly function in this realm. The black ocean swayed around her, the thick slimy ooze moved in a way that made her nauseous.
“I’m trying,” Trixie replied.
Her thoughts focused on the darkness around her. She could feel elements of her own pain swimming through it like fish. She locked onto a memory of the Deep Ones and how they had Maud under their influence and tied up. Fear and anger shot through Trixie’s body. She wouldn’t let them hurt Maud, nopony was allowed to hurt Maud.
A tendril spouted out of the ocean, dark, slimy, and translucent. It coiled around the rock Trixie stood on. The tip came up and hovered around Trixie’s head. Staring at it this close gave Trixie two impressions, the first one was that it was kinda gross and weird. The second impression, was not safe for pony’s ears.
“You are disgusting,” Scath said. “And I love it.”
“S-s-shut up, it’s not like that. It… It’s Pinkie’s fault,” Trixie defended.
“Was she the one who showed you that neighponese book of hers, what was it called now, something with an h,” Scath murmured to herself.
Trixie ignored her and focused on the tendril. A thick layer of ooze dripped to one side before splitting free of the body and splattering against the rock. The tendril shook violently for a moment, and then collapsed into a puddle of ooze at Trixie’s hooves.
“You need to focus on the pain, concentrate on it. If you lose it, and think of random, dirty things, you will never be able to use the Dorchadas in here, much less in real life. You will hurt somepony if you can’t learn to control yourself,” Scath explained.
Trixie took a step away from the ooze in disgust. Ugh, if it’s that slimy in real life, than I don’t want to use it.
“You can’t be serious.”
Trixie looked up at her doppelganger, floating in the air like nothing was wrong. “Stop reading my mind.”
“Whatever,” Trixie said as she looked back at the ooze.
The ooze crawled its way back into the black endless ocean. The air around the rock Trixie stood on began warming, and a strange light filtered into the area. Scath rolled her eyes and Trixie could feel something pushing against her back, rubbing against her in short, quick motions. It was annoying.
“Great, well you need to stay asleep for a little longer to train,” Scath said.
“What… what is that?” Trixie asked.
A sly grin spread over Scath’s lips, a playful look sparked in her eyes. “Oh, you don’t really want to know.”
“And how do you know?”
Scath raised her forelegs to the back of her head and leaned back. “Oh, you know, because I’ve gotten good at sensing what’s going outside.”
The bumps became faster, harder, and jabbed at Trixie’s back making her yelp.
Trixie stared at her back venomously. “Why can’t I stop that, it hurts.”
“It’s like somepony rubbing a balloon against your fur, the way it snags and pulls at you, isn’t it.”
Trixie nodded.
“Well you can handle it when you wake up.”
Something jerked hard into the small of her back, making Trixie yelp again, this time the pain caused tears to pool at the edges of her eyes. The movements stopped after that, and whatever was bumping against her was gone. Trixie used her magic to try and smooth her fur down, and although she could see her fur going down, it didn’t feel like it had moved an inch.
“You are asleep, Trixie. You can’t actually manipulate your body from here, not yet at least,” Scath explained.
“It felt like Maud was rolling over, a lot. She rolled over my wing last night you know,” Trixie explained.
“Yeah I know, it hurt,” Scath agreed.
For a moment everything became quiet, and everything became brighter. Scath let out a low growl. Muffled voices began talking, although Trixie couldn’t make out what was said, she heard Pinkie and Maud talking.
“We can continue this tomorrow. You have nearly two weeks to be ready after all,” Scath said.
“Two weeks? Two weeks for what?” Trixie asked.
Everything became blindingly bright.
“Two weeks for what?” Trixie asked again.
The world slipped away from her then.
***
Trixie opened her eyes slowly only to see a quiet, lonely living room. Maud’s breathing was slow and heavy, like she was lost in a deep sleep. Trixie all too aware of how early it actually was. After climbing off of the couch, Trixie stared at the slumbering pony. Sweat covered Maud’s fur, her foreleg was lying on the inside of her thigh. Maud’s scent made Trixie’s mind float off into places filled with lust. Her wings twitched.
After a moment of staring, Trixie took off towards the bathroom. She couldn’t help but notice the painting on the wall covering the indent, she tried to ignore it. She splashed some of the cold water across her face, and let out a shiver.
“It’s going to be okay, Trixie,” She told herself.
The old hollow feeling in her heart grew. Her mind numbed over as she stared at the pony in the mirror. For a long moment she simply stared.
What am I doing? I… I’m a princess now, and even if nopony else knows it yet, it still means that I’m going to be forced into a role that I don’t want to be in. Maybe when I was younger living in a castle sounded like a good idea, and having ponies worship me would’ve been nice. But I don’t want that anymore, but what do I want?
I want to have a nice little place to call my own, and to share it with Maud. We have that. I want to be able to perform feats of wonder for ponies, I can do that as well… now. But what I think I want more than anything else is freedom. Freedom to choose what I want to be, and who I want to become. And yet I’m still enslaved by the shackles of my past. Am I ever going to be free?
The toilet flushed.
Trixie looked over in horror to see Pinkie Pie sitting on the toilet, smiling. Pinkie Pie waved. Trixie waved back, her mind stopped working for a moment. With a nervous heart Trixie turned around, and walked out the bathroom door. The last thing she wanted to do right now was to be stuck in the restroom with Pinkie Pie.
***
Cold wind rustled Trixie’s mane lightly as she walked down the street. Pinkie Pie followed her, bouncing by her side in almost complete silence. Trixie didn’t mind much because it gave her time to work on a project that she had in mind since breakfast.
Quietly Trixie sung to herself, “With the darkness all around me. I didn’t know I loved you so much, I didn’t know I loved you so much, but I do.”
“Wow, is that going to be part of the story today?” Pinkie asked excitedly.
A few ponies passing by gave curious smiles at the pair.
“What, that… oh no,” Trixie admitted shyly. “That’s for something… special.”
I can’t let her know what I’m planning.
“So it’s a secret?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“Are you reading my mind again?” Trixie asked.
“Nope, you’re just easy to read sometimes. Like I mean really easy to read, like every morning you wake up and look at Maud and I know exactly how badly you want to ju-“ Pinkie stopped herself, pouted her lip in thought for a moment and then shivered. “Never mind, I don’t want to think about that.”
She’s being weird again… or random. Either way I don’t care so long as she forgets about the song.
“Hey, Trixie, what were you thinking about doing for the story today?” Pinkie Pie asked.
Trixie looked up wistfully. “I’m unleashing the Nightmare Soldiers. The first real threat to the new team.”
“Wow and I thought what Lord Rainbow had to deal with was tough,” Pinkie Pie agreed.
A few more ponies looked up from their daily chores as the pair passed by. Trixie barely noticed, her thoughts were still on the task at hoof. She didn’t like the idea, but Pinkie and Maud had convinced her that this was the right course to take.
“Do you think she’ll be mad at me?” Trixie asked.
“No way, she’s going to be super excited to see you,” Pinkie Pie said.
Pinkie Pie stopped, and Trixie nearly tripped in an attempt to stop alongside her. Pinkie took one look at the nice little house to their right. The snow had been cleared to make a path to the front door, and the curtains were drawn letting Trixie make out a little of the cozy interior. Trixie reached out with her mind, and probed the house. She felt the pony she was looking for and knew that this was the right place.
“So, you ready?”
Trixie shook her head but walked forward anyway. I don’t want to be a disappointment to her.
Trixie made her way to the door and stopped. With Pinkie at her side she felt a little more confident, but not yet safe. Trixie reached out and knocked on the door.
After what I’ve done, I can only assume how upset she is with me. I’m such a terrible pony.
The door opened, and Screw Loose stood inside, wrapped up inside a white robe. Screw Loose stared open mouthed at Trixie. The alicorn shifted her gaze away from her mother.
“Hi, mom…”
“Trixie, you’re… you’re here,” Screw Loose said in disbelief.
“Yeah, I just wa-“ Trixie began but stopped.
Screw Loose leapt forward and wrapped both of her forelegs around Trixie’s neck and dragged the alicorn into a tight embrace. “You actually came to visit me. I wasn’t sure you would ever want to see me again, I just know that somehow this is all my fault.”
“Of course I came to visit you,” Trixie said. After a momentary pause she added, “Wait, how is this your fault?”
Screw Loose pulled away, there was an ocean of sadness in Screw Loose’s eyes. “Do you want to come in? I just made some blueberry tea.”
Trixie nodded, and the two of them walked inside. Trixie still wanted to know what her mother had meant, but that question could wait. Right now she just wanted to enjoy seeing her mom, fully functional. She still couldn’t believe that it.
***
“So how have you been doing, Missis Trixie’s Mom,” Pinkie Pie asked.
This brought a small giggle from Screw Loose as she sat in a blue chair. “Oh, I’ve been fine, the doctor’s say that I’m completely cured now. They still send a nurse to check up on me once a day, and Doctor Timequill still sees me once a week.” There was an odd look to Screw Loose’s eyes for a moment, like she was thinking of something sweet, and then her eyes suddenly darkened.
“Mom, are you okay?” Trixie asked.
Of course she isn’t okay. She comes out of insanity for the first time in over ten years, and her daughter is tries to kill herself. There is no way that she’s okay.
“I’m doing better,” Screw Loose said. “I was just remembering your father, that’s all.”
Dad…
An instant struggle violently tore through Trixie’s mind. One side of her wanted to tell her mom what she had found, everything, but the other side wanted to protect her mom, to keep it all secret. Trixie’s heart burned, and she could feel herself trembling at the thought of trying to explain everything. Somepony had to tell Screw Loose that her husband was dead, right?
“Honey, what’s wrong?” Screw Loose asked, her tone so soft and sweet.
“I…”
How do I even begin to talk about this. It’s not like a bandage, I can’t just rip it off and scream until it stops hurting… or can I?
Trixie took a deep breath, held it in for a moment, and released. Her body ceased shaking, and her heart slowing down as well. “Mom, do you know what happened to dad?” She asked the question once before, but this her tone was grave.
Screw Loose looked into Trixie’s eyes for a moment. They stared long and hard, almost like Screw Loose was trying to get into Trixie’s skull. Finally Screw Loose relaxed and said, “No, I don’t. But after so many years, I don’t expect that it’s anything good.”
Trixie tried to look her mom in the eyes, but there was a determination there, one that she hadn’t known her mom for having before. Trixie looked away shamefully. “He’s not coming home.”
“I suspected as much.”
“He’s… mom, I found him. I…” Trixie’s vision began to blur as she tried so hard to finish the sentence. She pushed, and pushed, but it was like trying to knock down a brick wall with nothing but her hooves. She felt so utterly small, and she couldn’t speak.
“Is he at peace?” Screw Loose asked, her tone didn’t waver, it didn’t flocculate. It was calm, and flat, and kind. All the things that Trixie needed to hear.
“I buried him,” Trixie managed to whisper.
Screw Loose bowed her head for a moment. Her eyes were closed, but to Trixie’s surprise, her mom was smiling. When Screw Loose raised her head again, and opened her eyes she said, “Thank you, at least now I can be sure that he’s at rest.”
Trixie couldn’t meet her mom’s eyes. She’d done it, she told her mom, and now she wanted so desperately to change the topic. “What did you mean when you said that this was all your fault?”
On second thought that might not have been a good diversion. Smooth move, Trixie.
Screw Loose’s smile faded a little. “I abandoned you when you needed me most. It was easier to be crazy than to be alone, I stopped fighting my insanity. I… I threw away my medications, I allowed myself to be overtaken by my madness, and I did all of this despite the fact that I still needed to raise you.”
Trixie stared at her in shock. She hadn’t heard that part before, she didn’t know about the medications… was it something like what Trixie did to Maud?
“Trixie, if I hadn’t done that, if I would’ve fought harder. I could’ve helped you so very much. You never would’ve been hurt, or ridiculed, and… you never would’ve tried to leave this world,” Screw Loose said, her voice drawing tight.
Trixie suddenly sat forward. “No, it’s not your fault. I understand, I did the same thing myself. Please don’t blame yourself for this, you didn’t do this to me. It’s not your fault that I went through hardships at school, or was made fun in Ponyville, or-“
“Or Manehattan,” Screw Loose offered.
Trixie sunk back into the loveseat she was on. Her mind went numb as she heard the name of the town, and the connotations that had with what her mother knew.
“I snuck into Timequill’s office,” She admitted. “I wanted to know why, why you would hurt yourself, why you would run away from your home, your lover.”
A crushing weight fell unto Trixie’s soul, it was so heavy, so thick, that it took all of her strength not to fall. She lowered her head, the floor boards looked nice, they were wooden, they were brown. Trixie liked the stones in her bathroom better, and the carpet in her bedroom, they were brighter colors.
“Trixie,” Screw Loose said.
Trixie had to wonder if Floorboards could feel things? Did it hurt to be walked on all day? Or was it more like a gentle massage that they loved?
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought this up,” Screw Loose said.
What if floorboards were made out of leaves and grass instead of wood? What would that be like?
A gentle hoof laid on Trixie’s shoulder and she looked over to see Pinkie Pie staring at her. Worry stared back at her. Pinkie Pie was quiet as she said, “Trixie, are you okay?”
“Do floorboards have a soul?” Trixie asked. Her mind wasn’t quite there yet, and for a moment both Screw Loose and Pinkie stared at her in silence. Trixie shook herself out of it and said, “I’m okay. Just…” She had to fight not to try and escape the conversation again. “Maybe I should go, I need to get that medication after all.”
“You didn’t get it yesterday?” Pinkie Pie asked.
“I was so busy…”
“Maud needs to go with you,” Pinkie explained.
Trixie nodded.
“Honey, if you ever want to talk, I’m right here,” Screw Loose offered gently.
Somehow the idea of breaking down into a thousand tiny pieces in front of her mom sounded like a horrible way to spend her time. Instead Trixie did her best to shove all her broken emotions back underneath the floorboards of her mind and forced a grin. “I’ll be okay. I just need to get my new medication.”
Screw Loose smiled, but Trixie could feel the worry ebbing off of her mother.
Maybe Scath was right, maybe I do need to learn how to how to deal with my… my past. But how?